Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Over. It.

I Support This Attitude
I need a time out.  I am over all this "being an adult" stuff.  Seriously.  

The last two months have been pretty much Hell and I'm in an overload of responsibility.  I'm tired of annoying vehicle issues.  I'm over sick cat issues.  I'm tired of running ragged to take care of the said car and cat issues.  I'm tired of basic house stuff, which seems to compound the said car and cat issues.  I'm tired of trying to plan on getting some minor house issues resolved around all this car and cat issues.  And oh yeah, I work.  At night.  Which makes dealing with all this shit a bit more challenging.  Sometimes its a struggle to get things done in a timely fashion, not to mention during the daytime hours before your average person closes shop.  Ugh.  At least work has been a bit more relaxed and my patient load has been relatively stress free compared to what we have had the last three months.  

So towards the end of working seven shifts in the last ten days, I had a good hard cry late one night at home.  I just 'let it all out'.  Sometimes you need a good cry and I can't remember the last time I had one.  Did it work?  Yeah, but not completely.  However, it did serve its purpose and released so much "stuff" that I have stuffed inside my head in hopes of coping with all this stress differently.  Guess that plan didn't work so much. 

And so...it's a new week.  One more trip to hopefully resolve an annoying but most likely a minor car issue.  My cat is once again recuperating and getting back to his old self after a hard day Sunday.  My minor house stuff, at least a small part of it,  will be conquered this week before I go back to work.  Hopefully...there is rain in the future.  I've done very little today.  In fact, I've taken two naps because I was just so damn tired.  Clearly my body needed it despite a good rest I had last night.  I just hope that the rest of this week is the beginning of a better road.  I'm done with the potholes of adulthood.  Until next time....
I Need To Be Here

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Death and Dying

What a Happy Flower!
I experienced death at a young age through our church.  I remember going to a funeral for an old lady who had died.  I did not know how she died, I just knew that she had died.  I wasn't in kindergarten yet, but old enough to be aware.  So in my child's mind, and raised to believe that "all people go to Heaven" I remember sitting there wondering, how did she get there?  Did she go up in a big balloon?  Like a Hot Air Balloon I was thinking.  Or if she just magically went to Heaven, how does that really happen?  I remember asking my mom if she was in Heaven.  And of course, my mother said "Yes".  And with that child's mind of mine, I kind of got excited.  Meaning, if all people go to Heaven, then that means she gets to meet all those who have passed before her, including "famous people" like movie stars and Presidents.  I remember asking my mother if it meant that she, the lady who had died,  got to meet George Washington and Abe Lincoln.  hahahaha...(Clearly I had some knowledge of that sort of stuff. )   My mother laughed a bit and I remember her telling me "yes".  I thought that was so cool.  You die and go to Heaven and meet some really cool people and famous people that you had read about.  Can't beat that. 

My next significant experience with death was when my brother unexpectedly died at twenty years old.  I was fifteen at the time and was about to enter the very same high school from which he had graduated just two years prior.  Now that was a real shocker.  His death was totally unexpected and devastating.  He was not sick or "out of shape" nor was it a horrible accident.     It was just "one of those things".   His death scarred me for life.  I think I have just learned to live with it and move on.  And yes, there are times that I still grieve but in a different sort of way.  And that child like wonderment about death and going to Heaven took on a whole new meaning.  

We just lost one of nurses to an undiscovered cancer.  She had gone to the hospital herself because she thought she was getting a kidney infection or something of the sort, due to her symptoms.  It was found that she had a pretty big tumor on her kidney and one of her liver.  Up until recently, she had been asymptomatic.  And still very lively.  It was all very sudden, but she seemed to be at peace with it all.  She had all her affairs in order and had lived a very full, long life at eighty three years of age.  She passes way within two weeks of diagnosis.  We were all amazed that she still chose to drive for nearly an hour (both ways!)  to come to work and at night mind you, for four shifts every month.  This woman was a testament to nursing.  She loved it and that is why she chose to continue to work, even though at this stage in her life, she really didn't need to.  And given her age, she went to school and worked as a nurse way, way back when...and had worked in just about every department you could ever think of.  Her bank of knowledge and experience goes way beyond then I could ever dream of.  And nothing really rattled her.  She went with the flow and laughed while doing it.  She was certainly a testament to the profession.  I will miss this woman greatly.  

My cousin's husband was suddenly diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer earlier in March.  Apparently he was having a stroke, or stroke like symptoms and taken to the hospital.  It was discovered then that he was gravely ill.  Devastating news to all, including his children from from his first marriage.  John was a clever guy and always seemed to "up to something".  He was very successful in his career, liked to travel and was really good to my cousin.  Sadly, the grown children and his first wife had to add some drama and hatefulness while all this was going on, while my cousin was trying to put affairs in order, get Hospice in place and keep her own sanity.  The good thing is that she still has two siblings in the same city to help her cope with all this mess. It's been a little more than a month since John's diagnosis.  He hung on for whatever reason.  Sometimes people stay for a little bit longer to finish what they started.  John passed away earlier tonight.  He is now at peace.  

So...there is so much here to say and divulge.  I know it's a long post, but all this stuff got me to thinking.  Death is tricky.  Sometimes it's a celebration of a well lived life, and other times just unexpected and hurtful.  Regardless, death is death.  And it should be a lovely thing, and not long or painful.  All I know is that Heaven has gained some wonderful souls this week.  Until next time...elizinashe
Shine On You Beautiful People