Still Learning about Me

I'm Still Here

2012-02-09T20:18:00.005-05:00

Despite a constant state of anxiety and dark circles, I am still in existence. I have succumbed to the fact that I will never catch up in the fashion that I want and that I will always be too tired to push myself to stay up late to really pound into the books and power points. What a sucky way to teach by the way....

I didn't do so well on my first Micro test even though it was on-line. I just couldn't keep my notes straight nor have I dedicated loads of time to really study this extra class because I've been so focused on my nursing crapola and all the other extra projects that they have dished out and getting my service learning requirements out of the way. Oh yeah, don't forget to throw in my working hours in all this mess.

I go to bed with notes and ideas in my head as well as hormones and lab values that I should have memorized while my cat tries to smother me in efforts to keep himself warm. I dread hearing the alarm in the wee hours of the morning and starting my day. But I am relieved to see fellow study mates before class, bleary eyed like me and griping about the seemingly lack of congruence in our courses and communication between our instructors and our designated group project people with whom we have to work with for specific projects to turn in for class as a part of our curriculum. I am relieved to go to work knowing that it's an environment that I know and that I have great familiarity which strangely eases my stress being that it's usually a high stress environment. Funny how that works.....

The next two weeks will certainly be balls to the wall for me. Not rest for the weary. At all. Period. I will not have a free day until the 24th. I just want to get through the weekend. That's all I can really focus on right now. I'm still behind with school but I feel like I'm one step ahead with making some flash cards to tuck away in my bag for work in the am. Hopefully, I will have a slight chance to gloss over them during my working hours and hope that it will sink into my head by the means of osmosis. I am hoping that my Saturday clinical will give me the opportunity to have some time to fill out a stupid drug chart so I won't have to do it at home. I've got a power point to finish by next week not to mention Microbiology. Sheesh! I think my brain is officially at capacity even though I know there is much, much more to do. Wish me luck my fellow readers! I can certainly use the good karma and the motivational vibes to push me through! In the meantime, relish the fact that you aren't going through this mess right now! There is light at the end of the tunnel. I just wish the tunnel were a bit shorter right now.

Cheers! elizinashe

Here We Go!

2012-01-09T21:22:00.003-05:00

I have now entered the chaotic abyss of nursing school second semester plus an on-line microbiology class. My computer is going to suck me into a black hole that no escape key will delete me out of this vortex. What am I thinking? I don't even know where to start. I keep getting distracted. What do I read first and which class do I read first? Since when did a grammatically incorrect, incomplete sentence such as 'on-line' become a verb and a way to teach educational material as well as test students? How many power points does it take to teach one chapter? How much is too much? I grew up watching slides of family photos. I'd rather see that again. And why would anyone say that your 2nd semester of nursing school will be easier? WTF????? I don't have time to absorb all this shit. How will I do it all? On-line assignments, on-line readings, on-line tutorials, on-line quizzes, on-line, on-line, on-line......blah,blah,blah.......can I get a new ass on-line because mine will surely be flat as a pancake by the end of the month. See ya in the spring. elizinashe

Odds & Ends

2012-01-03T19:31:00.002-05:00

Today has been the coldest day of the year. It didn't reach above 27 degrees for our high and the wind chill has been in the single digits. Brrr.....It's supposed so be a bit warmer tomorrow and back into the 50s by the weekend. That's good news to my ears if you ask me.

My dad sends me newspaper clippings from my hometown paper at least once a week. It gives him something to do I guess. Most of them involve pet stories such as the local pet photo contest contestants and winners, the pet of the week up for adoption and random shots of people with their dogs at the park. He also sends me themed stuff. This month has been Christmas lights and displays around the area and such. Halloween was rather fun it seemed. Lots of haunted houses and creepy costumes. Sometimes he sends the gossip of the week politic wise. Lately, our mayor, who is a member of our church, recently had an altercation at a town meeting with a resident who got out of hand and punched our mayor in the face. (dumbass.) The court hearing made the paper which my father sent me. I really have no interest in reading all the details but I will happily accept it. One of these days I won't be receiving these little annoyances from my hometown newspaper.

School starts back up on Monday. Yikes! How did the time pass so quickly? My house is still not in order despite the three week break. I just can't get myself organized. As long as I can vacuum again and keep up with the laundry I can function fairly well. I already bought extra notebooks before the semester ended and should have plenty of ancillary supplies on hand. I have an extra book to pick up plus a payment for an on-line tutorial. Other than that, I guess I'm somewhat prepared. Our first day back is apparently an orientation from 730am until 4pm that day. Ugh! I have no idea what to bring or what to prepare for other than a giant thermos of coffee and my water jug. Not looking forward to long, first day back.

Christmas was good although it still makes me feel blue at times. It was good to spend time with my mom and her friends and share a big feast. Even though that angry little head of mine begins to sprout I am always glad to have my time with her. One of her friends gave me a generous gift card for Christmas and as a 'Congratulations' on surviving my first semester of nursing school. That gift card went on to buy a new down coat, on sale of course, for the bitter cold. My old jacket had become too old plus it was too small to begin with so I now have a proper fitting deep lagoon colored down coat to start off my new year. Gotta love those after Christmas sales.

We have all heard that things happen in 'threes'. Well, my 'threes' are beginning. Last week I had my manifold and a valve cover gasket set replaced. Ouch. In the process it was discovered that my O-rings were crapped out so I'm having those replaced in the morning. Oh well. It's cheaper than a new car that's for damn sure. I'm afraid to see how much this will cost me in the end. I'm still waiting on the 'three'. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday so keep your fingers crossed. I can't have my health be the third. Whatever it is it better be manageable.

So there it is folks in a nutshell. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to post before the semester takes over my life. Wish me luck! I will need it. elizinashe

I Really Should Write More

2011-12-31T15:13:00.003-05:00

The holidays have proved to be epic. Thanksgiving was wonderful and quick. Then it was back to the slammatude of school, holiday cards, work and moving toward that beacon of light that is, and soon to be was, the 'semester break'. No time for blogging.

It was a bombardment of prepping for a test, taking the said test followed by a holiday Christmas Jam fundraiser, then check-offs, then another check-off and oh yeah, a third check-off because I'm a dumbass and then the final. Sandwich many study sessions with classmates in between and that was my first three weeks of December. Then the celebrations began. Met the said classmates for celebratory drinks and junk food, entertained a weekend guest and hit a mandatory meeting for work after guest leaves and finally crashed in the afternoon for a much needed nap. Too tired to blog.

After recovering from all the festivities it was on to vehicle repairs, (yea me) and more food and drink related gatherings for the season and a feast at my mother's house with 12 other people. Sheesh! I think I'm officially full. However, today is the big 'New Year's Eve' hoo-ha so there will be more foodage and drink. The good thing is that I am working in the morning so I seriously doubt that I will see any kind of ball drop come midnight. Oh well.....there is a slight chance of seeing the midnight hour since I have been struggling with insomnia during my break. You would think I'd have sleeping problems while I'm working and going to school and not during a respite. What the hell is that all about? Too frustrated to blog.

All in all, I really can't complain. The holidays usually are a struggle for me at times. It's a love/hate relationship but I am certain most people are in a similar situation. I really do dig the holidays but sometimes I wish my life were a bit different and it seems to get a little bit harder as I get older. (sigh.) I am blessed and lucky and I have wonderful friends that I cannot describe in words how much they mean to me. So when those troublesome thoughts try to take a hold of my mind I think of my peeps and take a look at what I truly have in my life and take stock at what's truly important. I'm looking forward to getting all this holiday chaos over with and welcome 2012 for all good things to come my way and get rid of these roller coaster holiday blahs out of my soul. Happy New Year's everyone! May 2012 be the year for all to prosper and succeed in all your endeavors! elizinashe

Verbage

2011-12-09T17:06:00.002-05:00

Boom shaka lacka lacka boom shaka lacka lacka bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy bawitadaba da bang a dang diggy diggy ding dang a dong bong bing bong skeep-beep de bop-bop beep bop bo-dope skeetle-at-de-op-de-day de do do do de da da da eh hee yeah amanaya yeaha yeah eh eh amana eh hee yeah amanaya yeaha yeah eh eh amana hoo hoo that's what I say! elizinashe

Lists & Clutter

2011-12-04T20:27:00.002-05:00

I'm a list maker. Grocery store items, household items, things to do, people's birthday reminders, doctor appointment reminders as well as a variety of bucket lists. My 'bucket list' reminders usually end up sandwiched in some book or in a pile of stuff that you forget to throw away and sometimes you find the said bucket list squirreled away in some odd, random spot for 'safe keeping' just in case you make it happen or it actually comes true.

I have had one of my bucket lists laying next to my stereo for months now. It was a list that I had made well over ten years ago and had tucked it away until I had rediscovered it and decided that I needed to have it out in the open again. Now I'm thinking 'why am I really saving this silly wish list?' At this point all it's doing is taking up space and adding to my clutter of stuff that I save for no apparent reason. We all make bucket lists but what do you really do with them? I usually end up doing most of what I wish for however just not in the time that I wish it to be and some items come quite by accident.

So in hopes of not losing a piece of history from my life, which is why I think I save such silly things, I will share some of my 'bucket list' items from long ago and then throw this little piece of cardboard from a notepad into the trash. I really don't need to save this for the rest of my life but at least in posting my 'wish list' items it's still around for my own peace of mind.

go ice skating
buy a new car
hike the mountain behind grandma & granddaddy's house
hike Stone Mountain
own a grand piano
write stories about people I've known
snow ski
take flying lessons
have a black cat named Hecubus
have a dog or two
go to a formal New Year's Eve Party and dress up
take a sleigh ride

So what's in your bucket list and what kind of silly things do you save for years just for the sake of keeping a piece of your history around? elizinashe

ARRGGG!!!

2011-11-26T12:16:00.002-05:00

It's all coming down to the wire. I'm past my stress level and the semester has yet to end. Holiday rush festivities and hurriedly studying for a two tests, scheduling for check-offs and preparing for the head-to-toe assessments. I feel like I don't have enough time to feel prepared. Traffic is a nightmare because of all the stupid shoppers. My cat has puked on the comforter twice and in the bed once. The last thing I want to do is a load of bedsheets after a 4 hour class. Ugh! I have a very clear 'no puking on the bed' rule which he clearly has forgotten. We are still in a battle over food. He likes the canned. I prefer the dry. I'm still confused as to why he's had to become even more particular the last two months. I wish my cat wasn't such a stubborn fart.

I've had very little time to be creative or have a social life. I watched some football yesterday which was fun but the post game studying that I had planned in my head did not get done. Oh well. So now I am spending my first Saturday off in months meeting a classmate to hash out some notes. I wish I didn't have to study today but given that I work the next two days and we have class on Tuesday this is a better time to do so. Trying to study after work really is not productive for me. There is a small part of me that feels like I'm about to lose it. I feel like I'm in a constant state of panic. Not a good feeling.

I came home to a headless squirrel on my doorstep. Eeek! Poor thing. I'm guessing a neighborhood cat got to it somehow. I didn't freak that much about it. One of it's hind legs was completely detached from it's body as well as the tail. If the head has still been there I probably would have freaked a little. However, it had been a long day and I had already squeezed out some poop from an ostomy bag and emptied pee all day so finding a murdered squirrel wasn't a big deal I guess. I just hope it will be the only one.

Okay, so that's it. Time to chill a bit before the next wave of frustrations hit. Cheers! elizinashe

Someone to Watch Over Me

2011-10-20T19:04:00.003-04:00

My kitty Hecubus is the best kitty ever. Of course in calling him a 'kitty' implies that he is young which is not quite the case. He is in fact an aging kitty in his 'elder years' but his personality is still young at heart. I've had him for 15 years now and he still cracks me up and always keeps a dutiful watch over me.

Since school has started he had taken on a new roll in his care over me. He has become quite the study buddy. Although he can't verbally interact with my studies, his behavior helps me in a unique variety of ways.

He's become very good at sitting on top of my book so it doesn't fall off the couch while I'm trying to read and take notes. He loves sitting directly on top of my notes while I am reading them, just in case the wind blows through the open window so they don't 'blow away' and scatter across the room. He has even considered reducing any musculoskeletal damage to my wrists by rubbing on my pen while I try to write so I don't develop any writing cramps. He has also become a great deterrent to any Carpal Tunnel maladies. He assists in my typing class lecture notes by sitting in my lap therefore allowing me to use his body as extra support while I type. Who needs one of those computer wrist cushions when you have a cat? And when I begin to type too much he nudges my wrists to remind me that I need to stop and take a break which usually results in some stroking of his head.

He's even keeping watch over me as I slumber, ensuring that I get a good night's sleep before class the next day. He will curl up in my shoulder and neck, resting his head on my cheek therefore allowing him to ensure that I stay warm, especially my nose as well as making sure that I am breathing properly throughout the night. He will even stretch out his paws into my neck and into my hair as if he's giving me a long-lasting hug. I am certain that this is his way of checking my carotid artery and checking for a regular and healthy pulse. And sometimes he will place a paw over my ear thus blocking out any outside noise that might keep me awake. How thoughtful is that? And of course we can't forget the Eskimo kisses he likes to give which gives me warm fuzzies and the moral support that I sometimes need. I think this is a secret way he checks to see if I'm breathing okay through my nose but I know he would never admit to that. He's sneaky that way. Clever cat he is! And as a bonus, I always get a lullaby of some strong purring to soothe me to sleep. A perfect end to a long day of studies don't ya think?

With all sarcasm aside, and yes I am being slightly sarcastic here, I wouldn't trade my cat for anything. Yes, he can hinder my studies but then again when I look at it from a different perspective it makes me laugh and appreciate that I have such deterrents. It keeps the stress level down and gives me reason to write something silly. Pets can be a great pain in the ass when you're trying to get things done but they mostly bring joy. Because it's the good things that you always remember about your pets and the impact that they have made in your life. I love my kitty and I look forward to more nights of studying with my cat sitting in my book telling me I need to stop and pay attention to his needs while he's keeping my stress level down. Who needs to read for class anyway? elizinashe

News and Other Stuff

2011-10-05T09:19:00.003-04:00

This week is 'Fall Break' from classes. And thank God for that! I finally had a day where I can sleep late and tackle some household duties. The bathroom light is now repaired, the floors swept and laundry is caught up. I haven't cracked a book in two days. Today will be a slow migrate back to the books since we have an assignment due Friday. However, I am relishing the fact that I have some down time to catch up on my studies.

So Amanda Knox has been freed and is now back in the States. Good for her. I don't think she was guilty in the first place and I can't imagine what the last four years have been for her. What a nightmare. But we all know that it won't be long until Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters will be knocking on her door. I say leave her alone so she can regroup. She's got a lot of healing to do. Nuff said.

There were two scuba divers left behind in Florida on a tourist dive. Apparently when the two had resurfaced the boat had left. What the hell? Whatever happened to doing a head count? Luckily they were found by a private yacht after clinging to a bouy after a couple of hours. Can you say refund?

There is a woman in California that is seeking parole for the murder of her husband back in the early 90s. She had killed her husband within the first month of marriage, chopped up his body via garbage disposal and mixed some other parts in with leftovers and there are claims that she even 'barbequed' other bits and proceeded to eat him. Now she wants to be free. I guess she's getting tired of jail food and is in need of something more sinister. I wonder if she likes Chianti.

Another boy has taken his own life due to bullying because he's different. My heart goes out to his family. He was 14 years old. There is no reason that a child should take their own life because of the hatefulness of others. I really wish more was done about bullying. It's so mean and is clearly becoming an epidemic. And yet, very little is done to the guilty parties who make another's life miserable. This is just wrong in many aspects. I saw that Lady Gaga is taking this bullying matter to the White House. Hooray for her! I hope that we have a multitude of parents following in her footsteps to make some changes. I guess this is this generation's equivalent to what racism was back in the 60s. What do you think?

Fall is descending upon us nice & easily. We've had a few chilly nights already and I have turned the heat on a couple of times. It's been a nice change, calms my soul in a way. Other tasks to complete during my fall break is to bust out my fall to winter wear and put my summertime wear into hibernation. New, cozy sheets for the bed and a heavy comforter for good sleep. Gearing up for making some soup and freezing leftovers for a quick meal when I need it. With med calculations peppered betwixed said household duties. Sounds exciting, eh?

I have been having some food issues with my cat. He prefers the canned stuff now and getting him to eat more of his dry food is becoming a meowing pain in my ass. I have ruled out any mouth issues via a trip to the vet but he is getting older and has had some intestinal problems in the recent past. I still can't figure it out why he's gotten so spoiled over this but it's all a part of being a pet owner. And now that is has gotten chillier at night he's back in my personal space at night while I try to sleep with his head resting on my cheek and paws up in the pillows and in my hair to keep warm. Yes, his whiskers tickle me awake sometimes but I really don't mind so much. He's been the best boyfriend I've ever had the last 15 years and that's a good thing. And like myself, he's a big fan of my flannel sheets. Purrrfect sleeping gear. elizinashe

Information Overload and Other Things

2011-09-27T19:57:00.002-04:00

I think by brain has reached capacity for the evening. I am just plain pooped out. School is going well and I am enjoying the challenge so far but that's exactly what it is-a challenge. Every class day is a different topic and everyday there is new material loaded up on our school website. I feel like I am continuously behind. I've totally lost the math skills that I was doing just 3 nights ago. No more med calculations tonight. I've lost it. However, tomorrow is another day.

My house is an absolute wreck. I haven't vacuumed since school started. Good thing I live alone. We have a fall break coming up which is my main focus. Can't wait! Although my time will be dedicated to more med calculations since that test is fast looming as well as other studies, I have already decided that a good day of sleep and fall cleaning will be in order and a leisurely lunch with long, lost friends. Maybe some good picture taking if the weather permits. I forget that I have a camera these days.

I have no idea of what's really going on in the world since I have little time to watch the news or any tv at all for that matter. My favorite show was cancelled last year so at least I'm not missing it this year. Other than that, I really don't miss tv at all. My peepers are tired of staring at the computer all the time loading & typing up notes. Sheesh! College is so much different these days. It's all on a small white screen. Crazy. It drives me a bit nuts. I don't know how I managed college the first time around. I don't know how I'm managing it right now. It's such a blur that it just leave my head spinning.

Yeah, my brain is on a shut down. I am done for the night. Time to stretch out on my little couch and catch up on some Glee. It's a new season I hear. elizinashe

Mark, Bob and the Radiator

2011-09-02T12:52:00.002-04:00

I often say 'things happen for a reason' and I truly believe that. I have also heard that things 'happen in threes'. I believe that as well and yesterday was a perfect and perhaps a strangely explainable example.

My good friend Bob passed away this past December. I do not know how or why he had died but he died nonetheless which made me very sad. He was a retired physician who was insanely smart, was rather quirky bordering on the eccentric and loads of fun. There have been many times when I think out loud to myself and wish that my Bob was still around. Now that I have embarked on my nursing school career I really wish he was still around so that he could give me some guidance on my educational endeavors especially when it comes to the oncology unit that we will be studying later on down the road, which was his specialty. As I was going to bed Wednesday night I had said aloud, as if he could hear me, ( and sometimes I do believe the dead can hear us) that I had missed him and that I wish he were here to guide me with all this nursing crap. I know for certain that I miss our ridiculous moments of silliness and his stories of 'Wallers' which is a whole other topic that is too much to explain.

I had stopped yesterday after class to get some gas before it got too low. I had gone inside to prepay since I had some cash and ran into a mutual friend on my way out. Mark knew Bob through mutual friends and through the local restaurant that we all had frequented. Mark really dug Bob, as we all did and enjoyed having unique conversations with him. Mark had mentioned that it was strange that he ran into me at that moment. Mark had said that I appeared in his dream the night before and that Bob was also sandwiched in that dream somehow. He then proceeded to ask me how Bob was since he hadn't seen or heard from Bob or about Bob in forever. Now, I was taken back a bit because I thought for certain that Mark had already knew about Bob's demise. I was 98% sure that Mark & I had already had this conversation back in the winter. So I had told him what had happened of course but I was still in disbelief that he truly was not aware. I tell myself that Mark had just forgot or something like that.

As I proceeded to return to my car to gas it up I noticed a leak near the front of my engine coming from underneath and I knew it wasn't from my air conditioner. I saw a small puddle of water with some striking green liquid in the mix and as I looked underneath I saw a small drip of antifreeze coming from the general radiator area. Crap! This was the very last thing I had wanted or needed in my first three weeks of nursing school. Luckily my mechanic's garage was right down the street which I promptly drove to. I was pretty frustrated that this had happened when I just had my car serviced before school had started. However, I was able to leave my car for repair ( a new radiator no doubt) which meant at that time I didn't have a ride back home nor did I have a ride to school in the morning. Ugh! I was told that I wouldn't be able to pick my car back up until sometime Friday afternoon and with the holiday weekend approaching that would have been lucky.

I must have been uber fortunate yesterday and believe you me I thanked God and sent out my blessings. I was able to score a ride for class through a classmate that lives nearby, which I had just gotten his number that day in class. I kind stranger who was also a customer at my mechanic's offered to give me a ride home which I humbly and gratefully accepted. I could have walked home since I was close but that meant lugging a backpack, a nursing kit, a lab coat and my purse in the heat of the day. Not quite how I wanted to spend my Thursday afternoon. After I had unloaded myself once I got home and began to settle I started to dig into my homework. It was early evening when I get that call that my car was fixed and ready. Woo hoo!!! So happy I was! I had wheels again and was no longer in danger of being without a car for the whole weekend nor did I have to be dependent on anyone for transportation. What a relief!

