Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Christmas Card That Never Was


 Every year I send Christmas cards to family and friends.  I typically don't send out more than 20 but I still do it the old fashioned way with a handwritten note and stickers all over the envelope.  It's something I really enjoy doing.  Sometimes I've even written a 'Christmas Letter' like many people have done in the past, telling family and friends about their kids accomplishments and family adventures they have have over the past year.  I've done that a couple of times as well, minus my children's bits since I don't have any of my own.  Being that I have quite a year, I felt like doing a Christmas letter this year.  I started it at work late one night with most of my creative juices flowing in the wee hours of the morning.  However, once I got it completed and reviewed, it became more of an epic play-by-play of the entire year which seemed just a bit too much.  Too much is too much.  Being that I haven't done a letter in a very long time, it just seemed a bit too ridiculous so I just went with the plain old card with stickers.  It seemed a bit more time worthy anyway since I had gotten behind.  Maybe I'll publish it here one day for others to read when they're really, really bored.  

Looking back at my blog history, I have posted at least once every month this past year, sometimes twice and maybe a third in there somewhere, I really can't remember.  I'm surprised that I was able to do that while working and going to nursing school the whole time.  I know for a fact that it was a great creative relief for me to do so even though I felt like I didn't have much time to write as often as I had wanted to but it's a small achievement regardless I think.  Who cares about the vacuum when you can blog?  

I really don't have big plans for Christmas this year.  I had already volunteered to work the holiday since I was off for Thanksgiving and we are required to work at least one of those holidays.  I feel like I over did it on Thanksgiving anyway.  Not food wise, just a bunch of people wise.  I'm just not in the mood for another big meal with too many people.  Again, look at previous post about 'sensitive people'.  Haha...I have plans to meet some friends for some sushi tonight which will be just fine.  I may be a bit bored and restless today, but I just don't want to be around a big family style gathering.  The past two weeks, hell, this past month has been one big whirlwind and this chic is tired!  I've made soup, washed the dishes,  finished laundry, ran a quick errand and have already taken a nap.  Ahh.....not a bad way to spend a Christmas Eve, eh?

In the meantime, Merry Christmas to you and may your New Year be blessed with many adventures and good cheer!  Who knows what 2014 will bring?  elizinashe

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Just Some Stuff


How sensitive are you?  I'm not talking about having your feelings easily hurt where you run and cry if someone gives you a dirty look, but the kind of sensitivity to where you feel mentally overloaded in certain situations.  I am one of the latter. 

I've always been easily 'rattled' when I feel like I have too much to do in a day like having to run errands all day and meet 3 or 4 commitments within a certain time frame.  I hate being late for anything so I try and plan ahead but sometimes when I get to that 3rd commitment and still have more errands to tackle I have to stop and take a break.  Sometimes I put that last commitment off until another time or another day.   It's not an issue of being lazy but just an issue of being overwhelmed.  And that's okay.  I've survived this long living that way and I know myself fairly well so I don't think I will endure any long term damage.  Ha-ha....Nursing school certainly put that sensitivity overload to the test.  Ugh.  So glad that's over.  

I accepted a job back in October in a nursing position.  Woo Hoo!!  I was offered a night position within the unit that I have worked on for the last 8 years now which has been a nice transition.  I'm thankful to have a nursing job within my work family and have remained among my mentors, cheerleaders and work friends.  I know who I can go to for help and not worry if I'm being 'fed to the wolves' as some people can be when they have a newbie on the floor.  Working nights has been a slight challenge but I have done it before many, many moons ago and I have yet to spontaneously burst into flames so I think I can survive okay.  Plus, the night shift pay is pretty good and hard to turn down right now especially since I have had to replace my car sooner than later and my student loan payments begin in January.  Sigh....ah, the joys of owing money.

I have a good friend coming in this weekend for a visit.  I'm looking forward to our time together.  We have much catching up to do, mostly on my visitor's side of the fence I guess since there have been some new developments in his life.  Is that too cryptic?  It's going to be a good time regardless.  There will be much eating and drinking across town which is just our style.  Bon Appetite and Salut!  

And just in case you're wondering, here's the link where you can take a self-test to see how 'sensitive' you may or may not be.  Just for giggles.  Cheers!  elizinashe

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

Friday, November 1, 2013

Life After Divorce

It seems these days that very few who marry stay married.  Most people are divorced and remarry at least once.  Some never remarry at all.  Others choose to have relationships and end them at some point and get involved in another relationship.  I have yet to marry.  Why?  Well, that's a whole other story.  Mostly it's been my choice, but as I have gotten older it's become more difficult to find a good mate, especially given certain circumstances that I cannot change.  However, that is not the point of this post. 

My parents divorced about three years ago.  In their retirement.  In their 70s.  Weird.  I supported my mother in her wanting to end the marriage and I listened to my dad cry and perseverate over the ending of the relationship and his lamenting over a lost love.  Mind you, my father was the one who initiated the divorce proceedings.  And an added fact is that this was done across many miles.  My father lives in Arkansas where I grew up, and my mother moved here permanently to live in their 'retirement home' nearly ten years ago.  So, the whole process took about a year with negotiations being passed back and forth.  So why you ask, did my father never move with my mom?  Well, the 'retirement home' that was bought three months after I moved here first is the root of the demise, although the marriage had it's cracks to begin with prior to all this mess.  Long story short, my mother bought this property, signed the contracts and THEN told my dad.  Talk about a kick in the balls.  I thought my dad was going to lose it.  I will spare you the details and the fighting that ensued.  The fact is, that house planted the roots for divorce the moment my mother signed her name on the deed.  

