It's One of Those Nights

Starry Starry Night

I'm coming off of a long stretch of work.  It's nice that I don't have to go back until next week.  I need the break.  I keep telling myself I should pick up an extra shift like I used to, or at least a half shift.  I'm not desperate for the money but it sure does help.  Plus, I need things.  Like a new couch.  But alas....I just can't bring myself to do it.  I need my time away.

I'm tired and a bit achy.  I know I'm fighting a bit of a head cold too, but I just can't fall asleep yet.  My mind is too busy.  I've got a few worries swirling in my head and it's difficult to filter out.  I have lots of "catching up" to do house wise, food wise, laundry and bed linen wise and oh...I think there is something wrong with my car.  Great timing, eh?

I know it will get done.  At least the majority of it but all that is swirling in my head too.  Sometimes I really hate tackling all of this shit called Life by myself.  And I'm afraid it will always be that way.  I really don't have much hope for a solid or lasting relationship.  Not that I need one to complete my existence or make me "feel whole" but it sure does suck not having an extra anchor if you know what I mean. 

So here I sit, typing away...snacking on a breakfast bowl and a glass of wine because that sounded like a good idea for a slightly hungry belly and perhaps a segue to induce sleep.  It really doesn't matter that I'm up this late.  What duties I need to accomplish tomorrow really doesn't have a timeline.  As long as I am home by dark.  My night vision isn't so great and I really hate driving when it's really dark.  Ahh...the joys of aging.  Amongst other things.  And so you have it my readers, whoever you may be.  A restless, worried mind in the wee hours before dawn.  Sometimes I think I will always be this way.  And if that's the case, then so be it.  As long as I have this gig I think I'll be okay.  Until next time...elizinashe.

I Need to Practice This More

Which Type Are You ?

Is It Quiet in Space ?

How much alone time do you need?  Are you one of those independent types who don't need  a busy social life?  Or are you one of those more dependent types that need your calendar all filled up with friends and activities? 

Introvert or Extrovert?  Maybe a blend of both?  Social anxiety?  Or a leader among your pack?

I think I'm a bit of a blend of social and anti-social.  An introverted extrovert perhaps? 

The last couple of weeks have been a flurry of activity.  But in a good way.  But sheesh...am I glad to be home alone tonight.  I needed some down time after my errands and a quick chat with my neighbor.  Work beckons and sometimes that can be really draining.  And I expect it to be exactly that.  So much is going on these days....people are making some noise and our "for profit" hospital is feeling the heat so to speak.  I kind of like that to be honest.  Sound off your horns I say!

In short, the last couple of weeks have been filled with friends, wine, laughter and much to my surprise very little stress around it all.  I was able to help a friend in great need, have a special peep stay due to bad weather and spend some time with another friend from long ago who was in town on business.  And the coolest thing about it for me was that I finally have a place to call home and a lovely guest area for the above said friends and future guests.  I may not have a lot and I may have some clutter piles, dust bunnies and disorganized bins but your real peeps really don't care.  What I have learned is that all they want is your time.  And that's good enough for me.  I'm glad they get my kind of crazy and my kind of style.  Forget being all primp and proper.  Who needs that?

So tonight was spent making a nice dinner for me, a couple glasses of wine and lounging in my pjs' and bathrobe.  I really know how to channel that inner "little ol' lady".  And I relish that.  Perhaps I should give my aging alter ego a name.  How about Gladys?  Sounds silly enough.

I know the next few nights will bring its normal chaos.  And I know my coming short time off will be spent quietly at home before I begin the work cycle again.  And then it will be more time to be quiet.  I know I will need it.  Unless something more festive comes my way....you gotta get out and play at some point, right?  Until next time...elizinashe. 

Love Yourself First

Look To The Helpers

It's Good to Share !

Do you ever wonder what your purpose in Life may be?  Do you know your calling?  Have you always known what your career/life path would be?  Have you pursued your original intent?  Or have you just "winged it" and fallen into whatever Life threw at you? 

I've always been willing to help others.  Not all the time, but when I know in my gut, it is the right thing to do not to mention that I have zero problem in doing so, I really don't hesitate to offer whatever help I can muster.  Sometimes I wish I could do more, especially for our community and our country.  Regardless...I like to help. Maybe it's my own journey that I have taken that has lead me to where I am today? 

