Night Shifter Blues

It Never Ends Does It?

As I have said before, I really don't mind working nights.  In fact, I think I prefer it compared how the days are on the unit.  And I really love my work family.  We are a special breed that's for sure. 

But...in the off time it makes your private life a bit wonky.  Can't really do yard work at night.  It can be done but I know I'm not going to do it.  Plus, with the creatures that roam around in the wee hours it would totally creep me out.  I have a small list of "handy man" things that need to be tackled, as I have procrastinated but unless I find a fellow night owl, those tasks have proven to be difficult to complete.  Have I mentioned how much I hate to clean floors and bathrooms?  Sheesh...again...I wish I could find someone to do that for me.  I've gotten that lazy about household duties like that.  Keeping fingers crossed that I will be able to afford a maid to come clean the said floors and bathrooms someday.  I absolutely hate it. 

And there's the "too much alone time" factor.  Yes, I could get a roommate but I haven't had one in many, many years.  I do much better having friends spend the night or visit for the weekend vs. having someone around full time.  If I ever become involved in a relationship, I don't know how I would cope if we moved in together.  I don't know if I'd even want that at this point in my life.  Maybe if it were the right person.  Guess the future holds that answer.  I think I've been single way too long. 

Some would say get another pet.  Yes...I hear that.  But I'm just not ready for that world just yet.  I miss my old man kitty but it's getting easier and has been easier.  I'm just not ready for that kind of emotional involvement.  Maybe someday I will be ready for another four pawed companion as I do love having a pet in my home. 

I know I'm not the only night shifter who struggles with such issues.  I just wish that I could reboot my body clock more quickly so I can be more functional. Or at least feel more functional.   I wish that I could go to bed at a decent hour in my off time.  But then again, the wee hours are mine.  It's peaceful, calm and mine to wonder of all the possibilities. I do see creatures in the night, I see the stars shinning bright in the sky, I see cars come and go and then the nosy neighbor in me goes in defense mode.  haha...Gotta make sure my hood stays safe!  

Yes, working nights has it's perks.  I thought I'd hate it but I've found my niche I believe.  And if working nights is the trade off then I guess that's okay.  I'm glad I have this blog that's for sure. It gives me comfort regardless of the time of day and that's a good thing.  Until next time...elizinashe

Looking Forward to This

How Gullible Are You?

Crazy Shit Overload

Ahh...social media.  It's a love/hate relationship. 

I am guilty of spending time on social media myself, mostly just to keep up with friends and family, share fun moments and post silly things but my word...some of the other stuff that people post never ceases to amaze me. 

Some things are a bit too much TMI.  Other stuff is so angry that I just have to keep scrolling or block the site it originated from itself.  Others....well I've "snoozed" people on the simple fact that the stuff that they post is so blatantly false and one sided that it makes my stomach turn.  And the sad fact is that these such people actually believe it to be true.  How dumb are you?  Are you really that gullible?  Or are you just too lazy to do some research to see if what you are sharing is indeed FACT. 

Facts people...FACTS!  This is something you were taught in school.  Has modern technology and social media poisoned your brain that much?  AND...most of these people who post such nonsense are older than myself so you know that they were taught with FACTS with pen and paper and researched by the Dewy Decimal system and encyclopedias.  No computers for you. 

 I can understand the younger generation because they didn't grow up like we did.  They didn't use typewriters or White Out on their term papers.  They didn't watch the news during dinnertime. Many parents worked multiple jobs so the family time suffered.  Poor boundaries and little consequences to unwanted behaviors perhaps?  The younger generation grew up with cell phones, computers, on-line videos, advanced video games, etc.  I wonder how much time those kids today played outside vs. playing inside.   But geeze....you older folks.  GET A GRIP! 

And what kills me is when you do point out that what they believe to be true is indeed FAKE they get all mad.  Whatever happened to discussion?  Have we lost our ability to reason?  Have we lost the ability to listen and compromise?  Sheesh! 

Why are there so many stupid people?  Do you really believe all that you see without even considering an alternative?  If you saw that the latest trend was to run out in traffic during rush hour on the grounds protesting car pollution would you do it?  If you saw that an untrustworthy nation declared peace throughout the world and wanted to sing Kum Ba Yah while holding hands would you believe that they are no longer considered a threat?  What about all the movie stars who proclaimed that they would move to another country after the election?  Have they done it yet? 

Sheesh!  WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!   Do your homework before you go posting your "truth" and all that other bullshit you spread. All that does is poison the minds of others who allow it because they are too lazy to do any research and they look for the easy way out.  If it's online then it must be true! 

As for myself, I will continue to check my facts, avoid posting stupid shit and continue to block fake and offensive sites and yes...I will block you if I feel the need.  And I will have no shame in doing so.  I'd much rather share silly photos, fun videos and awful jokes because I'd rather laugh and feel happy in this crazy world.  Wouldn't you?  Okay...rant over.  Until next time...elizinashe.

I Want to See More of This Please!

The Heart of Relationships

Combination Please

Who holds the key to your heart?  Has the ever been one?  Maybe two?  And for the one who broke your heart, have you forgiven that person or do you still hold ill will?