So what's my point? If I had not stopped for gas I would not have run into Mark and had our conversation about Bob. It bought enough time for my car to pee out the antifreeze so I could take notice, otherwise I would have driven my car until God knows what could or would have happened. I find it strange that both Mark & I had thought about Bob the night before we saw each other. The trio of Mark, myself and Bob helped complete a series of 'threes', I guess you could say, with the trio of my car problems that I've recently had which started with a window switch being replaced and a dead battery at school. (thankful for the jump from campus police. yes, you may snicker at that implication.)

So I guess in a very, roundabout and strange sort of way, Bob is helping me with school and is still involved in my life. Being that Mark & I are connected through Bob he brought us together so I could discover a major vehicle impairment which could have kept me from arriving to my nursing classes. And having good luck on my side and good samaritans around, I was able to score a ride for class if I had needed it, was able to have a ride home while my car was being repaired and my car was finished before the big holiday weekend. Now that's what I call a Waller! elizinashe

Flash Back

2011-08-31T19:25:00.003-04:00

well shake me like a monkey. I've been dancing like the nancies, trippin' with the billies, oh sweet seven I think I'm turning into a spaceman drinking big whiskey with the groo grux king. ee-hee what fun!
August 31, 2009

So on occasion there will be a sidebar window pop up on my facebook stating what I had said on a particular day in a particular year. Today I came across a quote that brought back some fond memories and when I had read the very first line I knew exactly where I had been and who I was with. Such a lovely trip it was. I wish I could relive that trip but in reading my quoted experience it gives me the feeling as if I had just typed it out for the very first time. I can't wait for other quotes that I have written to pop up and take me back down to memory lane. elizinashe

Nerdville Here I Come

2011-08-17T20:38:00.005-04:00

So it's back to school time for me. Yes, I'm in the big pond now with the other fish who have been accepted into the nursing program here at the local community college. Woo hoo! My summer has been filled with many trips to the school for financial aid, unanswered questions, delayed email replies, tuition to pay for, books to buy and prepayments for other items that have yet to be received. Backpack upgraded, uniforms bought, patches to be sewn, lab kits purchased with all it's treasures and a sea green stethoscope lying in its box waiting to be plugged into my stuffy ears. Struggles with the on-line tutorial info website that was posted two days prior to our first class,(which is tomorrow) and an ink depletion snafu during the big print off for said tutorial info. Class info in upgraded backpack along with syllabus and monthly schedule as well as 'contracts' for agreeable student behavior & expectations. Snacks prepared, water bottle chilling and an abundance of pens. Self made notecards to guide me to the correct classroom at the right time in the right room at various days. No locker combination to memorize, just three different passwords for three different school related websites that is now a requirement for all college students. Excitement and first class anxiety fills my head, along with a new pimple emerging at the dimple of my smile and I have now learned from my dentist appointment from earlier this morning that I now need a mouth guard to wear at night because I clench my teeth so badly. Yeah, I totally feel like I'm that nerdy kid entering high school again. If I have those 'showing up for class naked' dreams then I'm totally doomed. Good thing I'm old enough to buy alcohol this time. elizinashe

Diet, Exercise & Video Games

2011-08-07T21:55:00.002-04:00

I have never been one to follow a diet. It's not the willpower, it's the following the diet rules and sticking to it. I've never been one to eat a lot of junk either. I've always liked fruits & vegetables and I've let go many moons ago the daily dose of diet coke. I do indulge in the occasional pizza and a big fat burger but for the most part junky food like that has never been a part of my daily or even weekly diet. That's a good thing. I thank my parents for instilling good eating habits at a young age.

I've struggled with keeping an exercise routine the last few years mainly due to the fact that I no longer have a gym membership. Yes, I know that I can exercise at home or go run around the local track around the VA Hospital but I just don't have the motivation. Home is my quiet place and walking an outdoor track when it's miserably hot is not my idea of a good workout. I want to sweat in an air conditioned room. In short, I like having a reason & a purpose to go somewhere to workout. I miss the gym that was on my end of town. It closed down many years ago and the other gyms that are in town are seemingly too far for me to drive. Lame excuse I know....

However I have been inspired to try something different through a couple of my coworkers. One of the girls I work with has been doing the Zumba videos on her break at work for some quick and intensive cardio. This girl comes out red faced and breaking a good sweat. It makes me jealous. She's also been doing Weight Watchers to change her eating habits and get back on a healthy track. She's not overweight by any means but she does look good. So it got me to thinking.....

I tried the Zumba myself one afternoon with some of our kids. Yes, you get a good workout but I couldn't stay coordinated enough to keep up the dance steps. I did more laughing than jumping around. It would take a lot of practice for me to really get it all down. However, we have a Wi gaming set for our kids. We use it for special groups as well as a reward for good behavior. We tested the new Dance Wi and the Michael Jackson's Experience. Oh boy! I think I found my thang! I've never been big on video games but this Wi stuff is pretty damn cool. I could care less about the bowling or the shoot 'em up blow 'em up games. I want to dance! I was surprised how quickly my heart rate jumped after doing a couple of Wi dances. I even broke out a little sweat! So much more fun than walking up several flights of stairs on your break. I see more Proud Mary in my future. If I can move around like Tina Turner then I will certainly be burning up some calories and looking good once again. I give the Wi a two thumbs up. I am looking forward to testing out some more dances. Can't wait to take that trip to Funkytown. elizinashe

Mindless Chatter

2011-08-01T19:26:00.003-04:00

It's been really hot here lately. I know that my side of the fence can't compare to the extreme heat felt in Texas, Arkansas and Arizona, just to name a few other yards, but it's still hot for our fair mountains. Ugh! It just makes me all kinds of cranky. I don't even want to cook nor do I have much of an appetite. I struggle with coming up with something for a meal because it's too hot to think. I'm ready for some cooler weather, a nice long fall I say!

The last couple of weeks have been super busy for me mostly in a good way. I had a friend in town for a couple of days which gave me a good excuse to host an epic hike among some waterfalls and a tailgate picnic followed by an evening of recovery and other libations. Then it was back to the grindstone and back to work. Yuk. However, I did have a girlfriend pop into town for some training with her new job so in between working shifts we were able to catch up and have some quality girl time! One of the few things I miss having with her. Hopefully we will have many more of those nights to come in the future now that she & her husband have moved from the Bay area and back closer to Asheville. Woo hoo!

I have a girlfriend here that drives me nuts. Don't get me wrong, I do value our friendship but she is one of those people who does not shut up. She just goes on and on and on and on......and on and on and on and on......and on and on and on and...well you get the picture. I've gotten to the point where I just really tune her out a lot b/c it's all the same old stuff which becomes really draining. I know I probably sound like a horrible friend but truly I am not. I'm just becoming more detached from this relationship due to the fact that I don't feel supported in this friendship nor do I feel nourished. I'm just tired of feeling mentally drained after talking with her, or shall I say after listening to her.

I had an aunt pass away towards the end of June after a long battle with cancer. She was my dad's sister, the oldest of three. I only saw her about three times in my life, twice that I can remember. She lived most of her adult life in Arizona where she was a professor at Arizona State University. There was never frequent phone calls for family chats as I was growing up. Maybe a letter or two and always a holiday card but that was about the extent of our family communication. I knew she was a smart woman and had a great job but I knew very little of her or about her. Her oldest daughter Julie wrote a wonderful memorial of her life which my dad had sent me. I never really knew that she led such an interesting life. She was apparently very smart and savvy with a great sense of style and humor. Why that part of her life was never shared while I was growing up I will never know. According to the memorial, she and her husband traveled quite a bit. Why they never traveled to Arkansas for a family visit is beyond me. She didn't even come out for my brother's funeral when he had died unexpectedly many, many years ago. At that time she had said that she & her husband were too busy with their jobs or had too many ties and were unable to get away. Or something like that. All I know that is was just a weird excuse and a really crappy way of supporting my dad aka her brother. I truly have no ill will toward her and I am glad that her suffering is over. I am very grateful that she & my dad became closer over the last couple of years as she became a comfort and counselor for my dad during the divorce crap between my parents. I just wish that she could have been a more active family member within our family unit despite the hundreds of miles that kept us apart. There is no telling what kind of impact she would have made in our corner of the world. elizinashe

What Would You Do?

2011-07-18T15:08:00.002-04:00

What would you do if you won a crapload of money? What would you do if you had that winning lottery ticket? What if the Publisher's Clearing House people really did pull up in your driveway carrying balloons and champagne and a check with an unbelievable amount of money with your name on it? What would you do?

I've always wanted to win a sweepstakes. Even as a kid I would always urge my mom to send in whatever junkmail contest that arrived in our mailbox. I wanted our family to win that crapload of money. Not that I wanted to live in a big mansion with expensive cars or anything. I guess I realized at a young age that having that crapload of money would make life easier. We really weren't 'poor' nor did we have to struggle financially. Somehow I got the impression that it would make the household less stressful and that we would never have to worry about being broke. I've always carried some hope that some day I would win that sweepstakes that I have always wanted. Weird, eh?

Which brings me to my original point. I've been receiving some Publisher's Clearing House propaganda this past month. I can't remember the last time they sent me all this crap but being the faithful sweepstakes dreamer that I am, I can't throw it in the trash which is where it really belongs. However, they 'guarantee' that 'someone' in my area will be winning 'something'. Now how could I pass that up? I just might win something!!! I think I could choke down some champagne for a few bucks. (hahaha...I say to myself.) Yes, I know I am being ridiculous and no I haven't ordered any magazines or 'as seen on TV' crapola that comes along with all the sweepstakes propaganda. Forget that. I just want to win. Realistically I know that I won't be the winner despite their claim that I have winning numbers as long as my numbers are the ones that they choose. Yes, my current finances are tight but that is not why I choose to seek and find those silly labels mixed in with the adverts and pasted them in the proper place on my return certificate. It's that silly, dreamy child inside of me that is still wanting to win a major sweepstakes.

So what would I do if I actually won? I probably would swear in disbelief. Despite all the hoopla that is associated with a big monetary win whether it be a lottery ticket or a sweepstakes I'd still have a hard time believing it all until the initial shock wears off. Then I suppose I would cry and pee in my pants. I might even have a fainting spell and/or a panic attack. Maybe all of the above. Wouldn't that look good on live tv? Regardless, once it does all sink in my brain and that first check is deposited into my new sweepstakes account I'd be picking up my bestest girlies and jet off to the Mediterranean for a lovely trip. My treat, of course. elizinashe

Our Children's Future

2011-07-13T18:04:00.002-04:00

Having my own struggles with attaining financial aid for a nursing program and finding extra funds and loans to mend the cost it makes me frightful for the next generation who want to go to college. Apparently, being paid $11.47 an hour is deemed 'too much' according to my taxes to be awarded any 'free money' to help pay for an RN degree which would make me a much more productive member of society. HUH?? What a hard blow. One two week paycheck pretty much eats up my rent. All other monies earned go to other bills and then some. I will be lucky if I get the maximum amount that I applied for in school loans from a measly community college. I am now in the waiting game for school loans as my deadline to pay for it all comes near. Which brings me to my original thought.

As I watch the news there is more talk about Social Security being delayed and without increases in pay, the national debt ceiling in disarray and the economy as a whole still in a stagnant existence. Many budget cuts across our nation within our schools, adjunct teachers laid off, resources limited, extra curricular classes cut and college tuition increased per hour whether it be a four year institution or a small community college. And limited seats available for students young and old for above said educational opportunities. It leaves me frightened for our young children who are already struggling to succeed as a student who come from your typical middle class household. We cannot forget those children who hold so much potential but yet have so many roadblocks that they cannot control that they become discouraged and therefore just 'give up'. Some come from screwed up parents, poor living conditions or they have a learning/physical disability which does not discount their potential. Yes, some children will not be as successful as we expect them to be. But given the state of today's times how does a family of 'normaltiy' even begin to pay for college or hope for a fruitful education as they grow and hopefully graduate from high school? How do children who come from disadvantaged circumstances become successful?

I was a pretty good student. I think I had some ADD stuff going on but that was before being labeled ADD/ADHD was popular. Yes, I certainly believe that I have some processing issues due to a hereditary disease which slows me down when I really need to concentrate incoming info. Yes, I know that I have some anxiety issues which I have seen in my father but mine also stems from survivors guilt which is a whole other story that I won't divulge. However, it does not make me stupid nor an nonproductive member of society. But all that said still makes it difficult to prove and requires a lot of red tape which I just don't have the patience for in order to potentially get more funding for a stupid two year program in the nursing field which could take me to higher realms not only for myself but for the community as well. So if I have this much trouble to pay for a two year program then what does the future hold for our young kids who want an education when they leave high school? I know it wasn't this hard when I went to college the first time around many moons ago. So why is it so hard now? I thought this was America where anything can happen. How hard will it be for our children in the next 10 years? 20 years? Where will America and our educational system be at that point? What do you think? Just asking.... I guess I should stop watching the news, eh? elizinashe

Ask And Ye Shall Receive

2011-06-28T15:41:00.003-04:00

How do you cope through troubling times? Do you pray or do you just muster through the muck and mire hoping to find the light at the end of the tunnel? Do you rely on a higher power or do you rely on your own self to find a resolution? What if all that you do still doesn't give you the end result you are looking for?

I am no stranger to prayer and I surely thank God for the little things that come my way even if it's the smallest reminder that all will be okay in my world. Lately I've been doing a lot of praying and trying with all my might that my faith will carry me through. There are times when I feel like I'm struggling and then I just 'let go' and all ends up being well in the end. Right now I'm having trouble in just 'letting go'. What I hate about it the most is that it's mostly rooted in money, or lack there of right now and school is getting closer by the minute. Yes, I am happy about finally going to nursing school but the waiting game for financial aid is really bothering me, plus knowing that my hours will be cut which will hurt the paycheck, which affects my monthly bills plus knowing that I will be paying extra for my healthcare b/c I will be a part-time status instead of full-time status. Why should anyone be punished for being a part-time employee when it comes to health care is beyond me but so be it. I can't change that.

I re-read a book that a friend of mine told me about last year called The Game of Life and How to Play It. This book was originally written in 1925 but her words of wisdom clearly had a hold on people back then and those same words still have some gumption for this day and age. In essence what the author says that whatever you dish out you will receive the same. Good & bad. If you want something then throw it out there in the universe and then make efforts to have the faith and the opportunity that it will come to you. If it is meant to be then all will be well. If it doesn't happen for you then that just means that whatever you asked for wasn't yours to begin with and that God has a different plan. Sounds familiar I am sure, however it's always nice to be reminded of good karma.

Thirteen years ago I was wanting to move from Arkansas to Asheville as I had fallen in love with the city and it's mountains the previous summer. Not knowing jack shit, I had it in my mind that I was going. I had already put my name on a waitlist for an apartment that I had seen once and it was twice what I was paying in Arkansas but I did it anyway. That was in February. I began collecting boxes and saving up money. Early in the spring I began to pack a few things that I really didn't need and threw out other stuff that I no longer needed. I had no job waiting for me in Asheville and I knew only two people who lived there. All I had was faith that I was going. I came home from work one day to find a message on my machine letting me know that a one bedroom apartment was going to be available in May and did I want that apartment since I was on the waitlist. My belief and having the faith that I was moving brought me the biggest change I could have ever imagined. It was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. And I've lived here in Asheville ever since.

Now I am at another cross-road as I enter another phase of my life and I struggle with keeping my faith that all will turn out the way that it should as it did for my eventual move thirteen years ago. What I struggle with the most is the 'not knowing' how it's all going to work out. I feel trapped in my progress which I haven't felt in a very long time. It's very frustrating. It weighs heavy on my psyche but I pray a lot and struggle with all my might to keep the faith. I know it always works out in the end but the journey through this tunnel before I find the light is driving me nuts. So I re-read my book, made a list of what I need from the Universe and throw caution to the wind. Like the storm that is brewing outside my windows right now, this too shall pass. I have yet to discover what the next journey of my life will be like but I hope it will be good as the first thirteen years I've had in Asheville. There's always light at the end of the tunnel. elizinashe

Who Are You?

2011-06-23T19:30:00.003-04:00

How well do you know yourself? I mean really know yourself? And do you let your real self guide you? Do you let that other side of your brain dictate your decisions & desires or do you come back down to earth and live in reality? Just a few thoughts on my brain tonight.

I know myself fairly well. I've had plenty of years behind me so the older I get the better I become. I believe that. But sometimes I feel like I allow the dreamy side of me override what's in front of me and then I become disappointed. I feel like I've broken a lot of bad habits, along with starting new ones but I do recognize negative patterns. The hard part is when I start back in a negative pattern it becomes harder to break. Or so it seems. I know for a fact that I am a much better person than I was when I was in my 20s. I make way better decisions. I know for a fact that I am a much better person than I was 10 years ago and even 5 years ago. I have grown a lot since then. But sometimes life just throws such a kink in your plans that it just leaves you wondering 'what the fuck?'. Pardon my french here folks.

I know I am on to bigger and better things. That is a fact. But my insecurities and lack of confidence in how I will handle and manipulate my future scares the crap out of me. I know in the end that I will be okay but I can't help that the 'not knowing' factor is making me feel like crap. Ergo the self-destructive talk runs through my head. Which is so stupid but I just can't help it. Why does it have to be so hard? I have faith that is will all work out in the end. I am hopeful that all my aspirations and dreams will come true despite all these roadblocks that I have encountered the last 8 years or so. (It can't last forever, right?) I am thankful for really, really good friends. I am thankful for brief periods of romance that make me feel special because I know I am special. I am thankful for great co-workers who keep me laughing. I am thankful for a really good glass of wine. (maybe too much, haha.) I wouldn't trade any of that for anything.

But there are times when I feel like I am just scrambling to keep myself afloat. I guess there's a part of me that's in that space right now. I find joy in the little things and continue to hope for the best. I haven't given up on all my dreams at this point because my dreams are what keep me going. But the realistic side of me tells me different sometimes and that makes me quite angry. I have few regrets in my life but then again that's a part of life isn't it?

So how well do you know yourself? How do you drudge through the hard times when your brain spins like a hamster in his wheel going round and round and round without getting anywhere? Do you repeat mistakes and stick with your patterned behavior or do you think outside of the box? Do you recognize when you do start repeating mistakes and try to correct that behavior or do you just ride out the storm? How well do you know yourself? And after trying for so long do you keep trying or do you just give up and change the game plan altogether? Just curious.

I know that this post may not be completely coherent, flowing or sticking to original topic but that doesn't matter really. I had about three different directions to go with this post but instead of overthinking I just started to type away. So there you go. So how well do you know yourself? What mistakes do you repeat and what are you doing to change those mistakes? Just a thought. elizinashe

Weiner Roast

2011-06-15T15:58:00.004-04:00

I kinda feel sorry for this guy. With a name like Weiner he was jinxed from the start. However it doesn't excuse his behavior. What was he thinking? Clearly he was thinking with the wrong head. (ahem.) You would think a man in his position would be more careful of what he posts on the world wide web. Did he actually think he wouldn't get caught? What a jackass.....at least Tiger didn't prey upon teenagers. What a perv. Now I am certain that in it's true origin his name would be 'Veener' as the name suggest a German nature. Even still, the name 'Veener' still has a bad connotation attached to it. Now he's seeking some 'time off' for some therapy. Whatever. That's just to make his image look better. He's still a perv. At least some of the heat is off Schwarzengger. Maybe the two of them should fly off to the Playboy mansion and soothe ol' Hef's heart since he just got jilted at the alter. I see a tv movie in the future about those three. It could be a new Three Stooges! 'Politics & Penises: The real Playboy Story'. hahahaha.....Never mind the economy, lets talk about power hungry men with problems about keeping their member in their pants! Now that's some real entertainment! Just a thought folks. elizinashe

The Waiting Game

2011-06-07T14:13:00.002-04:00

The beginning of spring gave me much hope and promise. It seemed that all was working out and my social activities were fun and exciting which was a much welcomed relief after such a crappy winter. Now we are getting into the summer months with hot weather and all the newness of spring has worn out.

I'm feeling very frustrated and trapped. I'm feeling quite angry, confused, lost and disappointed in many aspects of my life. I still have hope for school and that's a good thing however the waiting game for financial aid is really pissing me off. I've been turned down for 3 scholarships that I have applied for and I have yet to know how much of a loan I can qualify for. I feel like I'm on shaky ground work-wise because I have gotten zero feedback from our new supervisor about changing my schedule and being supported as an employee in my new endeavor. Of course my co-workers are all excited for me but I have no idea what our management team has to say about the matter. My working hours will be cut which affects my household budget which really frightens me. I've been looking for cheaper places to live but the success rate is slim right now. ARRRGGGG!!!!!

The spring romance that was seemingly going well came to an abrupt stop. Not even a breakup conversation about it all. What a pig. I just don't get it. I'm not devastated nor am I heartbroken. I'm just really pissed off! It's like he became a completely different person overnight. Not even a single reply from any of my text messages or voicemails. I never expected the relationship to be long lasting but I sure as hell expected an adult conversation about parting ways. Clearly I was wrong. Jackass.