Now that time has gone on, my father still holds a hope to rekindle the relationship with my mother and my mother has now found herself a 'boyfriend'.  Ew.  My mother has always been very independent and has never been interested in any other man nor has she said she has wanted to date again, or remarry for that matter.  I don't even think she was ever really in love with my father like he was in love with her.  And that's a hard thing for me to say, but I do feel that is true.  But now, she has a 'boyfriend'.  Which came as a surprise to her as well as me.  I've met him once and he seems like a very nice man, but it still bothers me.  It's gross and weird.  I don't know if I can really feel comfortable about it.  It's weird.  And gross.  haha...Yes, I'm whining like a child but I don't care.  I will spare you the whole psychoanalysis and how I watched my parent's marriage crumble and in the process how they, as parents truly hurt my feelings because they were so involved in their own mess.  I was in the middle of this whole demise the moment my mother bought this property and have been used for their own gain.  This is not how you should treat your children regardless of their age.  Do I sound too selfish?  Maybe I'm just throwing a temper tantrum.  I don't know.  All I know is that is a little unsettling to me and I worry about how my father will take the news once he finds out that the love of his life has a new man in her life.  One thing is for sure, I am not about to tell him.  It's not my place and it's not my mess.  

So there it is folks.  Is there a group for the surviving child of divorced, retired parents?  haha....Am I being unreasonable?  Or am I being smart by not getting involved in the drama and living my life as I see fit?  Maybe a little of both, eh?  Maybe I should go back to preschool for such rants as this. haha.....elizinashe

Monday, October 21, 2013

Late Night Bits

Why is it that when you need to go to bed early and get some good rest you end up tossing and turning for what seems to be most of the night?  And when you have the opportunity to stay up late, or even stay out late for that matter because you don't need to get up early, you fight going to bed at 10pm.  

Ever wonder what goes through you pets' mind?  What are they really chasing when they run all over the place when there is nothing to be seen by the naked eye.  Do changes in the weather pattern affect your pet?  Do you know when it's going to rain due to the behavior in your furry friend?  And just what are they trying to say when they bark or meow for no apparent reason?  Maybe they know something that we don't.  

I saw a headline today in the newspaper that really bothered me.  Apparently, we the United States, are dispensing $1.63 BILLION to Pakistan.  Why?  To help aid in their military and other crap that I can't remember in efforts to help them fight terrorism.  HUH???   Seriously?  So our leaders that we voted for couldn't  find a happy medium and our government shut down, costing a huge loss in money, not to mention our own people losing pay but we can dish out an absurd amount of money to foreign country to help them since we killed off one of their own threats?  That I just don't get.  If we can't take care of our own then why do we send shit tons of money to somebody else?  Disgusting.  

When was the last time you dressed up for Halloween?  Is it an every year 'going to a party' type tradition?  Or do you decorate the house and the yard for potential trick-or-treaters?  Do you host a party or do you go out with friends and bar hop?  It's been years since I have dressed for the occasion.  Mostly due to work and/or school and mostly just not caring to dress up and hit the bar scene.  My college roommate always throws a party with her husband.  From the looks of their pictures, it's always a fabulous time and there is always a theme.  I think this year is the classic MTV years.  I wish I could be there.  It sure would be fun to see all the cool video icons from back in the day wandering around.  Wonder if I could pull off a Pat Benatar.  Who would you be?  Billy Idol?  Adam Ant?  Cyndi Lauper?  Oh the list of possibilities!  Can't wait to see the party pics!  

And so...that's it my friends.  Just a late nite query.  Sleep tight!  elizinashe

Thursday, September 19, 2013

The Duggars, Eastwood and...Yeah, That's About It

I've been a bit curious about this family although I have never watched their show and most likely never will even if I did have cable.  This is the couple that have chosen to have 20 children, all biological mind you, in the course of their marriage due to strong religious beliefs and a choice of not using proper birth control.  They believe that children are a 'gift from God', to which I can respect, but God does not get you pregnant.  Sheesh....Anyway, I have written about them before and even asked one of my nursing instructor's on how she felt about multiple births and how it affects the body not to mention the complications that can arise as the mother ages and continues to become pregnant.  However, the fact that they do have many children is not the point of this particular post.  

As they are in the media spotlight, it came across that their 20 year-old daughter is now officially 'courting'.  Not dating mind you because that would implicate something more physical, but 'courting'.  Huh?  Um...what year is this?  I do respect their beliefs and wanting to protect their child when it comes to dating, especially in this day and age but to oversee everything as if it were an arrangement of some sort is just damaging.  Or so I feel.  This girl is 20 years old and according to the story, has never been kissed because she's 'saving it for marriage'.  Huh?  This young couple is not even allowed to hold hands.  They can side hug each other upon greeting but that's about it.  I find that tragic.  How is this girl ever going to cope with the first time of being 'touched'?  Not to mention being kissed for the first time ever?  Geeze...kissing is one of the best things ever!  I love kissing.  I love a good make-out session.  And this girl apparently has no clue as to what that feels like.  What if he's a bad kisser?  What if he gets really overwhelmed when they do kiss and goes a little overboard and gropes her?  This girl is going to FREAK!!  I feel sorry for all those children who are so over-sheltered such as this.  I respect those who teach their children about saving their virginity for marriage.  Your body is a sacred and should be respected and given to those who are deserving, but to not allow hugging and kissing in a relationship?   What kind of message does that really send?  Seems a little too medieval to me.  

