Random Ramblings...

Beauty in Sadness ?

My mind tends to race and ramble when I need to be calm.  A lot of it happens at home when I'm alone and awake in the wee hours of the night.  Especially when I need to sleep.  Anyone else have that problem?

My dad will be 81 years old in November.  He lives in Arkansas, which is quite the trip.  I am thankful that he is in good health and is able to live independently still.  But I know the day will come when he will need help and I'm not sure how that is going to fall into place.  I worry about his mentality as he has said and done things in the past, and the recent past that gives me worry.  However, I feel like I will not know until it's bad.  I hope and pray that what neighbors he has, and what church members are still living will contact me when things begin to go awry.  I don't want to be that shitty adult kid that ignores her parents.  I just can't be that way but I also know that I will need lots of help and I have no idea where the help will come from.  Sometimes it's really hard to keep the Faith and have the peace of mind that it will all work out.  I pray that I will find the strength and capacity to cross that hurdle when that day comes.

I've never understood why we call people of color "minorities".  You know, the "non-white" folks.  Why is that?  Just because your skin is darker than mine does not make you stupid, beneath me or pond scum. I am no better than you.  Aren't we all pink inside?  So why is it that the white man decided to label other races minorities?  Shouldn't we, the white man, be the minority?  The Native American Indians were here first were they not?  And they were "of color".  So why not consider us white people minorities too?  Just a thought.  Too much of a "hot button" topic?

Work...it's a love/hate relationship is it not?  I am proud that I put myself back through school and gotten a better and more lucrative degree but the healthcare system is going down the tubes.  More and more smaller hospitals are closing, the "for profit" hospitals continue to cut staffing ratios which does nothing for the patients nor is it supportive of staff.  Burnout is high.  And despite the thousands of nurses and other healthcare workers making noise, nothing will change until the powers that be in Congress make changes and stop taking money from big dollar donors and big Pharma for their own personal gain.  People are going to die unnecessarily.  You don't have to work in healthcare to make some noise.  And I suggest you do so loud and clear.

So I finally got my "smart tv" hooked up, got the landline internet switched to Wi-Fi but I have yet to totally yank my cable package.  I'm still learning the apps on my tv, plus I kind of like channel surfing.  I get bored rather easy so binge watching multiple movies is difficult.  I have done some binge watching a couple of tv shows but it took me a two or three months to complete the seasons.  Again...it's hard to focus sometimes.  Plus, I do like my local news on occasion and I need to keep abreast on the national news as much as I hate to do so.  I can only stomach so much of it.  But I think we are all in that boat.  Anyone else struggle with cutting the cord?  What are some of your favorite apps and shows to watch?

And so that's it folks.  What are some of your random ramblings?  Curious minds what to know.  Until next time...elizinashe.

A Quiet Night

A Celestial Request

Hello Moon !

It's a full moon tonight.  Looks wonderful too.  For the first time in many nights, I feel good despite my mentality the last few days, perhaps weeks, and even better from earlier today.  I've been in a bit of a funk lately and have been fully aware of it.  Sometimes you just have to move through it in order to get out to the other side.  Fingers crossed my mental funk continues to be on the upswing.

My hope is that the full moon will pull on all those negative thoughts and feelings out of my soul and toss it out to the sea, despite the miles that keep me from the ocean.  I need to believe that.  And I need to feel that too.  I've always said if you want something then you need to give it to the Universe.  And then do the work as well.  I'm working on "the work" too.  I have to make things happen for me but I do believe that there are higher powers that come along to help and guide you on your journey. 

 I'm tired of allowing the demons in my head dictate my mood. Sometimes it's hard that's for sure. But I remain hopeful that I will continue to persevere and move through this Life with the gusto and confidence that I crave.  I remain hopeful that the hurdles that will cross my path will be easy to jump and navigate, because I know that they will come.  They always do.  I remain hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day.  I remain hopeful.  Don't you?  Until next time...elizinashe

A Very Important Key to Have on Your Chain

You Would Think...

Night Owl Sights

Welp...I'm awake...

I was up late last night, did not go to be until the wee hours but that's pretty normal for that first "turn around day".  Tonight, or earlier on Saturday night, as it's after midnight and officially Sunday, I went out to dinner with some friends, had some drinks, went to a comedy show, topped off the festivities with some desert and a glass of wine.  It was a lovely time. 

I got home, began to feel sleepy and thought for sure, I'd be in bed before 2AM, which I did, but I have yet to fall asleep.  My mind keeps wandering.  And my belly is really full.  Perhaps too full.  Maybe that's why I can't sleep.  And I feel fat.  To which, I am gaining weight and that bothers me too.  Doesn't make me any less of a person, or less attractive, but it bothers me nonetheless. 

I am thankful for my friends and fun nights out, but it sure does suck sometimes being the only single person in the group.  Maybe that's a good thing anyway, I don't know.  At least it's not a issue that any of us focus on.  Maybe I'm not meant to be in a relationship.  I really don't count on it much these days anyway.

I have much to tackle in the next few days and not much motivation to get it all started.  I've been in a "responsible adult" rut lately and getting back into the groove of things makes me feel frustrated.  And I hate it when I get in these kinds of moods.  I just need to start on one thing and go from there.  I hope I find that motivation otherwise I will keep procrastinating and then it will be that much worse.  Ugh..where is my magic wand?

Hopefully by writing it all out will shove all the bugs in my head that's keeping me awake and annoyed.  Tomorrow is another day...I'm hoping for a new leaf.  The seasons will change soon enough.  Maybe then I will find a new mojo.  Until next time...elizinashe

Ready for a New Beginning