Can't Help It

I just can't help myself sometimes. I came across this picture off the internet and just had to keep my over-the-top fashion gripes alive. Now I know that summer is upon us and the pollen has done its job to make all things bloom but this little clump of crab grass hat it just stupid. Perhaps it's a tribute to all those fathers & husbands who spend an afternoon in sweltering heat doing the lawn duties. I see that the rumors are true and the neon colors of the 80s are making a come back. Yikes! If this model is not careful she could poke an eye out with that hat. I would guess if she were outside a bird might mistake it for a nest and end up pooping all over it, or lay some eggs. Take your pick. Gotta love it. elizinashe

Relationships

One door closed, another door to open. The man that I had been seeing ended our relationship with me today. I'm really not that heartbroken about it all. Sad yes but devastated no. He is a wonderful guy and I understand why he wanted to end our time. I have no ill will towards him at all. I truly enjoyed just spending time with him and getting to know each other better. We both agreed that it was smart that we didn't rush into a physical relationship so quickly which I guess is a habit for both of us. Although we did talk about having sex and wanted to have sex, we just didn't quite get to that point. It would have been nice to explore that part of 'us' however under the given circumstances I'm glad we just didn't go there. It would have complicated things more so on his end and not on my side of the fence. It was a great stepping stone for me as well as a learning experience. I don't see if as my glass half empty or even half full. I see it as in need of a refill. elizinashe

Ridiculousness

I've always appreciated all things silly. I think it's a way that I cope with stress and all that other mess that swirls in your head. I'm a big fan of Monty Python movies and their Flying Circus series. I loved catching the re-runs of Fawlty Towers. I love Absolutely Fabulous. I love odd things and inappropriate jokes. I love odd occurances and seeing people wearing odd clothes that just isn't fit for public wear.
I came across a photo op in the women's bathroom where I work. When I saw this toilet I just could not resist in taking the picture. I was too afraid to use this particular toilet but the 'jack' that was supporting the toilet cracked me up. How could I not take this picture. It reminds me of how you put your car up on a jack to change a flat tire. However I did not see anything 'flat' with this toilet but the concept behind it is rather daunting. (Or so I think. ) I couldn't help but laugh and was thankful that something ridiculous came across my working day. I guess the toilet needed some extra support that day. elizinashe

Quick Topics

Spring: I can't say enough how happy I have been with our bountiful springtime weather. My mood has certainly been lifted compared to our long, strenuous winter. I have become obsessed with my camera and trying to get that money shot of a spider that has taken residence on one of my flowers. I'm loving it. It's a trial & error process but I think I'm getting better at it. Funny thing about it is that I hate spiders. They creep me out, especially the big ones but this long, spindly legged creature doesn't seem to mind having his picture taken, nor does he move very much when I'm near so it allows me some clicking time with my trusty little camera. Once he starts to move my way I'll be running. Eeek!

Dating: I hate the dating world sometimes. I hate the gray area when you're trying to sniff each other out. What I mean by the gray area is those unanswered questions about your target person whom you wish to date. 'Is he or is he not gay?' 'Is he really hitting on me or is he just being really friendly?' 'Should I ask him out or would that be too forward?' 'What if it doesn't work out'? 'Maybe I'm misreading the signals and he just wants to be friends'. 'What the hell?' Too many 'what ifs'. Why can't we just go back to grade school days and pass a note. 'Do you like me? Check yes or no.' ' I like you. Do you want to be friends? Check yes or no.' 'Do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend? Check yes or no.' There's something to be said about the way we went about things in grade school. Do you agree? Check yes or no.