On a lighter note, I never did write about taking my NCLEX test.  I was one of those who had many, many questions.  One right after another.  Two hundred and sixty three to be exact.  I thought it would never end.  By the time I had hit over one hundred fifty questions I was praying to God to strike me down because my brain was just shot and I was ready to run for the hills.  However, I did survive and walked out with my belongings piled up in my arms, bleary eyed and not knowing what had just hit me and quite starved for some real food.  

After I had bolted from the testing center, blindly driving down the road back to my side of town with my Camel light relieving my stress and fresh June air blowing across my face to bring me back to reality.  I had no idea what had just hit me nor did any of the questions that were presented seem like anything that I had studied or prepared for.  At that point, I didn't care.  I was on a mission for a couple of tacos and a much well deserved beer.  To which, that mission was accomplished.  

After about an hour I had my lovely tacos and cold beer, I finally crashed.  And crashed hard.  To which was expected after all that stress.  The best part about that was the dream I was having shortly before I woke up.  I was in a very familiar area back at home where I grew up.   It seemed that I was at the corner gas station having some sort of 'shoot out' against some 'bad guys' to which I could not see their faces but I was brandishing a gun and shooting like crazy AND with Clint Eastwood behind me doing the same thing.  Yes, it was me and Clint Eastwood shooting at the 'bad guys' making our escape out of some sort of trailer.  And while I was shooting my pistol, I was thinking that I needed to grab a bag and grab some of my personal items, like make-up, shampoo and clothes because clearly I could not return to that place and I was on the lam.  With Clint behind me. What's even more perplexing is that I was grabbing my clinical bag that I took to my rotations during school to throw my personal belongings into in my dream.    Now that's some funny shit!  So I woke up still groggy, confused and analyzing my dream, I came to the conclusion that I was not in any way shape or form projecting any anger at all to the whole NCLEX testing experience or the nursing program for that matter.  No way.  Not at all. 

Speaking of Clint Eastwood, have you seen his son?  This apple does not fall far from this tree.  


Good looking boy if I must say so!  Sure wish he would pop up in my dreams!  And if he did, we wont' be shooting guns and there would be a lot more than just 'side hugging' going on.  Just sayin'.  elizinashe

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Struggling

They say adversity makes one stronger.  You hear 'if God brings you to it, he will see you through it.'  Somebody always has it worse.  This too shall pass.  And for the most part, I do believe in that.  I am naively hopeless in the belief that all will turn out the way it is meant to be. 

However, lately I say 'What the fuck?'  My post-school on the search for a new career after busting my ass the last few years and most importantly, the last two is squashing any faith I have in all things good.  I am tired of getting the 'run around' and being rejected.  I'm tired of not even being recognized for my efforts or longevity within the very institution where I work.  I am tired of not making any progress despite my efforts.  It all gets pretty old after a while and it's beginning to mess with my head.  And I mean, really mess with my head.  I feel like I'm on a downward spiral and it's hard to stay afloat.  The last thing I want to do is completely crash, but I feel like if I don't have one glimmer of this forward movement in my life, that I have worked so hard for, that I will eventually crash and burn.  This is not a good feeling, nor is it healthy.  And being able to recognize that is even more frustrating.  Not to mention frightening.  I'm fighting with all my might but it's seemingly getting harder, and harder.  Aren't I just a bowl of sunshine?  I hope and pray that this will all pass very soon before I completely lose it.  Okay, enough cry baby talk.  Time to start this day over.  Thanks for reading.  elizinashe

Friday, August 2, 2013

I'll Have the Steak Tartare Please....

When did pet food become so gourmet?  It used to be chopped beef, chicken or a mix of the two.  Now it seems that there has been an explosion of a variety of food to feed that special kitty or hyperactive dog.  

It seems the vast convenient choices of food for your furry loved one has spread into the adult like world.  Chicken with spinach and rice.  Beef with pasta and cheese.  Turkey and Duck.  Chicken and vegetables and Flaked Skipjack Tuna with Salmon.  What the hell is Skipjack Tuna anyway?  Never have seen that on a menu.  

Regardless, in my days of feeding Alpo to our family dog has changed drastically.  As my cat has aged over the years, he has gotten quite finicky about his food choices and very much prefers 'wet food' over his dry food.  Can't say I really blame him there.  I like eating moist stuff myself over dry crunchy stuff for my main meal.  However, it does become quite costly in this trial and error effort.  Ah, the joys of being a pet owner.  

Still, it cracks me up every time I go to the pet food store to buy little tins of meshed up leftover bits of some creature that he may or may not like.  However, I've had my little man for seventeen years now so I will gladly make the effort in keeping him fat, happy and healthy.  He's been my constant companion and the best unconditional love despite having another kitty for many years.  He's always been a 'mamma's boy' and has loved every minute of being the only cat in the house these last few years.  

How could you not spoil a loving face like this who can't wait until you get home so he can lay all over you at the end of your day?  Yeah, life is good for this one.  Even if his breath does smell fishy.  elizinashe

Thursday, July 11, 2013

And My Next Move Is Where?

Do you ever wish you could get a letter in the mail telling you what to do when it comes to life changing decisions in your life? How many times have you wished that the answers to what you struggle with would make itself clearly evident?  I'm not talking about if you should buy that pair of expensive shoes that you've always wanted.  Nor what color of nail polish you should buy next, or what to eat for dinner.  I'm talking about decisions that would have the type of impact that will change your life and you're not sure if it's for the better or worse.  

I feel like I'm in that boat and I have no idea which sail to use so the winds can carry me onward.  I wish I could just find that letter in my mailbox to tell me where I need to point myself.  Where is my golden compass?  

