And the Journey Continues...

Packed and Ready

Twenty years ago this month I packed up my two bedroom apartment, loaded up my car with two kitties and hit the road East on I-40 with a moving truck behind me.  I was on a two day road trip to Asheville to follow a dream without even knowing if I would pass or fail.  I just went on Faith.

There were many times in that first year that I thought "What the Hell have I done?"  Money was tight, I knew two people and was working a lot to keep the bills paid.  There were many times that I was quite lonely and afraid but then those moments would lift when the unexpected and happy little things would float my way and then I would think "Okay...this is good.  I'm good. " 

I didn't work for about two weeks when I first arrived.  I had saved enough money and was quite aware of not spending more than necessary.   I wanted to have some time to settle in my new place and become familiar with the town.  And take some time to explore that mountains that had called my name. 

Memorial Day weekend had come and I decided to revisit Chimney Rock State Park as I had done before so many years ago with my family.  But this time I was going to explore as much as I could, as the quick stop we made when I was small was very limited because we needed to keep traveling.  I took off in my car and made a lovely and leisurely short drive to the Lake Lure area and spend some time at a work of nature.

Yep...I Did That

I don't think I've been to the park since.  I think I need to make another trip soon and celebrate the anniversary.  I've had a lot of good years here and I've had some really bad ones too.  I'm just glad I have survived it all.  Taking that "leap of faith" was the scariest thing I've ever done for myself but it was also the best thing I've ever done and I'm so glad I did.  I think I'm a much better person for doing so.  Makes me wonder what the next twenty years has in store for me.  I hope it's good.  Gotta keep the faith on that.  Until next time...elizinashe

Demons

Sending It To The Wind

Is there anything from your past that still haunts you?  Like a bad relationship or a bad choice?  Maybe a trauma related event or family strife?  Bad job?  Horrible roommate?  Something that had a negative impact on your life.  I am certain that we all have had something horrible happen because you just can't go through life without some kind of bad experience.  If you say you haven't then you're lying. 

Although you may have moved on and recovered from the event, does it still haunt you?  Does it lie dormant in your brain for weeks, months, years only to rear its head again and roam around in your thoughts and emotions?  Or have you totally forgotten about it?  Does it still bother you? 

I know it sounds all a bit cryptic without giving away too many details but it's just a little something that's been bothering me lately.  I myself have had bad experiences but it seems lately that there is one that keeps bugging and nagging at me that's just becoming too difficult to shake off. 

I feel like I've moved on from the said events and forgiven those involved but there are times that the memories surrounding all that mess return and fill up my head with anger and frustration.  Ugh...and it doesn't leave easily.  Maybe I haven't forgiven those involved?   Maybe I haven't moved on?  I don't know.  All I know is that I don't like what's been swimming in my head and in my dreams.  And it's beginning to take a toll on my mentality.  I think I need to make a change about that because if I don't I will most certainly dwell on this shit for too long and I'm afraid the mess in my head won't ever leave.  And I don't like living that way.  I've got too many other positive things to cross off my bucket list and I'd much rather be thinking about that.  Wouldn't you?  Thanks for listening.  Until next time...elizinashe

I Want to Focus On This! 

Night Shifter Blues

It Never Ends Does It?

As I have said before, I really don't mind working nights.  In fact, I think I prefer it compared how the days are on the unit.  And I really love my work family.  We are a special breed that's for sure. 

But...in the off time it makes your private life a bit wonky.  Can't really do yard work at night.  It can be done but I know I'm not going to do it.  Plus, with the creatures that roam around in the wee hours it would totally creep me out.  I have a small list of "handy man" things that need to be tackled, as I have procrastinated but unless I find a fellow night owl, those tasks have proven to be difficult to complete.  Have I mentioned how much I hate to clean floors and bathrooms?  Sheesh...again...I wish I could find someone to do that for me.  I've gotten that lazy about household duties like that.  Keeping fingers crossed that I will be able to afford a maid to come clean the said floors and bathrooms someday.  I absolutely hate it. 

