Late Night Beats

 Awake and Tired


Bored brainless

Wish I could go home

One more night

One more push

No baby tonight

And Thank God for that


Worry and then Not

Is it Real or filling up the lonelies?

Why does it feel normal?

Am I kidding myself?

Or does my gut guide me true?


Part of me wants to stay guarded, stay independent

And the other wants to keep what's been started and let it grow

I've been alone long enough

I think I'm due

I think this might be it

I think I'm not scared

I think I am scared


But not


Take a step back

Relax

Don't freak

You got this


Maybe Mamma was right after all

I hope you dig it


Until next time...elizinashe

Church

 Do you believe in God?  Do you pray?  Have you ever felt the presence of "something" or experienced an event that is just unexplainable?


Is there really and Heaven or Hell?


What were you taught as a child?


I feel like religion is still a hot button for some.  Especially with certain denominations  that send messages of burning in a fire for the rest of your Life, or using other scare tactics which does nothing but riddle one with guilt and shame, especially if you have "sinned".


How about the Muslims?  It seems like they are constantly being ridiculed, persecuted and accused of all things violent when the message of their Faith teaches the opposite.  And if I'm not mistaken, the Muslim faith is the oldest "organized" religion is it not?  Christianity is an arm off of the Muslim faith-so how did we become so ugly towards each other?  I'm pretty sure that that is not what the Koran teaches and certainly not the Bible itself.


So when you need to find strength, when you need guidance or a spiritual uplifting, where do you go?  Do you go to church?  Temple? Meditate?  Go to confession and ask for some Hail Mary’s?


Is it really necessary to go to a building every week just so we can "save your soul" from damnation and pray for forgiveness?


I've always felt at the most Peace when I'm outside in Nature, among the mountains or a waterfall.  That is where I have felt the closest to my God, my higher power.  Does that count?


Btw, God's name is Howard.  Did you know that?


Personally, I really don't think it matters if you go to a church, a tent, a log cabin or just sit in the comfort of your favorite chair.  I think it matters that you just go-wherever that may be.  It matters that you just show up.


I think God has many names.  Deus, Yahweh, Elohim, Tzevaot, Allah...but for me, I think I'll call him Howard.


Until next time...elizinashe 

https://youtu.be/s4iGCSUQBWc

Relationships

When Do You Bail ?

 When you do raise the Red Flag in a new relationship?  It doesn't matter if it's a new  friendship, a new romance or Hell, even a new job.  


When do you raise the Red Flag in regards that something "ain't right".  What's your limit?  How much can you tolerate?  What is your breaking point?


I've always been a pretty independent person.  I've never been in a consistent relationship or had a hot date every weekend.  In fact, my serious relationships have been few and far between.  So when a new person comes along, it tends to be a different kind of start.  Then I get excited about the possibility of a future, a something special and then some of those Red Flags begin to go up that flagpole.  And then I become more guarded and cautious once again.  And if those Red Flags keep waving at me, I begin to lose interest and then I walk away to save myself.  I don’t do drama.   However, as I have gotten older, I begin to question myself about those flags.


What if they are "doable"?  What if they are more tolerable than I believe them to be?  Am I too independent?  Are my expectations too much?  Am I too intolerant?  Or have I grown ?  


I certainly do not regret any past Red Flags that I have encountered as those instincts were pretty spot on.  But this latest Flag has me worried but not scared.  Maybe I have matured?  Maybe I know this Flag is a work in progress?  Something that can be tolerated?  Maybe that Red Flag will turn White.  Only time will tell.  I'm still processing this new and long overdue territory.   Maybe I've been in the bunkers too damn long and I just don't know anything different.  If only I had a map to guide me in the right direction.  


Okay, then.  Done with metaphors.  Haha... sorry, couldn't help it.  Until next time...elizinashe.

Hoping For This

Lazy Time

It's a Bit Like This

  It's a cool, gray rainy day here.  Tomorrow will be better.  Still so much to do...and yet, I have zero motivation to do anything.  At least I have food.  And wine of course. 

 

 The holidays have come and gone.  New Year's coming next.  Which will   be spent at home.  In the comfort of my pjs, food, wine and  new kitty.  Yep.  You read that right.  I snagged me a little kitty over the Thanksgiving weekend.  And I don't regret it.  He's a cute little potato for sure.  

 

I have really good ideas and smart plans but implementing them is another thing.  Is that normal?  Clearing out my mother's house is a huge task.  And making sure that my father who is 900+ miles away stays afloat is always in my mind.  He's doing well these days.  I'm so thankful that he got some counseling.  So important.  Now, if I could just let go of some guilt in my lack of progression with my mother's estate.  I had hoped I would be farther along than this.  But alas, I am not.  When will it ever end?  It certainly isn't happening today.  I just can't.  I don't even want to make any phone calls which I really should.  But nope...maybe soon.  I need to feel good about something.  

 

Otherwise...I am surviving.  And procrastinating.  I'm pretty good at that.  And forget a "New Year's Resolution".  I don't do that shit.  Because I know I will not follow through with it.  Procrastination at its best.  Aren't we all a bit guilty of that? 