The job that I had applied and had interviewed for has been taken off the table so to speak.  Apparently there is a 'hiring freeze' on numerous floors at the hospital where I work.  Gee, thanks.  However, I am hearing through the grapevine that the 'freeze' is slowly being lifted which is a good thing but I caught wind that a night shift person, who has been there only a year after his graduation is moving into a day position.  I am assuming that it's the very one that I had interviewed for and was hoping to obtain.  I guess being a dedicated employee for the last seven years on that very floor holds no bearing.  Thanks again.  

I had some more follow up tests for my cat.  Blood work, a UA screening, medications, X-rays and and ultrasound plus seven hundred dollars overall for this adventure.  Lab results are excellent considering that he's 17 years old now.  However, the X-ray and the subsequent ultrasound indicated a small mass in his stomach along with thickening of his bowel.  Thus, the puking, the on-again-off-again appetite and lack of daily bowel movements which lead to constipation issues.  Poor kitty.  So now the question is do I put my old man through a surgery to which he would most likely recover nicely, to remove the mass in question and part of his thickened bowel?  It is not known if this mass is cancerous until it is removed.  And if it is cancerous then there is concern that it might trigger the cancer to spread to the lymph system which would be horrible.  That would be a slow death sentence altogether.  Or do we treat the underlying cause with steroids and laxatives and possibly antibiotics later on down the road.  I have no idea how much longer he would live with or without the surgery.  He seems to be doing really well despite having a shaved belly at this time.  And I don't even want to think about the cost.  We would be talking a couple of thousand for the surgery.  I wish he could tell me what he would want.  

I've toyed with the idea of moving to another city and starting over.  Now that I have my 'super secret spy numbers' behind my name, I'm more employable now than I have ever been.  I love the idea of moving to a different city to explore and plant my roots.  And on the selfish side, I can rediscover a place that I can call my own without my mother following me and outdoing all that I have set out to do because she wanted to reclaim her life as well after being in a marriage that she wasn't truly happy about.  But, that is a totally different psychoanalysis that I will avoid.  However, moving to a new city has many obstacles.  It's really hard to meet people and make friends when you're new.  It's taken me a really long time to get established here, and I have really great friends, and new ones at that via nursing school that I don't want to lose.  I feel like I'm finally coming into a good place in my life and I don't want to give that up just yet.  But there is a part of me that feels like it would be the right thing to do for me.  Leaving Asheville and moving on somewhere else.  The other downside is being a new grad, I would most definitely be out of my comfort zone, especially when it comes to work.  I'd be without my work family and most likely get the crappy night shifts and crappy floors that will do nothing but leave a nasty taste in my mouth for my work, which in turn will make me hungry for my glory days as a bartender.  I wish I could have enough confidence in myself to follow through a new adventure such as relocating.  It could be a really great thing, or it could be a really horrible thing.  And I can't decide which one it would be.  Too many unknown answers.  Sure do wish I knew which road to take this time.  

Wonder if I should take that left turn at Albuquerque.  elizinashe

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

How Green Are You?

Are you a jealous person?  Do you know that you are a jealous person or does it just come out when you get to that bridge?  How do you deal with that 'little green monster'?  

And when that jealousy rears its ugly head how do you react?  And who is on the receiving end of that jealousy?  

I've always had a mild jealous streak but not the point of being one of those crazy, stalker illogical type persons.  Most of my jealousy lies within insecurity and when I get past that insecure feeling then that stupid jealous feeling goes away.  And then I feel stupid.  

However, I have come across an issue that I thought I'd never encounter and my immediate reaction was some anger.  Probably rooted in jealousy.  Maybe betrayal.  But mostly anger I feel, which is horrible.  This new thing is tied to my mother which I have always battled anger issues with, mostly due to family trauma and in part, in her selfishness which in the past has really hurt my feelings.    I'm trying to keep an open mind about all of this but it's rather hard at this moment.  I will know more this evening, as long as I get this huge tree branch removed from my driveway.  Maybe that's the universe's way of distracting me and giving myself time to get over this temper tantrum that I feel like I'm trying to express.  Childish?  Maybe.  It's one big psychoanalysis.  

I think for the most part, this little green monster of mine is more like the rabid dog trying to protect my mother.  I may have issues with my parents and extended family but when it comes to someone seemingly invading their life with potential of hurting them emotionally and/or financially then I will go for the jugular towards that person.  I am fiercely protective of those I love even though I have a hard time showing that love in everyday situations.  Trust me.  If you screw with my friends or family you better start running.  

I'm hoping that this is just a passing ship that will keep on cruising.  I'm not sure how I will feel if this new boat decides to dock and stay for a while.  It can't be a good thing.  Or maybe it will.  Trying to be adult about this new scenario.  I will know more soon enough I suppose.  More to come as I continue to ride this wave.  Ugh.  elizinashe

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Ahh...Fashion Week

Oh Fashion Week, how I love thee.  Not that I am a fashionista myself nor do I aspire to be a Carrie Bradshaw but just for the simple fact that I get to blog about the ridiculous outfits that are strutted down the runway.  And this time for men!  What a bonus!  

Yes, I understand that for the most part 'Fashion Week'  is meant to be some sort of statement. An art if you will, but this get-up is nothing but an over-glamorized crocheted concoction of 'what the hell?'.  Really?  This is considered artistic in the world of fashion?  What part?  Grandma's living room?  This looks like a basketball uniform gone totally wrong. 


