Recovery

😋 A Little Cup of Love 😋

You remember the post about "Self Care"?  Did you read it?  Do you practice "self care'?  When was the last time you took time just for you? 

My previous post was a real dialogue. I truly had a meltdown.  Again, I'm good.  I am safe.  It's so important to ask such things to your peeps, or even a stranger these days.  Really and truly. But I'm good.  For real.

Regardless, I've got the kinks worked out.  I took time off tonight away from work so I can regroup.  I gave them 24 hours notice so management could find coverage as I work on a very difficult unit.  And I had no guilt about it.  I had zero guilt about missing work and taking time for me although I could have made it work.  But when it came down to it, I know I just wasn't ready.  I needed time to heal from the previous days.  It was all just too much. 

I am forever grateful to good friends who helped me yesterday afternoon.  I am grateful to my mechanic who always does me right and has done so for 20 + years.  Even if he teases me and tells me my issue is nothing but  a "loose nut" behind the wheel on occasion .  Certainly not yesterday.  I am grateful to a manager reaching out to me to check in and see if I'm okay since I called out for "personal reasons".  Asked if there was anything she could do for me.  How many managers really do that for their employees?  Especially in this day and age. 

I am feeling more grounded.  I am healing.  I am still  learning that despite the circumstances, it will work out.  It takes some work sometimes, but it all "comes out in the wash" as they say.  I think we all could use that reminder don't you?  Until next time...elizinashe

💗 Don't Forget to Take Care of You 💗

A Difficult Day

Feeling A Lot Like This

I had my meltdown this evening.  I'm still recovering.  Don't freak~ I'm safe and at home.  It's just super hard being single sometimes and I've just about had my fill of it. 

My last three nights at work were more than challenging.  I've had a sudden car issue which stresses me out.  I had to leave it at work this AM as it would not "turn over".  And no, it's not a battery issue.  Sounded more like a starter issue or something more electrical and expensive. 

I handled it all fairly well.  I took my first Uber ever.  I was thankful that the driver was literally five minutes away.  I was able to get home safe and sound.  I was more than anxious to get out of the hospital environment and into my messy home so I could feel more grounded. 

However, earlier this evening was not so fun.  I broke down and had a very long and hard cry.  Don't get me wrong folks, I'm really not that emotional or one of those "hysterical women".  But tonight, it all just "hit me" and I was overcome, overwhelmed and overly frustrated.  Utterly helpless and at the mercy of not being able to any damn thing about it like I wanted.  It's Sunday~ my attempts to retrieve car, get a tow, drop it off at mechanic and begin the process of alleviating my predicament utterly failed.  And remember, I have good friends and good neighbors but in essence, it's just me.  No other person in the home, family members scattered all across the map, no "ex", no second vehicle.  All I have is the ashes of two dead cats.  Being single sucks. 

I don't regret crying.  I needed it.  Truly.  It's all just hard and with the holidays....well...I think we all can agree that the holiday rustle and bustle can be stressful.  I don't even have that "holiday cheer" this season.  I'll do good if I get a few cards sent out this year.  And that's okay. 

I'm still a little tearful.  Guess I still have some bugs in my soul that need to be exterminated.  I need a good day tomorrow.  I need luck on my side.  I need to get my car to my mechanic.  And I need to get to the grocery store.  Orchestrating the said tasks will take some work.  And time management.  God...I do hope it all works out.  I just can't handle much more.  Wish me luck folks.  I need all the good ju-ju sent my way. For real.  Until next time...elizinashe

Hoping for More of This

Restless Night, Windy Night

Busy Night Brain Tonight

It's a bit chilly down my way but certainly not as cold as it could be and I am quite thankful for that.  The winds have been blowing pretty much all day.  Glad I don't have any tall and scary trees around my home like my previous dwelling.  Sheesh!  That place sure could be nerve racking on windy nights. 

My mind is busy...I'm restless.  I'm tired but not tired.  I'm hungry but not hungry.  I should clean a bit more but I really don't have the motivation.  I hate it.  I wish I could afford a maid.  Christmas is coming and I know it will be here quick.  I'm madly trying to tighten things up.  I need to finish up dad' stuff and ship it off which will cost more than I want to spend.  Why does it cost so much to mail a box these days?  Ugh...

