So here I sit, snacking on some Mac n Cheese because it's sounds good. Comfort food if you will...warm, creamy and cheesy. A childhood staple. And some wine of course because I am an adult. And more of an adult now than before.
I lost my mother on May 31. I was with her. And as difficult as it was I am so thankful for that. It had been weeks and weeks and longer since we last saw each other due to scheduling, distance, time, car issues and then the COVID shit. And given her age, I did not want to expose her of potential harm even though I've remained fairly healthy. I hope that continues.
So much to do. So much to process...my mind bounces between the grief and depression to task oriented crap that follows a death. I have good support. I have really good friends. My mother has really good friends. But in the end...it's all on me.
It's just all so much but I know I will get through it-one step at a time. I pray. I hope. I shutdown. I ignore. I get back up. I begin again slowly. Because that's all I know what to do.
There is not a rule book on how to deal with all of this shit. There is not a guide on grief. There is not ....just not....
So what's the next step? I don't know. I have closure commitments regarding my mom's house tomorrow. After that...not so sure. But that's okay...I'm going on my timeline. And that's all that matters. Until next time...elizinashe.