 

In the meantime, I hope 2021 is a whole lot better.  This past year has royally sucked.  I am hopeful that all will go much more smoothly.  In a bigly way.  HA!  Sorry, couldn't help it.  Until next time...elizinashe

Meet Squid

Awake and Restless

Feeling a Bit Like This

  The last few days have been peaceful ones for a change.  Still much to do with my mother's estate.  So much to do...

 

I'm awake and a bit restless.  I could empty some boxes that I have here at my house.  I could do some cleaning.  I could do lots of responsible things, like clear off my kitchen table.  But alas...I refuse.  I'm just not feeling it.  Is that being too lazy?  

 

I have found some sort of Peace of mind lately.  Finally.  I know the dark days will return but for the most part, I am well.  I'm in a much better place than I was a few months ago.  Hell, even one month ago.  And it has been a blessing.  

 

I know not what the future will bring.  I have no idea when I will finally get my mother's house cleared out and ready for the market.  So much to do...and the yard is a mess thanks to the leaves and hurricane winds that came not long ago.  I refuse to stress about it now.  It serves no purpose.  

 

I am thankful for my friends.  I am thankful that I have my own home.  I am thankful that I have money to pay my bills and money to keep mom's stuff covered.  At least for now.  I am just thankful.  

 

One step at a time.  One day at a time.  One breath at a  time.  Thanks for reading.  See ya soon. 

Until next time...elizinashe

Channeling Life

Ramblings

Looking for Peace

 Restless mind, anxious heart.  Deep breaths I say...deep breaths...

 

It will work out.  It will work out.  But how so?  So much to do, so little time.  Pins and needles it is.  Pins and needles, stabbing my mind, pitting in my stomach.  Don't think, don't rehash...just don't . Keep moving forward.  Keep moving forward....have some Faith.  Stop obsessing.  But oh so hard to do...

 

Masked Singer?  How about masked shoppers?  Masked people.  Masked co-workers.  Masked everyone.  Will I ever see your face again?  When will I see strangers smile again?  Focus on the eyes they say...windows to the soul.  But the souls I see are blocked like their mouth.  Blocked like their minds.  Blocked like their heart.  Will we ever heal?

Big fight gonna happen tonight.  Are ya gonna tune in?  How's it all gonna shake down?  Wish I could escape the chaos.  But we are surrounded by it all the time.  It's relentless.  Will it ever change?  Will we ever be at Peace?  Oh Lady Liberty shine your light!  I'm tired of the darkness.  

Distract, breathe, heal.  One step at a time.  Have a smoke.  Have a drink.  Look up at the night sky...and just be.  Just be.  

Until next time...elizinashe

Looking for Freedom

The Dipsy Doodle

Ice Cream !

 You know those group things on social media labeled "if you grew up here.." with whatever hometown you are from?  I'm a part of mine...Fort Smith, AR.  Just for fun.  

 

So earlier tonight someone had posted about an ice cream truck that had existed in the 70s and part of the 80s back in the day.  I do believe that it was in existence in the late 60s but I wasn't around then.  Regardless, I do remember that ice cream truck.  

 

In fact, the lady that owned it lived on the next block from us.  She and her husband were members of our church.  They had three sons who were basically grown and in college when I was young.  But I do remember the Dipsy Doodle as it was called.  A small red food truck, with the tinkling music slowly driving around the neighborhood and stopping for all us kids as we bolted out of the house for treats.  

 

Remember that 3 cent gum?  Supper Bubble was it?  Ice Cream Sandwiches?  Orange Pops?  Creamsicles?  Fudge Pops and Drumsticks?  Yep...it was all there.  No hand dipped things on a cone but you get the point.  Great stuff.  Great memories....I miss an ice cream truck coming through my neighborhood.  Tinkling music and all. 

 

The lady that had the truck was a petite lady, short black hair and bright blue eyes with cat framed glasses.  She was also our local Tupperware lady.  Yes...I'm "dating " myself.  She was neat lady and had a very curious mind.  I remember her buying local peaches and sharing the said peaches that she would freeze and can for later use.  I remember snacking on slightly defrosted slightly still frozen sugared sliced peaches on a hot summer day.  In Tupperware of course!  And it was delightful!  

Her husband was an engineer of some sort, and apparently worked for a NASA station that was hidden here in the mountains of North Carolina in Rosman.  I remember seeing stacks of science type magazines in their house along with their black cat Boo, who mostly stayed on the couch taking a nap as most black cats do.  They were interesting people for sure and I have found memories of that ice cream truck.  The Dipsy Doodle.  I wish I had pictures of that thing...a little history and  perhaps sentimentality.  Those were good days for sure.  

Although our ice cream lady and her husband have long passed onto their next adventure, that one little comment from one stranger who also remembered the Dipsy Doodle on a social media group  brought back some fond memories from my childhood.  And that's a good thing.  I think we all could use a little bit of that these days don't ya think?  Until next time...elizinashe.  

Who Wants a Popsicle ?