And here we have what looks like a tribute to space nerds.  Perhaps a tribute to the hipsters who watch the 'Big Bang Theory'.  To which, I must admit, I do watch the re-runs myself but I don't think I would resort to wearing something like this.  And the shoes!  Oh my!  Yes they look inspired from the Asian culture which is just fine but if I saw some dude walking down the street in a suit with those sandals and we weren't in Chinatown, I think I'd be looking for the local Drag Queen show.  Just sayin'.  Aren't I horrible?  


Aside from the 'man bag' I almost like this one.  I can totally see David Bowie wearing  this-like 20 years ago when the 80's were cool.  Maybe not so much today but definitely when Bowie was past his Ziggy Stardust days and moving into the wildly patterned and colorful genre of the late 80s and early 90s.  But it still cracks me up.  I doubt that any man in his right mind would be walking around in Paris or London in this powersuit.  And never in Italy!  Those people know how to dress!  And eat.  And drink.  And make love.  Hell....why am I living here?  Hahaha.....Regardless, Fashion Week gives me much pleasure just so I can have something to gawk about and have a good laugh.  

If you're interested in seeing the whole slide show I will leave a link down below.  Hopefully I will post it correctly so all may enjoy for your viewing pleasure.  Or at least, a good laugh.  Enjoy!  elizinashe




 



Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Indecisions

I used to be really, really good about planning my meals.  I was in a different phase of my life as we all were in the past but again, I was really good about it.  I was at least 10lbs skinnier, I worked out, drank less and was making more money and lived in a nice apartment with a great kitchen.  Now, many moons later, my career path had changed which changed my income as well as my dwellings and drinking habits.   I no longer plan my meals well nor do I enjoy cooking as much as I had once before but I attribute part of that aspect to my tiny kitchen minus the dishwasher. 

Today was a rather warm day which kind of kills your appetite.  Normally,when it's this warm I tend to go for cold, snack type fare.  Salads, sushi, simple veggies and chicken, dips with crackers and cheese and so on and so on....however none of that stuff appealed to me at all today.  I even texted a friend in hopes of being inspired to make something satisfying.  But alas, none of his suggestions sounded worthy of a meal.  Not due to bad suggestions, but just due to the fact that I am bored my food options. 

Sometimes I wish that I lived somewhere else where I had more variety of choices.  Now mind you, my current hometown is a foodie's paradise.  There are many restaurants that have been noted in many magazines, travel brouchures, award winning contests and a 'must eat here' fanfare.  Yes, we have some awesome local restaurants and I have visited many.  However, if you're looking for something quick and different then that can present a challenge unless you already have made plans with family or friends to hit the town.  And if you like local brews, whether it be beer or coffee, we have plenty that as well. 

However, I feel like if I lived somewhere else like some of the places I have visited then I wouldn't have such 'what do I want for dinner' issues like I had tonight.  There are times that I get this way and it frustrates me which is rather stupid to a degree but being a 'foodie' myself, I want something different and satifying to say the least.  I am tired of the same ol' same ol' and the idea of cooking doesn't always get me excited when it's late in the evening and I have to clean up a mess that I have made that will feed four or more people when I just need to feed myself.  Ah...the joys of singlehood. 

Needless to say, I relented to a salad and a piece of fried chicken paired with a nice glass of wine followed by half of a chocolate muffin with berries.  At least the wine and chocolate was satisfying.  And yes, I griped about making dinner.  I am certain that there are many others with hungry kids who are in that same boat.  I have no doubt about that.  But being 'Miss Independent' has it's own challenges.  Guess I'm still learning about myself in that realm.  Until next time....Bon Appetite!  elizinashe

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Nothing in Particular

Sometimes you get really lucky when it comes to taking pictures. This is one of them.  I took this at my mom's place the evening after my pinning ceremony.  Her Rhododendron bushes are huge.  Almost as tall as I am with lots of blooms.  They certainly were pretty.  I think the biggest shocker for me was I took this shot from my phone vs. my digital camera.  Technology has come a long way.  I'm taking some vacation time next month with camera in tow.  However, with the convenience of smart phones, I wonder if I will even bother with my digital friend or will I just grab my phone and start shooting.  I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  

One of my friends asked me what my 'spirit animal' was.  Hmmm...don't really know. I looked into the meaning of spirit animals a long time ago when I was fascinated with the whole astrology thing, card reading and palmistry.  It seems that we all have some sort of 'other world' guide but as to what my spirit animal is I have no idea.  Apparently it is one you can choose.  I thought it was rooted in the Native American vibe which related a lot of their beliefs in sun, stars and nature.  I always thought it was a bear, or at least that's what my memory serves me when I looked into that stuff many, many moons ago.  I could be wrong.  Maybe that's what I want it to be, thus the bear idea comes to mind.  If I am designated a 'spirit animal', I just hope it's not a mouse. Eeek!  

So the state board countdown has begun.  I've selected my testing date and have basically two and a half weeks to go.  Wish me luck.  It's been hard to stay focused enough to review my preparatory book that I bought back in April.   I've really enjoyed not having any kind of classes and have spent time catching up with friends and household duties that have long been ignored.  However, I have reunited with my study team a few times now pounding out review questions.  I am so thankful for them and have new life-long friends as a result of our schooling torture.  I have awesome new people to claim as a part of my circle of peeps. And that's a good thing.  

And that's all I have folks.  Just another day.  Laundry in the dryer, dishes done, shopping list created and two hours of review completed.  I think it time for a nap.  I've got dinner plans this evening and beverages to consume.  I think my social life is slowly returning after a long hibernation.  Salut!  elizinashe

Friday, May 31, 2013

Sleep

Since school has ended I've been at a complete loss as to keeping some sort of routine.  I have had nights, where I sleep really, really well and others I toss and turn for most of the night with thoughts stuck in my head only to find really good sleep right before my alarm sounds off.  Ugh!  

