Anybody Home?
I am...still around...just not so much on this thing.
Not because I haven't wanted to, Life has been hectic. However I have been writing a lot in my journal and writing just in general to get things out of my head. Not sure if I even have any readers any more but at least I am still trying.
I will soon post some more but I just wanted to reach out and try and get back into the habit that I have loved and has proven to be therapeutic for me.
Until next time...elizinashe
Boo!
Anyone still around?
Yep, I'm still here. I'm still learning....
Got a new pute as my old laptop was aging and no longer "supported" with some of the new technology that swiftly comes about. So here I am...
Happy New Year by the way!
Did you watch the ball drop?
Make any resolutions?
Did you eat your black eyed peas, ham and collards on New Year's Day?
What's in your wallet?
Until next time....elizinashe
Welp, as my previous post says...Time Flies...
It is now October. I think it's my favorite month. Time to slow down like Mother Nature and just breathe the cooler air. Stop and watch the leaves change and fall to the ground. Time to reflect and renew.
The fog that has been living with me and in my head is lifting. Not that I have been in the serious dumps or anything but I do feel "lighter" if you know what I mean. These last few years have been a bit much.
Losing mom, clearing out her house, nearly losing my dad twice (!) b/c of his own depression and pity party, losing a relationship, overwhelmed with a lot of things...feeling helpless, feeling down, struggling to move through this phase of my Life.
And I am moving through rather fine these days. I've been getting crafty again. Hanging up photos and creating a new wall of my crazy things. Getting to know one of my newer neighbors who brings me some of her Thai food that she makes. YUM!!!!
It's a window's open kind of day while I listen to music and I await the house cleaners to come and do what I absolutely loathe to do~clean. At least the floors and bathrooms. That kind of help has helped my mentality too. So worth it.
I am finding my happiness again. And that is a really good feeling. Especially now that Fall is waving her colors and breezes around to blow all the negativity and anguish away from my bubble.
I hope your Fall season will be joyful and peaceful. Not sure how kind Old Man Winter will be....hopefully he will be gentle.
Until next time...elizinashe
Tomorrow is Mom’s Birthday.
I just realized it when I looked at my calendar.
I never really know what day it is anyway but it’s hitting me a bit. I’m not upset or anything…just remembering.
Mom left this Earth five years ago this past May. Can’t believe it’s been that long. And I still have crap loads of her stuff in my room and in the basement.
Mostly pictures, letters, junk jewelry and tons of king sized bedding in the basement that is too big for my washer to wash. Plus I just don’t want to do it. Hell…I haven’t washed my sweaters or winter jacket yet! I’m just not in the mood.
Still have a large collection of the Milk Glass dish ware that she loved so much. Hard to get rid of~too collectable to just “give away”. But nobody is buying this sort of thing these days. It comes in waves.
Wish me luck in getting it counted, cleaned and sold in one big lot. I don’t want it. What am I going to do with all of this stuff as I get older?
I certainly don’t need to decide now but….I need guidance for sure. In the meantime I will just go about my day, do my thing for tomorrow and take it all in small steps. That is the only thing I know what to do.
Until next time…elizinashe.
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| A Treat My Mom Painted |
Did that make you think of Pink Floyd?
Haha...can't believe it's been so long since I have last written on this thing.
I still write though, I just don't post the stuff I have been writing. I guess I am going in a different direction these days. Thoughts, frustrations, anger, sadness and joy that swirls in my head.
Do I really want to show that side of myself? Do I really have any readers left? Do people still "blog"?
It's a cold and very windy day here~so I have fired up the Crock Pot and I am hermitting inside my humble home listening to music. Procrastinating laundry and cleaning off my kitchen table. It's a low energy low goal oriented day. And that's okay.
Hope you are all safe and warm out there!
I'll try and do better on this thing. Until next time...elizinashe
Hello…it’s been a long, long time.
Yep, I’m still here.
Are you?
Sharing a little thing I wrote back in May when I was struggling.
