Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas my fellow readers!

Most of you are probably tucked away in your beds after some celebrations and libations with loved ones or constructing your child's toy for that big surprise from Santa...either way I hope your night has been one to cherish.

For me, Christmas is about spending time with friends and family. I get more pleasure out of having a table full of people and mounds of good food than I do exchanging gifts. Now, I do like to shop for my friends and stuff, or sending out some holiday cards but for the actual event in itself, I'd much rather be around a small gaggle of fun peoples talking and laughing all night. Forget about wanting the latest and greatest gadget. I'd rather have my holiday memories based in being with the people that I love the most. I'd have to thank my mother for planting those kind of roots for it is from her that I learned these things. I can't wait until Christmas Day...it will be a table full of ecletic peoples at my mother's place in the mountains with Dad's smoked turkey (his specialty) and mom's cranberry fruit salad and many contributions from neighboring gardens and hearty ovens. yum...

And so, my wish for you my fellow readers is also to be surrounded with love from many and have a table blessed with good food to share. May you all stay up too late from visiting with loved ones and your bellies be sore from laughter. Wake up late, drink coffee until noon and bust out the board games and have a marathon game day. Enjoy your holiday time and take lots of pictures. You might get lucky in capturing that one 'embarrassing moment' on film for everyone to remember that 'one special holiday'. hee-hee. Merry Christmas!

elizinashe

Favorite Childhood Memory

Someone asked me a long time ago what was my favorite childhood memory. Immediately I thought of my grandparents. They had been gone for quite sometime but that particular question gave me such a warm and loving feeling that I felt like I had a brief visit with them.

My grandparents would travel from North Carolina to Arkansas where I grew up every fall. My grade school was at the end of my street so I generally walked to school everyday. The day of their arrival I would think nothing of school work. All I could think about was when that final bell would ring that my day was over and my grandparents would be home. I couldn't wait. I would walk as fast as I could, keeping my eye out for my grandfather's big, white Ford LTD parked on the side of the street. After passing a few houses I could see his car sticking out of the street as if there wasn't any other cars around the neighborhood. I would try with all my might to run the rest of the way home...I just couldn't wait. I would be so winded by the time I reached the front door, but by some magical circumstance, my grandparents would be right there in the front room with open arms and kisses.

My grandmother was usually the first to get me. She was about as tall as I am now, 5'5, always wearing something pink,(her favorite color) with lipstick to match leaving a smudge of her lipstick on my lips and cheek. My grandfather was rather tall, like 6'1 or so it seemed, and had the best bear hugs. He had these long wonderful arms that just engulfed you. I swear he would hug me so hard that it was hard to breathe. I didn't care about breathing for those few seconds. All I wanted was my hug from my grandpa. I had waited all day for this momment. It was the best part of my day.

My grandparents always brought canned goods from their garden. The trunk would be packed full of stuff. Green beans, peaches, apples, veggies for stew, apple butter, (yum), as well as fresh apples wrapped in newspaper and sometimes corn on the cob. My grandparents weren't rich people. They were hard, working people who lived in a small mountain town. I never thought of them as being 'poor country folk' as they would be viewed as such today. No, they were richer than anyone I know. My grandparents had some sort of karmic vibe going for them that you just oozed of love and happiness. I always felt like I was at home when I was around them. I miss them terribly. I miss that comfort of being around them and feeling like I was 'home'. Most of all, I miss those big bear hugs and kisses sealed with pink lipstick. elizinashe

Another Year of Growing

As another year comes to a close I look back on all the changes I have weathered. I just can't believe that this year is almost over. The journey this year has been a long one. Lots of changes, tapping back into the self-dicipline, and trying to set limits and keep my future in the light. This year has been a new struggle but a good one at that. I have weathered these changes well, or at least I think so and I still have most of my sanity. ha-ha.

I am lucky and grateful for all that I have accomplished this year, thankful for a supportive groups of friends, grateful for good parents who tolerate my lack of visits and most thankful for all of my 'girls' near and far. I could not survive without them. I'm not quite sure how I could have handled this past year without all of this support. I feel like I've crammed soo much into one year. So many changes, good and bad. Work, school, weddings, birthdays, quick visits with friends, tears, laughter, insecurity, panic, comfort, peace, love, mishaps, mistakes, successes, hugs, kisses and knowing that you made an impact on someone somehow without really trying. With all of this, it's been a good year.