Money is so tight right now that I fear I will begin to go into debt, mostly due to lack of knowing what kind of funds I will receive for school. I hate being trapped by money. I try to keep my errands quick and simple so I don't waste gas and I try to eat at home as much as I can but I'm so sick of my typical food choices that I just don't have an appetite. I really want a smart phone b/c I know some of the applications that are available will help me school wise but I just can't afford the monthly plan right now. I've never been in a position where I had to worry about my finances so much and that really pisses me off and makes me feel disappointed. What in the hell have I done with my life and where did I fuck up? That's what's been going on in my head lately. Where did I fuck up? Such a cheery post, eh? I'm afraid to even attempt a vacation b/c I know what I have in my lousy savings account will be going towards school and other bills. I hate money. I've turned down two opportunities to have a vacation but I'm just not comfortable in allowing someone else foot my bill. It's a grand gesture but in the end I feel like it will be a big mistake.

Okay, so what do I do now? I had such grand faith three months ago and now I feel it's gone out the window. I hate feeling trapped like this. It's driving me nuts. Again, such a cheery and optimistic post I'm dishing out today. I'll do better next time. Cheers. elizinashe

Spring Festivities

2011-04-20T13:34:00.003-04:00

Spring has sprung which makes me one happy girl. My social calendar has seemingly sprung up out of the winter's ground as well. I can't remember a time when I was so popular. It's good to be needed I guess.

My dad was in town for a couple of weeks for a short visit with me and an attempt to reconnect with my mom. Although the outcome was not what he had wanted I think he had a good visit regardless. Although it's hard to be around my father sometimes I know one day I will miss our Sunday lunches. He came bearing gifts of toilet paper and laundry detergent. Eight bottles to be exact. He cracks me up. He likes to bargain shop for essential items and I get the end result. Clearly he's been planning this trip for a while since I ended up with 18 rolls of toilet paper and eight jugs of Tide. Now if he had brought more then I'd be questioning some hoarding issues. Good thing he's still in therapy right now. Haha.....Thank You Dad, I love you!

I had a friend blast through town this past weekend for a quick 3 day jaunt around town. There was much food, a few libations and lots of picture taking with a little power nap snuck in before dinner. Hitting the downtown area was the first venue our first day out. Great weather and great street performers. I scored some tickets to the Biltmore Estate for the following day. If you haven't been there then you need to go. It certainly is an amazing place to see and it is definitely a photographers dream. And you will spend the whole day there so have no fear! I haven't been in years and it was the first time that I have gone when the spring flowers were bloomed out in all their glory. It really was spectacular. We ended our tour at the hotel that was built on the grounds a few years back, sipping on over-priced drinks sitting out on a veranda looking out towards the mountains. It was a great way to end the afternoon.

I bought tickets for our local symphony for their May concert. When I saw the line up earlier this fall I saw that they were performing Rachmaninoffs Piano Concerto #3. Man, oh man I can't wait for this one. The 'Rach 3' as it is dubbed is one monster piece of music and I love it!! It's a killer and I am certain that I will end up peeing in my pants, crying or both. And the beauty of it as I was splurging on pricey tickets close to the stage I ended up getting on ticket for free!!! Can I get a Hallelujah?? Woo-hoo! I think I'll surprise my mom and take her as my date. The concert is the night before Mother's Day so the timing couldn't be more perfect. Aren't I a good daughter?

My lovely E and her boys will be in town in early May for a friend's wedding. YEA!! I miss her terribly and I cannot wait to smother her in hugs and kisses. Good thing she has a wonderful husband that doesn't mind that I want to steal her away. However, their son is so edible that I might just keep him here with me. There might be some protest but I am certain we can make a compromise. I'm looking forward to our time together with all three. Good friends are hard to find and the really good ones I hold dearly to my heart. And that's the truth.

So there ya go folks. Hope your spring has bloomed with good peeps, beautiful flowers and new adventures. See ya later! elizinashe

Just Stuff

2011-03-31T20:06:00.004-04:00

Ever have many ideas to write about but you never put your fingers to the keyboard? I have many of those moments. Most of my blog ideas come when I'm trying to fall asleep and I tell myself to remember the thought of blog when it's not so late and I'm off work. Rarely does this happen. Procrastination, perhaps? I dunno. I really don't want to get in the habit of writing late in the night when I should be catching some zzz's due to work. I typically get out of bed by 5am on work days and boy does that alarm come early! Maybe I'll just start writing late at night anyway. I've been having trouble sleeping lately and I do believe there will be many late nights in my future burning the midnight oil for my impending studies. I guess we will just have to wait and see. At least I blogged before the late night news today. Haha.....elizinashe

Well, It Happened

2011-03-09T01:03:00.004-05:00

Apparently the third time is a charm for me. I have been accepted into the LPN program here at the local community college and I am currently on the waiting list for the Rn program, both which start this fall. I knew when I checked my mail today that the fat envelope from the school was going to be good news. I was on my way to run an errand so didn't open it up until I reached the parking lot. I needed the short drive to prep myself as my mind was already spinning. Needless to say my errand was uneventful as I was in shock and quite distracted.

I quickly looked over all the paperwork that was sent and stuffed everything back into the envelope. So much to do already! Physicals, blood work, Hep B injections, mandatory meetings and a photo. Or something like that. I just couldn't bring myself to read over every little detail just yet. That's on the agenda for tomorrow. Right now I'm still processing. I don't think it's quite hit me just yet although the few peeps I have told so far have given me praises and congratulations which makes it a bit more real. Yes, I'm excited but slightly terrified at the same time. It's going to be a whole different ball game now. So long social life, goodbye bank account and hello migraine. Cheers! elizinashe

Stuff

2011-03-03T13:34:00.002-05:00

So far March has been a cool, sunny start into what's hopefully a lovely spring season. I'm ready for naked toes and t-shirts. Especially since I have found a couple of new tees to show off. Bring on the sunshine I say!

Margaritas & I get along quite well. Actually, too well. It's like Kool-Aid to me, it just goes down all too quickly. I love that tarty flavor. Forget the salt, it just gets in the way of the drink. I try to limit myself but then when you begin to run into old bar peeps and they offer to buy you a drink, then naturally you thankfully accept. Next thing you know you're on that tequila high and you feel mighty fine. At least I didn't do any drunk dialing.

Gas prices are climbing once again with the prediction of hitting five dollars a gallon by Memorial Day. Gas went up 25 cents in one day. It's now up to $3.46 as of last night. Totally sucks. And with the gas prices climbing, so will groceries, restaurant prices, dry goods and so on. It will cost more to send trucks out to pick up and deliver goods and therefore hurting those even more who are struggling to make ends meet. Will our economy ever get better and what's to become of those families who are hurting financially already? I hope for better days but the reality of that scares me.

I missed a deadline in regards to 'scholarship' through work if I get accepted into the nursing program. I'm not really mad about it. I kind of have a 'don't care' attitude. I do care about the nursing school but I'm not worried about the money part of it right now. I'll stress about that later. I guess winter really did take a toll on my mentality and work kept me quite distracted. Sometimes when you don't try to control things in the way you want them to be then the chips fall exactly where you want them to be. I'm just gonna have to go with that.

Taxes are done. What a pain in the ass. It took me a good couple of hours to load everything up and start clicking away. Good thing is that I will be getting a federal refund which is needed however I have to pay the state of North Carolina this year. Although it's only $21 I'm still kind of peeved about this. Last year I got a whopping refund of $9 which was fine but I don't understand what's changed this year. I'm still on the low end of the totem pole salary wise so why am I having to pay state taxes this year? What a bummer.

I'm coining a new phrase. We've all heard 'going postal' in regards to erratic behavior. Being that Charlie Sheen has made a complete ass of himself it has given the media and the general public much to talk about. So I'm gonna start using Mr. Sheen's antics for starting a new catch phrase. "Don't make me go all Charlie Sheen on you!" What do you think? Catchy don't ya think? Just a thought. Cheers for a sunny March and no more margaritas. elizinashe

Quick Picks

2011-02-18T20:09:00.004-05:00

Our weather here the last few days have been lovely. So nice that I've busted out the sandals and even wore a t-shirt. Ahhh.....such a nice relief in the middle of winter. I even played with some dirt and planted an indoor plant that I received from a friend over Valentine's Day and cleared out my outdoor spring pots for future planting. Can't wait until continuous warmer weather so I can come home to flowers on my doorstep.

So the 'Beibs' didn't win any Grammys this year. Boo-hoo. Please allow me to stop typing so I may wipe away a tear or two...sniff, sniff. Although I know very little about the real winner, Esperanza Spalding, what I have seen on the internet was way groovy. This girl definitely deserved her award. She's got more class and staying power than some snot nosed Canadian teen. And upon searching for more info about Esperanza I also came across another lady, Laura Izibor, who we will surely be hearing more about. Got to love the surprise upsets. Granted I'm not some 13 year-old girl anymore but even if I were, I doubt that I'd be digging Beiber when we've got some great stuff coming out of these ladies. I never was one to follow the trendy vibe anyway.

I came across two separate internet news feeds regarding food. One was the best pies across America and the other, just in time for Valentine's day, was the most romantic dinner spots. Both articles made my mouth water and my mind wander. Now if I come across the best breweries and wineries then I'm doomed. I'd be roping my friends and fiends alike in a cross-country trip eating & sampling at said establishments east-to-west and gaining 20lbs. in the process. However, taking a vacation with a group of peeps with your soul purpose was to check out the best pie places ever and best romantic restaurants across the States sounds pretty cool. It would certainly make for a good story to tell your kids some day.

One of my co-workers showed me an interactive weather radar website. You can see where it's raining, snowing, cloud cover and even earthquakes. Which of course was our focus of that day. We've always known that certain places on Earth have had mini-quakes, however according to this map, there is some shaking going on almost everyday. Even in Arkansas! Yes, my home state has been vibrating lately which is quite surprising. It's even beginning to hit the internet news, which I already knew because I've been looking at this map for the last few days. It's quite a show to see. Lots of dots peppering the map documenting the last quake. I guess it just goes to show you that the Earth is not done growing. Crazy, man. If you want to have a look see for yourself then check out intellicast.com. Pretty cool stuff. elizinashe

Just Blogging

2011-02-08T16:03:00.003-05:00

Blah, blah, blah... want to write but don't have too much to say. Cobwebs in the brain. So Christina flubbed the National Anthem at the Superbowl. Big whoop. She's human leave her alone. Stop beating this story into the ground. The Black Eyed Peas sucked. I think they sound a lot better in the studio vs. a live performance but that's just me. Bring me some Dave Matthews to bring the house down. His band would just play their hearts out instead of having so much hoopla dancing around the stage. Of course I'm slightly partial to Dave....oh well.

Chilly, blue skies today with snow in the forecast. "Yea" I say with a sarcastic tone in my voice. I've had enough! Not much use in taking pictures because bleak, leafless trees just aren't attractive to me. Greenless mountaintops are beginning to be depressing. Sick of winter. At least I'm not living in Chicago or up in the northeast somewhere. Sheesh! I would have gone plumb crazy by now.

Sick of cooking and trying to keep healthy meals around on a small budget. Cooking for one totally sucks. Sick of my 'standards' and sick of soup. Singlehood is beginning to suck big ones. I miss coming home and sharing my day with someone. Jealous of my friends who have that in their lives and their weekend getaways to happier places. Why can't I be one of those people? I am happy for my friends who have that something special in their lives but now it's my turn don't ya think? Yes, it's a pity party for me....hahahaha.....

Work continues to be screwy. I want to update my resume in hopes of being placed somewhere else without taking a cut in pay. I still miss bartending sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could find a part-time gig somewhere to help supplement my income. Stranger things have happened....I guess I should be careful of what I ask for, eh?

I will know in March whether I will be accepted into the nursing program here. Keep your fingers crossed. I will certainly be happy and probably cry a good bit if I do get the 'green light' and then the panic will ensue. The idea of it all gives me hope but it also terrifies me. I pray that the money Gods will bless me to help pay for it all and my bills to keep me housed. One of my co-workers paid nearly $1200 for one book. That's nearly one month's of bills for me. Sheesh! I'd have to go puke after I pay for all my books. Sad that getting an education costs so fucking much these days. What does the future hold for our children when it comes to paying for school? Scary.

Okay, so that's it. I blogged. End of story. elizinashe.

Grrr!!!!

2011-01-17T22:14:00.003-05:00

This picture cracks me up. I stole it from a friend who had also stole it from one of his friends. Sometimes thieving can be fun. I'd like to have my own set of these bunnies. I see some online shopping in my future.

Not much else to brag about. Just sloshing through the melting snow these days and getting mentally prepared for the next wave of winter weather because we all know that's it's not over. (sigh.) If I were a rich woman I'd be planning an island vacation right now. Maybe next year. My toes cannot wait for that first warm day so they can be naked again.

Other quick topics for reading pleasure:

Hecubus-he's such a good kitty despite the way he treats visitors. He's got it made living with me and he knows it. He's all about the flannel sheets on the bed and has even propped himself amongst the pillows while he buries the rest of his body under the covers when I'm not there. Maybe he's evolving into a human. As I try to fall asleep, Hecubus will get all up into my shoulder area to cuddle and stretch his front paws around my neck and into my hair to keep his paws warm as if I am his personal muffler, while his whiskers tickle my face keeping me awake. That's all fine & dandy but their will come a day when I have my own personal bed warmer/muffler to cuddle with and Hecubus will not be happy about that! Gentlemen be warned! He will protest and make noise as he has done in the past. Funny how pets can be sometimes.

The Golden Globes & impending Oscars-I've always liked watching award shows such as these. Even the Grammy Awards which involves music but that's not so surprising if you really know me. I like to see how far the emcee is going to push the monologues and other introductions. I like seeing who's wearing what and live vicariously through the glamor. I've always wanted to throw an Oscar party with my guests dressed up like the stars, serve drinks and snooty appetizers. I think it would be fun to have my guests fill out ballots to vote on who they think will win and have party favors for those who guessed the right winners. I even have a plan to ensure that the nominated movies can be seen first before the big event. Perhaps that can be my creative endeavor for this coming year....

Mom & Dad-things have been well. Last year was certainly difficult for both but it seems that my dad is settling into a different life fairly well. He even drove with his brother up to Colorado for my cousins wedding. Why those two opted to drive from the deep heart of Texas where my uncle lives all the way up to the Rockies is beyond me. The drive was very long but I guess it gave them some good bonding time. I'm really glad that my dad went out on this adventure. He still asks me about mom when we talk and I know he still loves her but at least he's moving on in small steps. I guess that's a good thing. I just thankful that he's in a better space.

So that's about it ya'll. What's new in your corner of the world? elizinashe

Snowy Adventures

2011-01-11T17:09:00.003-05:00

I woke up Monday morning to about 8 inches of snow in my yard with more snow to continue throughout the day and possibly into Tuesday depending how long this winter storm was to linger. The weathermen had predicted this storm to come through early enough which allowed time to prepare and slam the grocery stores along with every other idiot. I was especially grateful that I was not scheduled to go back to work until Thursday of this week which meant I didn't have to go in early for my shift nor did I have to sleep on the unit when they called a mandatory code for staff to stay. Woo-hoo!

After a nice sleep I got my priorities in order and began some household duties, grocery store items, gas in the car and ice melt on my porch. I was ready. Once Monday came around all I had to do was shower, get dressed and relax. Some people like to go out & play after a big snow and build a snowman. Others drive up the mountain to do some skiing and snowboarding. Brave ones go out & drive around town looking for open restaurants & bars. For me, I just like to hang out at home and play around in my tiny little kitchen cooking up warm, comfort foods and enjoy a really nice meal. (paired with a glass of wine of course.)

So far I've had tomato-zucchini soup (which actually came from Whole Foods) with a turkey sandwich, leftover curry which I did make and last night's fare was a salmon pinwheel with asparagus and some risotto. Tonight is a new recipe to test which I'm pretty excited about. Laugh all you want. Testing out something new in my kitchen has always brought me joy. Yes, I'm a foodie but in a good way. I've got a pot of Lentil Chili simmering away on my little stove and the aroma is warm and comforting in this little house. Can't wait until it's done. Tomorrow will be some good old-fashioned Jambalaya. I already cooked up the anduille yesterday so I'm one step ahead. Yes, I could have made my own snowman in my yard but spending time in my neglected little kitchen has given me more happiness than being outside in the freezing cold. And the beauty of all this cooking is the leftovers which I will happily take to work this weekend and enjoy my self-induced cooking slavery over the last 3 days. I might not be so lucky to be at home for the next snow storm so I plan on enjoying every creation that comes out of my kitchen. Bon Appetite! elizinashe

2011

2011-01-06T12:34:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

The ringing in of the new year brings new resolutions, promises to keep, goals to achieve, fresh attitudes and new fears. I'm not one to make resolutions however I usually make a list of things that I wish to 'happen' or bring into my life for the coming year. I've decided to adjust my attitude and just let go of the negative crap in my life that seems to infiltrate my being. Some things I cannot change but I can change the way I handle all that negativity. It does nothing but bring me down and I'm tired of feeling crappy. Not that this whole past year was bad but I allow the 'bad chi' to dictate a little too much. Not anymore.

Getting back on the exercise wagon is on the agenda as well. I have a great treadmill that I bought 6 months ago for a whopping $25 that has done nothing but collect dust. Hmmm.....I hate to dust, therefore maybe I should start using it more so the dust won't have time to settle. Seems that simple, eh? I did sign up for some personal training classes this past summer and really enjoyed it for the most part but my budget just would not allow for it so I dropped out. It was a great outlet and gave me some confidence back that my former body strength hasn't completely gone out the window. But I still need to get back into the groove of a healthy lifestyle. I miss being sore from a good workout. It was proof that I was challenging my body again and burning up the fat and regaining my muscles. I want that again. I'd rather complain about how sore I feel than how fat I feel.

It's so very hard to stick to plans such as this. Although this is just a sliver of what I hope to accomplish for the year I don't want to lose my motivation. It's all too easy to fall off the radar and give up. How many resolutions have you started and completed? Easy to say, hard to do. However, if you allow the negativity to bring you down then you will fail. I think one key is to find your cheerleader to help keep you motivated. Have a cheerleader to remind you of what your goals are and remind you of how much you are loved. A little encouragement can go a long way. My cheerleaders are spread out across the globe but at least I have cheerleaders.

So my readers, what are some of your goals for 2011? What do you want to happen for you this year? Yes, some things you will not be able to change and yes you will get discouraged, however you still have the power to make this year what you want it to be. 2010 pretty much sucked and I'm glad it's gone. I refuse to allow all things negative and negative people to bring me down. Bring it on I say and let's get on with it! elizinashe

Christmas

2010-12-27T14:51:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas Everyone! ( two days late that is...)

The holidays can be a pit of a bittersweet time for me. I do like Christmas for the most part but there are elements about the holidays that make me a little blue. I was blessed to spend some time with a good friend the weekend before Christmas, take a few holiday themed pictures and have a feast with my mother and some of her friends. I have received many holiday cards, gift baskets, holiday presents in the mail and hooked up with some of my former bar guests for a few drinks. It just wouldn't be the holidays without meeting up with the old Depot crew. There was just something about that place. And then the weekend came....

I was schedules to work Christmas Eve & Christmas day with the loom of a Christmas snow. Working Christmas eve was just another day but a bit more relaxed and coming home was quite calming. Almost too calming. It was eerily quiet outside and a bit warm considering we had snow on the way. But that is when we usually have the biggest snow. The 'calm before the storm' so to speak. Christmas morning was cold, quiet & clear. Then the snow came at 8 o'clock that morning and did not stop. And it kept coming, as well as the 'call ins' at work. By 1:30 that afternoon the entire 3-11pm shift had called in. Those of us that were working that day knew what was to come. Nobody was leaving. The mandatory severe weather code was called two hours later and the whole hospital was under 'house arrest'. haha...thank God I packed a bag for an overnight stay 'just in case'. Last year taught me a lesson. Even though I was schedule to be off for Sunday thru Wednesday, I still had to stay to ensure staffing for the next 48 hours. That's just hospital policy. No use in bitching about it. You're just stuck.

It would have been nice to be at home with the snow and have the opportunity to take some Christmas snow pictures but being stuck at work turned out to be just fine. We got free meals plus got some incentive pay for sleeping over. Not only did I get holiday pay for my waking, working hours, I got paid $8.33 an hour for the 12 hours I was not working. Wish I could get paid to sleep more often! I worked again the next morning, wearing my blue jeans and hair pulled back in a mess. I didn't care nor did management. I was given my golden ticket by 6pm Sunday night and packed up my gear and made my way home to 8 inches of snow and a very happy kitty. My house is a mess from boxes, junk on the coffee table, dishes in the sink and balls of cat hair in the corners of my floor. I have no plans to go anywhere today and very little ambition to clean up the house. I'm just enjoying the quiet time in my little house and making sure that my squirrels are tending to their food that I put out today. The 'Christmas Snow Crisis' kept me from being too emotional and depressed this year and that's a good thing. Sometimes the little distractions come in big packages. This year it came with a holiday snow. And that was all okay by me. elizinashe

A New Decade

2010-12-03T22:04:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday. Woo hoo yea me! And so begins a whole new decade of self-discovery. As a good friend had put it, I am celebrating the 10th anniversary of turning 30. hee-hee. Clever, eh?

