How Do You Know?

I Hate Not Knowing

I have a really old kitty.  The last couple of years have been rather hard on him, but he always seems to rally around after his visits to the vet.  For the most part, it's always the same: UTI, constipation, nausea or just a plain illness that has no specific description. 

I will not allow him to suffer.  And there have been many, many times when I thought he was coming to his end.  But his antics at the vet clinic tells me different.  The last two times it's been a bit more mild, including tonight. 

I was all set about a month ago to make that call when he had a bad night and that issue resolved itself without a trip to the vet that night, but the next day he started to rebound and became is old self.  It's so hard to know...since then he's been fine except for the past week and especially the last two days. 

I've always trusted my gut instinct. (Well, mostly).  And I knew I needed to take him in to be seen.  I waited for a few hours, waiting to see if things were going to change but they didn't.  So I took him in.  He didn't put up much of a fight, and we got some meds real quick.  He didn't fight much but he did complain.  And my gut told me that it's just not time nor is he ready.  Or so I feel.  But how do you really know?  I totally knew with my tabby when I had to send him on his next adventure a few years back.  But with Hecubus...it's a bit more difficult. 

I've always felt that your animals will tell you when it's time.  If you know what I mean.  Same with humans.  At least for the most part.  I know he does not feel well.  I'm hoping the meds will give him some comfort and some improvement as I am scheduled to go back to work the next three nights and I cannot stand the thought of him being in pain or fading away while I'm working all night.   No, I don't feel like I'm keeping him alive unnecessarily.  I just want him to be comfortable and eat what he has been ignoring today.  But my gut tells me it might not happen as soon as I hope. 

Another thing is that I have been waiting for his time to come with a hope that it happens when I'm not scheduled to work or have this all happen when I have a long stretch of days off.  But life has a funny way of throwing things out when the time is right which is not always on your timeline.  And his next adventure is on his timeline, not mine.  Sigh...

It's so hard to lose a pet.  So very hard.  And I've had Hecubus since he was a tiny kitten.  He fit perfectly in the palm of my hand.  And grew into a solid 10lb black lapwarmer with headbutts, purrs and would paw me for attention.  These days he no longer purrs which apparently is normal, weighs about 7lbs now with very little body fat, or muscle but still headbutts me and paws me for attention.  That hasn't changed.  Neither has lying on top of me when I'm lying on the couch.  Those are some of my favorite moments.  Especially these last few years. 

No, I'm not keeping him alive just for the sake of keeping him alive.  But I will do anything to keep him comfortable until it is time to send him off on the next adventure.  And I feel like it's going to come soon.  Which breaks my heart but I know it will be the right thing to do when all that mess appears.  It's not going to be pretty folks.  That's for sure.  I just hope all will go smoothly when we both cross that bridge.  Say a little prayer for us both.  I sure will need it.  Thanks in advance.  Until next time...elizinashe.

My Old Man Kitty Hecubus

Awake and Restless

Need a Peaceful Moment Like This

I'm coming off a long stretch from work.  I've had the typical post dinner and drink nap earlier this eve and now I'm awake as expected but instead of feeling calm and peaceful, I'm a bit restless and slightly anxious.

The thing about any job you have, the post rehashing of events during your working hours tends to haunt you at times which tonight, my own rehash is filling  my mind tonight.  This past work week wasn't too terribly bad, but I certainly was not on my "A game' as they would say.  I guess I'm allowing myself to feel guilty about that.  I have enough guilt issues as it is, I don't need to create any more.  Ugh...trying to let it go.

They say prayers do not go unanswered.  I prayed for warmer weather with sun and some 70 degree temperatures this past week.  I think we all could use some of that.  Well, we do have warmer weather on the way.  In fact, we may hit close to 70 degrees early in the week, but it's also supposed to rain.  And rain a lot.  Guess I need leave the rain part out next time.  But I'm happy with the lack of cold, nasty weather and some slight improvement.  I'll take that.  Maybe the coming change in the atmosphere is why I'm a bit restless.  If the weather affects animals, then certainly it affects us humans.  It would be stupid to deny it.  Season Affect Disorder is a real thing.  So why not a bunch of rain?

The coming weeks look fruitful.  I'm trying to concentrate on that.  There are fun plans being made and crafty ideas in the works.  That sort of stuff makes me happy.  It seems that many of my peeps have been in a similar funk with the winter blahs and we are all thankful for the improving weather, paving a way for all of us to get out for celebrations and creations.  I look forward to that.  I'm tired of feeling housebound due to the winter mess.  Hopefully my concentration level will improve as well, as I have been quite fuzzy headed and distractable.  Hell, even this post seems a bit askew to me.  But then again...I'm restless and can't concentrate very well I have a good excuse.  Haha...

In the meantime, I hope sunny skies come to blanket my neck of the woods as well as yours.  Hope you have something fun planned soon.  I hope you have more happy days ahead as we march ahead in this crazy world.  Until next time...elizinashe

Happy Days Ahead

Please Make It Stop

No More!

Oh Internet...you used to be so cool.  But now you're nothing but shit.  I really dislike you these days.  The news feed is filled with nothing but bullshit and stupid shit.  That goes for Facebook too.  I thought Zuckerberg was going to clean up that mess. 

I don't give a shit about the Kardashians.  I don't give a shit who's dating whom, who's pregnant, who's not, what the rumored baby name may be or who the baby daddy is or is not.  I still don't get why people are so fascinated by watching a bunch of overly wealthy women, who's only job is selling themselves, sitting around in their giant closets looking at their shoe collection or snacking on the latest trendy organic snack in their giant kitchen.  Why do people gravitate to watch such shit?

I don't give a crap about the Duggars either.  I don't care which kid is now courting only to get married right away with a "modest wedding" of 1200 guests and an out of the country honeymoon to consummate their marriage and hormones with the guarantee of popping out a baby by the end of their first year of marriage, as they all were raised to do so.  Why do they still populate my news feed?  Geeze...just go away.  I'm tired of you. 

I'm sick and tired of all the political bullshit.  Why do people continue to post, share and believe the blatantly obvious one-sided lying bullying hateful"alternative facts" ?  I am amazed that there are so many people so completely stupid.  Really stupid.  It truly makes me stomach turn.

I'm tired of having to keep an eye on the next winter weather event as it always seems to fall on every weekend that I work.  Seriously.  Every weekend.  Which begins my long stretch of working nights anyway so I'm really screwed. I don't even get to stay home to enjoy it.  At least I have been able to make it home safely and with a good friend to crash at my place for the said winter weather event.  But man...am I ever sick. of. it.  Please Dear God make it stop.  I need about three months of 70 degree weather and sunshine.  I need my Vitamin D! 

Why can't we all go back to seeing silly animal videos and stories of inspiration?  I miss seeing that sort of thing on my news feed.  I need more strange fashion shows as that has been one of my favorite things to write about many, many moons ago.  Why can't we see more silly selfies and really cool music videos?  I want my MTV!  haha..I need something way better than what's been currently plugging up the Internet highway.  It all just sucks and leaves me feeling rather ill.  I know it won't happen anytime soon that's for sure.  Our world is just too caught up in the muck and mire of ignorance.  I choose to ignore it all and scroll away.  Good thing is that Spring always comes and I hope it comes soon.  It's time to get out and ignore technology.  I know I will be a happier person for doing so.  I challenge you to do the same.  Okay...rant over.  Until next time...elizinashe.

I Want to See More of This!