Friday, April 30, 2010

Family Friends

My mother has a long time girlfriend coming into town next week for a visit. I thought she was already here as my mother & I had planned to get together Friday (today ) so we all could visit but I had dates wrong, regardless I will be joining them next week for a gab. However I have mixed feelings about this and I didn't realize how much 'stuff' I had leftover in my brain until I went to sleep last night, or at least attempted to sleep. Some of it was leftover anger and painful memories and the other was the benedryl funk that kept me lazy all day and then perked me up at night.

Anyway, this woman and her husband and fraternal twins were the one constant in our household for get-togethers, cookouts, church stuff and ultimately our rock when my brother died. I was the one who was asked to call Betty that afternoon when we were in the ER after we had gotten the call that my brother was brought into the hospital after he had collapsed at work. We had no idea what was going on or why he was rushed into the ER. He had passed out at work and his co-workers started CPR until the ambulance came and carted him off. The doctors kept telling us that they were doing everything that they could do, trying to revive him but he had not responded to anything. Betty arrived shortly after they told us that my brother was dead. She was the one I grabbed and sobbed into her shoulder after I saw him for the last time.

It was such a long time ago. I don't know if I have truly gotten over my brother's unexpected death. I think I've just learned to live with it. And perhaps ignoring some of the other stuff b/c it's just too damn painful. Betty & her family were the ones who was with us the whole way. That first Christmas after his death was a real doozie. We all went to his grave after the evening church service. That was one of the last times I went to his marker. I just couldn't stand there without falling apart.

The following spring our friends moved to Kansas so her husband could take another job. That was a sad time but understandable. I was pretty close to their daughter Kathy even before my brother had died. We had become pretty close friends and having Kathy around meant alot to me that summer. It really sucked when she moved. Looking back on it all I guess it left me feeling abandoned. And understandably so. My other friends didn't know what to do with me, but hell we were all about 15 years old. How much wisdom do you have at that age?

We kept in touch over the years and made frequent trips to Kansas so we could visit. It was always a good time. Unfortunately Kathy & I became more distant in our college years for whatever reason. We still send birthday cards & Christmas gifts but it feels more like out of habit instead of...whatever it should be. I hear more about her life through the 'mom grapevine' than I do from Kathy herself but I know that's not because she doesn't want to end our friendship, her life has been quite chaotic at times and keeps a very busy job. It's just the way it is I guess. Betty & my mother have remained constant friends and they have a strong bond. They haven't seen each other in over 10 years I guess. I'm really happy for my mother that she will be reunited with a long time girlfriend, she deserves that by all means. And I know I will be happy to see her as well but I'm bracing myself for those bittersweet emotions that will rear it's ugly head. I'm kind of relieved that our reunion isn't happening today. I just don't think I could handle it. Maybe next week I'll have a more peaceful attitude and all those painful memories will melt away with that first reunion hug. elizinashe

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Nothing in Particular

Don't have too much to say. I've had many ideas to post but the beginnings usually come to mind when I lie down for a good night's rest before I must get up. I tell myself that I'll remember when I get home from work the next day and write it all up once I get home but I never really do. Oh well...
But to continue with the Mother Earth blog there have been at least 2 other earthquakes around the globe that have ranked close to 7's on the Rictor Scale along with some sinkholes, more rockslides and something else that I have forgotten but I'm sure that I'll remember the other when I go to bed this eve. haha...
Spring is here and has lifted my mood greatly. I didn't realize how much winter really affected me this year until the sun finally started to stay out later and the trees started to green up. I'm so much happier and less ill tempered at work lately. Must be that vitamin D shining through the skies. ahh....
I 've got a bit of a crush on this guy at work. He works in the EKG department but alas no real date yet. I think he's gay but it hasn't stopped my co-workers from teasing me about it all. I guess I'm getting paid back for all the teasing I've done to them. Turn about it fair play. I really don't see much progress out of this flirtation so it's back to the dateless singlehood. yee-ha.
I went out dancing a few weeks back and man did it feel good!! I actually stayed out until 2am having a few drinks and dancing to some good old-fashioned 80s music. College days revisited. It made me realize how much I really missed being able to stay out late and not having to worry about getting up so damn early for work. It was a really good night for all. I hope to do a repeat when I have an opportunity to do so. Dancing the night away is always good for the soul.
So that's about it. Not going to revamp this post or check my grammar & spelling. Just a quick post about nothing in particular. elizinashe