The whole 'turning 40' thing really hasn't bothered me. I don't even feel 40 nor do I look like it. When I realized months ago that I really was going to be 40, I thought about organizing, planning and throwing myself a party like so many others have as well as some of my other girlfriends have done, but my forte is not planning ahead nor being organized. I really didn't want to spend my evening mingling around to entertain my guests nor did I want to bar hop all night doing shots everywhere I went with a bunch of other women. I do not need to prove my age nor do I need to prove myself of anything to the young 20-somethings that do go out and bar hop doing shots everywhere they go. Besides, the most important people that I wanted to spend my birthday with all live out of state across the country. Trying to get people to fly in for a birthday would require a lot of planning and money especially since my birthday falls betwix holidays. But I have had the satisfaction that all my peeps from across the map have called, sent cards & emails and messages which makes me feel just as loved as if they were here in person.

I have spent my birthday recovering from an outpatient surgery that I had done yesterday and having a new set of tires put on the car. Sounds stimulating I know but to me it's just been another day. It just happens to be my birthday. The last 3 days have been quite lovely to be honest. I met my mother Wednesday evening for a pre-birthday dinner. We went and had some indian food and then came back to my place for the night. (She spent the night with me since I was not allowed to drive on the day of my surgery.) One of her friends sent me a birthday gift basket filled with tea, fuzzy socks, a variety of homemade tartlets, and some lavender to make sachets from the seeds. What an angel she is! So far I have had 4 cups of herbal tea and 3 tartlets: one blueberry, one apple and tonight was cranberry. I have one more left but I do not know yet what flavor it will be. I have yet to peek.

I truly can't complain about my birthday. Yes, I thought about having a big 'throw down' and taking a bunch of drunk pictures but to be honest I've had a much better time keeping this birthday on the 'down-low'. This week has truly been a very busy one so having the quiet time for me has been fabulous. I'd rather have small 'throw downs' with my friends who live across the country and celebrate in small ways than have one big meaningless hoo-ha. And having that time with my mom was pretty cool, too. I am truly blessed and loved and that's all I really wanted for my birthday. So here's to another decade of self-discovery and lessons learned. Let's all enjoy the ride. elizinashe

Ugh!

2010-11-30T20:08:00.000-05:00

Why is it that the little things piss you off so much? I'm having trouble getting the template page to load on my screen so I can make some changes to my page. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong but it's pissing me off regardless. I want something new for this creature called a blog that I started a few moons ago. So why am I having troubles? I certainly don't think it's my new virus program that's blocking stuff. It just seems to be in a stuck mode when I click on the template tab with a series of dots lighting up in a sequence. Pain in the ass....

It's been raining all freaking day here. Sometimes it's been quite a downpour. My landlord just texted me saying to keep an eye out for any ceiling leaks. He's done this before when we've had lots of rain but it kind of pisses me off too. Shouldn't he be the one to make sure that the roof is safe and has passed a building code of some sort? Especially when I've paid rent already for the coming month like I always do? Jackass....I won't even begin to discuss his leaf blowing capabilities. Or shall I say a lack of capability.

I have the same back tire patched twice and the other rear tire patched once. Apparently I ran over a bed of crapped out nails and a bolt or two. Lucky me. I'm pretty sure I picked these scrap pieces of metal driving through a construction zone near the hospital as I was on my way to the community college to talk to an advisor. However it was discovered during my last patch up which was the day before Thanksgiving that I have some 'dry rot' going on in my tires and that I should replaced them soon before I have a blowout. Well, crap. There goes more money out the window. But I will say this last set served me well. They are about 5 years old so I guess I got some pretty good mileage out them. It just sucks that monetary emergencies happen around the holidays.

I have some outpatient surgery early Thursday morning. It's a necessary procedure and I wanted this done before the end of the year since my health insurance is going to change January 1st. I will lose some of my money in my healthcare savings account. Only half of it will roll over. But I'm not looking forward to getting up at the crack of dawn without my morning coffee and makeup is not allowed. Not even foundation. I'm a pretty self-conscious person when it comes to my naked face. And I am an absolute bitch without my morning fix. I'm not looking forward to being sedated. I haven't been 'put under' since I had my wisdom teeth pulled and that was 20 years ago! I woke up puking from that. I sure hope that I get a puke free dose of anesthesia. And a nice cup of coffee upon revival.

And to close on a different note, I heard a Stevie Wonder song today which included the lyrics "Look at the clouds in the sky/They seem so happy now", or something like that. My question is how would he know? He's blind. (was that too ugly?). haha.....so what's new in your world? elizinashe

Quick Topics

2010-11-21T19:35:00.003-05:00

There has been less drama lately which is a good thing. The drama that was swirling all around me wasn't even my drama however it still infiltrated my world. So glad it's gone for now. Work is still a mess but at least I have a job. But I'm feeling the 'burnout' pretty heavily. The only thing that keeps me going is the routine and working with really good co-workers. I just want to get through my coming work week and think ahead later. Sure wish I could take a little vacation and get the hell out of town. Maybe after the new year.....

So the future King of England is engaged. This is certainly big news. I'm not much of a royal watcher however this is the opportunity that the Royal Family has been looking for to re-establish the glory of the monarchy. I remember watching Charles & Dianna getting hitched on the television. It was a hugely global event. This up & coming marriage will certainly be an equivalent. And if it is televised like his dear mother's nuptials were then I too will watch the big shabang. How could I not?

The holidays are fast approaching. Halloween wasn't even over when I first saw the Christmas chaos begin to appear in the stores. It seems that the marketing comes sooner every year. I find it a bit disgusting. Some stores are already opening early prior to Thanksgiving Day enticing shoppers to open their wallets. Some places are opening at midnight on Thanksgiving so jumpstart 'Black Friday'. Other stores are opening as early as 4am. That's just gross. I think it's sad that as a country we are so selfish and material that we would choose to rush the stores before the crack of dawn just so you can save 20% on an item that you or your children really don't need instead of spending that time with your loved ones and creating meaningful memories. There is not a single thing on the market that I would want that badly that would make me get out of bed and battle other shoppers. Nor would I get out of bed to buy said items for loved ones b/c if that's all they cared about then I don't need them in my life.

So that's about it folks. There is always much more to gripe about but I just won't go there. I'd much rather use my evening to vegetate on the couch and ignore the dishes in my sink for a little bit longer. elizinashe

Exciting Update

2010-11-10T11:42:00.002-05:00

Blah, blah, blah, boo-hiss, cough, hack,hack, stuffy sniffle, sneeze three times well crap, ugh. Crapola, drama, drama, drama, beeep, beeep, beeep don't want to, stagger, fumble, perkolate ahhh.....squeak, squeak warmth, don't want to get out. Pack, dress, brrrr!!!! Dark, bleary eyed, shuffle, shuffle, click & pull, oh geeze.....seriously? Gripe, laugh, gripe, laugh. Curse, expletives, hit, kick, code gray, what the fuck? Adrenaline pumping, pissy mood, here we go again. Gossip, bitch, gossip, bitch, roll your eyes. Heads butting, staff irritable, crisis pay, worn out, seven o'eight is the magic number. Smoke, headlights on, stumble home. Drop bags, find ugly clothes, ring, ring, beep, beep, beep 'Call Me!', yak, yak, yak, drama, drama, drama, shut the hell up. Dishes, laundry, dishes, laundry, pack lunches. Beep, beep, beep, ignore, ignore, ignore. Pop, gurgle, gurgle, splash yum. Just a little more. Flick and smoke. Purr, purr, coo. Dave. So what's new with you? elizinashe

Happy Fall Ya'll !

2010-10-24T19:46:00.003-04:00

Well October has been a crazy month to say the least and it's not over yet! This past month has been so hectic that it has hindered my creative writing skills but I have found time to shoot a few pictures here & there for my creative outlet. I think that has been one of the few things that have kept me sane.

Work has been super wacked out. I can't wait for the smoke to clear. I blame it on poor management, lack of communication, poor parenting, lack of community resources and the changing of the seasons. Somehow Mother Nature always tends to effect us humans. You would think it would be a time of good change and settlement but sometimes change means a huge shake up in a chaotic way before it settles once again. As long as I have some wine I think I will do just fine with whatever change flies my way. haha....

The good thing about the fall season is warm, comfort food. Hearty soups speckled with beans & veggies, root vegetables like butternut squash and sweet potatoes, lima beans, green beans and garlic-laced bread. Funky hot teas and grilled turkey sandwiches. New soup recipes to try and old crock-pot favorites. Coming home to a dinner that awaits your arrival and the smell of good food wafting throughout the whole house with a warm kitty in your lap while you check your email. That kind of stuff is hard to beat after a long day of work.

You haven't been a true pet owner until you have taken a bag of poop to the vet for inspection. And when that happens you automatically keep inspecting the bathroom habits of your pet for follow up. It's humiliating enough when you as a human to 'pee in a cup' for your doctor but I think you reach a whole other level when you take a flashlight to inspect pet poop for further illness or signs of recovery when problems arise.

Unconditional love. I saw a man feed his wife this evening. She was in a wheelchair and clearly had been a victim of a stroke or a brain injury of some sort. She was mentally alert and oriented but her hands were feeble & postured. She tried to hold her fork all on her own but it became a tedious task and relented on relying on her husband to continue to feed her. And he did it with patience and love in his eyes. It made me teary eyed to say the least and comforted in knowing that real love still exists even in old age. It gave me a lot to think about, both good and bad. I just hope that I can be that lucky one day regardless of my health.

So there you go folks! That's it in a quick nutshell. I hope you find time to enjoy the little things of your fall season. elizinashe

10-10-10

2010-10-10T19:21:00.005-04:00

There's been a big buzz over today's date. Depending on your take of the matter it's either a good karma day or it's the end of the world. I myself have taken the more positive side of the matter. So on that note here are a few things that I hope that this day will bring to me in the near future.

I wish to lose 10lbs. I wish to increase my income tenfold. I wish to have a more stable career and move on with my nursing school wishes. I wish to travel more and see my loved ones near & far more frequently. I wish to see more concerts, gather more loving and creative friends and take more pictures to document it all. I wish to become a better writer and a better person. I wish to be more patient and less negative. I wish to gain more confidence, strength and wisdom and release all my anger issues so I can move forward in life with purpose. I wish to laugh more and worry less. I wish for color, flowers and great coffee. I wish for more stability and the feeling of being calm. I wish to quit smoking and have a peace of mind. I wish for good health and less tumors. I wish to play all things Rachmanioff and have front row tickets to a Dave Matthews concert and meet him in person. (although I'd probably pee in my pants if I did meet Dave.) I wish to hike more and cook fabulous dinners. I wish for a peace of mind for my father and comfort for my mother. I wish for prosperity for all my loved ones and a strong economy for our country. I wish for doggie kisses and kitty purrs. I wish for children to never know hate and only love. I wish for pride and acceptance for all peoples. And I wish for a funky, loving home of my own so I can share all of my wishes with all my peoples.

So there you go folks. Just thought I'd throw that out there to the universe. I hope your 10-10-10 day brings you much happiness and all good things to come. elizinashe

A Tragic Epidemic

2010-10-08T16:37:00.005-04:00

I have been mortified by all the recent news of all these suicides due to bullying. It makes my heart break and leaves me disgusted. There should be harsh consequences for bullying. Clearly not enough has been done. We have lost many young lives and for what? What is wrong with our school leaders? What is wrong with our communities? How in the hell can a bully feel good about being so mean that it leads to a suicide? What is wrong with our kids today?

We have lost many young teens because they were different, odd, disabled, gay or just plain 'not cool'. We have lost bright minds, loving hearts and gracious spirits. There is absolutely no need for this nonsense. How did our kids become so hateful? There was a 16 year old girl in Ohio that committed suicide because she couldn't take it any more. According to the story the girls who were responsible for the bullying even giggled at her casket. That's just plain disgusting. My stomach turns at the thought of those girls and makes me want to vomit. I can't imagine what the victim's family is going through. This is the 4th suicide for the same school in two year's time. Now that's really fucked up!! And all 4 suicides were due to bullying. One suicide is bad enough but four? Seriously folks, something's got to change! If children are our future of the world then what kind of world will we be living in if we allow bullies to continue to ridicule others to the point of suicides? I hope to God that with the recent rash of bullying related suicides that there will be a fire alit world wide and that our leaders will make some harsh laws against this hateful behavior. There is absolutely no reason for this to happen. Something's got to change. I don't think a parent should ever have to say their child died because they were being bullied and decided to take their own life. That just ain't right folks. elizinashe

Quick Stabs

2010-10-05T16:36:00.004-04:00

Don't know much about pink elephants however if you're seeing pink hippos then you may not be as crazy as you think. The real thing was accidentally discovered in Kenya this past week hanging close to it's mother and the rest of the neighboring hippos. Too cute, eh? It's not a form of albino-ism but a leucistic gene expression. Never heard of that before but whatever. Apparently pink hippos have been seen before but on very rare occasions being that it is a rare gene mishap. Just goes to show you that Mother Nature is full of surprises.

I popped into Best Buy yesterday in hopes of finding a cd that I've been wanting to add to my collection of other cds that I already have. I hadn't been in Best Buy in a very long time and was quite surprised at the changes. In the past when you walk in you have the typical displays of this and that but beyond those displays there were rows and rows of cds along with a row of 'hot new releases'. I used to wander up & down those isles picking through the masses of music and finding new & old treasures to take home. But yesterday I saw a very compact area of cds. It made me very sad. I think there were about 5 short isles of music that were compressed into a small floor area instead of it's original center floor area. I guess the digital download days have hurt cd sales and the need for that shiny disc is no longer. I supposed it's the sign of changing times. I wonder what's gonna come next.

The weather has changed enough that I started to go through my summer time clothes and began to set them aside and pull out some more fall-to-winter wear. I fail to remember how much crap I really do own and how much of it that I really don't wear anymore. I found two pairs of pants that were hiding on my clothes rack which one of them still had the tags on it. It was one of those things that girls say to themselves ' I'll wear it someday'. And of course, that 'someday' never really comes. I also found some nice tops that I have saved for that 'nice night out' which again has not happened. There's always an opportunity to create a 'nice night out' but I still prefer my blue jeans and my favorite sweater. Besides, last winter was way too cold to wear sparkly tops and a pair of heels. However the majority of us girls tend to buy clothes that we never wear and save clothes that just don't need to be saved because we always find something better or on clearance that we justify in purchasing. Why we do this is beyond me. It's part of our charm I guess. On the flipside of it all, I have weeded out the unnecessary items and I have a bag to take to Goodwill. I do believe I'm getting better at letting go of clothes that I haven't worn in years however I hear that there's a huge sale going on at the mall. When is payday again? elizinashe

Rainy Day Sunday

2010-09-26T20:30:00.005-04:00

I started my morning hearing the pitter-patter of rain hitting my roof while I was tucked away in my bed. I had a great sigh of relief knowing that I didn't have to get up for work so I rolled over and allowed the rain to lull me back to sleep for a few more hours. It was one of those early fall moments that rejuvenates my soul. When I did decide to join the living I merged into my morning routine of coffee and internet news with some quiet music and a cat in my lap. Although I had many tasks to tackle before I jump back into work week and had potential plans with a friend, I was in no great hurry to get everything done by noon. The season clearly dictated a 'me day'. And it has been totally worth it. Tasks have been completed, potential plans rescheduled, and work mode meals ready. I made a nice dinner this evening paired with some wine, popped in a good movie and planted myself on the couch with the sound of more rain coming in through the windows. Time well spent. Not too bad for a Sunday, eh? elizinashe

Random Update

2010-09-08T13:18:00.003-04:00

So I was going through one of many boxes of books that I have collected and no longer need. One of those books came from some guy that was wooing me when I lived in Arkansas. It's an early 1900s book on the history of Ireland. Why he gave me this particular book is beyond be, I guess he thought I wanted to touch base with the minute Irish heritage that runs in my veins. I also found in this book the 3 or 4 'love notes' he left me on the bar napkins when he came in at various times. He was quite the romantic. Rhymes & romantic 'put you up on a pedestal' type of phrases. Clearly I kept it for the momento factor but I never went out with this guy although I clearly remember that time of my life. He even brought me a huge chunk of rock that was embedded with crystals. I still have that too. It currently rests in my rockwork as I enter my front porch. I am certain that this guy was relatively harmless and maybe a bit too romantic for my taste but he became a little too pushy for me which I didn't like. I was also still reeling from a really bad breakup earlier that spring and was quite negative about dating and suspicious of this guy as well. He soon dropped off the radar which was fine by me. I ended up dating another guy a couple of months later which was way better for me anyway. The second guy was a wonderful stepping stone back into the relationship world and helped heal my heart. But like a fool, I broke off that relationship to pursue a dream a few months later and chose not to bring him along with me. Sometimes I regret that but I believe it would have ended anyway and that would not have been fair to bring him along when I knew I had to stand on my own two feet again. Funny how one box of books brings back a chain of events that happened in your life.

We all know how much our environment has changed over the years. There has been much speculation and experimentation done on how all these changes has affected our well-being and quality of life. There have been suspicious links to the chemicals that we put on our growing food and supplements that we give to livestock to our over-all health, ADHD in our children, Autism, cancers and a damaged planet. I do believe there is some truth to all this hypothesizing. And of course all this stuff will have a domino effect and rubs off on Mother Nature and all it's creatures. Case in point: I have had some bird poo on my windshield for over a month now. I have washed my windshield many, many times as I'm driving down the road. We have even had some rain yet it still remains! Granted it's not as 'thick' as it was before but this stuff won't come off! I washed my car on Monday and I'm talking about the high-powered blast off all the dirt & grime soapy wands and a thorough rinse and it STILL was there!!! Now that's some toxic bird shit. Clearly the changing of the environment and food chains have had an effect on our little friendly chirpers. You think we could harness all that bird poo and make into a form of fuel to run our vehicles? If bird poo is going to last that long on a windshield even after many washes then it certainly can make an efficient fuel for our future. Forget methane, I vote for bird poop!

Labor Day has come & gone and September has arrived rather quickly it seems. It's dark now when I leave for work. The early mornings are cool and quiet and it's beginning to feel like fall is around the corner. The oak tree above my bedroom constantly rains acorns sometimes waking me up in the night with a fright. My walkway to the front door is speckled with fat, green acorns along with a few random leaves. Yep, fall is a-coming. I will soon be exchanging my spicy sandwich wraps & salads for hearty soups and roasted root vegetables. No more naked toes and sandals. Back to my favorite clogs, wool socks and heavy blankets. No more pictures of flowers and sunny skies. Time to slow down and regroup. I look forward to this fall season and I hope it will be a nice, lingering fall. It will give me time to slowly unwind from life and plan for a new future. Yes, I plan to turn over a new leaf. haha...couldn't resist that one. Perhaps I will come up with a plan to harness all the bird poop and turn it into a green source of renewable energy. ;p elizinashe

Random Stuff

2010-09-02T20:31:00.005-04:00

I love salads. Big, fat jumbo bowls of greens, red onions, funky cheeses and funky dressings. Chicken, steak, salmon, beans, sprouts, veggies, avacado, mango, croutons-whatever, I say bring it on ! Now I'm not talking about your typical 'house salad with ranch dressing'. ( or as they say down here in their southern jargon, 'rainch') Yuk. How boring. I like exploring the world of mixed greens and topping it off with nuts & berries dressed in a funky vinegarette that stands out from the norm. I have a variety of dressings in the fridge that I like to try at home but nothing seems to equate the loveliness of a restaurant's own creation. It's a continual journey of mine, experimenting with store bought dressings and recipes to create my own. My newest fave was a white wine lemon vinegarette that I tried on vacation. I found one bottle of a champagne lemon variety that was close but no cigar. But I keep eyeballing the dressing isle at the store just in case something new comes up. It's a never ending obsession. I guess there could be worse things to be obsessed about.

I have two girlfriends who are both in their early 50s who are fighting amongst each other about some loser guy. Seriously! Apparently Girl #1 has/had a crush on this one dude for sometime now and claims she has said something about it to Girl #2 in which Girl #2 claims that Girl #1 never did. So the dude took an interest in Girl #2 and has been calling her and has taken her out a couple of times and now Girl #1 is pissed at her friend Girl #2 for doing so and has been acting ugly towards Girl #2 and has told her that she (Girl #1) does not want her (Girl #2) to go out with this guy. OMG!!!! Is this junior high school shit or what? And guess who gets to listen to Girl #2 gripe about all this shit? Girl #3 aka Switzerland aka me. I don't give a fuck! Work it out amongst yourselves. I have enough drama and stress of my own and I surely don't want to be pulled in the middle of this shit. And I can guaran-dam-tee-you that if Girl #1 never said diddly squat to Girl #2 about her crush for this guy that Girl #2 would not be interested in dating this man. Girl # 2 just doesn't want to be told what to do. How mature is that? I wish my really close girlfriends who currently live out of town/state lived closer or I had more money to travel so I can go visit them b/c we sure as hell never had stupid, immature drama like this.