I have movies and shows on my bucket list that I'm pretty sure I can find on my Smart TV or on my Amazon account but I don't want to search for them yet.  I'm afraid I will lose patience in my search and then get bored.  I wish I were more savvy in with my Smart TV capabilities. 

My birthday came and went.  It was a lovely day and it was exactly what I needed and wanted so to speak.  Low key with some friends, shared some soup that I made with other eats and treats.  And I got to play with my friend's dog and that my readers always makes me happy.  I wish I had more time and resources to get one myself.  But alas, my working hours aren't so dog friendly.  Maybe one day...

I know the next few days will be quite busy as work beckons for a long stretch.  It's a love/hate relationship.  I just hope the units will be calm.  I can't stand so much chaos all the time especially around the holidays.  It just makes everything a little bit harder.  I look forward to finishing up my holiday treats, hopefully will succeed in getting some cards out and sail into the New Year on a relaxing note.  Hopefully the coming year will be more joyful and less stressful.  I think we all would welcome that don't ya think?  Until next time...elizinashe

Aiming for Some Peace

In the Wee Hours....

It's a Mighty Big World Out There

It's late.  And guess what...I'm awake.  Glad I've got this thing called a Blog.  I know I have a few faithful readers, but as for new ones not so sure.  But that doesn't really matter.  It's for me and that's enough.

We had a quick and very cold winter snap this past week.  Sheesh!  Way too early for that shit.  Thankfully we have stabled to some norms.  At least for now.

The holidays are coming quick.  Have you made your list yet?  Do you know what you want to buy for those you do gift?  Cards?  Got enough wrapping paper?  Or are you a gift bag kind of person? 

I keep my gifting short and sweet.  I really don't buy for a whole lot of people.  And it's hard to not repeat themes or send the same shit all the time.  I strive to find local gifts or something simple.  We have plenty already don't ya think?  I'd rather have adventures and wonderful dinners with my loved ones than exchange material things.  I hope others feel the same. 

I keep telling myself I should pick up an extra shift at work.  I'm not desperate for the money, but a little bit of a bonus would be nice.  I have plans...I have household needs.  And that costs money.  I can still do the wanted household needs,  I just want that extra cushion to do so.  But...when it comes time for my time off...I really want it.  Not that I have major plans or anything.  I just need to be away from work.  It's been pretty horrible lately and don't want to burn myself out too quickly.  Sigh....it's a bit of a moral struggle within myself sometimes. 

My previous mental struggles have seemed to drift away.  I'm really glad about that.  Don't freak.  I wasn't suicidal or anything.  Just struggling with worries and memories of the past.  And I allowed that to occupy my mind.  I'm glad I moved through that repetitive anguish.  It certainly drove me a bit nuts. 

So my readers...what's going on in your corner of the world?  Until next time...elizinashe

Take a Moment for Something Like This

Self Care

Trying To Be Mindful

How do you practice "self care"?  You know, the time spent on doing something that recharges your soul.  The time spent on healing your wounds, decompressing, relieving stress and letting go of your demons? 

Think about it.  Seriously.  Now...do you really practice "self care"?  Or do you use "time with friends" as your self care?  Because even though that's fulfilling, that is time to orchestrate, plan, meet, dress, bring drinks and eats, or spend money on eats and drinks, be socially appropriate, engage in obligations that you really might not want to indulge, be mindful of your words and socially/politically charged conversations and so on.  Or do you work out?  Yoga?  Read?  Therapy? Over book yourself with social obligations? Are you busy every weekend at the end of your work week?  How do you really feel on Sunday night?  Let's not forget,  Holidays are coming quick.  It will only get more hurried.  And harried. 

So...what do you do to practice "self care"?  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE my friends.  And I love my time spent with them and adventures explored. But...in taking care of myself?  Sometimes that's a challenge.  And because I feel so obligated to tackle adult duties and responsibilities, sometimes that self care goes on the back burner. 

I have ignored certain interests that normally make me happy because of the said adult responsibilities.  Time management becomes a challenge for me too.  And my work schedule when it begins tends to keep that "self care" further behind due to long stretches of days, or nights in my case, that I must work. 

