Friday, November 1, 2013

Life After Divorce

It seems these days that very few who marry stay married.  Most people are divorced and remarry at least once.  Some never remarry at all.  Others choose to have relationships and end them at some point and get involved in another relationship.  I have yet to marry.  Why?  Well, that's a whole other story.  Mostly it's been my choice, but as I have gotten older it's become more difficult to find a good mate, especially given certain circumstances that I cannot change.  However, that is not the point of this post. 

My parents divorced about three years ago.  In their retirement.  In their 70s.  Weird.  I supported my mother in her wanting to end the marriage and I listened to my dad cry and perseverate over the ending of the relationship and his lamenting over a lost love.  Mind you, my father was the one who initiated the divorce proceedings.  And an added fact is that this was done across many miles.  My father lives in Arkansas where I grew up, and my mother moved here permanently to live in their 'retirement home' nearly ten years ago.  So, the whole process took about a year with negotiations being passed back and forth.  So why you ask, did my father never move with my mom?  Well, the 'retirement home' that was bought three months after I moved here first is the root of the demise, although the marriage had it's cracks to begin with prior to all this mess.  Long story short, my mother bought this property, signed the contracts and THEN told my dad.  Talk about a kick in the balls.  I thought my dad was going to lose it.  I will spare you the details and the fighting that ensued.  The fact is, that house planted the roots for divorce the moment my mother signed her name on the deed.  

Now that time has gone on, my father still holds a hope to rekindle the relationship with my mother and my mother has now found herself a 'boyfriend'.  Ew.  My mother has always been very independent and has never been interested in any other man nor has she said she has wanted to date again, or remarry for that matter.  I don't even think she was ever really in love with my father like he was in love with her.  And that's a hard thing for me to say, but I do feel that is true.  But now, she has a 'boyfriend'.  Which came as a surprise to her as well as me.  I've met him once and he seems like a very nice man, but it still bothers me.  It's gross and weird.  I don't know if I can really feel comfortable about it.  It's weird.  And gross.  haha...Yes, I'm whining like a child but I don't care.  I will spare you the whole psychoanalysis and how I watched my parent's marriage crumble and in the process how they, as parents truly hurt my feelings because they were so involved in their own mess.  I was in the middle of this whole demise the moment my mother bought this property and have been used for their own gain.  This is not how you should treat your children regardless of their age.  Do I sound too selfish?  Maybe I'm just throwing a temper tantrum.  I don't know.  All I know is that is a little unsettling to me and I worry about how my father will take the news once he finds out that the love of his life has a new man in her life.  One thing is for sure, I am not about to tell him.  It's not my place and it's not my mess.  

So there it is folks.  Is there a group for the surviving child of divorced, retired parents?  haha....Am I being unreasonable?  Or am I being smart by not getting involved in the drama and living my life as I see fit?  Maybe a little of both, eh?  Maybe I should go back to preschool for such rants as this. haha.....elizinashe