On a lighter note, I've been practicing my piano music a lot more lately. I've been tweaking up my Gershwin Preludes and Rachmanioff's Prelude in G Minor. Dang how I love them both. And I really LOVE Rachmanioff altogether. Just listening to his music gets me all excited that I sometimes cry. Not in a sad way but in an excited state of mind way that I wish I could play all things Rachmanioff. This particular prelude is difficult but maybe one of the easier pieces to play if you can imagine anything Rachmanioff to be easy. However I can pretty much rock the first page but going into the second page which is STILL the ' first movement' I begin to lose momentum. I forget how tiring playing piano pieces can be. The second movement of this prelude is so beautiful and such a great transition after all the previous chaos and big chords it becomes a relief but then again, the second movement build to the last and most powerful two pages of the whole piece. Dang!!! I feel like I need some ADHD meds to keep my focus just to finish the whole thing. You'd be surprised as to how draining playing a powerful prelude can be. I can see why perfomers who play whole concertos which can last up to 25 minutes usually play just the concerto and drip with sweat as they come to a close. Seriously. It really is taxing on the body & mind but once you come to the big finale there is an awesome feeling of excitement that runs in your veins that nobody can take away from you. It's such a groovy feeling. In my next life I hope to play all things Rachmanioff to which I am certain I will explode from excitement in a spontaneous combustion at the end of a concerto with all my bits splattered on my audience. Now that will be some concert! Better than a Beck/Palin rally don't ya think? elizinashe

I Gots da Blues

2010-08-25T21:27:00.004-04:00

I've been feeling pretty depressed lately. It's been a combination of many things such as work, family, career, unexciting routines finances and probably a little bit of hitting the big 4-0. Laugh all you want. I'm not stressing about turning 40, it's more like I'm not even near where I'd thought I'd be at this age. In fact I'm kind of looking forward to it but there are other personal mile markers that I haven't reached yet and that is what bothers me I guess. But instead of whining about myself I am going to unleash on some other hot topics as of late.

There has been a traffic jam in China that is going on day 11 now, maybe 12 days. Now I have not read the whole story nor do I know how the fiasco started but seriously, how can a traffic jam last that long without a natural disaster being the instigator? Maybe it was a mudslide or something, I don't know. Again, I haven't read the whole story but it sure seems like a doozy of a commute. I think I'd just leave my car off to the side and start walking. And how are the police able to disperse all that traffic? Geeze.....can you imagine a car full of screaming kids stuck in that mess? I would tear my hair out! What a freakin' mess.

The Mosque at Ground Zero. Geeze....do I really want to vent about this? I was pretty outraged when I first heard our President speaking in support of the Mosque being built. I understand that he was in support of freedom of religion and not taking a personal stance on the matter however it did not paint a favorable picture as our leader. Yes, I believe that Muslims have the right to practice their faith in our country as well as other members of varying religions. However, having a Mosque being built so close to where so many of our peoples of all races, creed, religions and faith were needlessly attacked strikes a nerve with me. I think having a Mosque built near Ground Zero is in poor taste. It is my understanding that Muslims in general and Islam does not support nor encourage violence but it still stings knowing that an extremist Muslim group was what made 9/11 a date in history forever branded in our brain. My question is, what if it were an extremist Jewish or even a radical Baptist group that attacked our nation and here years later someone wants to build a Synagogue or a Baptist Church at the same sight. Would we feel just as opposed to the new building or would we be more supportive of 'religious freedom'? Just a thought.

And my favorite, the Duggars. You know, that family up in Arkansas that have 19 children and are open to having more. Are you kidding me?? Seriously! The woman had an emergency C-section due to pre-eclampsia and had the baby #19 three months premature. That baby not so surprisingly had many complications and even though baby is at home now she is still hooked up to monitors and oxygen off & on during the day. What are these people thinking? The mother, Michelle, has been quoted saying that 'children are a gift from God'. Um, honey I'd hate to tell you but God does not impregnate you! You got yourself knocked up! Yes, children are a gift but you had sex and boom! You be preggars. I just can't believe that this couple really wants to have another child. Seriously, this woman's insides are going to fall out and she will be wearing diapers along with her newborn and toddlers. That is if she survives another pregnancy. I find the whole thing disgusting. I say check the woman into a psych ward and let her hormones balance out because clearly being pregnant for the last 20 some odd years has altered her logical mind. It's just gross and that's all I have to say about that.

So there you go my readers. That's all I care to gripe about. Until next time. elizinashe

Bathrooms

2010-08-16T22:10:00.002-04:00

One of my facebook friends made a comment about how Issac Hayes & David Porter where collaborating on a song where the hook "Hold on I'm Coming" was yelled out from the bathroom when one had called for the other and that was the reply as he was finishing his business. I guess it goes to show you never really know how a song is truly written. However all of my 'great ideas' come from the bathroom. Not that I spend a lot of time contemplating life when I'm ' in the john' but the strangest ideas, creative tasks and problems solved come from the most monotonous habits such as brushing my teeth or washing my face. I guess it's all a part of the distraction which allows greater things to come to the mind. Funny to have epiphanies in the most private place in your home.

If you are a pet owner you know what kind of wonderment the bathroom is for your pet, especially if you just walked in it. My former cat Gavin would follow me every time I went to pee. And I followed up with kicking him out and shutting the door as he let out a tiny 'ew' in his cat language & feeling offended. He never got the notion that I wanted to be alone. Why he had to follow me to watch is beyond me. Maybe he wanted to make sure that I was covering my human cat box. My other cat used to watch me take bubble baths. He would sit on the edge and perch while the end of his tail got wet. All I wanted was some quiet time and to chill but he had to inspect what was going on for a few minutes until he got bored. I no longer take lingering bubble baths but he still likes to inspect the bathroom from time to time and jump into the bathtub to lick the water that drips from the faucet. I wonder what goes through their head when they do things like that and what is it that they conclude?

There was a tv show on last week that I reluctantly watched because I had nothing better to do but the whole show was shot mostly in the main character's 'fancy bathroom'. The character had gotten upset about something and remained in her pjs and sat on her lounging sofa in her bathroom which was complete with a ginormous bathtub littered with candles, flowers, a tv, phone, thick and cozy bathrobes and all the other perks while she sipped on her coffee and wine. There was a scene where she was sitting with her girlfriends, who by the way were encouraging her to leave the fancy bathroom and get back into the real world, sipping more wine and having snacks. It was very Seinfeldish. However it goes to show you how luxurious and safe a bathroom can make you feel.

Growing up I knew many mother's who had a house rule that if they were in the bathroom that they were not to be disturbed. It was hallowed ground for a weary stay at home mom and I don't blame them. It was the only place where they could escape loud children, fighting siblings and husbands. Maybe there was a secret martini bar in there. 'Mother's Little Helper' anyone? So what's my point? Nothing really, just random observations. The bathroom is a place for great escape and great ideas. I'm not a mom but I do wish I had a 'fancy bathroom' so I can invite my girlies over for a party. I'm always in the mood for wine and snacks and share epiphanies. Hmm...I feel the urge to go pee now. elizinashe

Impulses

2010-08-08T13:07:00.004-04:00

Are you an impulsive person or do you think out all your decisions? Do you analyze and then think about it some more or do you just go for it? How strong is the Id in you? You know, that inner child's voice that makes you run, that urge of immediate gratification despite the consequences. Or do you listen to that inner parent voice that tells you 'no'. Who wins in your battle of the Id and the Superego?

I know I'm pretty impulsive but mostly it's all withing the normal realm of things. And those moments where it's really over the top I usually recognize it fairly quickly and bring my head out of the clouds. Every now & then I start growing wild hairs and the Id begins to speak and I really start to listen despite the results. My Id is mostly harmless and I weather the waters fairly well whether in outcome is good or bad. However my Id as of lately has been rearing it's illogical head. I have an itch to scratch and I may just scratch it to see where it bleeds.

Now I know it sounds like I'm talking in circles or too many metaphors but I have never claimed to be grammatically correct. (I do believe I made this point in my very first blog entry.) The point I'm trying to make is I'm dying for a change. I'm feeling quite restless & bored with my life. I'm not depressed or anything, maybe a little but I'm just about fed up with the same old shit every day. I am truly grateful for what I have and where I live. I love my job and I love, love, love my co-workers. But something has got to change. I'm heading towards a big burnout and I know if I don't shake things up I'm going to be feeling stuck and miserable. I've been in that dark place before and it wasn't pretty. I don't want to end up there again. There's a part of me that says it's other influences & desires around me and the other part of me says this is what's your supposed to do now. There's a part of me that says you're trying to run away from responsibilities and family strife and there's a part of me that says you're done here, time to move on and start over. The fact of the matter is that I'm bored, frustrated & restless and my Id is starting to speak quite loudly. elizinashe

Zone 5

2010-08-05T14:34:00.004-04:00

I love to travel. I wish I had more money so I could travel even more. I love the hustle & bustle of an airport. I love exploring the terminals and walking to find my departing gate discovering the various eateries and shops along the way speckled with an array of books, cards, newspapers, t-shirts and other over prices souvenirs.

It always reminds me of how many people are on our planet. Business men, soldiers, mommies and their babies, families in shorts & flip flops, happy couples, grandparents, career women, overweight football fans, young 20 somethings, and foreign peoples making their way in a strange land deciphering the English language. So much to absorb for a curious mind.

The only part I do hate is having to wait to board my plane. I'm not a very patient person when it comes to waiting in line. Of course the elderly and handicapped are allowed first which I have no problem with. And of course first class gets all the perks. (sigh.) However, everything else is done in 'Zones'. According to where your seat is corresponds to your zone. I always end up in Zone 5 which is always the last one to be called to board & seat. So while I watch everyone else be called before me I anxiously await for the magic number. I feel so left out. It's like being the last kid called for the dodgeball team. All the cool people get called first. All the really athletic people get called first. All the really smart people get called first. And then all the rejects get called last. No fair! Wouldn't it make sense to load the back of the plane first and then work your way up to the front? Just makes more sense that way to me. Of course the day that I actually get into Zone 1 will be the day they call Zone 5 to board first. Wouldn't that be a twist of fate? One of these days I will be one of the few spoiled to fly First Class and get all the perks and be one of the lucky ones to board first. Which means I've ended up being one of the 'cool kids'. ;p In the meantime I will have to settle as being the oddball and waddle down to the back of the plane with the rest of the rejects. Perhaps I could start a new trend and declare Zone 5 as the eclectic groovy people zone. Anyone want to join my team? elizinashe

In These Economic Times...

2010-07-19T14:33:00.004-04:00

In these economic times many bedding and mattress outlets are slashing prices at a very affordable price tag with little or no money down and low interest rates. Not only will you keep American businesses open, enabling employees to keep their job and their homes you can walk away with a mattress that will assure of you a good nights sleep and support your spine AND you can double the usefulness of your new mattress as the latest haute couture in your town. Now how great is that? You can further your hard earned dollars by multi-tasking your investment. Think about it. You don't have to worry about what you're going to wear in the morning when you go to bed. No more ironing or rushing around to find that perfect matching shirt. Just throw on some trendy jeans and your set! Change your sheets and boom! You've got another outfit! And when you get sleepy all you have to do is just lie down and take a comfortable nap knowing that you will have a soft place to slumber with plenty of support for your back. Goodbye kinks in your lumbar! AND your are automatically protecting your skin from those damaging sun rays therefore limiting your risk of skin cancer. Of course a rainstorm would be a little different however you won't have to lug an umbrella around plus all you have to do is throw your sheets in the dryer and wallah, clean sheets! And don't forget while your sheets are drying you still have that extra set! So you will never be without a new look while you wait! This is a win-win situation folks. Don't hesitate! Run out and get that new mattress and start stretching your dollars! Just doing my part of share penny pinching ideas. ;p elizinashe

Breaking News

2010-07-14T15:02:00.004-04:00

Breaking News Ya'll! Very Important! Stop what you're doing right now and listen up!

Bristol Palin & Levi Johnston are engaged! Woo-hoo!!! Finally their baby will have a proper up-bringing. Apparently after a battle in custody court, the former Playgirl model of the month confessed to his baby mama that he still holds a flame for her and wants to reunite. Oh happy day! This is some big time news ya'll! A true moment in our American history......mark your calendars! Maybe they will televise their nuptials like the Royals did with Charles & Dianna. Tivo here I come!

Oh and have you heard? Brad Pitt has cut his hair AND shaved off his beard. OMG!!! What was he thinking? Angelina will surely be upset and leave him for good with children in tow. But have no fear my pets. He's shooting a new film so the newly shorn & clean cut look shouldn't last long. I'm certain he will go back to his Grizzly Adams look once his film has wrapped up. That's just how Hollywood rolls....you've got to look the part.

And how can we forget poor Lindsey Lohan? Poor, poor thing. She's got to go to jail for a few days b/c she keeps fucking up her court orders. How do you expect a jet setting, world party traveler to show up at court ordered appointments when she's disco-ing the night away in Italy? So sad to see her cry....sniff, sniff. Let me stop a moment to wipe away my tears. I wonder if they will start making 'Free Li Lo' tee-shirts.

Big Score for LeBron James, eh? His story was all over the place. I was really bummed that I didn't get to see the live special revealing who he was signing with. I had to find it all out second hand. (sigh...) I really must get cable soon. He must be really fucking good to earn 14.5 million a year for his first 2 years with Miami. Wow....I wonder where all that money comes from. Certainly not BP.

Forgive the sarcasm folks. (did you really think I was serious?) I just can't believe these are some of the lead stories that I see on the internet these days. It's pretty sad that as a country that we are so engrossed with such trivial crap. Now I like hearing about the trivial crap just like everyone else but it seems so much of our news feed is all about the trivial crap. What I don't understand is how we can pay an athlete a ridiculous amount of money to play a sport yet we have our own peoples who are choosing between a loaf of bread and medicine. Why don't we have the money for our own countrymen? There are children who go without parents, food, shelter and clothing. We have an oil spill that we cannot stop but alternative sources of power and fuel is STILL not a priority. We keep shipping jobs over to foreign countries b/c it's cheaper yet there are millions of Americans out of work. We care more about the lives of movie stars than our own neighbors. The political front is scary. I'm not comfortable with this Tea Party movement. It makes me nervous. Say what you will but the Tea Party stuff reminds me of revolution and rebellion against your own country. Not good folks.

So where do we go from here? What kind of message are we sending to our kids when we focus on movie stars & athletes rather than doing what's right for our country and our future as a whole? What kind of priorities will our kids have in 20 years when they are out in the work force? I'm just saying...it's a scary world out there right now. Perhaps we should look to Mel Gibson for some words of wisdom. Hey does anyone know what Paris Hilton has been up to lately? Just curious.... ;) elizinashe

Back To School

2010-07-13T18:19:00.004-04:00

It's getting close to the 'Back to School' chaos. The stores are promoting fall fashions, slashing prices on swimwear, stocking up on portable water bottles, coffee tumblers, book bags, and bed sheets sets. The Sunday paper store ads are full of trendy new items to dress up your wardrobe, your shoe collection, the bedroom and fun filled dormitories.

My question is what kind of dorms are these college kids getting these days? It seems all the promos for dorm life is setting up your dorm room as if it's a small apartment. Microwaves, futons, computer desks, coffee makers, storage cubes that are about the size of a dresser all in efforts to make your dorm experience festive and filled with friends. HUH? When I went to college we already had a desk area built into the wall with a book shelf with about 3 shelving areas attached to the cement walls. Two beds, a sink area, a small countertop with 6 drawers below-3 drawers for each person and two half closets. It was rather small and quite basic. There was absolutely no room for a microwave nor were they allowed in the rooms anyway. Hot plates were off limits however we could have a small dorm sized refrigerator. But in having the refrigerator sitting on the countertop that took up a lot of space. Decorations were scattered, mostly on the closet door b/c the walls were concrete blocks so there was little chance of nailing any wall art.

So I'm just curious about dorm rooms today. Are they bigger than what they used to be? Have they become mini-apartments so you can spend all your time decorating and throwing all-niters amongst your new furniture, funky art and kitchen gadgets? Seriously...shouldn't our kids be focused on hitting the books instead of the commercialism and gadgetry of dorm life? I'm just saying....college is expensive enough. Why spend extra money to set up a small room that's created to look like a new home? elizinashe

Pictures & Music

2010-07-06T16:01:00.005-04:00

I swear I'm gonna blow up my computer from an overload of saved pictures and music. I can't stop. Is that even possible? I keep adding more and more music to my pute so I can create playlists for friends, family and now for a cheap MP3 player that my mom scored for free. It's my first step towards an iPod. But now my head is a-buzz with what songs I want to add on to this funny little device. I keep finding cds that I haven't loaded up on my computer that I feel I must have on there so I can transfer songs and obtain that perfect mix of music. It's a never ending obsession.

The more photos I take the more I become fixated on getting that one 'money shot' so I can make copies and pass them around. I've already got a series in mind for a small portfolio and mini albums to give as gifts. I tweaked some pics and dug for some old ones and found a wonderful multi-windowed frame for my dad for Father's Day. I spent an entire evening tweaking his project gift. Time will spent. He loved it. He went across the street to his neighbor to show it off. I want to be able to show off all of my good pics. Does that sound so vain? I know my future dollars are going to be spent on my crazed fixations. I guess that's not so bad though....there are other vices I could be spending my money on. I better start saving up for that extra pute, eh? elizinashe

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

2010-06-27T17:40:00.006-04:00

Every year there is an Ugliest Dog Contest. Poor things...the dogs that are entered truly are ugly. The Chinese Hairless Crested is a favored winner however there have been some others that have won the contest. I came across some photos of past contestants and had a great big old laugh at the expense of these dogs. They just don't know how funny looking they are. Some of them look like an overbreeding DNA double helix gone haywire and others look like a science experiment gone wrong. I don't know what the hell this second dog is supposed to be but he looks like something you'd find from the Lord of the Rings. He must have been a rescue dog. But as I have said before I appreciate the ridiculous so it wouldn't surprise me if I acquired an 'ugly dog' for myself. All things need love even if they aren't model perfect or our perception of beauty. Unconditional love my friends, unconditional love.....and a few good laughs. elizinashe.

Computers

2010-06-25T13:27:00.003-04:00

My oh my how dependent we have become on computers these days. I had gotten up early on Wednesday to hit an exercise class. As I was sipping on my morning cup of coffee I turned on the pute in efforts to log on the internet. I kept getting a dialog box telling me that my search engine could not find the web page that normally pops up. Hmm....I kept trying and trying and finally gave up thinking that there was some outage somewhere and that my internet services would boot back up once I returned home from my class. Boy was I ever wrong.

When I returned home I once again tried to fire my computer up. No dice. Ugh! So I call my internet provider calling about not being able to log on. The representative tells me that there is a reported outage and that crews are working on the problem and I should have some services once the work is complete. Ah, relief. At least I knew it wasn't a virus that had shut me down. I was given a call back to let me know that the 'outage' had been fixed and that I should soon be able to connect. That was about 11:30am. I tried to once again boot up about 45 minutes later but to no avail. Now I was getting peeved not to mention impatient. So to make a long story short, I once again called about no services. I unplugged and replugged the modem, turned off the computer, checked my control panel but still no connection. The representative tried to reboot my modem from her end of the line but still.....no fire. I called two more times that day each with a different operator. FOUR TIMES I CALLED!!!!! I was so peeved. The last call (which was after 7pm) finally resulted in a work order being placed. Why this could not have been done on the second call is beyond me. So the last operator I spoke with was going to send someone out the following afternoon. However, I was scheduled to work that day and would not be home at all, so he set the appointment up for Friday morning. So while at work yesterday I hear my phone ring 3 times around lunchtime all around withing a minute or two of each ring. Upon listening to the voicemail after the 2nd call was the service call man at my house wondering why I wasn't there for the work order! UGH!!!! Did I not say the night before that I wasn't going to be home? Jesus....

SO...being more pissed off at lack of customer service I called AGAIN on my break to get this stupid problem fixed. The operator once again apologized(as if that made me feel any better) and reset the work order for today. FINALLY someone showed up at 9am this morning. I so wanted to ask the young man to give me a manager's direct number so I could bitch and gripe. The lack of customer service and proper communication really pissed me off to the nth degree. The real kicker was that is was nothing but a bad modem that had to be replaced. The service worker that had come to do the job was in and out in 45 minutes. This could have been resolved Wednesday morning when I FIRST called!!!! Geeze....what a pisser of an experience. But this experience also led me to another thought.