You can read all the self-help books you can find, you can find all the encouragement that your ears can handle, you can meditate all that you want but what it comes down to is that the self care and self healing is all on you.  You won't find it in a book necessarily.  You won't find it in an inspirational quote.  You won't find it from your friends.  Or in some cases, from your family.  It's all on you.  And that my readers, whoever you may be, is what we need to realize and discover.  And sometimes that is very hard. 

It's been an interesting few months for me lately.  I still struggle with the adult responsibilities and allowing myself the time to do what really makes me happy.  And that is the real kicker.  "Allowing myself" that time.  I keep thinking it would be easier if I had more help in my private world, but then again, I think that would just add more distance in the allowing part.  Perhaps not.  All I know is that I need to begin the self care again.  I think I just got so caught up in my own head that I forgot how important it really is to our journey in Life. 

So again...what do you do to practice "self care"?  Curious minds want to know...until next time...elizinashe

Sunflowers Make Me Happy !

Dream a Little Dream

💫 Dream Big ! 💫

Do you remember your dreams?  Do you dream in color?  Do you have reoccurring dreams?

We dream every night.  Or at least in every sleep.  Sometimes that means a nap.  We might not always remember those dreams, but our brains remain active still.  Just on a different level.

I typically have the most active dreams right before I wake up.  And then I'm often left confused and/or amused.  Sometimes frustrated.  And always trying to analyze.  Sometimes I figure it out.  Others it just makes me laugh because it's so ridiculous.

I fell asleep after I ate dinner earlier this evening.  I often fall asleep to the news or a re-run of Big Bang Theory.  Then I slowly come out of my brief slumber.  And shake off the grogginess.

Tonight, I had some unusual post-dinner nap dreams.  One which related to my struggle with having a kitchen light that is currently burnt out.  My ceilings are really tall, and the light fixture itself is quite tricky, so I've been hesitant to change it alone since it requires using a very tall ladder.  I don't want to climb the damn thing without another person to spot me if you know what I mean.

The other parts of my dream?  Well...I guess you could say I had "a visitor" who is no longer on this planet pop up in my head.  Maybe there's a bit of guilt associated with this episode, maybe just missing the loss and wanted one more visit to give my love.  Maybe he misses me too.  I still miss my kitty.  Does that make me weird?

The other thing?  Because typically my dreams have three themes.  Well...I blame falling asleep to the Big Bang.  A fun show with nerdy guys.  No, it wasn't "one of those dreams", but in my hardened heart or perhaps, not so hardened, I do miss having a guy.  Maybe I'm missing something and I just don't see it.  I'm not looking for Mr Perfect and I do like the quirky kind of people, but maybe, just maybe, there will be someone for me after all.  Maybe I'm just really sad about not having a person in my life and not really honoring that feeling.  But I think I honor that loss fairly well anyway.   Again, I blame the TV show.  Maybe it was the wine.  haha...

Dreams are powerful.  Sometimes they are all telling, sometimes predictory.  Sometimes it's just your mind's way of clearing out the search history of your brain so you can load up with other dreams that are much more worthwhile.  And hopefully happy ones.  Until next time...elizinashe

😴 Sweet Dreams 😴

It's a Quiet Sunday

Just a Quick Jaunt

Fall has finally arrived.  We had a twenty degree drop in temperatures yesterday and it has been a welcomed event for me.  Time to slow it down...got some crock pot magic percolating, asparagus to steam and some wine for my nightly indulgence.  It might be a good time to clear off the kitchen table too.  It's a hot mess right now.

The bears have been out and about.  Saw a mamma bear and her cubs on the Parkway on my way into town.  Along with many other on-lookers who stopped to take pictures and video.  I just kept going...no reason to piss off a mamma bear.  I'd rather wish the bears well and be on my way.  Now if I could hug and play with them without getting mauled then that would be a different story. 

Adult duties tomorrow and then a fun event with one of my most special peeps.  Wish the adult stuff could wait.  It really gets to be overwhelming sometimes.  Does it get any easier?  Or do you just come to a point and not worry about it so much?  Maybe both?  I have yet to figure that stuff out.

I just need to take it day by day.  I will worry about the other shit later.  Shifting my focus on the moments of today is all I want to think about.  And that's not a bad thing.  Until next time...elizinashe.

Hello Fall