No Pics Tonight

So here I sit, snacking on some Mac n Cheese because it's sounds good.  Comfort food if you will...warm, creamy and cheesy.  A childhood staple.  And some wine of course because I am an adult.  And more of an adult now than before.

I lost my mother on May 31.  I was with her.  And as difficult as it was I am so thankful for that.  It had been weeks and weeks and longer since we last saw each other due to scheduling, distance, time, car issues and then the COVID  shit.  And given her age, I did not want to expose her of potential harm even though I've remained fairly healthy.  I hope that continues.

So much to do.  So much to process...my mind bounces between the grief and depression to task oriented crap that follows a death.  I have good support. I have really good friends.  My mother has really good friends.  But in the end...it's all on me. 

It's just all so much but I know I will get through it-one step at a time.  I pray.  I hope.  I shutdown.  I ignore.  I get back up.  I begin again slowly.  Because that's all I know what to do. 

There is not a rule book on how to deal with all of this shit.  There is not a guide on grief.  There is not ....just not....

So what's the next step?  I don't know.  I have closure commitments regarding my mom's house tomorrow.  After that...not so sure.  But that's okay...I'm going on my timeline.  And that's all that matters.  Until next time...elizinashe. 

Knock, Knock...

😂 Anyone Guilty ?  😂

Who's still out there?  How's your world these days? 

Today is Memorial Day.  A day of remembrance, thankfulness and placing flags on the headstones of the fallen that lost their lives fighting for our freedom. 

But this year has certainly been different.  People are getting itchy.  People are getting mad.  People are beginning to complain that our freedoms and rights are being taken away due to all this shutdown and mask requirements in public.  There is a growing minority that believe it's all "just a flu" and that it's nothing but mind and government control.  Jesus...really folks?  Give me a break.  If you really believe that, then ask your President Elect why he cut funding to the CDC and continually ignored their warnings and alerts over the last few years and especially the multiple warnings all through January.  We, as a Nation, could have been better prepared.  We, as a Nation are not immune.  Remember when we thought "nothing could happen" to us?  Then 9/11 came and went.  We are not immune...

Believe you me, I am so fucking sick of this shit.  I miss going to a restaurant.  I miss going to my favorite haunts for home goods, clothes, shoes and knick-knacks.  I hate having to wear a mask every time I go to the grocery store.  I hate having to wait outside at one of our other grocery stores so they can limit how many people can be inside at one given time.  Hate. It.  BUT...I am glad that the "essential business's" are taking precautions.  This is the real deal folks.  And it ain't over. 

We will be forever scarred from this like 9/11.  We will never forget.  But I think we have forgotten our manners.  We have forgotten how to be kind.  We have forgotten that spewing Hate and False Information does nothing but continue the divide.  And it's becoming a huge divide I'm afraid.  I find that very, very sad...

One of my favorite art galleries is opening back up with limited hours and masks requirements.  I'm totally for it.  There have been a couple of photography pieces that I have wanted for two years now.  I finally came to terms that I should go ahead and buy them.  And then the shutdown happened.  Sigh...I've waited long enough.  It's time to open slowly and carefully.  But damn I can't wait to go shopping for my new treats.  And I will happily wear my mask.  And if I plan it right, I might be able to grab a bite to eat at one of our many local joints.  I have missed them so.

In the meantime, I pray that you will remain healthy.  I pray that you will be able to join your friends socially and in person without the fear of getting sick.  I pray that our country will become more united than divided.  I pray, I pray, I pray...until next time...elizinashe

Hope in the Chaos

Are You About to Bust Yet?

I Need Wide Open Spaces

It's a quiet night with a slight breeze.  It's been a bit warm today and the night has yet to really cool down.  Rain in the future.  Glad I didn't wash all the yellow off my car today.  Maybe Mother Nature will take care of that for me in the wee hours of the night.

Today has been a good day.  I made my trip to the grocery store, spoke with my mother and actually used the vacuum on my kitchen floor.  Did a quick mop too.  As much as I hate doing those things, it did feel good to clean up a bit.  I will focus on another room tomorrow as I have many rooms to clean now. 