These are things that run through my head as I binge watch reruns of "Sex and the City" on t.v.   I was never one to follow this show in it's hey day but I must say it is quite addicting.  Girls, drinks, clothes, men, relationships, food, careers and oh yeah....sex.  That's pretty much it.

But I've caught it in the "Aiden" season.  The one with John Corbett.  (sigh).  The dreamy side of me gets all caught up in the drama of "why in the Hell did Carrie dump Aiden?".  Dang...if I had an Aiden I'd keep him for sure.  But, it's "Big" that keeps haunting Carrie throughout the series as they, Carrie and "Big", have a complicated friendship/relationship that never seems to be solidified.  Apparently they do eventually get together, Carrie & Big, and the series makes a final ending.  And the viewers finally learn what "Big's" real name is, to which I still  have no idea.  Guess I could Google that. 

My point is, relationships are difficult.  It seems that the Aiden and Carrie days were filled with insecurity, selfish fights and fear as Carrie had previously broke Aiden's heart but then decided that she "wanted him back".  Huh?  Mostly because she was missing him?  Or the relationship?  That's the issue.

It makes me think how do I view relationships and how I pursue them or have pursued them in the past.  These days I just don't make too much of an effort as the men I have met really aren't worth the chase.  I've learned to recognize red flags and drama which I no longer do.  I'd rather be alone.  But I also question do I have an unrealistic idea of what a relationship should be?  Or an unrealistic idea of what I want my relationship should be?  And then when those expectations are not met do I deem the guy "not for me'?  Maybe in my younger days, but I really don't know in this stage of my life.  I hope to have a wonderful relationship some day but my expectations are not that hopeful.  Am I fighting the dreamy vs. reality?  Or have I given up?

Now, I know this all may seem silly since I am taking these thoughts from a self indulgent television series, but I will say there are a few good scruples in the series.  A few.  I am certain that there are other television shows that are much more shallow that I would gravitate towards if I watched them and allow that show to infiltrate my mind.   At least I recognize that.

So how do you view relationships?  What or who inspires your relationship views?  An how have your thoughts on relationships changed?  Or have they remained the same?  Or do you know?
Just a few thoughts to ponder as I continue binge watching some show about a bunch of women living in New York.  They sure do make it look easy.  That's television for ya.  Until next time...elizinashe

A Very Common Relationship

Messages From Where?

😼 A Memory From a Peep 😼

Do you believe in "signs"?  Not the signs you see on the road or a billboard.  Not even the kind you see in the stores for advertisements.  But those little inexplicable "signs" that pop up at the most unexpected way and usually at the right time if you know what I mean. 

I believe in signs.  Always have.  I do believe that there is someone or something that pushes us along or gives us that little bit of encouragement when we need it the most or need that boost of faith when our spirits are down.  I also believe there are signs that give us warning in order to prepare for the future.  But those kind of signs in my life are quite few. 

It's been a little over two weeks since Hecubus made his exit.  It's getting a bit easier but that first week was certainly hard.  I kept looking for him when I went upstairs, expecting him to be perched on the couch-but he wasn't.  I kept looking at his food feeding area to see what he ate-but he didn't.  I kept looking for him on the bed, waiting for me to crawl in so he could get up in my face-but he wasn't there.  Coming home in the mornings from work have been a challenge.  I've missed his complaints and prancing around because I had been gone all night long.  I've missed his grunts and headbutts.  I've missed him lying on top of me when I'm on the couch.  That part I really miss. 

However, I feel like that first week without him, I was given little signs of hope and love as I moved through the grieving process over my beloved old man kitty.  And it was those little moments that has made the transition so much easier.  Instead of feeling sad it has made my heart a bit happier. 

Shortly after he passed, I stepped out on my back deck to reflect and prepare myself to take his body to the vet for cremation.  What I found odd was that there were three crows just walking around behind my house.  Now you may find that creepy or not unusual in any sort of way, but I found it rather interesting and comforting.  Yes, crows are quite common in our neighborhood, but that quiet moment of seeing those three crows left me knowing that his passing was a good thing.  Depending on your folklore and beliefs, crows are actually a good thing.  They are often regarded as "messengers" from this life to the next.  They are actually a sign of health and wealth.  Now if you see many crows, then that's a whole other story.  Unless there's a whole bunch of food somewhere.  haha..

The next day, my friend and I had plans penciled in and we kept to those plans.  And I'm glad we did.  As we were leaving my neighborhood, we saw a bluebird fly across the road and perch himself in a nearby tree.  That was the first time I saw a bluebird ever in my hood.  It left my heart feeling happy. 

Yes...it was a hard week.  And some days it's still hard.  But my heart is at peace.  I miss him terribly but again, I am so thankful for the way he left this Earth.  And I am so thankful that I was his human.  I couldn't imagine what my life would have been like without him.  He was one special kitty. 

Hecubus passed on Palm Sunday.  I got his ashes on Good Friday and when I stepped out on my deck Easter Sunday, I saw butterfly flit about my deck and around my house.  I felt like it was his way of visiting me and letting me know he's okay.  It made me a bit sad for the moment but it also made my heart a bit happier that day.  I find it a bit strange that all this happened on such a Christian holiday week too.  Is that some sort of sign? 

