How Green Are You?

Are you a jealous person?  Do you know that you are a jealous person or does it just come out when you get to that bridge?  How do you deal with that 'little green monster'?  

And when that jealousy rears its ugly head how do you react?  And who is on the receiving end of that jealousy?  

I've always had a mild jealous streak but not the point of being one of those crazy, stalker illogical type persons.  Most of my jealousy lies within insecurity and when I get past that insecure feeling then that stupid jealous feeling goes away.  And then I feel stupid.  

However, I have come across an issue that I thought I'd never encounter and my immediate reaction was some anger.  Probably rooted in jealousy.  Maybe betrayal.  But mostly anger I feel, which is horrible.  This new thing is tied to my mother which I have always battled anger issues with, mostly due to family trauma and in part, in her selfishness which in the past has really hurt my feelings.    I'm trying to keep an open mind about all of this but it's rather hard at this moment.  I will know more this evening, as long as I get this huge tree branch removed from my driveway.  Maybe that's the universe's way of distracting me and giving myself time to get over this temper tantrum that I feel like I'm trying to express.  Childish?  Maybe.  It's one big psychoanalysis.  

I think for the most part, this little green monster of mine is more like the rabid dog trying to protect my mother.  I may have issues with my parents and extended family but when it comes to someone seemingly invading their life with potential of hurting them emotionally and/or financially then I will go for the jugular towards that person.  I am fiercely protective of those I love even though I have a hard time showing that love in everyday situations.  Trust me.  If you screw with my friends or family you better start running.  

I'm hoping that this is just a passing ship that will keep on cruising.  I'm not sure how I will feel if this new boat decides to dock and stay for a while.  It can't be a good thing.  Or maybe it will.  Trying to be adult about this new scenario.  I will know more soon enough I suppose.  More to come as I continue to ride this wave.  Ugh.  elizinashe