My mentality has been much better today compared to others.  This COVID thing is getting difficult.  And I'm afraid it's not completely over.  Our lives have been changed forever.  I miss the days of walking around freely without fear.  I wonder if we will ever return to a more normal public engagement.  I'm finding more and more people not wearing masks or taking any precautions.  We are all tired.  And some are beginning to adopt the hoax and government control mentality.  And getting really ugly about it.  And that's frightening.  People are mad.  I get it.  But stop comparing numbers.  This shit ain't over and we will won't have any proper statistics for a very long time. 

I hope you are well.  I hope there is something in your day that makes you happy.  I hope you stay well.  And I hope that we can all gather in public and hug each other again without the fear of becoming sick.  I hope, I hope, I hope.  Until next time...elizinashe

Sending Peace

Aimlessly Mindless...

Let's Gather For a Feast

How you doing out there?  How often do you get out and about?  Compared to our previous lives before the Corona.  How's your mentality?

Staying at home in my off time is getting old.  Not that I would schedule many escapades anyway prior to the COVID 19, BUT...not being able to go shop like I want to, like I need to, is a real bummer.  I had plans dammit.  I was going to pick up some local art.  Look for a real couch.  Go to a concert.  Check out the new art museum.  And now...it's the grocery store and at least once a week I will pick up some take out from my local watering hole.  Dang I wish we could get to a point where I could have a pint while I wait.  I can sit outside and social distance.  Sigh...not that I need an excuse to drink more than I already have been.  I did a bit much last night.  Oops!  So easy to do...

Funny how a pandemic has cornered us into actually talking to friends and family again.  Like the old days...I find that many of us are actually making a more concerted effort to checking in with our peeps.  And our family.  Shouldn't we have been doing that anyway?  How did we stray away from those phone calls where we actually talk and catch up about our lives?  When did we stop connecting? 

I managed a play date with a friend last week.  Jesus did that feel good!  We took a walk around the woods and then put on some T Rex outfits and danced around in the yard.  AND we got to hug without the fear of getting the COVID.  haha..I mean, I'd hug her anyway at this point but putting on some silly outfits and playing around was totally worth it.  I see another play date in the future. 

This crisis is far from over.  But I hope it's beginning to wane.  I need to get out and see people again.  I have a bucket list of things to tackle all which include businesses that are currently closed because of State orders.  And I'm tired of living in fear.  I refuse to let those anxieties plant roots in my brain.  I'm over it.  Aren't you? 

In the meantime, stay safe, call your peeps, get ready to bust out because that day will come very soon.  I have to have faith in that.  And when that day comes it will be a most glorious moment that will be hard to forget.  I think we all can agree on that.  Until next time...elizinashe

We Will Prevail

A Different Kind of Wednesday

Pretty Powerful Don't Ya Think ?

Happy Spring Y'all! 

It's official, the pollen has descended.  And all over my car.  It's supposed to rain tonight, so maybe that will help.  I'm too chicken to wash my car and touch the wand, although I do have gloves I could wear.  And yes, we have some automatic car washes but being that I have a nice sized "nic" in my winshield from a very large pebble that came flying out of nowhere,  I'm again too chicken to go through an automatic wash out of fear that the washing device might make that hole a bit bigger.  And yes, I've used a self sealing kit to cement it and keep it from spreading.  It's been over a year now so I guess I'm safe.  Fingers crossed. 

So I made it to the store and back without much trouble.  I've worn a mask the last two times I've gone.  I"m pretty scared of this Covid shit.  And being that I already work in a hospital I want to take extra precautions for my own health.  I'm slightly compromised, I've already been a bit puny due to allergies, intermittent sore throat and just in general anxious.  I miss my bar...I miss having the freedom to join my peers for a beer and a snack.  Especially now that the weather is nicer and the local breweries have wide open spaces.  However, they too are closed.  Sad.

So here I sit, listening to the Rolling Stones typing away.  I've finished a present for a friend's birthday, got some chicken ready so I can do a stir fry, cleared up my crafty mess and cleaned up the kitchen table-mostly.  I still have some clutter but that's normal for me.  Maybe I'll find the skills to keep it completely clean, I don't know...I'm feeling a bit rebellious today.  haha

If I did not have this thing I think I'd be pulling my hair out.  I'm glad it's here.  I'm glad I started it.  There's only so much social media that I can take and forget the news.  I have to walk away.  Especially when the dumbfuck begins to speak.  He's just a horrible human in all aspects.  And I will leave it at that.  Karma will come for him. 

