Journals

I used to keep a journal on a regular basis. Once I got a computer I started to journal on a word document and created a file so I can always go back to it and never lose what I wrote. Then I started my blog. Sort of an open journal for others to read but doesn't require a name to a face. I was still anonymous. However, I do have the old fashioned paper journal that I keep in my car for those moments I feel the need to write on paper.

I was thinking of putting a tab on my facebook profile of all the concerts/shows I've seen for whatever reason and I remembered that one of my journals had some ticket stubs pasted in the pages as reminders and to mark the event. So I started digging & quickly flipping thru the 5 journals I have in the house right now. (who knows how many more I have packed away in my mother's basement). As I was flipping thru the pages I noticed that I would paste lots of other momentos in my pages to keep and remember. Cards, places I've visited, pic of places I wanted to see, the house I almost bought, stickers and words of love & appreciation from others.

Don't know why I stopped writing & pasting stuff in my journal. I guess the computer world took care of that. Anyhow, there are still lots of stupid things I like to keep and they tend to pile up taking up space. Stupid things like cards, odd phrases, useless trivia, stickers, (I've always like stickers!! Especially if I'm mailing something to family/friends.)and other what-nots. I think it's time to start that habit again. I miss writing down my stuff in the old-fashioned way. I usually did it over a lunch date with myself. It was a good excuse to get out of the house and do some writing without being interupted by my cats or the phone. Now it's too easy to turn on the pute and type away. It's easier to edit as well. My brain tends to speak faster than I can write or type and some words or phrases tend to be left out. Writing things out on paper slows me down a bit and it's a struggle to write my thoughts down without skipping around a whole bunch and still having that entry make some sense. At least some sense to me. I don't know who will read all my crap once I'm off this planet. Maybe somebody will find it interesting. Regardless, sometimes it is best to do things the 'old school way' in order to really develop your craft. elizinashe

Stuff to Write

It's been a while since I wrote/blogged last. Sorry to disappoint but I've been pretty busy. However I do have many topics I'd like to talk about but my list in my head is numerous and trying to focus on one topic has proved to be ...well...???? Which one do I start with? So I thought I'd at least put it down on my list o'things on my blog in hopes it will give me a better start. So here it goes.

1. MJ -so much to say on this one. New stuff pops up everyday. Great talent, sad man.

2. Old High School Peeps- been finding alot of those on facebook which has been a surprising perk. One which includes a boy I went to school with who claims had a terrible crush on me back then and still does after all this time. Shocker I know.

3. Re-discovering your own city and enjoying the unique amenities that it has to offer, especially when the weather is nice which allows for an all day affair of exploring.

4. Lady-this was the primary dog I grew up with as a kid. I have been telling lots of 'Lady' stories lately so I guess I should write them down before I forget. She was such a funny dog and I miss having her around.

5. Another brick in my schooling career and a delay in my endeavors. UGH!! However I am making lemonade out of these lemons and returning to San Fransico to visit a girly friend that I miss terribly. Can't wait to pack up and board that plane!

6. The new Dave Matthews album. It Rocks!! That's all that really needs to be said about that one.

7. Work, the economy & personal finances. Why didn't I do it right the first time I went to college?

8. I really don't have a # 8 but I couldn't end my list with a #7. It just didn't seem right.

So that's the short list for now. I am certain I will think of more to add when I go to bed as my head tosses & turns when my body is trying to rest. Sometimes I wish I could flip a switch like a light panel to stop my head from over-thinking so much. But if that were to happen I guess I wouldn't have these creative spurts sprouting about. Maybe that's a sign of genius. HA!

elizinashe

Grateful

As we all struggle in these tough economic times I am reminded every day how lucky my life is compared to what it could be. I have gone thru many struggles over the last 4 years as I try to start a new career and keep my bills paid without going broke or losing my mind. I have taken a serious cut in pay and my working hours now are very long, and the whole going back to school thing as I am approaching the big 4-0 has been a personal and sometimes egoistic challenge. ( I guess I'm gonna have to change the whole 30s blurb pretty soon, huh?)

However, I know that for the most part , I'm a much happier person than I used to be. Yes, there are days when I ask myself, 'what the hell have I done?' and I have a nice long cry. Change is always scary. I'm terribly hard on myself so when things don't happen as quickly as I feel like they should, I get pissed. Then I get depressed. Then I realize that I'm pretty lucky. I don't have the jet-set life like some of my peers, I don't have the satisfaction of owning my own home, I don't go to the beach for a weekend get-away with a bunch of girlfriends, I don't go out every weekend to bar hop or catch a movie. Hell, I don't even have a dishwasher! But what I do have is really great friends who love me no matter what, I have a refridgerator full of food, I have a nice place to live without the fear of being mugged or getting shot in a drive-by, I have a good job which holds a long-term future for me as long as I keep trying and I have healthcare for the first time in years.

Yes, life is hard. Sometimes really hard. But I know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what keeps me going. After all, tomorrow is another day. ;) elizinashe

In Need for Spring

The winter months can be very tiresome. I get very tired of the same old daily grind and I look forward to the time change so I can have that extra daylight at the end of my day. It is such a sigh of relief as I am leaving work and walk out into some daylit sky. No more leaving for work in the dark and returing home in the dark.