Most of my dreams have been post-stress related slash guilt ridden slash family crap and pre-state board testing anxiety.  Geeze....will I ever be normal again?  I get really sleepy during the late afternoon to which I usually take a quick nap and then move on to the next task that I had planned.  I have done that many times before, even during my schooling without effecting my night time sleeping habits.  But it seems lately, when I need to go to bed at my normal hour I have some sort of second wind and can't wind down enough to go to bed even though I try.  Someone once told me that when you have a hard time falling asleep that you should do something that you hate like cleaning, organizing, laundry, dishes and so on because that will make your brain 'shut off' and make you want to go to sleep.  Sounds like an excellent plan, however I feel like once I get started on that sort of stuff that I won't stop and then hit the hay in the wee hours of the morning.  That's not always a good thing especially when you have to get up early for work.  To which I am in that predicament at this very moment.  I've had a nice dinner with some wine and should be quite ready for bed however my mind is not ready enough to crawl into my nest.  Ah, the perks of nursing school PTSD.  

I could very easily start picking stuff up off the floor in efforts to bust out the vacuum and gather some more laundry to wash.  However, if I start that I'm afraid I won't stop. Even though I absolutely hate the vacuum.  Now would be a great time because it's not so hot outside plus it's easier on my electric bill, but alas, five am comes early and cleaning the house at this point might jack me up too much to sleep well before I need to get up for work.  If I start reviewing again for my state boards it will be the same thing not to mention put complete panic in my head about what I've forgotten and what I just don't know, thus spending way too much time on catching up on lost factors.  Ugh.  

I hope this is just a temporary thing, otherwise I'm in for a sleep study.   Thanks AB Tech for screwing with my head and what was once an almost normal sleep cycle.  I guess that's makes me a survivor of the nursing program slightly damaged.  Haha....Sleep well my readers as I will toss and turn for yet another night. Yea me.  elizinashe

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Trying to Prep

So I have very slowly began reviewing for the up and coming NCLEX.  What a pain in the ass.  I have so enjoyed having some free time since the chaos of finals and the pinning ceremony has passed.  I have crawled out of bed later than normal, savored my morning coffee and have taken afternoon naps.  But as our testing dates come closer I know I need to start reviewing more diligently.  Ugh.  

I reviewed some lab result type questions this evening.  I've come to realize that I need to make some more note cards and get back into that habit of making some cheat sheets to keep with me.  I've also realized that there are many aspects of the nursing field that was not completely elaborated in our nursing class.  Yes, we were taught many, many things and what to look for, assess and outcomes but I think they totally slacked on the importance of lab values and the whole pharmacology area.  It's like I'm having to self-teach myself something completely new as opposed as being a refresher in content.  Not good. 

What's really hard for me is the evening time.  I tend to have some dinner, a glass of wine and begin to wind down.  I do a lot better if I start during the daytime to study and have some sort of routine, but my days have been preoccupied in laundry, clearing out clutter piles and other household duties that have been ignored for a very long time and I'm not done yet.  At least I got my 'thank you' cards done today.  One step at a time, right?  

I have a girlfriend that I finally caught up with one evening last week.  Now that she knows that I am no longer in class she's wanting to do more activities with me.  I just might regret this.  Although she is a good friend, I have not missed her too much over the last few months due to her constant drama and self-absorption.  I think she forgets that I still have a huge test to prep for.  In her world, I am free and we can once again hang out more.  I beg to differ.  I'm not trying to be ugly or anything.  She is a good friend but only in small spurts.  I can only take so much drama regardless of school or not.  

My only objective for the next month is to pass this stupid test, get my license and take a real vacation for the first time in almost three years.  Yes, I said three years.  I had two 'stay cay' vacations prior to nursing school, one quick trip for a concert in the summer in my first year and a weekend getaway before my second year began.  I haven't left the state borders since 2010.  I am way overdue.  And that's all that needs to be said.  Okay, time to get back on the couch and start all over again tomorrow.  Cheers!  elizinashe

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Done!

It's official.  Nursing School is over!  Our 'Pinning Ceremony' is tomorrow night.  The only thing I know about the ceremony is that we all will be wearing white uniforms and will be lighting candles as we recite some sort of Florence Nightingale prayer.  Sounds kinda creepy to me.  I wonder if there will be some sort of sacrifice afterwards.  I've already sacrificed my soul many moons ago.  My mental health went out the door years ago and I gave up lots of money during the whole nursing school process.  I doubt they would want my liver at this point and my brain is fried so that won't be any good.  Therefore, I'm expecting a young virgin boy in the ceremony for the bloodletting.  Hahahahaha......just kidding.  (sort of).  

So yes, this is a big deal.  I am so thankful that this crap is all over and now I can breathe a little bit easier these days.  Yes, I still have to take my state boards and prep for that mess but there is a part of me that's really relieved and not so stressed about it all.  I think my parents are way more excited than I am at this point.  However, tomorrow night might prove different and the waterworks just may overwhelm my logic and I will be one hot mess.  Good thing I always carry tissues in my purse.  

My house is a complete wreck.  I still have my winter sweaters to clean and pack up.  I have no idea what my vacuum cleaner looks like and I have boxes upon boxes of nursing school stuff scattered all around the floor.  Did I really learn all that stuff?  Sheesh!  At least my cat doesn't care.  

