It's One of Those Nights

Starry Starry Night

I'm coming off of a long stretch of work.  It's nice that I don't have to go back until next week.  I need the break.  I keep telling myself I should pick up an extra shift like I used to, or at least a half shift.  I'm not desperate for the money but it sure does help.  Plus, I need things.  Like a new couch.  But alas....I just can't bring myself to do it.  I need my time away.

I'm tired and a bit achy.  I know I'm fighting a bit of a head cold too, but I just can't fall asleep yet.  My mind is too busy.  I've got a few worries swirling in my head and it's difficult to filter out.  I have lots of "catching up" to do house wise, food wise, laundry and bed linen wise and oh...I think there is something wrong with my car.  Great timing, eh?

I know it will get done.  At least the majority of it but all that is swirling in my head too.  Sometimes I really hate tackling all of this shit called Life by myself.  And I'm afraid it will always be that way.  I really don't have much hope for a solid or lasting relationship.  Not that I need one to complete my existence or make me "feel whole" but it sure does suck not having an extra anchor if you know what I mean. 

So here I sit, typing away...snacking on a breakfast bowl and a glass of wine because that sounded like a good idea for a slightly hungry belly and perhaps a segue to induce sleep.  It really doesn't matter that I'm up this late.  What duties I need to accomplish tomorrow really doesn't have a timeline.  As long as I am home by dark.  My night vision isn't so great and I really hate driving when it's really dark.  Ahh...the joys of aging.  Amongst other things.  And so you have it my readers, whoever you may be.  A restless, worried mind in the wee hours before dawn.  Sometimes I think I will always be this way.  And if that's the case, then so be it.  As long as I have this gig I think I'll be okay.  Until next time...elizinashe.

I Need to Practice This More

Which Type Are You ?

Is It Quiet in Space ?

How much alone time do you need?  Are you one of those independent types who don't need  a busy social life?  Or are you one of those more dependent types that need your calendar all filled up with friends and activities? 

Introvert or Extrovert?  Maybe a blend of both?  Social anxiety?  Or a leader among your pack?

I think I'm a bit of a blend of social and anti-social.  An introverted extrovert perhaps? 

The last couple of weeks have been a flurry of activity.  But in a good way.  But sheesh...am I glad to be home alone tonight.  I needed some down time after my errands and a quick chat with my neighbor.  Work beckons and sometimes that can be really draining.  And I expect it to be exactly that.  So much is going on these days....people are making some noise and our "for profit" hospital is feeling the heat so to speak.  I kind of like that to be honest.  Sound off your horns I say!

In short, the last couple of weeks have been filled with friends, wine, laughter and much to my surprise very little stress around it all.  I was able to help a friend in great need, have a special peep stay due to bad weather and spend some time with another friend from long ago who was in town on business.  And the coolest thing about it for me was that I finally have a place to call home and a lovely guest area for the above said friends and future guests.  I may not have a lot and I may have some clutter piles, dust bunnies and disorganized bins but your real peeps really don't care.  What I have learned is that all they want is your time.  And that's good enough for me.  I'm glad they get my kind of crazy and my kind of style.  Forget being all primp and proper.  Who needs that?

So tonight was spent making a nice dinner for me, a couple glasses of wine and lounging in my pjs' and bathrobe.  I really know how to channel that inner "little ol' lady".  And I relish that.  Perhaps I should give my aging alter ego a name.  How about Gladys?  Sounds silly enough.

I know the next few nights will bring its normal chaos.  And I know my coming short time off will be spent quietly at home before I begin the work cycle again.  And then it will be more time to be quiet.  I know I will need it.  Unless something more festive comes my way....you gotta get out and play at some point, right?  Until next time...elizinashe. 

Love Yourself First

Look To The Helpers

It's Good to Share !

Do you ever wonder what your purpose in Life may be?  Do you know your calling?  Have you always known what your career/life path would be?  Have you pursued your original intent?  Or have you just "winged it" and fallen into whatever Life threw at you? 

I've always been willing to help others.  Not all the time, but when I know in my gut, it is the right thing to do not to mention that I have zero problem in doing so, I really don't hesitate to offer whatever help I can muster.  Sometimes I wish I could do more, especially for our community and our country.  Regardless...I like to help. Maybe it's my own journey that I have taken that has lead me to where I am today? 

It struck me earlier today that in the last few years, since I have bought my home, I have been "that helper" to friends in need when the time arose.  I never in my life thought I'd have the life that I have.  I sometimes wish I could afford to do more but alas, that is not the case.  However, the idea of "being that friend" who helps her peeps when they are in a last minute pickle might be one reason that I am here on this planet of ours.  Perhaps that is in the least, one purpose as to why I am here.

I helped one of my very special peeps and provided some housing after a sudden illness when she and her son was out camping.  I did not have a guest bed yet, but a futon, a warm home and a hot shower.  It was the wee hours of the night and luckily when I was away from work.  I have also housed a friend who was mentally ill and needed a warm place to stay and food to eat.  Thankfully that was short lived but I could not bear the idea of my friend being so ill and sleeping in the woods.  I did what I could and I know he was grateful. 

I have housed another very special peep and coworker during our snow events as she is unable to get home when it does snow.  We have a wonderful time together, she's a great co-pilot as I am the one who drives us to work and we always have plenty of food and "adult beverages" available.  I love my snow events with her.  Really.  As stressful as driving in the snow can be, we really do have fun together.

The last two nights, I have helped another friend who needed a place to stay as she has had a bear enter her home the last two nights.  Yes...a bear.  Inside her home.  When she began to text me, I did not hesitate to tell her she can crash here until the proper authorities can do their thing and remove the bear from her property.  I know it's been stressful for her, my guest room is still clean and I had time away from work to be available.  Perfect timing?  Or is that a purpose?

Regardless, I am glad I am in a position that I can be "that person".  I can't do it all the time, especially with my work schedule but I do find it ironic that it always seems to happen when I am off work, which is a bonus.  Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be?  I don't know.

So maybe...I am a Helper.  It doesn't pay a whole helluva lot but the reward is fulfilling.  I think that's good enough don't you?  Until next time...elizinashe

Share Your Heart !