It's One of Those Nights

Starry Starry Night

I'm coming off of a long stretch of work.  It's nice that I don't have to go back until next week.  I need the break.  I keep telling myself I should pick up an extra shift like I used to, or at least a half shift.  I'm not desperate for the money but it sure does help.  Plus, I need things.  Like a new couch.  But alas....I just can't bring myself to do it.  I need my time away.

I'm tired and a bit achy.  I know I'm fighting a bit of a head cold too, but I just can't fall asleep yet.  My mind is too busy.  I've got a few worries swirling in my head and it's difficult to filter out.  I have lots of "catching up" to do house wise, food wise, laundry and bed linen wise and oh...I think there is something wrong with my car.  Great timing, eh?

I know it will get done.  At least the majority of it but all that is swirling in my head too.  Sometimes I really hate tackling all of this shit called Life by myself.  And I'm afraid it will always be that way.  I really don't have much hope for a solid or lasting relationship.  Not that I need one to complete my existence or make me "feel whole" but it sure does suck not having an extra anchor if you know what I mean. 

So here I sit, typing away...snacking on a breakfast bowl and a glass of wine because that sounded like a good idea for a slightly hungry belly and perhaps a segue to induce sleep.  It really doesn't matter that I'm up this late.  What duties I need to accomplish tomorrow really doesn't have a timeline.  As long as I am home by dark.  My night vision isn't so great and I really hate driving when it's really dark.  Ahh...the joys of aging.  Amongst other things.  And so you have it my readers, whoever you may be.  A restless, worried mind in the wee hours before dawn.  Sometimes I think I will always be this way.  And if that's the case, then so be it.  As long as I have this gig I think I'll be okay.  Until next time...elizinashe.

I Need to Practice This More