What ever did we do without computers? Oh yeah, we wrote letters, licked a stamp and mailed it off. We walked the neighborhood and chatted with our neighbors. We went to the pharmacy to drop off our prescriptions and drank a Coke while we waited for our medicine. If you're really from the old school you got an ice cream soda or a sundae. We listened to radio shows and gathered family & friends together to play music and share food. If we wanted to know something we went to the library. Encyclopedia's were a main staple in classrooms and even in some households. We played board games, cards, horseshoes and croquet. We went to church and had picnics in the yard. Have I left anything out? It seems everything we do depends so much on computers and that immediate satisfaction. Yes, computers have been a wonderful thing but sometimes finding an old-fashioned pharmacy that still serves cold soda pops and a long letter in the mail is fine by me. You can't find that sort of nostalgia on the net. elizinashe

Can't Help It

2010-06-20T17:06:00.004-04:00

I just can't help myself sometimes. I came across this picture off the internet and just had to keep my over-the-top fashion gripes alive. Now I know that summer is upon us and the pollen has done its job to make all things bloom but this little clump of crab grass hat it just stupid. Perhaps it's a tribute to all those fathers & husbands who spend an afternoon in sweltering heat doing the lawn duties. I see that the rumors are true and the neon colors of the 80s are making a come back. Yikes! If this model is not careful she could poke an eye out with that hat. I would guess if she were outside a bird might mistake it for a nest and end up pooping all over it, or lay some eggs. Take your pick. Gotta love it. elizinashe

Relationships

2010-06-17T15:04:00.006-04:00

One door closed, another door to open. The man that I had been seeing ended our relationship with me today. I'm really not that heartbroken about it all. Sad yes but devastated no. He is a wonderful guy and I understand why he wanted to end our time. I have no ill will towards him at all. I truly enjoyed just spending time with him and getting to know each other better. We both agreed that it was smart that we didn't rush into a physical relationship so quickly which I guess is a habit for both of us. Although we did talk about having sex and wanted to have sex, we just didn't quite get to that point. It would have been nice to explore that part of 'us' however under the given circumstances I'm glad we just didn't go there. It would have complicated things more so on his end and not on my side of the fence. It was a great stepping stone for me as well as a learning experience. I don't see if as my glass half empty or even half full. I see it as in need of a refill. elizinashe

Ridiculousness

2010-06-16T20:48:00.004-04:00

I've always appreciated all things silly. I think it's a way that I cope with stress and all that other mess that swirls in your head. I'm a big fan of Monty Python movies and their Flying Circus series. I loved catching the re-runs of Fawlty Towers. I love Absolutely Fabulous. I love odd things and inappropriate jokes. I love odd occurances and seeing people wearing odd clothes that just isn't fit for public wear.
I came across a photo op in the women's bathroom where I work. When I saw this toilet I just could not resist in taking the picture. I was too afraid to use this particular toilet but the 'jack' that was supporting the toilet cracked me up. How could I not take this picture. It reminds me of how you put your car up on a jack to change a flat tire. However I did not see anything 'flat' with this toilet but the concept behind it is rather daunting. (Or so I think. ) I couldn't help but laugh and was thankful that something ridiculous came across my working day. I guess the toilet needed some extra support that day. elizinashe

Quick Topics

2010-06-07T11:32:00.004-04:00

Spring: I can't say enough how happy I have been with our bountiful springtime weather. My mood has certainly been lifted compared to our long, strenuous winter. I have become obsessed with my camera and trying to get that money shot of a spider that has taken residence on one of my flowers. I'm loving it. It's a trial & error process but I think I'm getting better at it. Funny thing about it is that I hate spiders. They creep me out, especially the big ones but this long, spindly legged creature doesn't seem to mind having his picture taken, nor does he move very much when I'm near so it allows me some clicking time with my trusty little camera. Once he starts to move my way I'll be running. Eeek!

Dating: I hate the dating world sometimes. I hate the gray area when you're trying to sniff each other out. What I mean by the gray area is those unanswered questions about your target person whom you wish to date. 'Is he or is he not gay?' 'Is he really hitting on me or is he just being really friendly?' 'Should I ask him out or would that be too forward?' 'What if it doesn't work out'? 'Maybe I'm misreading the signals and he just wants to be friends'. 'What the hell?' Too many 'what ifs'. Why can't we just go back to grade school days and pass a note. 'Do you like me? Check yes or no.' ' I like you. Do you want to be friends? Check yes or no.' 'Do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend? Check yes or no.' There's something to be said about the way we went about things in grade school. Do you agree? Check yes or no.

Dad: My parents are getting a divorce. They're both in their early 70s. It's stupid in a way but I understand why. It's been really hard on my dad. He still lives in Arkansas calls me almost daily. When the ball first dropped on the whole divorce thing my dad took it really hard and would cry often. He would reverberate on regrets, changes, hope and other issues. Then he moved on to other topics just to chat. I understand why he calls so much. I've gotten used to it. I think we've talked more often and more intimately the last 8 months or so than we ever have as I grew up. Sometimes I dread the phone ringing b/c I know it's him. I hate being the sounding board sometimes. However I had a sad epiphany one evening after our brief chat that hit me once I pressed 'end' on my phone and set it down. One of these days I'm gonna miss those nitely phone calls from my dad. I guess I should enjoy it while I can no matter how much I want to avoid answering the phone.

Romance: On the flip side of the dating world I have been seeing this one guy that I do know that he likes me. I was hesitant at first, one being that I already knew him from my previous job, and two the fact that he met me & one of my girlfriends one night late in the winter for a nite of music and dancing. Drinks and music always paints a distorted picture sometimes when it comes to romance. We all had such a good time and I had a blast dancing in the wee hours of the night to 80s music. I had my moment of revisiting my college days drinking and dancing until I couldn't stand it any longer. So after that night he would text my girlfriend about me. Stuff like when she & I were going out again b/c he wanted to see me, wanted to know if I was single, he really liked me and so forth. When my girlfriend would tell me this stuff I would just roll my eyes in disbelief. I joked that it was my boobs flopping around from dancing and that it was just a guy thing especially since there were drinks involved. He was just mesmerized in the moment and wanted to get a little lovin' if you know what I mean. I finally relented after a few texts from each other and to make a long story short I have really enjoyed getting to know this guy better. There has been no pressure of a sexual relationship which is nice. We get together for dinner and drinks and just talk. It's a nice change from previous dating experiences. I'm enjoying the courtship of just getting to know one another. And I'm surprised at myself for really liking him. Hmm...we shall see how it all turns out. Nothing wrong with a nice slow romance. And that's all I have to say about that. Happy Spring! elizinashe

Rainy Day

2010-05-31T12:12:00.003-04:00

It's a rainy day Monday. Not that's a bad thing, sometimes it's exactly what is needed to soothe the soul. This past week has been hectic but in a good way. Can't complain. My obsession with spring pictures continues as you can see. I got lucky with this photo that you see here. I won't tell you my secret but I'm just so happy that it all worked out the way that I wanted. All this picture taking has spawned some more creative ideas, one being a really cool photo collage that I made for my dad for Father's Day. I almost want to keep it for myself so I can look at it all the time but I know my dad would really dig it and it would mean so much to him since we are so far apart these days. I think I had the most fun tweaking my little project. It does look pretty damn cool though. I think I've created a new monster within myself. I'm gonna end up spending all my money on pics and frames. Maybe I should turn my little abode into a studio. Haha...stranger things have happened.
elizinashe

Spring

2010-05-17T21:03:00.006-04:00

Spring is just full of surprises to say the least. I've been playing around with my camera a lot more lately which has been pretty cool. Trying to spread my wings out on the creative side. I guess spring has sprung in my head and all that winter clutter is blooming out.

Yet again I did not make the cut for the nursing program for this coming fall however I did make some progress. I am #56 on the wait list for the LPN program which was my 2nd choice. Last year I didn't make any kind of wait list. But things happen for a reason, or so they say. I hope this fall will be better than last year.

I had an old boyfriend find me on facebook a couple of weeks ago. I pretty much ignored the request but I guess he really wanted to 'reconnect' so he sent me a message a few days later. Shocker! So I relented and sent him a message back. It's still kind of weird though. He even went as far as going for a live chat when I was up late one night. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it was him in my chat box. Crazy man. I guess he still thinks well of me after all these years. And speaking of ex's, I've run into 2 other men that I have dated all within this past week. There must be something in the air. I wonder how many other boyfriends will pop out of the woodwork. Sheesh!

The time with my mom and our family friend went very well. It was really good to see Betty. She looks great and is still full of energy and carries a positive attitude. She's still a vivacious lady and loves being a grandmother. It was a good time with very few tears. We all visited again on Mother's Day up at my mom's house. I got some pretty cool pictures of my mother's Rhododenron's including a spider that I found camped out in one of the blooms. Cool, huh?

In the meantime, I've been snapping away with my trusty little camera and loading the pictures up on the pute. I bought some Dahlia's and Petunia's the other day and put them out on this concrete landing I have that leads to the front door. I had fun creating a photo theme with those shots. Gotta love having a digital camera. If you take a crappy shot you can delete it! How cool is that? I almost had the money shot of a ladybug on the leafy part of my Dahlia, but the critter moved too quickly and the one shot that I did get was way too blury. Maybe next time. Well that's about it in a nutshell. More to come later. Happy Spring! elizinashe

More Mind Clutter

2010-05-05T12:18:00.003-04:00

This has been a busy week for me so far. Work has kept me really busy and the household stuff never ends. I could have worked for a few hours today but I'm just too burnt right now to pick up extra money. I've got two more shifts to work before this week ends and then I'm free for a couple more days before the cycle starts all over again. Ugh! Can't wait for vacation.

However going to work keeps my mind off of other things that creep into my head when I'm at home. There's a minute part of me that says I should have gone into work today. My mother's friend should be coming into town and I have plans to see them both this Friday. This is the family friend I talked about in my previous post. Again, I had weird dreams as I was waking up. And again my mom was involved as well as a sequence where I was in San Francisco sitting next to some water watching a snake swim by and then around my leg. EEK!! Don't know what that one was about. Well, I sort of do when I think about it but I will spare you the analysis. The dream about my mother was rooted in her control and trying to but into my life when I don't want her to make choices for me. Now I know that sounds terribly selfish but this tug & pull of ours goes way back. I guess I still have some residual anger about that. She's backed off quite a bit over the last few years which has been really good for our relationship but I guess some things just don't go away when they are burned into your brain.

Another piece of clutter that has been swimming around is that I have an old boyfriend from way back 'friend' me on facebook. What the hell??? This is the guy that was my live-in back in Arkansas about 13 or 14 years ago. Seriously what the hell?? What does he want? The relationship ended very badly. I kicked his ass out which was the best thing I could have ever done. I have grown into a very different person since then and have moved on since those days so why is he looking me up now? It's not that I feel like he's the one that 'got away' or anything, it just reminds me of how self-centered he was and how much he made me feel like shit and insignificant. I could have been bleeding out my eyes and he would have never cared. I did everything. And I mean everything! I worked my butt off. I was the one who paid the bills, cleaned the house, bought the groceries, did the laundry and even went to work an hour early so he could use my car, go back to school and take up a part-time job, and yet he still found time to cheat on me. Asshole! Seriously, what the fuck does he want? I was really messed up in the head for a while after the relationship ended. I really had a hard time trusting men again and feeling confidant in a relationship. (There's a small part of me that still does but that's rooted in another issue. ) So why after all this time does he want to reconnect? The petty side of me wants to ask for his half of all the bills I paid. (haha) The other part of me just doesn't want to know how his life turned out to be. I can almost guess. I've always wished him well but I just don't want to go back to that place where he made me feel so shitty. I have moved on from those days of long ago and I want to continue in that direction. Seriously, what the hell??? elizinahse

Family Friends

2010-04-30T10:52:00.003-04:00

My mother has a long time girlfriend coming into town next week for a visit. I thought she was already here as my mother & I had planned to get together Friday (today ) so we all could visit but I had dates wrong, regardless I will be joining them next week for a gab. However I have mixed feelings about this and I didn't realize how much 'stuff' I had leftover in my brain until I went to sleep last night, or at least attempted to sleep. Some of it was leftover anger and painful memories and the other was the benedryl funk that kept me lazy all day and then perked me up at night.

Anyway, this woman and her husband and fraternal twins were the one constant in our household for get-togethers, cookouts, church stuff and ultimately our rock when my brother died. I was the one who was asked to call Betty that afternoon when we were in the ER after we had gotten the call that my brother was brought into the hospital after he had collapsed at work. We had no idea what was going on or why he was rushed into the ER. He had passed out at work and his co-workers started CPR until the ambulance came and carted him off. The doctors kept telling us that they were doing everything that they could do, trying to revive him but he had not responded to anything. Betty arrived shortly after they told us that my brother was dead. She was the one I grabbed and sobbed into her shoulder after I saw him for the last time.

It was such a long time ago. I don't know if I have truly gotten over my brother's unexpected death. I think I've just learned to live with it. And perhaps ignoring some of the other stuff b/c it's just too damn painful. Betty & her family were the ones who was with us the whole way. That first Christmas after his death was a real doozie. We all went to his grave after the evening church service. That was one of the last times I went to his marker. I just couldn't stand there without falling apart.

The following spring our friends moved to Kansas so her husband could take another job. That was a sad time but understandable. I was pretty close to their daughter Kathy even before my brother had died. We had become pretty close friends and having Kathy around meant alot to me that summer. It really sucked when she moved. Looking back on it all I guess it left me feeling abandoned. And understandably so. My other friends didn't know what to do with me, but hell we were all about 15 years old. How much wisdom do you have at that age?

We kept in touch over the years and made frequent trips to Kansas so we could visit. It was always a good time. Unfortunately Kathy & I became more distant in our college years for whatever reason. We still send birthday cards & Christmas gifts but it feels more like out of habit instead of...whatever it should be. I hear more about her life through the 'mom grapevine' than I do from Kathy herself but I know that's not because she doesn't want to end our friendship, her life has been quite chaotic at times and keeps a very busy job. It's just the way it is I guess. Betty & my mother have remained constant friends and they have a strong bond. They haven't seen each other in over 10 years I guess. I'm really happy for my mother that she will be reunited with a long time girlfriend, she deserves that by all means. And I know I will be happy to see her as well but I'm bracing myself for those bittersweet emotions that will rear it's ugly head. I'm kind of relieved that our reunion isn't happening today. I just don't think I could handle it. Maybe next week I'll have a more peaceful attitude and all those painful memories will melt away with that first reunion hug. elizinashe

Nothing in Particular

2010-04-21T21:10:00.002-04:00

Don't have too much to say. I've had many ideas to post but the beginnings usually come to mind when I lie down for a good night's rest before I must get up. I tell myself that I'll remember when I get home from work the next day and write it all up once I get home but I never really do. Oh well...
But to continue with the Mother Earth blog there have been at least 2 other earthquakes around the globe that have ranked close to 7's on the Rictor Scale along with some sinkholes, more rockslides and something else that I have forgotten but I'm sure that I'll remember the other when I go to bed this eve. haha...
Spring is here and has lifted my mood greatly. I didn't realize how much winter really affected me this year until the sun finally started to stay out later and the trees started to green up. I'm so much happier and less ill tempered at work lately. Must be that vitamin D shining through the skies. ahh....
I 've got a bit of a crush on this guy at work. He works in the EKG department but alas no real date yet. I think he's gay but it hasn't stopped my co-workers from teasing me about it all. I guess I'm getting paid back for all the teasing I've done to them. Turn about it fair play. I really don't see much progress out of this flirtation so it's back to the dateless singlehood. yee-ha.
I went out dancing a few weeks back and man did it feel good!! I actually stayed out until 2am having a few drinks and dancing to some good old-fashioned 80s music. College days revisited. It made me realize how much I really missed being able to stay out late and not having to worry about getting up so damn early for work. It was a really good night for all. I hope to do a repeat when I have an opportunity to do so. Dancing the night away is always good for the soul.
So that's about it. Not going to revamp this post or check my grammar & spelling. Just a quick post about nothing in particular. elizinashe

Mother Earth

2010-03-22T14:26:00.003-04:00

Remember those old 70's Parkay Margarine commercials that ended with the quote "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature" ? Well, looking back at this past season of unusual weather I think we have pissed Mother Nature off.

Our weather here has been quite unusual. We had a very wet winter last year, a wet spring, a rainy summer, a damp fall and our winter season blasted in on December 18th. It's been a helluva ride this year. Saturday was a beautiful 'first day of spring' and yesterday was gray and cold again. Today we've got spotty showers, a chill in the air and some stray snowflakes that melt as soon as they land. Sheesh!

But the weather all across the globe has been unusual. There have been numerous mudslides, many rockslides in our area, a lot of rain followed by flooding & loads of snow. (and I do mean loads!) I think the first snowstorm hit the midwest states before the holidays which shut down many an airport all across the states, stranding many peeps in an airport for days as they were trying to make their holiday mecca. And then the blizzards kept coming. Snow drifts higher than a grown man, numerous power outages, stranded folks and travelers alike and many school days cancelled. And now that winter is slowly leaving the jet streams, the midwest is now battling flood waters again, the northeast got hammered with a pre-spring storm toppling trees and power lines in a 3 state area a couple of weeks ago and my hometown area got slapped with a little more snow just this past couple of days. There have been earth quakes in Hati, Chile, Taiwan, Turkey and a small shaker in LA just last week. (or at least I think it was last week.)

Wow! That's a lot in a year's time. So my question is what did we do to piss off Mother Nature so bad? She must be really mad. Maybe she's going through menopause. Geeze I hope she gets happy again. elizinashe

Time Off

2010-03-21T20:09:00.002-04:00

I took some time off from work this week mostly so I can use some of my PTO and go to a concert without the worry of having to get up at the crack of dawn and work sluggishly for 12 hours. My working environment had been getting on my very last nerve so last month when schedule requests came in for this month I just went ahead and marked this week off so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Although I did not go out of town as most people do when they take PTO I have enjoyed my unplanned week.
It's been a rather productively lazy week. I've met some girlfriends for chicken wings, stayed in my pjs until noon, went to a meeting for a work related school thing, met my mother for lunch, started a Goodwill box, went to see a concert with a girlfriend who treated me to a ticket, started on some paperwork for scholarships just in case I make it to nursing school, spent the first day of spring downtown with another friend and have stayed up late watching tv. All in all it's been a good week. I didn't start everything that I had planned like I wanted but I really can't complain. Tomorrow is another day. I can finish up school stuff and begin that exercise program that I keep promising to start as well as posting more blogs that I have dancing in my head in the wee hours of the night. I have one more night of freedom before I have to get back into the work mode and wake up at the crack of dawn. I can't wait until my next PTO. I have loved this week of random nothingness. It was good for my soul. elizinashe

The Point is Moot

2010-03-10T19:33:00.002-05:00

So I had a nice little post earlier today along with what would be considered a poem to go along with my post. Just some random stuff I had running through my head as the Benadryl was wearing off. But alas, after many attempts for some reason I kept getting some 'unable to post' dialog box saying that something was not readable or something along that lines. I tried many different ways, even starting from scratch and starting all over again but still, it would not allow me to post. Maybe I'm just not supposed to post that particular blog for public viewing. I'm over it now. The feeling is gone. It's a moot point now. Maybe next time. elizinashe.

Fashion Week

2010-02-22T13:56:00.006-05:00

It's Fashion Week Ya'll!! One of my favorite topics to blog. Oh my, isn't this a doozie? Um...what can one say about these two? Apparently a wrap of dead rats around the shoulders and a cube over the head with tattered sleeves is high fashion this year. I may be in luck. I have a lot of clothes with tatters and holes in them. I wonder if pen ink stains is trendy this year. I have those too.

But wait! There's more! Here we have a few other hot items to admire. I spy a Batman fan, I spy a fan of healthy red blood cells, I spy Humpty Dumpty's widow, I spy a terrible drag queen paying homage to Carmen Miranda, I spy a really bad German art flick actor, I spy a sad art house Mickey Mouse Club kid.

Now I know these get-ups are merely just a way of making an over exaggerated statement on how creative each designer can be, however these designers are supposed to be stylists which no matter how over-the-top all this may be, I see no style whatsoever. It just looks stupid and impractical and yet somehow all these get-ups influence the trend on what really will hit the streets for us normal peeps. For those of you who have seen 'The Devil Wears Prada' will remember Meryl Streep explaining to her homely secretary on how one little belt influences on what we buy at Sears. (whatever.) So I'm guessing that the trend will be lots of dark colors, slim fits and strange hats. I guess I better start throwing out all my cheery colors out of the closet. I wouldn't want to be out of style. ;) elizinashe

TMI

2010-02-15T15:44:00.002-05:00

There are some products out on the market that I just refuse to buy. You can find a carrying case for just about anything you want. Money, makeup, lipstick, credit cards, cigars, cigarettes and yes tampons. Give me a break!

Now the last thing I want to 'show' the world as I make my way to the ladies room is that I'm in that 'special place', although there ain't nothing special about it. I don't care how stylish the carrying case might be ( such as sparkles ) or what the creator deems as clever (such as 'Go with the Flow', or the 'PMS Queen') crammed full of tampons as I make my way to do my business. And I am almost certain that my peers and strangers in a restaurant or any other public place would not want to know what I'm doing in the ladies room even if I do have a trendy & stylish carrying case for my personal business. Being in that 'special place' is not pleasant. You're tired, cranky, bloated and it is usually followed by a few hours of cramps. Why would I want to brag about that by carrying a freakin' tampon case? I'm just saying. That's just too much information. elizinashe

Life

2010-02-14T21:18:00.003-05:00

Ever have days when you feel like this? Barely hanging on, trying to get back on top with all your might? Yet it just does not seem to work. You just can't reach your goal. Perhaps you shouldn't be on that particular branch at all. Maybe you're at the wrong tree.

So what would happen if you just let go? Would you spread your wings and let the winds guide you to safety? Or would you flap your wings in a panic to keep yourself from falling to an inevitable crash? Would you just let go and plop to the ground without even flapping those wings at all and just give up? Or would you keep trying to get back on top of that branch?