And there's the "too much alone time" factor.  Yes, I could get a roommate but I haven't had one in many, many years.  I do much better having friends spend the night or visit for the weekend vs. having someone around full time.  If I ever become involved in a relationship, I don't know how I would cope if we moved in together.  I don't know if I'd even want that at this point in my life.  Maybe if it were the right person.  Guess the future holds that answer.  I think I've been single way too long. 

Some would say get another pet.  Yes...I hear that.  But I'm just not ready for that world just yet.  I miss my old man kitty but it's getting easier and has been easier.  I'm just not ready for that kind of emotional involvement.  Maybe someday I will be ready for another four pawed companion as I do love having a pet in my home. 

I know I'm not the only night shifter who struggles with such issues.  I just wish that I could reboot my body clock more quickly so I can be more functional. Or at least feel more functional.   I wish that I could go to bed at a decent hour in my off time.  But then again, the wee hours are mine.  It's peaceful, calm and mine to wonder of all the possibilities. I do see creatures in the night, I see the stars shinning bright in the sky, I see cars come and go and then the nosy neighbor in me goes in defense mode.  haha...Gotta make sure my hood stays safe!  

Yes, working nights has it's perks.  I thought I'd hate it but I've found my niche I believe.  And if working nights is the trade off then I guess that's okay.  I'm glad I have this blog that's for sure. It gives me comfort regardless of the time of day and that's a good thing.  Until next time...elizinashe

Looking Forward to This

How Gullible Are You?

Crazy Shit Overload

Ahh...social media.  It's a love/hate relationship. 

I am guilty of spending time on social media myself, mostly just to keep up with friends and family, share fun moments and post silly things but my word...some of the other stuff that people post never ceases to amaze me. 

Some things are a bit too much TMI.  Other stuff is so angry that I just have to keep scrolling or block the site it originated from itself.  Others....well I've "snoozed" people on the simple fact that the stuff that they post is so blatantly false and one sided that it makes my stomach turn.  And the sad fact is that these such people actually believe it to be true.  How dumb are you?  Are you really that gullible?  Or are you just too lazy to do some research to see if what you are sharing is indeed FACT. 

Facts people...FACTS!  This is something you were taught in school.  Has modern technology and social media poisoned your brain that much?  AND...most of these people who post such nonsense are older than myself so you know that they were taught with FACTS with pen and paper and researched by the Dewy Decimal system and encyclopedias.  No computers for you. 

 I can understand the younger generation because they didn't grow up like we did.  They didn't use typewriters or White Out on their term papers.  They didn't watch the news during dinnertime. Many parents worked multiple jobs so the family time suffered.  Poor boundaries and little consequences to unwanted behaviors perhaps?  The younger generation grew up with cell phones, computers, on-line videos, advanced video games, etc.  I wonder how much time those kids today played outside vs. playing inside.   But geeze....you older folks.  GET A GRIP! 

And what kills me is when you do point out that what they believe to be true is indeed FAKE they get all mad.  Whatever happened to discussion?  Have we lost our ability to reason?  Have we lost the ability to listen and compromise?  Sheesh! 

Why are there so many stupid people?  Do you really believe all that you see without even considering an alternative?  If you saw that the latest trend was to run out in traffic during rush hour on the grounds protesting car pollution would you do it?  If you saw that an untrustworthy nation declared peace throughout the world and wanted to sing Kum Ba Yah while holding hands would you believe that they are no longer considered a threat?  What about all the movie stars who proclaimed that they would move to another country after the election?  Have they done it yet? 

Sheesh!  WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!   Do your homework before you go posting your "truth" and all that other bullshit you spread. All that does is poison the minds of others who allow it because they are too lazy to do any research and they look for the easy way out.  If it's online then it must be true! 

As for myself, I will continue to check my facts, avoid posting stupid shit and continue to block fake and offensive sites and yes...I will block you if I feel the need.  And I will have no shame in doing so.  I'd much rather share silly photos, fun videos and awful jokes because I'd rather laugh and feel happy in this crazy world.  Wouldn't you?  Okay...rant over.  Until next time...elizinashe.

I Want to See More of This Please!