In the meantime, I hope those of you who maybe reading this are safe and well.  I hope you find the time to find something good in your day wherever you may be.  I hope these crazy times ends soon.  And never, ever do I hope that it returns.  I hope we can return to a time that we can hug and kiss one another very soon.  Don't you?  Until next time...elizinashe

Keep the Faith

Here We Go !

Getting My Crafty On !

So how's the self quarantine going?  Eating more?  Drinking?  Getting too high perhaps?  Face Time?  Learning about this thing called Zoom?

I am considered an "essential worker".  Duh...I'm a nurse.  Our COVID cases are rising in my county, and surrounding counties as well.  We've already had our first death related to the Corona virus.  I expect more to come.  Some say that we are two weeks behind NYC.  We have yet to peak.  I know that to be true.  Sigh...it's frightening for sure.

In my short time off from working the weekend, I have made one trip to the grocery store.  I was lucky to find what I needed.  And then what I didn't need aka ice cream.  haha...Might as well, right? 

So far I've been lucky I guess.  My patients have been healthy so far.  Visitors have been restricted.  With very few exceptions.  Rumor has it that we will now be screened for a fever before walking into the building.  That should have happened two weeks ago.  And that we are now required to wear masks.  And that should have happened two weeks ago as well.  And nope...no N95s.  There's just not enough to go around. 

Today hasn't been too bad.  I did some crafty things, posted some pictures, made a nice dinner and knocked out some laundry since I return to work tomorrow.  I must say today has been a lot better than my previous time away from work.  Way too much time to think about all that's going on and allowing my fears to plant roots in my head.  Not today Satan.  I just can't continue to live that way. 

So in the meantime, look for the little things.  Limit your news time.  Limit the social media paranoia.  Limit your distance.  Play some music, do some writing, start something creative.  Sit outside, maybe a nice drive in the country.  Break away from the walls of our stressful minds.  It's been an overload lately and I've had my fill.  This is far from over but I am learning ways to cope in more distracting ways that are more beneficial than the alternative.  Except the wine...can you blame me?  Keep the Faith guys.  And as always, be safe.  Until next time...elizinashe. 

Take Time for Yourself !

Sitting in Silence

Embrace the Quiet

Good Morning-at least it's morning to me.

It's a different kind of Sunday.  Quiet, cool, calm...the birds are chirping, the neighborhood is holed up.  The Air BnB's have cleared out.  It all seems pretty peaceful but there is a sadness in the air too. 

Our mountain town is surviving.  Our local restaurants are closed to the public.  Take out only if they are able to offer that.  Hotels empty.  People have cancelled.  And smartly so.  Our service industry people are hurting.  Our healthcare workers are worried.  Not enough supplies to go around.  There's a shortage everywhere, nation wide.  And we have our first confirmed case in our own county as of yesterday.  Two other neighboring counties have confirmed cases as of last week.  And more on the way.  Rumor has it that two of our hospital floors are filled with presumptive Corona patients.  Where are they going to put the rest? 

Never in my life would I have expected to see such a demise.  I thought the 2016 campaign was a nightmare.  I thought the last four years was unbelievable.  Now...I have no words.  I have much anger and fear.  I must have hope.  I must have faith.  I must have patience.  I must...

Even without the pandemic, I had no real plans today.  My local hangout is closed, doing take out.  So no bar fly camaraderie for me.  No local beer to sip while we share stories and bitch about whatever is on our minds.  I worry about my local watering hole.  It's been an anchor of support for me and I hope the business survives this mess.  I hope all of our local business's survive this mess as we have many wonderful eateries.  It's going to be a difficult journey.  I wonder how other countries survive their pandemics.  How did they make it? 

I hope your Sunday is peaceful.  I hope you take some time to sit in Silence and absorb the sights and surroundings around you.  There is comfort to find in all of this.  I have to believe in that.  The Sun will still shine, the flowers will pop out and the trees will still house the creatures around us.  Look for the little things.  It's the only thing we can bank on.  Until next time...elizinashe

More of This Please