Maybe I'm reading a bit too deep in all these little things that happened that first week.  But I just can't help feeling like I had a lot of support from someone or something to keep me from falling apart.  And I will always be grateful for that.  As I have said so many times before, it's the little things is it not?  Until next time...elizinashe

💗 I Just Love This 💗

Random Conversations

Food for Talk

I've always felt that some of the best conversations are with a complete stranger, one that you may never meet again.  And in my case, it's usually at a bar while I'm grabbing some food and a drink.  Those conversations that are held while away on vacation are usually the best I find, although the ones close to home are pretty good too.

I had such a random conversation tonight at my local joint.  The guy I spoke with opened up the talk and just your basic general stuff, but it was a good opener.  No creepiness involved.  If you are a seasoned coversationalist you can pick up on the creep factor pretty quick.  If not...well...you might find yourself in a bit of a pickle.

I have found that such conversations leave you more enriched, sometimes angered depending on the topic of discussion and sometimes more informed.  I seem to always learn from my fellow new found friend if not have empathy for them as we tend to share personal struggles and triumphs as well.  You got to share the good stuff.  We need more of that do we not?  

Regardless, I met a nice dude and we had a nice time.  And yeah, there were some interest vibes going on but I doubt we will see each other again if at all.  Maybe randomly in a few weeks if the timing is right.  And if we never see each other again, that will be fine with me.  It's the little things, right?  It sure did leave me with a perk and nice distraction in my evening compared to the same old stuff.   Can't complain about that now can I?  Until next time...elizinashe

Cheers Y'all

So It Happened Today

💗 Hecubus 💗

Hecubus made his exit in this life this afternoon while sitting in my lap as I was sitting at the computer.  He was making his complaints known as par for the course, began to settle and had a brief seizure and then took his last breath.  It was that quick.  Totally unexpected but painless I am sure.

I kept myself together fairly well at the time.  I guess my nursing mind took over for moment until I could get him to the vet and have his body cremated.  I want to have his ashes with me, like I have with my tabby that moved on many moons ago. 

My heart is so very sad and my nights on the couch will never be the same.  I am so going to miss having him lying on top of me and in my face.  That part is going to be really hard. 

I don't regret a single thing I ever did for him.  I don't regret taking him to the emergency clinic in the wee hours of the morning when we needed to go even if it meant paying more money.  I don't regret buying all kinds of wet food every week when he got so picky, especially the last few years.  I don't regret staying up with him in the wee hours of the night when he was sick, or in the morning hours when I came home after working all night when he was not well.  I don't regret the times he puked all over my bed because I know he couldn't help it.  I don't regret buying some kitty steps so he could get up and down the bed easier because of his age and an old leg injury that began to give him a little more trouble.  I don't regret staying in town for vacation because I was afraid he'd get too sick while I was away.   I didn't want him to suffer in the least and I know that never really happened. 

My life was so much richer with him in it, even if the last couple of years were filled with anxiety and worry for him as I knew his time was drawing near.  He really was an amazing cat.  There were many times that not only myself but my vet too thought he was on his way to make his exit but he always seemed to rebound and remain by my side and in my face.  Head butts and all. 

No, he never suffered nor did he have any pain.  I am so very sad that he is gone but I am so very thankful for the way he chose to leave this Earth.  I hope he likes his next adventure.  I will certainly miss him terribly.  I could not have asked for a better kitty than my Hecubus.  I was one hundred percent his human that's for sure.  And I don't regret that by any means.  You certainly can't put a price on that kind of love.  And that's a very good thing.  Until next time...elizinashe

😌 Feeling Sad But Thankful 😌

Dating

If It Only Were This Easy

I had a bit of a date today.  Maybe it wasn't.  But it was sort of.  Just hanging out watching TV and having some drinks and conversation.  Nothing wrong with that.  No pressure and no heavy petting.  Not even a kissing session which was fine by me too.  I like getting to know someone better before I go there although I've know this guy for quite some time.  And no, it wasn't the heating & cooling guy that I still have a crush on.  I'd  go out with him in a skinny minute. 

I had a good time although I drank a bit more than I needed but that's all too easy when you're comfortable and chatting away.  I still haven't learned about that.  Gotta watch myself more carefully for next time. 

I don't think this guy will turn into a big romance or anything significant but I can certainly see us hanging out and spending some time together and that's okay.  I don't even know if I'm ready for anything serious despite the feeling that I actually do miss being in a relationship.  I guess I will know if that sort of thing crosses my path.  I know I'm picky and protective of myself and that's not a bad thing, but sometimes I wonder if I'm too protective and picky.  Have I missed one and didn't know it?  Have I dismissed some wonderful guy because I was too picky?  Or too independent? 

I wish I had those answers.  It gets harder as you get older.  I've grown into my habits and routine.  And that sort of stuff is hard to bend sometimes not to mention I've always been pretty independent and comfortable in my single status.  I'm not sure if that will change or if I can break that mold.  I guess time will tell.  Until next time...elizinashe

Tomorrow Is Another Day