And the Countdown Begins...

Hickory, Dickory Dock...

I've worked myself into a bit of a frenzy getting ready for my father to visit.  It's been getting the bed ready, making meal plans, stocking up on groceries, finding some snack foods that I think he would eat because I know he won't dig the guacamole that I love to devour.  Getting the toilet repaired, as I had a minor leak.  (ugh.)  Having the gutters cleaned out, mostly to stop a horrible mud divet on the side of house from getting worse.  Extra toilet paper, because y'know...a man's gotta go at some point.  Laundry, vacuuming, toilet scrubbing and so on....a quick mop will be in order for tomorrow after a haircut and then hopefully all will be well and ready for his arrival on Wednesday. 

I haven't had anyone stay at my new place for more than one night thus far and it's been years since I've had a 'live in' boyfriend or anyone for that matter, staying with me for an extended period of time.  So this will be a new experience for me.  Hopefully all will go well...it's kinda hard to share your space with somebody else, especially since I've been on my own for so long and have my own routine.  It can be challenging to adapt to another person's habits, noises and needs.  At least I have a nice 'daddy do' list to help keep him busy.  (wink, wink..)  And if I'm really lucky, he will be open to checking out a couple of daytime activities around town just so we both have something different to do and occupy our time.  Keeping my fingers crossed on that one. 

And so...I will leave you at that.  My mind is in a better space than before which is a big relief.  Guess that full moon sucked it out of my head after all.  Might have to treat myself to a nice cocktail and a delicious snack tomorrow.  I have a lot of cooking to do in the near future, so why not?   I certainly could use a treat after all that vacuuming.  haha...Don't ya love justification?  elizinashe

Salut!

Insecurities

Wish I Were Doing This....

How often do you feel like you're 'not good enough'?  Do ever go through  phases where you are made to feel, or at least, you interpret that you're completely incompetent?  Like you're a total moron?  I've been going through a bit of that lately and I hate it.  I hate that feeling and I hate the anxiety that goes along with it.  As if I didn't have enough issues with anxiety itself.

I've got some time off finally from work, which is much needed but there is a part of my brain that is  stuck back on the unit for reasons that most likely are unfounded.  I hate it when my brain goes to that insecure place.  It's not a comfortable feeling and it's hard to shake it off some days.  Ugh..Hopefully as the full moon moves on, I hope that it will pull all this negative energy away from my body and mind and send it out to orbit where it belongs. 

I have friend who struggles with the 'over thinking' and anxiety issues herself.  And she is totally aware of it.  However, she has a pretty good handle on her busy mind and has worked really hard in embracing all those crazy feelings and ideas, 'feeling the moment' instead of suppressing it as we like  to do, and allow some of that anxiety work its way out of her head and out of her body.   It's a trick I'd like to learn.  That whole 'being aware' thing...and not being afraid of it, nor allowing it to dictate your thinking for the rest of the day.  I'd like to be able to do that someday.  I'd also like to just 'kick it in the junk' as another friend would say.  I think that's more my style.

I Like the Attitude

I know that there are many other who struggle with similar insecurities.  I have seen what anxiety can do to a person.  It's a real thing people.  And I wish it didn't have such a negative connotation.  That's just not fair to the person, nor is it fair to that feeling.  But I feel like we are taught that 'bad feelings' are bad, and not to be felt, or confronted.  And when we are taught to hide our feelings like that, then it just makes you feel all kinds of weird and doubtful.  Who wants to live like that?  Not me.  Until next time...  The sun always comes up, eh?  elizinashe

I Find This Sadly Powerful...

Friends & Family

What is Normal Anyway? 

You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.  That we all know.  Sometimes my friends are better than my family.  Sometimes my family is all I need.  Sometimes I need both.  Other times, I need neither.  

It seems I've had a bit of a mash and reminders of what I just said above.  Guess somebody is trying to tell me something. 

I noticed this past weekend that one of my Facebook friends, a woman that I have been friends with for years, dropped of my friends list.  I just assumed that she intentionally dropped me, as she feels like I'm trying to 'squeeze her out' because we haven't seen each other in a long time.  She even left me a long winded message regarding the 'cold shoulder' a few months back.  Which was not the case in my world, but she's full of drama anyway.  So...I instead of asking her I just let it be.  I don't need a bunch of mindless drama and I felt like maybe this was a way to part ways.  But alas, I was kinda sad about it.  She is a good person after all, she just allows drama to rule her life.  As it turns out, she thought I had dropped her.  For some reason, I had dropped off her list when she had her phone reprogrammed.  Along with some others I would guess.  So we are now FB friends again and remain in contact.  Guess our time really isn't over yet.  

So apparently there is a mini-family reunion this coming weekend at my Aunt's house a couple of hours away.  My mother told me about it a couple of weeks ago.  According to her, this was decided just a few weeks prior suddenly, so our remaining family could get together, eat and visit just like we did when we were all younger.  Sadly I am already scheduled to work and can't get away.  My work schedule is typically done in a month in advance and in one month blocks.  That's just how our unit works.  What bothers me is that even though my Aunt and cousins are on my Facebook, nobody but my mother told me.  Maybe they just assumed that she would let me know, but still...they could have given me a heads up.  Why couldn't they ask when I was free so we could all meet?  It kind of makes me feel left out.  Just like always.  What they don't realize is that my cousins are really all the family I will have left when the time comes.  Do they not know that I might need them in my life?  I do love my family, and I have wonderful memories spending time with them all.  But...it's family.  And they can be pretty clueless at times.  At least I have good friends.  