There are many metaphors that I could elaborate on but I won't go that far. I think you get the picture. As much as I would like to just 'give up' and crash into oblivion b/c it would be so much easier, in all honesty I think I would let the winds guide me to where I am supposed to be. I think the adventure would be a lot more fun than just crashing to the ground. Sometime spreading your wings to take flight on a different path is exactly where you are supposed to be. elizinashe

Frustrations

2010-01-11T21:34:00.002-05:00

It's been on helluva winter. We had a pretty good dump of snow on December 18th 2009 and it's been cold ever since. There have been two days since then that the temperature has reached the mid 30s. One day it got up to nearly 40 but that was shortly after our snow. It has been below freezing since Christmas and this past week our nighttime lows have been in the single digits. My heater won't cycle off b/c my house stays chilly. (Thank God for flannel sheets, I say!). I'm really tired of the extreme cold, however I am thankful that I'm not living in North Dakota where they have had wind chills of -52 degrees. Sheesh!
My mother has had a terribly shitty time with her furnace and has been costing her out the ass in bills & repair. She hit yet another bump in the road today and is now looking to replace the failing oil tank and going for an above ground propane tank that shouldn't have any problems like she's been having with her current heating situation. Her money is tight but I know she will manage somehow by some miracle. I hate that my mom has had such a fucked up time with her heat, or lack of, and I wish I had more money to help her out with this dilemma. Hell, I wish I had more money so I could help myself out. Geeze...does it ever end?
I really don't have much hope for getting into the RN program here. My mom is trying to stay positive about it and gives me alot of praise & support but I don't think she truly 'gets' as to how hard it is to be one of the select few to be chosen out of the 300 some odd people that apply every year. I can't do this much longer. Reality is a factor for me and I need to make more money and need to make it soon. I can't survive on my meager paycheck much longer. Which brings a hairbrained idea to my mind but then it involves more money to relocate and start all over. Do I really want to do that? I dunno. Yes if I have some guarantees but no b/c I don't want to leave Asheville. It's such a groovy place and I've been really happy here. Replanting roots is always tough, especially for someone such as myself.
So what needs to happen here? The weather needs to perk up, the bitter cold has got to go. The money fairy needs to pay a visit to my mom so she has heat and I need to get a letter in the mail telling me what the hell to do with my schooling attempts b/c this shit is getting old. elizinashe.

Life Is Short

2010-01-04T20:37:00.003-05:00

I came pretty close to losing another friend Sunday. His house had burnt down and he nearly did not get out in enough time. The dogs woke him up and thank God for that. Unfortunately the dogs did not make it out of the house but my friend managed to get out in freezing temperatures with nothing but his pjs and his cell phone. He's lucky. My mind just races every time I think about it. I am so freakin' grateful that he is still on this planet. I can't wait to see him in person so I can give him a big hug and tell him how much I love him. Friends are special. That is one thing I try hard to never forget. Life is short, enjoy the little moments my friends and I will try and do the same. elizinashe

Customer Service

2009-12-18T12:49:00.002-05:00

So I got a nice glossy 'thank you' from American Express for being such a 'valued' customer, wishing me a great 2010. Gee, thanks. Yes, American Express has its perks and it has saved me in a tight pinch, has funded flights and hotels across the miles, paid for emergency vet visits for my kitties and dental visits for moi. However, knowing how much I have actually spent with American Express over the last 3 years I want something more than a generic advertising glossy 'thank you' from the veeps. I know that it's all a part of a marketing protocol and whatnot, but STILL, I think I should deserve something more, like a free plane ticket or a gift card to somewhere really nice other than Red Lobster. (bleh). It is the holidays after all and I will continue to be an American Express customer, valued that is, but I want more bang for the bucks I have spent. And believe me I have spent some bucks!!! Is that too much to ask or am I just being selfish? The economy still needs some help and I could use some assistance in boosting the spending power of the average consumer. What do you think? It's just a thought. elizinashe

Aw..Aren't They Cute?

2009-11-04T14:30:00.003-05:00

Here we go folks, the next big thing to come in pet ownership-Micro Pigs. Too cute! This will be the next big thing you will see stars carrying around in their fashion designer bags on the red carpet. Apparently these little creatures will set you back about $1200. Not too bad I suppose considering there are specialty cat and dog breeds that will set you back a small fortune. If I remember the article clearly these little pigs will weigh about 14lbs at the most, which will be about the size of my cat Hecubus as he is now. At least that's better than 1400lbs. I hear you can train a house pig to use a litter box. Hmm....now where is my checkbook? elizinashe

Stuff On My Mind

2009-10-26T15:31:00.003-04:00

Most of my ideas for posting a blog come to me while I'm driving, at work, at the grocery store or while I'm trying to sleep. All perfectly executed, well planned and grammatically correct. However when it comes time to do the actual typing all hell breaks away and the once well planted blog becomes foggy. So then to avoid much rambling and run-on sentences I leave the motivation to blog in the back of my head. But alas, here I sit pecking away on my pute while listening to some Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds. For the most part I just wanted to get some basic stuff out of my head that I have wanted to write about at length but I will once again just make a short list with short comments( or at least try to). However I cannot promise correct grammar & sentence structure. ;) .

Girlfriends: Most of my really close girlfriends live out of town or out of state. I really hate that sometimes. I miss having my girls nite and having that close bond with fellow women whom I trust to open myself up and lean on their shoulder. I have other girlfriends here in town but not like the ones I had before. It reminds me of a quote from the movie "Stand By Me". Great movie about friendship even if it was about boys. But the end quote says a lot. It went something like this: " I never had any friends like I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" Now I don't miss my girlfriends that I had when I was twelve but I do miss my girlfriends that are now spread apart across the country. I'm just glad that they're still in my circle of peeps even if they are far away.

Parents: Geeze...so much to say on this one. Divorce is on it's way. It's all so sad. I'm okay with the divorce part of it so far but I ache for my father. He is so terribly hurt and places a lot of blame upon himself. He's in town visiting and will be here for a few days. We had lunch on Sunday and when we got back to my place he just opened up and told me everything. We cried together and hugged each other tightly. It was so hard to see my dad so sad. I have never heard him talk about his feelings and regrets ever in my life. This is not how he had expected to live out his retirement. I know it's very difficult for my mother as well and I can't even begin to talk about how my heart feels right now without crying. All I can do is pray for all of us.

School: Or shall I say lack of. I should be studying up on some stupid math skills and stupid english so I can retake a stupid placement test to prove to the stupid college that I can read, write and do arithmetic despite my previous college credits which include all of the above and then some, but I have had zero motivation to even crack open a book. I have until January to reapply for nursing school and time will run out quickly. The longer I wait the less motivated I become. I'm afraid that I will wait too long and fuck it all up once again and struggle for yet another year until I can apply for the following fall. Maybe I'm just not school material. I don't know what my problem is here. I just hate it. Bleh!

Exercise: Again, lack there of. I keep telling myself I need to get back into the gym thing but it's slow going. I have been to two gyms for the initial visit and the 'free 2 week' trial but I never went b/c sleeping late on my days off and being lazy seemed more important. However I did go out of town for the first trial period so that was a good excuse not to go. Plus, I was quoted a membership price of over $600 for one year. WHAT?? Yeah, only if it came with a personal chef AND a maid. Give me a break. $600 is not worth sweating to the oldies to me. In the meantime I continue to be lazy, adding insulation to my growing belly. Ugh! I refuse to buy a bigger pant size but the motivation and a decent price package is keeping me at bay in becoming a member to a gym. I continue to tell myself to get back into the groove of sweating it all out so I can feel better about myself and lose some of this weight. I'll find the right place for me soon enough, and then I'll think about it some more. Ah, the lure of procrastination.

So there it is folks. Lots of blah, blah, blah and some crapola. Yes, I've been feeling blue and depressed. Can you blame me? It's just life and I know I will survive. I am truly grateful for what I have and even what I don't have. I have a decent job, good friends and good parents. Sometimes life comes in big waves, good and bad. This wave may feel a little bad but I know there will be a really awesome wave coming soon and I'll be riding that wave for as long as I can. Hopefully the next list will be more joyful. elizinashe

Bittersweet

2009-10-12T15:21:00.003-04:00

A lot of my brother's friends are on Facebook these days. I have found a few and have some have found me, thus we have 'friended' each other. One of his buddies just left me message to say 'hello' and had said that he still misses my brother and thinks of him often. Reading that brought some tears to my eyes. I think it's the first time in many, many years that any of his friends has said that to me or even talked about his death. It's been 23 years since he died. That's a long time. It still stings every now and then. I guess you never really get over it.
My brother was super smart, had a great sense of humor and had loads of really good friends. The picture taken at the wake that his friends had between them the night after his funeral says it all. He was so lucky to have all these great people in his life. I just wish he were still here to have all of them around. elizinashe

Previous Fashion Post

2009-10-07T20:22:00.004-04:00

So here is one final attempt to post a previous blog that I had done back in February of 2009. This one was too good to delete. Hopefully the picture will come through this time.

How could I not make a comment on this? Again we have a fashion savy concoction from the Brits. Perhaps this was in celebration of our now past ignauguration festivities. Absolutely a piece of beauty. I would certainly pass my phone number to the bold man that would parade around town in this fine dress. It could very well be a case of 'love at first sight'. (insert tone of sarcasm here). Geeze...what the hell? Maybe it's something that's in their tea & crumpets. elizinashe

Favorite Things

2009-10-07T19:57:00.003-04:00

Oh here we go once again! Bad fashion is yet again making a splash across the internet pages. I haven't blogged about this in a while. Haven't seen any good material lately. I guess the slow economy has taken its toll on the fashion weary as well. I did find a fabulous picture last year and had a fabulous blog to go along with it however I couldn't get the photo to attach to what I had written. I guess the picture had been encrypted or something. I do remain hopeful that I can get it to work sometime soon. But now, back to the main topic of this post.
Many thoughts come to my mind when I see these shoes. First of all is how could you ever wear these clunkers and be comfortable? Now the toe totally reminds me of my toe shoes when I took ballet which were never comfortable! There were times when my toes bled after the 1 1/2 hour class I took. Ouch! Next is the heel itself. How in the hell can that tiny little stick support the model who is catwalking them around? ( Oh yeah, model don't eat.) Still, it just doesn't look like it's a structurally sound shoe. The moment any normal person who dares to wear these would surely break the heel walking down the street. I know I would! I do however like the sparkles encrusted all over the shoe but I'd be worried about losing the beads. Not to mention spilling food & drink all over them which is a frequent charm of my personality. In other words, many of my shoes already have been blessed by something other than raindrops. I'm guessing it would not be wise to wear these shoes in a snowstorm. Which brings to mind, where in the hell would you wear these hooves anyway? I guess Birkenstocks are no longer an acceptable form of fashionable shoes. If that's the case then I'm screwed. elizinashe

Music Again

2009-10-02T17:01:00.003-04:00

I just recently bought U2's The Joshua Tree again. I had it previously on a tape and lost it a long time ago between many moves. I was listening to the radio not too long ago and the song 'One Tree Hill' came across the airwaves and I was motivated to add that song to my never ending list of tunes to have in my collection. I had gone on a Googling adventure and found the original album that it stemmed from. Remembering the album fondly I had to pick up the album again this time on cd. Man is it ever a great record. I had mentioned in my previous post about another song from this album leaving an impression on me but the record as a whole is just phenomenal. Or so I think. So many great songs that was left with little recognition. 'Running to Stand Still', 'Trip Through Your Wires' and the already mentioned 'One Tree Hill'. Although U2 is an indescribable band and have produced many more albums since that time, I don't think they have made an album that has had such a huge impact such as The Joshua Tree. I'm not trying to knock down any of their albums, they have made many,many great albums some of which I own. I think U2 is fantastic & I love their music but listening to this album has a lot of roots to their influence musically. Perhaps it was just the era that this album was released that made it such an impressionable record but for me it has stood the test of time. I think if it had been just released this week it would still be a hit. This is definitely one album that every person should have at home. Correct me if I'm wrong. elizinashe

Music

2009-09-29T20:06:00.003-04:00

Anyone who really knows me knows that music is a big part of my life. I love music! Turning on the pute to shuffle some tunes is the 2nd thing I do once I get out of bed. (the first being making coffee.) When I was without my computer, which holds the majority of my music collection, I was really sad. My stereo had broken many moons ago and I had made use of my little laptop loading it up with my piles of cds. I was forced to use a sad substitute of a stereo via a single cd/radio player with lousy speakers, however it worked for the time being.
My point is that although I have many favorite songs and artists there are a few songs that always makes me sing regardless of my mood or where I am when I hear a particular song. I can be in the car, at home or out in public but some songs always makes me sing along for whatever reason. Sometimes it's the lyrics, sometimes it's the harmonies. Regardless of the reason, the inspiration to sing along never bothers me.
One such song is U2's 'Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For'. I love that song. The lyrics just draw me into the story. The guitar is soul provoking. There is a steady flow of music that just finds it's way into my body and soul. Maybe I can relate to it a little too much, I don't know. I haven't really psychoanalyzed that part of myself in relation to the song. All I know is that I can't help singing along with Bono and picturing The Edge picking at his guitar. What is it about a song that moves us so much? What songs make you sing out loud regardless of where you are? What songs really move you?
I have many more songs that I could talk about but I will leave this post short and stop with U2. It's a great song both musically & lyrically. It's one song that I will never tire of listening and that says alot I think. elizinashe

Curiosities

2009-09-27T20:08:00.003-04:00

There is a house on my way home that apparently has new occupants. There is a big white sign on the lawn advertising Tarot & Psychic Readings with a special of $10. Hmm.... I've always been fascinated by the 'spirit world' and the like. I have had my cards read a few times and have some very intuitive friends who tell me what I want to know. But yet, it hasn't stopped me from stopping in such places from time to time just to see what my host has to say.
I haven't seen a reader in a long time. I almost went with a friend of mine back in June when we were hitting all the Goodwills and 2nd hand stores while our other friend was recovering from surgery in Winston Salem. But we deemed it unnecessary and moved on. Now this place pops up five minutes from where I live with the economical price of $10. Hmm...
I am tempted. I have many unanswered questions regarding my career, parents, the love life,(or lack there of) and so forth. The typical stuff. Now I know that things always change and nothing is set in stone unless you want it that way. But I can't help wanting that little push of advice to point me in the right direction or most importantly to prepare myself, especially when it comes to the parents. I have pretty good instincts myself and have some strange intuitive knowings but I guess it never hurts to listen to some other sources of advice.
I know that there are alot of people who thinks this kind of thing is nothing but a crackpot. And some truly are a joke. I don't live my life by these things and do exactly what these readers tell me to do but I have had some uncanny experiences. I suppose it wouldn't totally hurt to give in to this curiosity especially for ten bucks. So what's the harm & what do you think? elizinashe

Tragic Fascinations

2009-09-23T22:14:00.003-04:00

So I watched the movie Into the Wild a couple of months ago knowing the baseline story. Great movie but it was really hard to watch the ending even though I knew the outcome of the hero. I guess what got me the most was that it was a true story. A real life person. I had to know more. I found a used copy and read it in record time. I remember seeing the book a couple of years ago when it first came out and hesitated to buy it then even though I was curious. I had just put it out of my mind. I remember the movie coming out at our Fine Arts theater last year( maybe before that) but again put it out of my mind. Then a coworker had a copy of the movie this summer and had insisted that I watched it because it was "so good. "And she was right. It was a topic of discussion with many coworkers for a few weeks. I was hooked.
After reading the book and learning more about this young man I wanted to watch the movie again. And once more, I hesitated to rent it and watch it all over again. But tonight I decided to go for it. The movie was no longer available to rent but had been placed on the 'previously rented to buy' shelf. Bingo! Not that owning the movie was my ultimate goal but I do know that this is one story to keep in my collection.
I don't know why I am so attracted to this man's journey and his demise. So many questions still swirl through my head. I want to meet all the people he had come across in his journey and became friends with. I want to see his journal entries that he had written in the books that he read & carried. I want to see more pictures that he took and the self-portraits that he finagled. I want to talk to him and share good conversation. I wanted him to escape that bus and live to tell his tale. I want to know.
I feel terribly for his family. I am sure they have many unanswered questions and have had to live with much grief and guilt. They must have a lot of bravery to allow his story to be told. My heart truly goes out to them. Time doesn't always heal as quickly as we would like.
I don't remember the story itself when it first came out in the press when it all first came about. Maybe it didn't reach my neck of the woods but I was also in college at the time so I had other priorities to attend to other than worldly news. But the resurface of the tale has certainly left an impression on me. Both good and bad I suppose but mostly just amazed. I am certain that wherever Chris McCandless is he has no regrets. elizinashe

The Sweet Potato Project Update

2009-09-20T16:41:00.003-04:00

Okay folks, for those of you who do read my stuff I thought I'd give you the update on the sweet potato project. I have now given him a name. Herman. Yep, I've named it. Now if I start carrying him around as my new 'little friend' then I really am in for trouble. However I am amazed at my little potato. His bud has now grown up to four inches and there is a vein of another bud just itching to pop out of the foil.
Yes, I know that I can plant the damn thing and have more 'new friends' pop up out of the ground but my thumb is not that green and my yard is not garden ready. I suppose I could place him in a large planter outside but the nites will soon be chilly and unforgiving to newly planted items. Besides, I'm having more fun coming home to check out how much Herman's bud has grown after working all day. I want to see how tall the bud will grow before he starts to rot and become smelly which will certainly motivate me to throw him away. It's silly I know. I laugh at myself for even allowing this to happen. I can't even believe I'm writing about it! I'm usually pretty good about throwing food out that is no longer ingestible. But this is trivial fun for me so I guess that's not so bad. Maybe I should go back to shooting pumpkins and watching them explode for my fall entertainment instead of this crazy sweet potato experiment. elizinashe

The Sweet Potato Project

2009-09-16T13:35:00.003-04:00

A few days before I left for vacation I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items to get me through the weekend without overbuying and coming home to a fridge full of molded and spoiled food. I always try to buy what I need and keep on track of buying healthy items. I have discovered sweet potato fries which are really yummy but I truly need to stay away from the fried crap. Bad, bad, bad. However I got to thinking that I could really dress up a sweet potato with some olive oil, garlic and other spices that remain dormant in my kitchen cabinet. Sounded like a really good & healthy option for meal planning. But alas, when it came time to leave town I still hadn't eaten my sweet potato as planned and hated the idea of throwing it out. So I wrapped it in tin foil thinking that it would keep better and would not invite little gnats to call it home while I was away.
When I returned a week later a tiny little bud had started to sprout out of the tin foil. I found it comical and just basically left it. I had to quickly jump back into the work schedule so my main priority was laundry and getting back to a working mentality. A couple of days passed and the little bud had seemed to grow. Hmm...again I didn't pay much attention to the whole process. I mostly procrastinated about throwing it out since I had long passed the urge to actually eat the damn thing. Work came & went as well as the occasional cleaning projects, time with friends and ignoring the potato itself. Now 3 1/2 weeks later the little bud continues to grow right out of the foil. It now measures about 2 1/2 inches now. Wow!! So now I am completely fascinated by my little sweet potato. I am curious as to how long this reddish/purplish bud will grow out of the foil. I think I'll keep it around just a bit longer. Now if I give it a name then I'm really in for trouble. elizinashe

Cheap Treasures

2009-09-15T16:40:00.003-04:00

In my quest to find that perfect piece of new-slash-slightly used office desk I went to the Habitat for Humanity Home Store in hopes of finding what I want and to satisfy my urge to redecorate. I did not find that desk but on my way out I did find a unique little painting. It was signed on the back with the simple title of Mystery painted by Mila. The year was not stamped but the back of the canvas tells me it's probably 15-20 years old, maybe older. I know that I did not find some great relic that is worth an asking price from Sotherby's but however it's a great treasure to me. The vivid colors and landscape remind me of some village in Italy or some city along the Mediterranean Sea. Both of which I hope to visit again. I had gone many years ago for a very brief time on a school trip when I was seventeen. I have never forgotten the little places we went to in Italy and have always wanted to explore Greece and all the little places that call the Mediterranean home. This little four dollar treasure reminds me of such a place. It makes me want to walk up to the steps that I see in this painting and trample around in the little village that is quietly awaiting to be discovered. I may never really get to that side of the globe but I can always stare into this painting & go there in my imagination and have a great adventure. Not bad for a $4.00 investment, eh? elizinashe

I'm Back!

2009-09-14T14:23:00.002-04:00

Hello Peoples!
I finally got my computer back from the tech geeks. I'm on a new search engine so I'm trying to get myself familiar to the new look and have been in a mad search for my favorites tab. Still can't find it. I almost couldn't find my blog!! Oh terrible would that be? Need to do some more tweaking. However I am so glad to have my little computer back. I can't believe how dependent I have become on this little thing. I hope that I don't have anymore problems. I've missed having my music around. But the important thing is so far, all is well. Of course during the brief time I have not had my computer I have had tons of ideas for a topic to blog about but no computer to fullfill the creative idea. Ugh! Isn't that how it always works? Anyway...it's good to be back in the geek world of internet surfing. elizinashe.