I am in a much better place now. And have been for quite some time.
And I am glad for that.
So I thought I’d share as I meant to post this much much sooner.
But Life got in the way.
Hope you enjoy.
To The One Who Left
I hope you are well.
Thanks for the time.
Go figure your shit out.
I refuse to be in limbo.
My heart can’t take it.
Can yours?
Why are you so afraid?
What was I to you?
You won’t change, that I know.
So what was your purpose?
What was our purpose?
What am I to you?
My heart has grown cold
I don’t know if it will ever warm back up.
I hope I am wrong.
To The One Who Left
You left too soon.
Why can’t you be here?
Can you see me?
Are still behind me?
Protecting me?
Where would you be if you had not died.
Oh how my mind thinks of that
You would tease me about loving Dave so much
And bitch about my smoking
Memories are fading with time
But I will never forget you.
To The One Who Left
Well shit.
You were a big one.
I had to put on the really big girl pants
And it sucked.
But I am glad it was me
I just wasn’t ready.
Were you?
Why did you keep so much shit?
Seriously.
Please send someone to help.
Do remember our last talks?
Do you remember what I said?
Did you understand?
What was it that you did not tell me?
You knew something was up didn’t you?
I knew you knew something
I wish you had told me
I wish a lot of things.
To The Ones Who Left
Don’t leave me hanging
I still need you
And I will need your help as my Life continues
I still Love you
I still wish you were here
My heart still hurts
To The Ones Who Left
Why did you have to leave?
It was too soon.
My heart is forever changed.
I hope I find it again.
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| Practicing This Today... |
Do you know what that really means?
Taking time just for you. Taking time just to decompress. Taking time to have a Peace of Mind and do something that brings you back down to Earth. Do you know what I mean?
Do you allow yourself such time in our busy lives? Got kids? Got a spouse or a partner? Work? Have you over extended yourself in all of your activities and volunteering?
Have you stopped to just rest?
Although I have been off work the last few days they haven't been happy ones. Seems like there was something every day that needed tending to and not the fun kind. It sure did become exhausting.
I cancelled an appointment I had this afternoon, ran a few necessary errands and came home to rainy skies and a few rumbles of thunder. I slowly tackled the kitchen and even wrote one of my cousins a letter. And I pre-ordered a book that another cousin has written. All the while listening to music and taking all the time I needed.
No need to rush around. No deadlines so why be in a hurry?
I so needed a day like today. My house is still a wreck but I made a nice plate of tacos with all the perks and had some chilled wine to wash it all down. And it was exactly what I needed today.
Sometimes the only way I can recharge my soul is to hermit, play some tunes and take my time with clearing up the clutter not only in the physical sense but also in the mental sense.
You just can't put a price on a day like that~
I hope you know how to take some time for your own Self Care. It's so important.
Work beckons this weekend but there is a music show on the calendar for Sunday evening. Although I know I will be tired a good live music show will certainly perk up my bones and fill my soul.
And that will be a great way to wrap up my working weekend.
Until next time...elizinashe
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| Take Care of You ! |
Found a little something wrote late one night back in August.
So I thought I'd share it here.
Hope you like it.
Bits and Tits
Angry Bits
Angry Tits
You can go ahead and Kiss My Grits
Who the Fuck gives a Shit?
You think I’m Strong?
Well, Yes…Yes I Am!
But do beware of the “strong ones”
They too need to Roar
They too need to be Seen and Heard
They too break down
And all too often the shattered pieces remain all over the floor
And all too often people just keep walking by as if nothing happened.
I ain’t no Humpty Dumpty
I ain’t no Princess either
I don’t need no Fairy Fucking Godmother
Or some Prince Charming
What I need is a solid landing
Because this chic is tired of sliding about.
It's one of those days.
Does Monday make you think of that Mama's and Papa's song?
Or is it just on those melancholy days?