My dad has come into town to see the event and bring me treasures.  He came out two springs ago loaded with laundry detergent.   He's retired so he likes to 'bargain shop' and pick up stuff when it's on sale.  It's his way of helping me out and I gladly accept it.  Laundry soap ain't cheap and I do a lot of laundry.  When he was here last, he brought me like eight bottles of detergent.  This trip he has brought more.  Although I have used some of what he brought the last time, I am back up to owning ten jugs of Tide.  Woo Hoo!  It cracks me up.  If you peeked into my basement one might think I have a problem.  I can't wait to see the look on other people's faces when I move and they see how much soap I am harboring.  That will certainly give them something to talk about!  

So that's if folks!  It's done and it's time to move on and plan for a real vacation.  And that is a good thing.  

Cheers!  elizinashe


Friday, May 10, 2013

Channeling the Wisdom

It's the final stretch ya'll.  I've completed the 'transition to practice' part of my semester and my final is on Monday morning.  I have struggled to review all the content that we have learned the past five months and re-absorb all the knowledge I previously had.  I feel like I have retained nothing although I know that is not entirely true.  At this point it's all just swimming around in my head in one big lump.  I'm officially done for the night.  And I know I am not alone.  My study group got together this afternoon however, we made very little progress. Guess we just needed to catch up and vent for a while.  There will be a re-attempt to congregate tomorrow.  I just hope that we are all more productive and that my neurons decide to communicate with each other so that I can pass this damn thing.  Luckily, I am not in a position to where I have to make a particular score in order to pass the class.  I just want to do well enough to keep my average.  I want to remain consistent in that aspect.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one.  

It's been a long and aggravating process and I will be so glad when it's finally over.  There is still a lot to cover before it's all official.  The bigger goal is passing the state boards.  I'm hoping I can stay focused enough after graduation to put much time and more effort in using my review book.  I have yet to update my resume.  I haven't even done one in over seven years now so I have no idea how to get another one started.  I have put the bug in my supervisor's ear about a position however there is not any openings right now.  Most other floors are particular about hiring new grads and you pretty much start on a night shift which is something I want to avoid.  I've been there and done that.  It's gets rather depressing after a while.  It's just not my cup of tea.  But I can do it if I really have no other choice.  I just keep sending up my prayers and throwing my requests out to the universe in hopes of being directed to where I am really supposed to be.  And that's about all I can do.  Other than sending out tons of resumes everywhere.  If I got a really sweet offer I would consider moving but I would most definitely need some time to pack and get organized.  These last two years have really taken a toll on my structure and routine.  I will be so glad when I can get back to a normal lifestyle.  But there is a part of me that thinks that will not happen in the way that I wish.  I think life has a totally different plan for me.  I just hope I can keep up with the pace. Guess I should send some more requests out to the universe, eh?  elizinashe




Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Random Stuff

I really dig this picture.  It makes me think of Paris for some reason.  Don't know if it's the 'Love' part, or if it's the black and white theme.  However, I'd like to find a unique street sign such as this some day in a foreign city and shoot the picture myself.  Stay tuned. 

So there was a horrible bombing at the Boston Marathon.  It's such a sad world we live in these days.  Times really have changed a lot since I was a kid.  We never had to worry much about getting shot when going to the movies or taking our children to school.  And despite all the security since 9/11 terrible things still happen.  I guess that is one thing that just won't change much.  And gun control won't change the world either.  That's all I have to say about that.  

Did anyone know that the day after the Boston Marathon bombings that there was an earthquake in Iran?  Apparently even some skyscrapers in Dubai had swayed.  It had registered a 7.8 on the richter scale.  That seems pretty intense. Haven't heard much more talk about that news story though.  Wonder why.  

I am now in the final stretch of the nursing game. (wow!).  It's becoming more really real now and I'm getting excited.  And then I get scared.  That's a part of the process, right?  I finally know where my transition to practice will be.  I didn't get my first choice, or even my second but I will take what I can get just so I can get the required hours logged in and be done with it all.  I have a test on Friday and have struggled to stay focused on my studies.  Clearly my brain is checking out.  Wish me luck!  I want to keep my average. 

As the weather warms up and fellow classmates talk about planning their weddings and beach trips, I am planning to see one of my favorite bands in July.  Possibly twice.  I couldn't imagine a better way to celebrate completing this nursing school mess.  Not to mention spending time with some very special friends.  I could care less about a graduation party.  I'd much rather leave the borders of my town and have a real vacation.  Life is short and I plan to celebrate well.  And that includes plenty of really good wine.   But that should be no big surprise.  haha.....  elizinashe



Thursday, April 4, 2013

Ack!

I've pretty much been feeling exactly what you see to the left.  Completely wacked, burnt out, eyes popping out of my head, hair all a mess and just about on the verge of a breakdown.  

My Spring Break wasn't as restful or rejuvenating as I had hoped.  Still trying to catch up on that aspect.  Returning to class that first day proved to be pointless and a waste of my time.  I didn't learn a damn thing nor did I absorb any new material.  My last of my clinical days have suddenly changed, as it did for our whole class due to the fact that our predictor scores for our state boards were less than stellar as a whole.  There has been a big change from last year's numbers compared to ours.  And those numbers have put the fear in all of us.  Students as well as faculty.  Clearly, they have not done their job very well in prepping us for taking the impending tests upon graduation.  So now it's extra work for all of us not to mention extra anxiety.  WTF?????  This is not good for my overall health.  I have relented to the fact that I just can't stress about it anymore and just move on to the next task.  I've got time.  Or so I hope.  

