Monday, November 10, 2008

A Card Fetish

I have a slight card fetish. All purpose cards, birthday cards, halloween cards, valentines name it. I just like finding silly cards and sending them to the appropriate people. Just ask any of my girlfriends who live out of town. Hell, I've sent them if they even lived in town. What am i saying? Anyway...I've always loved receiving a card out of the blue for whatever reason and so I like to give that kind of sentiment back. But I tend to lean on the slightly inappropriate side of cards. Nothing mushy.(Well, sometimes). But anything ridiculous or absurd always wins. I find it loads of fun to pick through an isle of cards laughing my ass off and knowing who I"m going to mail it to. Our local Target store has had the most wonderful assortment of 'inappropriate' greeting cards to share. It's usually one of my stops when I shop at Target just to check out what cards they might have that I must buy. And on some occasions I do find some good ones at the grocery store believe it or not. (Grocery stores tend to keep it family friendly but I have been finding some good treasures lately. )
And so as I was picking up a few food items today, I decided to look at their cards being that my dad's birthday is this coming Thursday. My reasoning was that I didn't want or have to make a extra trip to Wal-Mart or Target just for a card. Now I will admit that I was looking for something nice for my father from his 'little girl'(which I did find) but in the process I found the most wonderful card for a friend of mine who's birthday is one day before mine. It has Darrell written all over it. I find it sooo silly that I wanted to share it with my readers before I drop it in the post office. ...I can hear him laughing now. So instead of bitching about school and how freaked out I am about what's going on in my life I will now proudly share with you the Top Ten Types of Farts according to Darrell's up and coming birthday card. Hope you enjoy!
Top Ten Types of Farts
10 The Pull My Finger-going back to generations, this fart is employed strictly for comedic purposes.
9 The Oopsie-Daisy -also know as the "excuse me", this most frequently occurs in the workplace,elevators and fine restaurants.
8 The Running Multi-Fart- a favorite among children at play, this is the closest a person can actually come to making music while breaking wind.
7 The Bubble Maker- The only underwater fart on the list, one or more of these will enliven any bathing or swimming experience.
6 The Amplified Commode Blow- Loud and satisfying these tend to occur while a person is in the process of passing a whole lot more than gas.
5 The Muffler- Often occuring in cars this refers to any fart which has had its natural sound altered or suppressed by a seat cushion or couch.
4 The Change of Underwear-A farting faux pas, this variety of wind-breaking is always accompanied by an uncomfortably moist feeling.
3 The Bachelor-Favored by unattached apartment dwellers, these are produced with a "What the hell I'm the only one here" attitude.
2 The Blowtorch-The few daring souls who have attempted lighting their farts have experienced this phenomenon. A word to the wise, Don't try this at home
And the Number One Type of Fart is...The Silent But Deadly-perhaps the most 'aromatic' of all farts, nothing will bring a tear to your eyes faster than a SBD!

How funny is this? I have always thought farts were just silly...and they still are! I'm totally guilty of being 'the bachelor' and my mother is totally 'the muffler'. (don't tell her I said that). Which type are you?? hahahahahaha.(Care to share?) I was laughing so much that I had tears welling up in my eyes. I guess I just needed a good laugh for the day and finding this card totally helped me in that department. Hope you find it as amusing and makes you laugh out loud! elizinashe