Today is a lazy day for me. The sun is out and thankfully so. I need some sunshine and I like the warm glow it gives me when I sit outside. Not too chilly either so outside time is not so bad. I like the gentle warming it gives my achy bones.
Lots to write but hard to focus. I have a good post about grief that I need to clean up and publish here. So much to discuss about grief and yet....we really don't talk about it now do we?
Maybe I've been talking to the wrong people. Maybe not.
Regardless, I hope the sun is out shining brightly out your way. We still have a way to go for the Winter season to end but I will take this day and embrace it for all it's worth. And with that said, I will leave you with a quote that struck me as something important to say, remember and share. I hope you like it.
"You can't fix me, but you can hold my hand while I fix myself. "
Until next time...elizinashe.
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| A Toast to You ! |
A few days late that is..oops!
So did you celebrate? Did you watch the Ball Drop? Did you get a kiss?
I like New Year's Eve. I don't go out and party although I have done so in the very distant past, but these days, I like to be in my old lady clothes, sipping on some wine and eating snacks from the comfort of my messy home. No crowds and I always have access to the bathroom. No waiting lines there!
I'm not one much for making "resolutions". I never stick with them anyway. Do you?
I just try and take it day by day. And as of late that is all I can do. Holiday Hangover Blues anyone? But I do hope and will make a most fervent effort to get to the beach, take another real vacation and work on getting my basement cleared out and my house back in order. I might need some helpers in that department.
Anyone make a resolution to help others? I know someone who could use an extra pair of helping hands. haha...until next time...elizinashe.
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| I'm Coming to Get Ya Beach Time ! |
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| Cheers ! |
I recently visited some friends in Maryland that I have not seen since the beginning of 2020. Before the Pandemic chaos and before my mom died and all of the fallout that ensued afterwards. It has been a long, long three years. And I was way overdue for a fun vacation.
My friends got married in September with family only at the Outer Banks, NC. This is an annual family trip they take every year. The Beach is their "happy place" and they decided that this year why not make it official and get married? And so they did...and there was much rejoicing.
So then I was posed with the question "what is my happy place'?
I had to think on that one a bit. I'm not a beach person per say nor do I take an annual trip to any one particular location. Certainly I do like being at home as that is how I regroup and center myself. Especially with the working hours I have~that night shift sure can be wonky !
But I do like to travel and I am blessed to have very close friends who live in cool areas to visit and very special friends who live here in my area. So if I had to choose...well, I guess my "happy place" is visiting my friends whether it is near or far.
I don't care if we sit on the deck, share a meal together, sit at home and chat away. Stop in at your favorite watering hole or check out a local brewery. Sit in the yard and watch the birds and the squirrels. My time with friends is precious. I don't need anything fancy~just time and laughter. And oh! Hugs and Kisses are the bonus. Who doesn't like a good long hug?
So what is your "happy place'?
Until next time...elizinashe
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| Hooray For The Happy Place ! |
Monday Monday
Hot Day Labor Day
No bills in the mail
No cookout to be had
Time to piddle and diddle
Clutter piles? Yep. Sure have them.
Clean it up?
Maybe…
Music beckons.
And so does laundry.
But for now I think I’ll just hang around for a bit
Happy Labor Day
Until next time…elizinashe
Anybody home?
It's been a while. A long while.
I'm still here. Are you?
The summer months have proved to be busy. But not necessarily in a good way but not completely bad either. I look forward to things slowing down some so I can breathe and relax. So much juggling in my neck of the woods. Will it ever stop?
I have lots to clear out of my head but for today I am just being lazy. I need a day like that to recharge my inner battery. And my soul. And that is totally okay. The Fall season is soon upon us and I look forward to cooler days and quiet nights at home.
I hope you do as well. Until next time...elizinashe
Sharing a little something I wrote earlier in the month as the words just came into my mind late one night while I was at work. So I hammered it out to get it out of my head. I guess that is how a lot of writers live. Am I a writer? I dunno. But...here ya go. Hope you enjoy.