This time of year can be such a tease. We will go thru periods of rain, cool temperatures, a couple of warm days and then a quick tap of cold weather. Such is the case today. It was 75 degrees yesterday. I quickly made some use of our lovely weather and went for a nice drive, found a sunny picnic table and layed down in the sunshine, listening to the wind in the trees. It was almost like listening to the ocean. It was a nice little cat nap that was much overdue. The school and work thing has really weighed heavy on my mentality. Being able to detox my brain by going outside and getting out of the four walls has a tremendous effect on my being. ahhh....

So now we are back to the slap-in-the-face cold snap. bleh!!! It is chilly, windy and the temps are supposed to drop and there is a chance of rain/snow mix late tonight and tomorrow. yee-gads!!! It's April already!!! Can't it stay nice for a few weeks??? I need warm, sunny skies to push me through the end of this semester. I'm tired of being inside the four walls. I spend alot of time encased school buildings and work. This butterfly is ready to fly. Oh, please spring hurry up! I'm tired of my cocoon. elizinashe

Your Wild Kingdom Moment

I could write about how chaotic my life has been lately, or gripe about the economy and politics, or pick some deep topic to analyze but I won't. I find a little bit of silliness is in order to break up the everyday stressor's that we live amongst. In my sleep deprived state of mind as well as some procrastination I'm feeling a little juvenile. I came across this photo a couple of weeks ago and was just amazed. I could hardly believe my eyes. What we are looking at is a Celebes Crested Macaque Monkey. I'm not sure what the 'crested' part refers to but I can make a pretty good guess. And we thought Baboon's had it bad. How in the world can a monkey evolve with an ass that....indescribable? So many inappropriate jokes come to my mind....It's like a completely separate appendage. Poor thing. I bet he gets the butt of alot of jokes. (oooo...) I am most certain that Marlon Perkins did not showcase this fine speciman on his show, and we all know that his partner-in-crime Jim did all the dirty and dangerous work. I don't think Jim would have gone for this one. All I've got to say is that is one big ass. As my former college roomie had put it so delicately, I bet he doesn't do a lot of sitting down. Again, there are many jokes to be had here but I digress. I think I've done enough already. Feel free to make up your own jokes to break away from your daily stressors. elizinashe

Gavin

Today has been a sad day. After a long battle of liver problems and thyroid imbalances I finally made the decision to put my kitty Gavin down so that he may move on with his life and exit this world with some dignity and much love from is human momma. The last few months of his life have been topsy turvy, starting with a kitty UTI followed by a torn ACL in his back leg joint and then his liver and thyroid stuff. How he tore up his ACL ligaments is beyond me since he and my other kitty Hecubus are strictly indoor cats but they must have had one hell of a party while I was at work. Anyway...The last two weeks have been a slow downhill ride. He had lost a lot of weight in the last 3 months. The picture you see now was taken in August of 2008. He was a plump and stocky 14lbs. He sure did keep your warm at night! However his aging body started to dictate another path. He had lost about 4lbs. within a months time and did start to improve for a brief time before his liver decided to tell another tale. He began to sleep a lot and eat very little. Medicating him became a battle and I decided that it was a battle not worth fighting. I didn't want the end of his life becoming a routine of shoving meds down his little throat and still feeling like crap. I had been planning on the whole 'putting him down' process in my head for the last 5 days or so. I had been in touch with my vet in preparations and protocol for Gavin and getting myself prepared for the inevitable. I must say it's not easy to take your pet to be euthanized but I did handle it all pretty well. We spent alot of time snuggling yesterday since my class had been cancelled and the weather was cold and snowy. A perfect day to stay on the couch with your cat. The vet clinic was very compassionate and humane and we all cried. I have chosen to have the body cremated and I will take Gavin's ashes up to my mother's place where he can be free among the other creatures and making his mark on mom's property. He & I lived there with my mother for a few months, as well as Hecubus, while I was in career limbo and needed a free place to stay. Gavin really liked it up there and proudly pranced around like he owned the place. It gives me a peace of mind knowing that he will be scattered somewhere that is special to me as well as to him and not in some communal deceased pet dump. I feel like I owe him that much. He was a loving and funny kitty and will be missed by many. He loved people and craved attention from anyone that came over. I am glad that he didn't have to suffer for very long. His exit in this life was graceful and quiet. Just the way I wanted it. I will miss those 3am wake-up calls in my face as I slumber and his curious talk around the house. He was a really good cat and will be missed greatly. elizinashe

I've Been Tagged!

This Facebook thing is getting to be too much fun and very obsessive but in a good way, or at least that is what I'm telling myself. I've been busy posting some old pics and some more current ones so those who are now reconnecting with my life can see what I've been up to and so forth. The fun thing is when one of your friends posts a long forgotten picture of yourself and therefore you become 'tagged'. It's becoming a fun little game however I do know that there are some very embarrssing pictures of me out there somewhere which I hope do not make an appearance. Of course turn-about is fair play....I have several embarrassing pics of my loved ones as well...such an evil game to play. Ah, good times, good times.... elizinashe