Speaking of...they say real friends will always be there no matter how long it's been since you've seen each other or when you had last talked.  I totally believe that.  There are times when I go months without talking to some of my friends, simply because life is funny that way, but when we do finally talk, it's like we had just spoken the day before.  I like that feeling.  And what's more hopeful, is that my childhood best friend who now lives in Texas might be coming out this way to visit in November.  I've already penciled it in on my calendar so I don't pick up any extra shifts that weekend that she may be in town.  We haven't seen each other in about ten years if not longer.  I wish I could see her everyday but time and distance has kept us apart.  I have always had faith that we will see each other again, that I know.  And it looks like this Fall will be a brief reunion.  I pray that we both have good health and safe travels so we can reunite.  I need to see my 'wusband' as we call each other.  I think it will do us both some good for the heart and soul.  

And so that's the scoop ya'll.  Dad to arrive in a couple of weeks.  I know he's excited and I'm looking forward to it as well.  It should be a good time and I have a nice list of 'daddy do' things for him.  He's wanting to meet with my mom and visit with her so it will most likely be a lunch date with the two of them  Ugh...that will be awkward as hell.  I am not looking forward to seeing that.  But...there's not much I can do to change that.  Wish me luck.  Hope you have family still around and close friends in your circle.  You gotta have some of that, if not both.  And if you do then you're pretty blessed.  Hopefully whomever is in your circle makes you feel fulfilled and loved.  Because that's what really matters does it not?  elizinashe 

How Friends Should Be

While the Rooster Crows....

Is It Time for Coffee Yet?

It's very early in the morning.  Or super late at night.  Depends on how you look at it.  Coming off a string of night shifts I am....fell asleep for about three hours after dinner and have been awake ever since.   Typical for me since I've been working  this past week.  I'm debating on just staying up until the stores open since I do have some errands to battle.  Take a little nap in the afternoon and carry on.  I could even make myself a little breakfast at a normal time for a change.  We shall see...

I've been in a tizzy getting things done around the house for when my dad comes to visit.  Task number one completed this morning, thanks to a co-worker who helped me.  The ball cock joint on my toilet is officially functional and without that creepy moaning noise I have been hearing after each flush.  Good thing it wasn't Halloween when all that started to happen. That would have creeped me out a bit.  Only a man would come up with a name such as 'ball cock joint' for a toilet part.  Sounds like something a hooker would say.  

I love a good joke.  I really dig those cartoon type things that pop up on the internet and Facebook.  Cracks me up.  And when I see a good one, or hear a good joke I spread it all around.  I pester everyone I know sharing the quip.  Maybe it comes from living alone for so long.  Either way, it's the little things that get you by, don't ya think?  Laughter certainly is good for the soul.  

And so...I will end this little ditty for the morning.  My neighbor's chickens and reigning rooster are beginning to greet the morning.  I guess I should be greeting my bed.  However...the stores will be opening soon.  Maybe I should watch the news and make the dash.  Hmm...decisions, decisions...until next time.  elizinashe

Never Run out of Wine...

Quibbles...

Peace, Love & Harmony...

I'm a pretty nice person.  I can be really mean too.  But, for the most part, I'm pretty easy going and I can pretty much get along with anybody.  I don't do drama and I feel like I'm pretty tolerant of most people.  However, there are times when I'm a bit naive, too quick with my words  and then I end up in trouble.  It seems that I may have stepped into a bit of that trouble work wise.  

The issue itself really is quite trivial and it appears that it's just a personality clash with a little stubbornness.  Which, I can be a bit stubborn, there's no question about that, but work wise, I think I do pretty well.  But when you come across co-workers who have been allowed to make decisions that is not completely in their job description, and they insist that things are done in their way then we will have a bit of a problem.  I admit that I am still learning my new role, but I think I make pretty wise decisions and well thought out plans but when I have people that I depend on to help run my unit rebel against me because they have been allowed to do differently,then things can get a bit tricky. 

I am certain that it will all blow over.  At least for me.  I do intend to be more careful of my words as I am fairly direct and sometimes too blunt with what comes out of my mouth, which has caused unintended offense but I will not engage in a pissing contest at all whatsoever.  If you don't like it, then go work elsewhere.  I have more important things to focus on during my working hours.  

So how do you deal with snarky rebels in your job?  How do you enforce your plan without pissing everyone off and being viewed as an asshole?  Or in my case, a micromanaging you-know-what.  And if there's not a common ground of peace, what happens next?  Keeping my fingers crossed that all will be well when I go back to work.   I don't like drama and I don't like stupid confrontation such as this.  It's a complete waste of my energy.  And I need every bit of energy I can muster.  Peace out ya'll.  elizinashe