Computers

2009-09-09T21:04:00.002-04:00

Computers have been a necessity in our world for a long time now. Computers practically run our world. We use computers to plan our vacation as opposed going to a travel agent, corespond to family & friends as opposed to writing letters, shop on-line as opposed going to the store, create slideshows for a meeting as opposed writing on a board, create spreadsheets to keep track of business stuff as opposed to keeping it all on paper neatly filed away. And so on, and so on...you get the point.
I am amazed that I grew up without a computer. I didn't even use one in college the first time around. I still typed up my papers the old fashioned way-on a typewriter. I remained pretty clueless to the whole computer world until about 3 years ago when I finally broke down and bought a laptop. My main reason for buying one was because I truly needed a computer at home so I could return to college. These days its pretty much a requirement as alot of professors post work on-line and therefore you submit your work via email. I also wanted to be able to check newly created email account from the comforts of my home instead of having only 20 minutes at the library. Besides, the library isn't open late at night which is primarily the time I hop on the net. Needless to say, I have soaked up the computer age and have truly become hooked.
I have tons of picures saved, loads and loads of music, creative files, old homework and other crap that I have saved for whatever reason. I can't believe how dependent I have become on this little thing. I love it. I can't imagine the rest of my life without one in my home.
But alas the time has come that I have, or rather my computer has caught a bug. (insert expletive here.) I have a worm-slash-virus or maybe a little bit of both. Damn it man! I was hoping that I would be one of those people who would never have a major problem. I'm always so careful. Apparently not this time. All is working well now thank God. I have done frequent monster scans and have left opening email in the dark for a while. I have already talked to some tech geeks at a local computer repair business here in town and have plans to drop my baby off for a diagnosis and repair. The price they have quoted me is very reasonable and I should have it back in about 3-4 days. Again, a very reasonable time.
I am blessed and lucky to have a computer I know. Many people don't even have food in their refridgerator. However I will miss my little pute while it's away. How am I going to listen to music??? It's all on my computer since my stereo died. How am I going to check my email? What if I miss something really trivial but important? How will I check my facebook? I've become totally addicted to my little friend. How will I know what's going on in the world? I don't have cable so I miss alot of news. How will I know what my horoscope says? How will I survive?? And most importantly, what ever did I do before I even had a computer?? elizinashe

Wants Vs. Needs

2009-09-07T18:20:00.002-04:00

I have the need to redecorate. I go through phases where I really want to buy new furniture or replace what is no longer needed. It's not really a priority, never has been but however I'm really tired of feeling like I still live in the post-college era of furniture. I have some nice stuff don't get me wrong but the functionality of the pieces I'm looking to replace no longer suits me. It's a selfish act really. But in my mind, if I could replace what I want then it would clear up some more space in my tiny little abode and consolidate a corner that feels cluttery.
What I really need is to pay my bills first. Which includes my impending crown coming this Wednesday. What I really need is to get rid of the clutter I no longer use and keep everything else organized. What I really need is to get back into preparing for a placement test and talking with the nursing program people so I can apply for Fall 2010 & hopefully be accepted this time.
But what I want is a new computer/office desk, a new receiver for my broken stereo that has been dead for the last 3 or 4 years and a new tv stand instead of the sad little blue end table that it now calls it home. What I want is more space. But I can't afford to move right now. I wish I had a pile of money so I could buy a nice little bungalow like I've always wanted and really redecorate. But I know that impulse buying is not always such a good thing. The Id is strong today. I don't need anything fancy. I don't even like fancy things. I just want something better. Is that too much to ask? elizinashe

Let the Countdown Begin

2009-08-24T20:42:00.003-04:00

I am officially off work until the end of next week. Woo-Hoo!!! I leave for a much needed vacation Thursday morning and will arrive in the arms of a very special friend for a long weekend of catching up, hanging with her wonderful hubby, playing my role as the 'inappropriate aunt' to their 1 year old and catching a Dave Matthews concert to wind things down. Not a bad gig, eh?

Tomorrow will be the mad rush to clean, finish laundry, get the cat sitter primed and act like a manic patient trying to get things done all in one day without overloading myself. (I plan to leave on Wed so I can catch my flight Thursday morning.) Panic will set in later I'm sure as it usually happens. I tend to worry that I'm going to forget something or my car will break down or there will be some sort of crisis in my home while I'm away....I do tend to become Chicken Little at times. ('the sky is falling! the sky is falling!!) I hope I'm not the only one who does that. However, once I get my groove going on and just do each task one at a time then I'm good. I just wish I could wiggle my nose and have everything done in a wink and then I wouldn't stress about it so much. I could pack up my car and be on my way to vay-cay land. Such a lovely place to visit don't ya think? elizinashe

Right Time, Right Place

2009-08-20T19:51:00.005-04:00

Well here is a money shot if I've ever seen one. Perhaps some of you have already seen this around the internet. I think this is just too funny. I'd hate to think this was actually staged. However, the story claims that this couple set up their camera for a vacation shot when this squirrel popped up and 'stole the show'. Too cute. I wonder what he was thinking.(the squirrel that is.) I see some comercials come out of this one. Look out Geico Lizard and Travelocity Gnome. I think you've got some competition coming your way! elizinashe

August

2009-08-10T15:04:00.002-04:00

Being that I had a wonderful July and had even blogged about it, I was curious as to how my August was going to be. I was hoping for something low key & wonderful at the same time. However it has been quite the opposite.
My A/C decided to kick the bucket about 3 weeks ago and it's been a real pain in the you-know-what to have it replaced. I'm still without cool air. I've been keeping my windows open and have a fan in the bedroom but it's still stuffy & my allergies are beginning to suffer. My mood is becoming more irritable and my cat is feeling it too. I hope to God that he doesn't end up getting sick from all this. I can't afford another vet bill like I have had over the past year with all my problems with Gavin.
I also get to become a member of the root canal club. Yea! At a cost of $1080 before my insurance decides to reimburse me for what ever they see fit. What a pisser.
My landlord tells me that the new A/C will be replaced & running on Thursday. His work-person is in Charlotte and won't be back in town until Wed nite. Crapola man! If I had the money I'd be camping out at a hotel right now with Hecubus in tow. This is just ridiculous!
I'm not liking how my August has been turning out. Hopefully the end of the month will be much better. I'm so ready for that vacation! Wish I could be on that plane right now. At least they have air. elizinashe

More Stuff to Write

2009-08-03T19:03:00.003-04:00

I have lots of stuff to talk about. But in effort to keep it all short & sweet I think I'll just stick to the main topic and leave it at that. Sometimes less really is more.

I have been coming across some old pics of my brother via facebook and his bestest friend. My brother died unexpectedly when he was 20 back in '86. I have a lot to say about this but I'm having a hard time putting it all into words without writing an epic piece. Needless to say, it's been great seeing those old pics again. A little bittersweet and it's been nice to see my brother again after all this time. I just wish he were still alive.

I've inherited my father's dental problems and it's beginning to hurt. Financially & physically. I have an emergent dental appointment tomorrow in the a.m. & will probably end up getting drilled upon & not in a good way.

My landlord is being a real 'Richard' about replacing my A/C window unit after I have been a consistent & reliable renter for the last 3 years. I don't like having stipulations put upon me like he has done over this past weekend. I'm taking the matter in my own hands. And if you don't get the 'Richard' part then there's something wrong with you. I'm trying to be polite.

Although my A/C is not working & my allergies are just now beginning to give me troubles, I am thankful for the decent weather and the cooler nites which allows some nice breezes to swirl around the house with my open windows. I hope the nice weather lasts a little longer.

July has been a really long month for me. Busy, busy, busy. Work, bills, friends, family, new friends, libations, food, math class and more work. Whew! I wonder what August has in store for me. Oh yeah, vacation! woo-hoo!!!

I am truly thankful for what I have & the job that I now have. Finances are truly tight & I'm beginning to freak a little. Especially since I'll have to pay up for the dental work and the future A/C unit. I have a great job & great benefits. However, I did a lot better money wise when I was bartending. Never worried much about finances. Now it's on my mind all too often. So what's the trade off?

And last but not least, double chocolate muffins can make things a lot better. I have 2 more left in the fridge. Cheap therapy, soul soothed. elizinashe

Journals

2009-07-22T22:39:00.009-04:00

I used to keep a journal on a regular basis. Once I got a computer I started to journal on a word document and created a file so I can always go back to it and never lose what I wrote. Then I started my blog. Sort of an open journal for others to read but doesn't require a name to a face. I was still anonymous. However, I do have the old fashioned paper journal that I keep in my car for those moments I feel the need to write on paper.

I was thinking of putting a tab on my facebook profile of all the concerts/shows I've seen for whatever reason and I remembered that one of my journals had some ticket stubs pasted in the pages as reminders and to mark the event. So I started digging & quickly flipping thru the 5 journals I have in the house right now. (who knows how many more I have packed away in my mother's basement). As I was flipping thru the pages I noticed that I would paste lots of other momentos in my pages to keep and remember. Cards, places I've visited, pic of places I wanted to see, the house I almost bought, stickers and words of love & appreciation from others.

Don't know why I stopped writing & pasting stuff in my journal. I guess the computer world took care of that. Anyhow, there are still lots of stupid things I like to keep and they tend to pile up taking up space. Stupid things like cards, odd phrases, useless trivia, stickers, (I've always like stickers!! Especially if I'm mailing something to family/friends.)and other what-nots. I think it's time to start that habit again. I miss writing down my stuff in the old-fashioned way. I usually did it over a lunch date with myself. It was a good excuse to get out of the house and do some writing without being interupted by my cats or the phone. Now it's too easy to turn on the pute and type away. It's easier to edit as well. My brain tends to speak faster than I can write or type and some words or phrases tend to be left out. Writing things out on paper slows me down a bit and it's a struggle to write my thoughts down without skipping around a whole bunch and still having that entry make some sense. At least some sense to me. I don't know who will read all my crap once I'm off this planet. Maybe somebody will find it interesting. Regardless, sometimes it is best to do things the 'old school way' in order to really develop your craft. elizinashe

Stuff to Write

2009-07-18T22:40:00.007-04:00

It's been a while since I wrote/blogged last. Sorry to disappoint but I've been pretty busy. However I do have many topics I'd like to talk about but my list in my head is numerous and trying to focus on one topic has proved to be ...well...???? Which one do I start with? So I thought I'd at least put it down on my list o'things on my blog in hopes it will give me a better start. So here it goes.

1. MJ -so much to say on this one. New stuff pops up everyday. Great talent, sad man.

2. Old High School Peeps- been finding alot of those on facebook which has been a surprising perk. One which includes a boy I went to school with who claims had a terrible crush on me back then and still does after all this time. Shocker I know.

3. Re-discovering your own city and enjoying the unique amenities that it has to offer, especially when the weather is nice which allows for an all day affair of exploring.

4. Lady-this was the primary dog I grew up with as a kid. I have been telling lots of 'Lady' stories lately so I guess I should write them down before I forget. She was such a funny dog and I miss having her around.

5. Another brick in my schooling career and a delay in my endeavors. UGH!! However I am making lemonade out of these lemons and returning to San Fransico to visit a girly friend that I miss terribly. Can't wait to pack up and board that plane!

6. The new Dave Matthews album. It Rocks!! That's all that really needs to be said about that one.

7. Work, the economy & personal finances. Why didn't I do it right the first time I went to college?

8. I really don't have a # 8 but I couldn't end my list with a #7. It just didn't seem right.

So that's the short list for now. I am certain I will think of more to add when I go to bed as my head tosses & turns when my body is trying to rest. Sometimes I wish I could flip a switch like a light panel to stop my head from over-thinking so much. But if that were to happen I guess I wouldn't have these creative spurts sprouting about. Maybe that's a sign of genius. HA!

elizinashe

Grateful

2009-06-17T19:51:00.004-04:00

As we all struggle in these tough economic times I am reminded every day how lucky my life is compared to what it could be. I have gone thru many struggles over the last 4 years as I try to start a new career and keep my bills paid without going broke or losing my mind. I have taken a serious cut in pay and my working hours now are very long, and the whole going back to school thing as I am approaching the big 4-0 has been a personal and sometimes egoistic challenge. ( I guess I'm gonna have to change the whole 30s blurb pretty soon, huh?)

However, I know that for the most part , I'm a much happier person than I used to be. Yes, there are days when I ask myself, 'what the hell have I done?' and I have a nice long cry. Change is always scary. I'm terribly hard on myself so when things don't happen as quickly as I feel like they should, I get pissed. Then I get depressed. Then I realize that I'm pretty lucky. I don't have the jet-set life like some of my peers, I don't have the satisfaction of owning my own home, I don't go to the beach for a weekend get-away with a bunch of girlfriends, I don't go out every weekend to bar hop or catch a movie. Hell, I don't even have a dishwasher! But what I do have is really great friends who love me no matter what, I have a refridgerator full of food, I have a nice place to live without the fear of being mugged or getting shot in a drive-by, I have a good job which holds a long-term future for me as long as I keep trying and I have healthcare for the first time in years.

Yes, life is hard. Sometimes really hard. But I know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what keeps me going. After all, tomorrow is another day. ;) elizinashe

In Need for Spring

2009-04-06T10:20:00.002-04:00

The winter months can be very tiresome. I get very tired of the same old daily grind and I look forward to the time change so I can have that extra daylight at the end of my day. It is such a sigh of relief as I am leaving work and walk out into some daylit sky. No more leaving for work in the dark and returing home in the dark.

This time of year can be such a tease. We will go thru periods of rain, cool temperatures, a couple of warm days and then a quick tap of cold weather. Such is the case today. It was 75 degrees yesterday. I quickly made some use of our lovely weather and went for a nice drive, found a sunny picnic table and layed down in the sunshine, listening to the wind in the trees. It was almost like listening to the ocean. It was a nice little cat nap that was much overdue. The school and work thing has really weighed heavy on my mentality. Being able to detox my brain by going outside and getting out of the four walls has a tremendous effect on my being. ahhh....

So now we are back to the slap-in-the-face cold snap. bleh!!! It is chilly, windy and the temps are supposed to drop and there is a chance of rain/snow mix late tonight and tomorrow. yee-gads!!! It's April already!!! Can't it stay nice for a few weeks??? I need warm, sunny skies to push me through the end of this semester. I'm tired of being inside the four walls. I spend alot of time encased school buildings and work. This butterfly is ready to fly. Oh, please spring hurry up! I'm tired of my cocoon. elizinashe

Your Wild Kingdom Moment

2009-02-17T21:02:00.004-05:00

I could write about how chaotic my life has been lately, or gripe about the economy and politics, or pick some deep topic to analyze but I won't. I find a little bit of silliness is in order to break up the everyday stressor's that we live amongst. In my sleep deprived state of mind as well as some procrastination I'm feeling a little juvenile. I came across this photo a couple of weeks ago and was just amazed. I could hardly believe my eyes. What we are looking at is a Celebes Crested Macaque Monkey. I'm not sure what the 'crested' part refers to but I can make a pretty good guess. And we thought Baboon's had it bad. How in the world can a monkey evolve with an ass that....indescribable? So many inappropriate jokes come to my mind....It's like a completely separate appendage. Poor thing. I bet he gets the butt of alot of jokes. (oooo...) I am most certain that Marlon Perkins did not showcase this fine speciman on his show, and we all know that his partner-in-crime Jim did all the dirty and dangerous work. I don't think Jim would have gone for this one. All I've got to say is that is one big ass. As my former college roomie had put it so delicately, I bet he doesn't do a lot of sitting down. Again, there are many jokes to be had here but I digress. I think I've done enough already. Feel free to make up your own jokes to break away from your daily stressors. elizinashe

Gavin

2009-02-05T17:53:00.005-05:00

Today has been a sad day. After a long battle of liver problems and thyroid imbalances I finally made the decision to put my kitty Gavin down so that he may move on with his life and exit this world with some dignity and much love from is human momma. The last few months of his life have been topsy turvy, starting with a kitty UTI followed by a torn ACL in his back leg joint and then his liver and thyroid stuff. How he tore up his ACL ligaments is beyond me since he and my other kitty Hecubus are strictly indoor cats but they must have had one hell of a party while I was at work. Anyway...The last two weeks have been a slow downhill ride. He had lost a lot of weight in the last 3 months. The picture you see now was taken in August of 2008. He was a plump and stocky 14lbs. He sure did keep your warm at night! However his aging body started to dictate another path. He had lost about 4lbs. within a months time and did start to improve for a brief time before his liver decided to tell another tale. He began to sleep a lot and eat very little. Medicating him became a battle and I decided that it was a battle not worth fighting. I didn't want the end of his life becoming a routine of shoving meds down his little throat and still feeling like crap. I had been planning on the whole 'putting him down' process in my head for the last 5 days or so. I had been in touch with my vet in preparations and protocol for Gavin and getting myself prepared for the inevitable. I must say it's not easy to take your pet to be euthanized but I did handle it all pretty well. We spent alot of time snuggling yesterday since my class had been cancelled and the weather was cold and snowy. A perfect day to stay on the couch with your cat. The vet clinic was very compassionate and humane and we all cried. I have chosen to have the body cremated and I will take Gavin's ashes up to my mother's place where he can be free among the other creatures and making his mark on mom's property. He & I lived there with my mother for a few months, as well as Hecubus, while I was in career limbo and needed a free place to stay. Gavin really liked it up there and proudly pranced around like he owned the place. It gives me a peace of mind knowing that he will be scattered somewhere that is special to me as well as to him and not in some communal deceased pet dump. I feel like I owe him that much. He was a loving and funny kitty and will be missed by many. He loved people and craved attention from anyone that came over. I am glad that he didn't have to suffer for very long. His exit in this life was graceful and quiet. Just the way I wanted it. I will miss those 3am wake-up calls in my face as I slumber and his curious talk around the house. He was a really good cat and will be missed greatly. elizinashe

I've Been Tagged!

2009-01-20T14:42:00.004-05:00

This Facebook thing is getting to be too much fun and very obsessive but in a good way, or at least that is what I'm telling myself. I've been busy posting some old pics and some more current ones so those who are now reconnecting with my life can see what I've been up to and so forth. The fun thing is when one of your friends posts a long forgotten picture of yourself and therefore you become 'tagged'. It's becoming a fun little game however I do know that there are some very embarrssing pictures of me out there somewhere which I hope do not make an appearance. Of course turn-about is fair play....I have several embarrassing pics of my loved ones as well...such an evil game to play. Ah, good times, good times.... elizinashe

Facebook

2009-01-11T19:31:00.002-05:00

I have now joined the b'jillions in the Facebook World . My friend in California was telling me how it has enabled her to connect with people that she went to school with and such and that I should really look into joining in on the fun. Now, I typically stay away from the normal frenzy of the masses and do my own thing but curiosity got the best of me so I have made my own little facebook imprint on the internet world.
I must say what a nice surprise it is. After becoming a 'member' for just a few hours I had one guy from high school contact me, which I thought he had totally forgotten about me in the first place, but more importantly I came across a classmate that I had gone to school with since grade school and was very happy to find her. So at least there is one bonus. I hope to keep in contact with her for a long time. Pearl is really, really smart, very creative and wickedly funny. She and I had loads of fun in the classroom growing up. It will be good to catch up with her. I'm almost anxious to see how many of my former classmates look me up. I certainly have a select few that I'd like to touch base with. I guess joining the masses isn't always a bad idea. It just gives me one more thing to play with aside from work and a second school career. Is there ever enough time for creative hi-jinx outside from our daily adult life and responsibilities? elizinashe

Beautifully Ugly

2008-12-28T22:29:00.004-05:00

Just had to share this. I came across this photo from the Detroit Zoo on the internet which some of you may have seen already but I wanted to share this in the blog world. This lovely creature was born earlier this month at the Detroit Zoo. He's an aardvark for those who aren't familiar with the animal world. He's so ugly that he's cute. His 'toe nails' would certainly hurt somebody but his ears crack me up. I think the blurb about him said they're about 4 inches in diameter. (wow!). That's alot of ear wax (ew). Maybe he'll 'grow into them'. haha. Hope you enjoyed your Wild Kingdom moment. elizinashe

Bleh!

2008-12-27T23:38:00.002-05:00

Okay so I finally had my holiday freakout boo-hoo yesterday late afternoon. It's still hovering but is gradually lifting away thank God. I am ever so grateful for the life I have, a roof over my head and food to eat and more than grateful for the friends I have near and far, but I had become overwhelmed with that holiday sadness and a lack of merriment that I have long desired to have in my holidays (the merriment that is). Now my Thanksgiving and Christmas wasn't totally pathetic or isolated, but just more different than usual and still living in a single woman's world. It gets harder as I get older when you would think the opposite and that I'd get better at handling such holiday stuff, but I haven't gotten any better. In some ways I think it's slightly worse. This year my parents chose to spend their time apart for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. The tricky part is not to feel guilty about their situation and still make time for each parent even if it is just a phone call around my working hours. I guess what has really bothered me the most is the singlehood this year. It just gets harder every year. Now having a man in my life doesn't define me or my interests by any means but it sure would be nice to have that someone special to spend my time with and have that extra person around mixing with my family. I truly hate coming home alone around the holidays. It's just not fun.
I could really dish out the dirt and totally expose myself and the whole enchilada of my breakdown yesterday but I just won't. There were/are many facets of why I have felt so crappy and why I had my boo-hoo. I don't want to come off as being pathetic. It's just a lot of stuff and I had my moment to cry about it all. I look forward to the New Year and I hope that it will be better. I know that there are many changes coming my way, especially in regards to my parents. I just want a better round of holiday merriment next year that's all. elizinashe

Good Intentions

2008-12-15T03:13:00.002-05:00

Why is it that when you have well-meaning plans and tasks to tackle with the time to do so that it just never really happens to get completed? Just one of those things I guess. Tonight was supposed to be the perfect time for me to catch up on doing my Christmas cards and thank you cards from my birthday and in general the post-finals get-my-self-organized. However it has turned out to be a totally different night than expected. I just can't seem to utilize my time tonight like I had really wanted to. Too many interuptions I guess. The work thing tonight has had a different vibe than it normally does and I'm just having a hard time getting through my little check list of 'things to do'. At least I have the next two days off to do some double time on my check list. Just another reminder that well-meaning plans don't always happen when you want it to. Hopefully my next entry will be more enlightening than this post. I've got lots to talk about and have had alot of great ideas for subject matter but the school thing kind of took some priority vs. the creative outlet department. Now I can put school on a back burner until January (thank God for that!). However the whole writing thing just isn't happening for me right now along with my other tasks and tenative creative projects. I just want to veggitate for a while, finish out my shift, go home and crawl into my little nest of a bed. I can always try again tomorrow. Better luck next time. elizinashe