Taste
I had a Taste
I had a Taste of what it was like
I had a Taste of what it was supposed to be
What it Should be
Could be
Would be
Wanted to be
Meant to be
I had a Taste
And I liked it
And I thought that taste would stay
But now it just feels slightly bitter.
Until next time...elizinashe
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| I LOVE HIM ! |
I came across this Raccoon sticker and my little girl’s heart just squealed with delight. It makes my little adult heart squeal too. I just LOVE it! I want to pick up this cutie creature and hug and kiss it all over. Can you blame me?
When I was a little girl, I prayed for a Raccoon every week at church. That prayer was never answered. Sigh….oh dear Lord why? However, I will gladly take a fun sticker so I can look at it every day and melt my heart back down a happier mood. I hope you find your own little piece of the pie that makes you happy and makes your heart pitter patter. Now…where do I want to stick this sticker so I can see it every day? Hmmm…until next time…elizinashe
Do you hold a grudge?
Do you get angry easily? Have a low threshold in frustration?
Hold resentment towards anyone or anything in particular?
Do we really have control over our thoughts and feelings?
I can certainly become very angry when I am wronged, lied to, cheated upon, taken advantage of or stealing from me especially when I am so accepting and giving to others. But if you mess with me and break my trust then that becomes a huge issue.
Now mind you the said above has not happened but I do have some resentment that is eaking it's way out in the form of bad or more appropriately frustrating dreams. And I know the root cause of such resentment. And as of late, it's really hard to allow this to pass.
No, I don't hold grudges and I know how to forgive, but....this latest bout of mental frustration is really getting my goat if you know what I mean.
I refuse to allow this current episode to plant roots in my heart and soul and dictate my mentality. I just cannot live that way. It's not healthy. I want to be happy and free from my anguish.
I think it is normal to feel this way, it is normal to feel angry and become frustrated but allowing yourself to remain in that pot of feelings just is not the way to live. I do beleive such feelings serve a purpose but only for a brief time. And maybe we learn from it. I can guarantee some do not learn from such feelings nor do they move past the said feelings, which is rather sad. But as for me, I need to find some happy ground again. I am tired of feeling the opposite.
Hello Therapy! Here I come~ and I am not ashamed to say so. I am thankful for this little blog as it does help me but I know I need better guidance and a different perspective to help me move through this current journey.
So my readers, whoever you are, I hope you are in a good place. And if not, don't be ashamed to go and get some help. It's so important. Until next time...elizinashe.
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| I Love This Pic So Much |
I don’t but I heard it a few years ago and it made me laugh. Such a cheesy song but apparently it’s was a big hit. Okay, so whatever….But it was the early 70s coming out of the trippy 60s Peace Love and Acid Trips, so….
However my “brand new roller skates” include an iPad and a remote keyboard which I am still getting used to the keyboard stuff. It’s smaller than norm so writing this post is taking more time than normal as I keep making mistakes and having to backspace for typos. I might return the said remote/ wireless keyboard for something more sizable so that it’s not so difficult to type when I want to write.
But! I still have a new pair of roller skates. Ha, ha…
I’m still struggling with stuff but this new little gem of a needed toy has given me much joy thus far.
And that is a good thing.
What little thing gives you joy?
Until next time…elizinashe.
So I have delved into the iPad world as my home computer is on the brink and I need it to be repaired.
Plus have sometime more transportable. So this technology impaired and still learning girl has taken a leap and gotten an iPad and a Bluetooth keypad so I don’t peck at the screen so much when I need to type.
Still getting used to this keypad as it is a bit smaller than normal but it was cheap so I went with that. I may get a better wireless keypad in the future but I want to see how much I really use this thing while I am away from my norm. A learning curve if you will.
However I am amazed at the technology we have today. And I am thrilled with my new toy.
I feel so behind in the technology world. But at least I am still learning.
Congratulations on reading my first post on my new pad and new wireless keyboard.
Maybe my next post will be more fruitful.
But again, I”m still learning. Until next time…elizinashe.