Monday, August 11, 2008

One Week and Counting

I wish I could say that the 'one week and counting' title was the amount of time that I have gone without smoking but I am sad to say that it is not true. Kicking the habit is harder than I thought it would be. Most of the problem is that I just simply love it. I love the satisfaction I get when I light up, I love taking that first drag and blowing out the smoke. I love the way it calms my nerves when I'm rattled or pissed off or have just finished a nice meal. It's like your secret best friend. A cigarette is always by your side when you need it. A cigarette is always there to help you when you need that boost. A cigarette is always there to make you feel better when you feel alone or scared. A cigarette is your security blanket. Maybe I should change my name to Linus.
Now, on the flip side, I have cut way back on my normal smoking habits. It takes me about a week to smoke one pack of Camels compared to smoking a pack a day. I have the most trouble at night when I'm free from work and on my way home. Being that I live by myself I can do whatever I want in the house, therefore I smoke. If I go out to eat then sure enough I'm going to have a drink and a smoke. It's such a natural thing to do...drinks, snacks, smoke. I wish I could just let it go altogether and join the many who have become non-smokers. I want to be one of those people....why is it soo hard to let this all go?
I told myself that I wanted to be truly smoke-free by the time school starts back up which is next week. ( thus, the one week and counting). I didn't want to start off the new school year back in the habit of studying and chain smoking at the same time while pecking away at notes, reading and all that other crap that homework requires. I guess I'm getting a little nervous about starting school again and holding on to my trusty Camels makes me feel like I can do the class thing all over again along with a full-time job. eek!! Sometimes I wonder if I had a live-in or even a roommate if I'd feel differently about smoking. It's not always easy to come home alone, therefore that nasty little cigarette becomes your little friend. I still have a week before school starts. Maybe I will find a new friend to replace Mr. Camel. Wish me luck. elizinashe