I don't always have the time to do what I want or need to do which really frustrates me to no end. Hell does anybody? But what I do have time for is to just keep trying. That's all anyone can do, right? However, the year isn't quite over yet...I wonder how much more 'stuff' I can cram into 2007 before the ball drops. I'll keep ya posted...elizinashe

Ah, the Holidays

I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. I'm sure it's quite normal but it puts me in such a funk every year that I have a hard time shaking it off. You think with years of experience that I'd be used to it by now, but no, it gets me every time. What the hell?? Is there some holiday diagnosis disorder that I'm not aware of? And why do I get so bah-humbug as the events come closer? I truly love having some decorations around the house, something sparkly and festive, sending happy cards and picking out fun gifts for my family and friends and sending gifts out to all my girls who have babies of their own, but when it comes closer to stopping and spending the quality time with my parents and what feels the exaggerated effort to make that time a happy one is what stresses me out. Now, we all have our baggage when it comes to family stuff but I have very little back-up on my side and it just feels uncomfortable. I sometimes wish I could hang out with someone else's family. Be a part of something different.

Don't get me wrong, I am damn lucky to have what I have. I had a pretty good childhood but as time went on the family harmony became strained and there was not much communication(or support I feel). We just kinda went our separate ways, so it's like we don't know how to be a family anymore. I just dread it sometimes. I suppose it could be alot worse. I know it could. But I just can't help the way I feel and I can't help feeling alone and unsupported. I know my parents support me in many ways but there is also alot of fear for me on their part because 'something might happen to me' and then that would just break their heart. Trust me, you might think that I'm exaggerating on this quip but I have heard it for myself many years ago. Yeah, there's no guilt there placed on my shoulders or anything...geeze, does it get any better?? Suggestions anyone? Just asking..I needed to bitch and whine. Hope everyone has a really good holiday. elizinashe

Pulling the All-Nighter

It's been a long time since I've stayed up all night with little rest. I wish I could say it's from travel or having a really long girls night but this time it's work related. Things on the unit are a little intense and staffing has become an issue. Due to a lack of insight and bad communication from our charge nurse today, I left the unit around 730 this evening after being here 12 hours already only to come back at 11 tonight so I can monitor a patient all night long. Yes folks, these things happen and I will be running on adrenaline and caffeine for most of the shift. Good thing is that I am working with a really good nurse tonight and we will have one other staff member in our presence so we should be able to trade off duties and look out for each other. And if things get "emergent" I know that I have some solid staff members to work with. These things don't happen very often, but they do happen. Good thing is that I was able to take a nice, hot shower at home, change my clothes from the business-casual khaki pants into a tried-and true pair of blue jeans and a sweater. Comfort clothes.(yum.) If I'm going to be up all night then I am for sure going to be comfortable. I don't think I could have worn those work clothes for another 8 hours...no way man, not this girl. And the bonus will be the hard-core solid sleep once I do get home Monday morning when most people are just starting their day. It's been a totally different lifestyle working here at the hospital but I kinda like it. I think I'll stick with it for a while even if I do work really weird hours. elizinashe

I'm in Love...

I have fallen in love...I have been sucked into a new tv show which is so refreshing and whimsical that I just cannot wait until the next episode. And the main character Ned, aka The Pie Maker, is easy on the eyes in a geeky Adrian Brody sort of way as one of my girlfriends had said as we were discussing our 'must-see' tv shows that we escape to watch every week. I am totally smitten with Pushing Daisies. I highly recommend it for your viewing pleasure. It's clever, full of color and tastefully done. ( It really reminds me of a Tim Burton flick. ) Quirky characters, strangely romantic and lots of bold colors in an odd world. It's a wonderful escape from the everyday crap that we live with and the other mindless tv dramedies-slash-reality shows that have populated the networks. And I have developed a serious crush on the leading man...I feel like I'm twelve again. When I grow up I want to marry him. He's just lovely...I can't help myself. I'm in love with The Pie Maker...so sue me. elizinashe :)

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween Ya'll!

October is one of my favorite months. There is a slow calm that settles as fall approaches. The weather starts to turn cooler, the leaves start to change and the urge to stay home in your ugly clothes with a thick pair of fuzzy socks cooking a big fat homey meal sounds alot better than going out on the town. I love this time of year. A nice glass of wine, a plateful of food and a good movie on the couch is time well spent. I sooo appreciate a night like that. October has been a really busy month for me so far and I'm stressed out to the max. Being able to be quiet at home is the cat's meow for me. And as I rush here and there for work, school, vehicle maintenance, household items, banking and so on, I am blessed to be surrounded by the mountains and see a wonderful palate of colors as my day begins, the sun breaking through the morning fog, traces of yellow and gold in the trees, and a quiet harvest moon in the night sky speckled with twinkly stars that just seem to invite you to stop and breathe deeply and relax. Yeah, this has been a really busy time for me right now but when I step outside to start my daily endeavor, I begin to calm down and let nature take over. I thank God everyday for this time of year. I hope your corner of the world is just as nurturing as is mine. elizinashe