Today has been better.  Although it's been cold and rainy with a sleet like mix thrown in for fun, it hasn't been too terribly bad today.  I think just putting a lot of this out of my mind and closing the books will do me more good than to try and read ahead for the next content or work on a project that's due next week.  I'm just done.  And I have let go of the guilt of not doing anything.  It doesn't do me any good.  There is so much to do that I just don't know where to start.  So I think I will start again tomorrow.  After all, tomorrow is another day.  Right?  elizinashe

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Anxiety & Obsessions

So my anxiety level has been sky high lately.  All this school stress is coming to a peak.  Tests after tests, projects to work on, paperwork to complete, sign, pay for and date so I can have the privilege to pay even more money to take my state exam in the next 3 months.  Not to forget that I still need to have my cat vaccinated, get an exam myself, pay for a crown on a very old tooth, clean the house at some point and maintain my sanity, or at least at this point, what's left of it.  Oh yeah, and there's is something called a resume that I need to work on and begin the process of finding a job before they are all snatched up. Or so I am told.  

I went today to have another passport picture made for my state exam paperwork that needs to be notarized and mailed before I take my test.  I came to realize that this would be my fourth 'passport' photo made in the last 20 years or so.  The first one was for a real passport way back in high school for an overseas trip.  I had another one done about eight years ago when I renewed my passport  in expectations of going again overseas with the man I was seeing at the time.  However, that plan never came to be.  (asshole.)  As a part of the nursing program process, I had to have a current passport photo along with craploads of paperwork.  That was two years ago.  Now I am in the final stretch of the game and I need yet again, a current passport photo for state license purposes.  Whatever.  

But on that obsessive note, as I was waiting to be fingerprinted, (yes for testing purposes), I was thinking of all the times I've had my photo taken for such occasions.  Being that you typically get two copies of your photo and being the packrat that I am, I know that I have all of my other copies of my passport photos.  Which struck in me the need to find all of my former photos and make a timeline of how I have changed or not changed in the last 20 years or so.  I know for a fact that I have all of those stupid 2 x 2 pictures of my head.  I know that I have placed them in groups of other pictures in various places.  I just can't find them!  And the obsessive part of me spent a good 45 minutes, if not an hour,  upon returning home frantically  looking at all the hot spots that would potentially contain my previous head shots.  As if it were a true priority!  However, I just could not let it go.  I had to find them!  I typically keep that sort of stuff in one central area, however I have clearly tossed those stupid little head shots somewhere else for projects that remain unfinished.  I finally realized that I was not going to find them today and the very last thing I needed to do was spend the rest of my evening tearing my house apart in attempt of locating such tomfoolery.  Clearly I was allowing my school induced anxiety to be channeled in a completely unnecessary direction.  So I stopped.  

My motivation behind in finding those stupid photos was primarily making a timeline of myself to a degree and observing the stages of my life that seemed important at that time.  I guess I was wanting to see how my life has changed over the years and look to see how much I have changed and grown as a person.  Not so much as to how much I have aged or anything, but to take a real look at myself and see what I have accomplished thus far compared to what my expectations were at the time all those other photos were taken.  That was, and still is, the primary motivator behind this side-tracked obsession, along with not wanting to deal with school stuff.   I know I will find the other pictures someday soon.  Just not today.  I have resigned to the fact that I am not focused enough for school crap tonight.  I think it's just gonna be an evening on the couch and early to bed so I can function at clinical tomorrow.  However, there is one cabinet I have yet to inspect.  Dare I?  Hmmm......  elizinashe



Wednesday, March 6, 2013

And So It Came....

Finally it snowed.  Only just a little in my area but just enough to screw things up.  I've been up since 5am all in preparations for my clinical that was to be.  Got word shortly after 6am that it was going to be delayed until 10am.  Texted a few of my study mates to confirm and pass along the message, ate some oatmeal and went back to bed.  Got up an hour and half later in preparations for the late delay and got updated information that clinical was to be cancelled altogether.  Whew.  That was okay by me since I slept horribly the night before and the roads were still quite dicey with high winds a-blowin' and snow still falling.  Communicated yet again with some classmates, turned on the tv and ate some yogurt.  (why was I hungry again?).

Fortunately, I was able to stay awake this time.  Stayed in my pjs for a while and then put some real clothes on despite that I was not going anywhere anytime soon.  I did however, get some school work done and posted some notes for my study mates for our next concept.   Finished some reading and highlighted my class notes.  Smoked too much in the process and had a cat in my space the whole time.  Fell asleep again around 1230.  (really?).

I was woken up by a big gust of wind.  (yikes!).  Thankfully nothing fell to the ground but it was enough to motivate me to get up and do something.  Feeling restless I went to my local joint for a late lunch and some wine.  It was a snow day afterall.  Ate half of my quesadillas, had two glasses of wine and took some apple cake home.  Good timing.  The roads were getting dicey again.  Reluctantly watched Oprah Walters, I mean Katie, because I don't have cable and there was nothing else on and I wan't in the mood to continue any more school stuff.  Took a few pics and plopped down on the couch.  

Then comes the local news.  And I eat AGAIN!!  As if I hadn't had enough already.  Sheesh.  What is it about cold weather that makes you eat all damn day?  They say when the weather is cold that your body needs more calories to stay warm.  Fine.  I get it.  I just hope that we don't have any more cold, wintery days ahead.  Otherwise I might end up entering the spring season as a big, fat bloated pig instead of a fluffy, spritely lamb.  Now to tackle the dishes and ignore the apple cake that's waiting for me in the fridge.  
Stay safe and warm my friends!  Spring has got to be on it's way soon!  elizinashe
Foo Dog is ready for Spring!