It struck me earlier today that in the last few years, since I have bought my home, I have been "that helper" to friends in need when the time arose.  I never in my life thought I'd have the life that I have.  I sometimes wish I could afford to do more but alas, that is not the case.  However, the idea of "being that friend" who helps her peeps when they are in a last minute pickle might be one reason that I am here on this planet of ours.  Perhaps that is in the least, one purpose as to why I am here.

I helped one of my very special peeps and provided some housing after a sudden illness when she and her son was out camping.  I did not have a guest bed yet, but a futon, a warm home and a hot shower.  It was the wee hours of the night and luckily when I was away from work.  I have also housed a friend who was mentally ill and needed a warm place to stay and food to eat.  Thankfully that was short lived but I could not bear the idea of my friend being so ill and sleeping in the woods.  I did what I could and I know he was grateful. 

I have housed another very special peep and coworker during our snow events as she is unable to get home when it does snow.  We have a wonderful time together, she's a great co-pilot as I am the one who drives us to work and we always have plenty of food and "adult beverages" available.  I love my snow events with her.  Really.  As stressful as driving in the snow can be, we really do have fun together.

The last two nights, I have helped another friend who needed a place to stay as she has had a bear enter her home the last two nights.  Yes...a bear.  Inside her home.  When she began to text me, I did not hesitate to tell her she can crash here until the proper authorities can do their thing and remove the bear from her property.  I know it's been stressful for her, my guest room is still clean and I had time away from work to be available.  Perfect timing?  Or is that a purpose?

Regardless, I am glad I am in a position that I can be "that person".  I can't do it all the time, especially with my work schedule but I do find it ironic that it always seems to happen when I am off work, which is a bonus.  Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be?  I don't know.

So maybe...I am a Helper.  It doesn't pay a whole helluva lot but the reward is fulfilling.  I think that's good enough don't you?  Until next time...elizinashe

Share Your Heart !

Yep, It's Monday

Which Door Do You Choose ?

Today has been a mixed bag.  After much rain and one beautiful day, the skies turned gray once again with the promise of more rain.  Ugh...

Today has been riddled with indecisiveness.  I was not in the mood to cook and although as much as I wanted to go to my watering hole for some social time, the impending college football game kept me at bay.  Food wise, nothing sounded good.  Or healthy.  However after a quick trip to my regular grocery for some basics, and the thought of an overpriced chicken pot pie, which I did buy anyway, I decided on a couple of slices of pizza-at another store.  I really need to do better food choice wise in my off time.  Sigh...

I had done some quick shoe shopping too earlier in the day as I am in desperate need of some new shoes.  I found a style that I really, really liked-however they did not have my size.  Which happens a lot.  And I mean like all. the. time.  Thus, why I hate shoe shopping.  And clothes.  I run into the same damn problem.  Go on line you say?  I did.  And found them I did.  But...upon closer inspection, they were not the exact style I thought they were.  Fuck.  And I can't cancel my order just yet.  Guess I'll find out if I really do like this style better or worse compared to what I saw earlier today.  Next week that is when they are delivered to my doorstep.  Or maybe it will be the following week.  Who knows.  Sigh...

It's just been a frustrating day in general.  It is Monday.  I'll blame it all on the day.  Or the weather.  Maybe hormones.  I don't know.  I just can't decide.  Until next time...elizinashe.

Hoping for a Better Days Ahead

Hello 2020 !

Fancy Drinks for 2020 !

Happy New Year! 

Well the New Year started off with quite a bang.  Literally.  Not so sure how great that is.  Keeping my fingers crossed that the coming months will be safe and sound.  But my expectations are more realistic. 

So what did you do on New Year's Eve?  Stay home or go out?  Did you stay up to "watch the ball drop"?  Did you get kissed? What did you do for New Year's Day?   Did you do a traditional New Year's day meal?  Or was it more of a bloody mary/hangover food kind of gig?  Football?  Or did you play outside?  Skiing? 

I took some time away from work after Christmas.  I've had about 11 days off at this point.  Tomorrow starts another leg of three nights and then I"m off again for the weekend.  Squee!  I have enjoyed every single inch of my time away from work.  I was way past due for extra time away.  I must remember to plan better and take more vacation time ~ but work...that's a whole other story. 

I've managed to replace my kitchen light fixture that I have hated so very much, rented a couple of movies, started to purge the closets and box up some junk that I really don't need with a plan for a very near future drop off to the Goodwill.  I even cleaned up the house a bit, played on my piano and started off 2020 with a night out with special friends and fun pictures.  I hope to have more nights like that this year.  It certainly was good for my soul.   I even bought myself a little Art piece that made me happy.  Now I want to pick up a couple of other Art pieces that I have desired for quite some time and add it to my wall.  I have a theme in mind...

Not a bad way to kick off the new decade don't ya think?  When I reflect on what the last ten years of my life, well...it sure has been a long, long journey.  Wow...what a long strange trip it's been.  Wonder what the next ten years has in store for me.  Until next time...elizinashe

Keep Shining !

Are You Ready ?

Happy New Year !

Christmas is over and the New Year is fast upon us.  Got plans?  Staying home or going out?  How do you celebrate?  Made those resolutions yet?  Goals?  Got booze? 

I typically don't do so much.  Last year I did go out with some friends and we were all home before "the ball dropped".  That was a fun night.  This year...well...no real big plans.  And that's okay.  I'm actually looking forward to being quiet and ringing in the New Year with the Hope that we will all continue to move forward, join in festivities with loved ones and never worry about paying the bills.  Because we all know, some are not so fortunate.  Many will struggle. 

As I write this, two of my co-workers are battling a brand new cancer diagnosis.  A friend from the past is also battling a cancer diagnosis.  My cousin's wife is battling cancer herself.  My parents are aging, friends who are traveling, family friends who are becoming more sickly in their aging years and a workplace that is well...many things.  And that's putting it mildly.  Life ain't always fair.  Sometimes it makes me fearful of my own future. 

Our country is hatefully divided.  And unjustly so.  There are many layers to that issue to which I will leave to another post.  In short, don't believe everything you see on the Internet, or on social media.  As always, check your facts and be open to discussion.  I hope to God that we find a way to heal.  It's the only way to move forward.

As for me, this year has been quite a roller coaster.  I've had a lot of adventures and lots of stress.  Sometimes it's been a real struggle.  Other times it's been a bit easy.  My Hope is that I will sail through the coming year with a clear mind and a forgiving heart.  It's been hard folks.  And as "optimistic" and possibly naively so that I know I can be, I know I will still have struggles.  I just hope I can handle them better than I believe myself to be.  It just doesn't help to wallow in your self criticism.  Nor the anger of your past. 

So back to my original point, that is if I really had one-haha...I just started to write and let it all flow.  Maybe that's a good thing.  So..are you ready for the New Year?  Goals?  Plans?  Resolutions?  What changes do you want for yourself for the New Year?  Tell me your Hopes for the coming year~ maybe we all should share our hopes together.  That can't be a bad thing don't ya think?  Until next time...elizinashe

Let Your Heart Shine

Getting It Done

Don't Ya Love Him? 

Christmas is quickly approaching.  I'm done with shopping.  I'm over it.  I like to keep it simple anyway.  Who needs a bunch of crap anyway? 

I've got two boxes to ship, a few cards to finish and food to prep.  I will be working during the holidays and our food choices will be limited.  No delivery either~they too will be closed.  And as much as I like to treat others, I just cannot bring a bunch of food or baked goods for my co-workers.  It's too much to attempt to feed the masses.  Maybe one day.

It's a calm, rainy night.  I'm a bit restless and I know it will be some time before I get tired enough to go to bed.  Ugh.  Night shifter struggles.  At least I'm off.  If I can hammer out the next leg of tasks tomorrow before the temperatures drop I'll be fine.  No bad weather here, or yet, but it sure does make you want to stay at home and under a blanket. 

The holidays sure can be frustrating.  The hustle and bustle of it all really stresses me out.  I just want to move through it.  I bailed on a Christmas party tonight, simply because I needed to be at home and feel grounded.  I just wasn't feeling that festive nor did I want to be around a crowd of people, even though I love spending social time with the other attendees, I just couldn't do it.  And I have no regrets about it.  Again, self care...

So for you my readers, I hope your Christmas is a joyous occasion.  I hope it's stress free and is everything you wanted it to be.  And more.  I hope the New Year brings you much love and new adventures.  I hope that 2020 is a healing year.  I think we all could use a bit of that don't ya think?  Until next time...elizinashe

Bon Appetite !