Dad: My parents are getting a divorce. They're both in their early 70s. It's stupid in a way but I understand why. It's been really hard on my dad. He still lives in Arkansas calls me almost daily. When the ball first dropped on the whole divorce thing my dad took it really hard and would cry often. He would reverberate on regrets, changes, hope and other issues. Then he moved on to other topics just to chat. I understand why he calls so much. I've gotten used to it. I think we've talked more often and more intimately the last 8 months or so than we ever have as I grew up. Sometimes I dread the phone ringing b/c I know it's him. I hate being the sounding board sometimes. However I had a sad epiphany one evening after our brief chat that hit me once I pressed 'end' on my phone and set it down. One of these days I'm gonna miss those nitely phone calls from my dad. I guess I should enjoy it while I can no matter how much I want to avoid answering the phone.

Romance: On the flip side of the dating world I have been seeing this one guy that I do know that he likes me. I was hesitant at first, one being that I already knew him from my previous job, and two the fact that he met me & one of my girlfriends one night late in the winter for a nite of music and dancing. Drinks and music always paints a distorted picture sometimes when it comes to romance. We all had such a good time and I had a blast dancing in the wee hours of the night to 80s music. I had my moment of revisiting my college days drinking and dancing until I couldn't stand it any longer. So after that night he would text my girlfriend about me. Stuff like when she & I were going out again b/c he wanted to see me, wanted to know if I was single, he really liked me and so forth. When my girlfriend would tell me this stuff I would just roll my eyes in disbelief. I joked that it was my boobs flopping around from dancing and that it was just a guy thing especially since there were drinks involved. He was just mesmerized in the moment and wanted to get a little lovin' if you know what I mean. I finally relented after a few texts from each other and to make a long story short I have really enjoyed getting to know this guy better. There has been no pressure of a sexual relationship which is nice. We get together for dinner and drinks and just talk. It's a nice change from previous dating experiences. I'm enjoying the courtship of just getting to know one another. And I'm surprised at myself for really liking him. Hmm...we shall see how it all turns out. Nothing wrong with a nice slow romance. And that's all I have to say about that. Happy Spring! elizinashe

Rainy Day

It's a rainy day Monday. Not that's a bad thing, sometimes it's exactly what is needed to soothe the soul. This past week has been hectic but in a good way. Can't complain. My obsession with spring pictures continues as you can see. I got lucky with this photo that you see here. I won't tell you my secret but I'm just so happy that it all worked out the way that I wanted. All this picture taking has spawned some more creative ideas, one being a really cool photo collage that I made for my dad for Father's Day. I almost want to keep it for myself so I can look at it all the time but I know my dad would really dig it and it would mean so much to him since we are so far apart these days. I think I had the most fun tweaking my little project. It does look pretty damn cool though. I think I've created a new monster within myself. I'm gonna end up spending all my money on pics and frames. Maybe I should turn my little abode into a studio. Haha...stranger things have happened.
elizinashe

Spring

Spring is just full of surprises to say the least. I've been playing around with my camera a lot more lately which has been pretty cool. Trying to spread my wings out on the creative side. I guess spring has sprung in my head and all that winter clutter is blooming out.

Yet again I did not make the cut for the nursing program for this coming fall however I did make some progress. I am #56 on the wait list for the LPN program which was my 2nd choice. Last year I didn't make any kind of wait list. But things happen for a reason, or so they say. I hope this fall will be better than last year.

I had an old boyfriend find me on facebook a couple of weeks ago. I pretty much ignored the request but I guess he really wanted to 'reconnect' so he sent me a message a few days later. Shocker! So I relented and sent him a message back. It's still kind of weird though. He even went as far as going for a live chat when I was up late one night. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it was him in my chat box. Crazy man. I guess he still thinks well of me after all these years. And speaking of ex's, I've run into 2 other men that I have dated all within this past week. There must be something in the air. I wonder how many other boyfriends will pop out of the woodwork. Sheesh!

The time with my mom and our family friend went very well. It was really good to see Betty. She looks great and is still full of energy and carries a positive attitude. She's still a vivacious lady and loves being a grandmother. It was a good time with very few tears. We all visited again on Mother's Day up at my mom's house. I got some pretty cool pictures of my mother's Rhododenron's including a spider that I found camped out in one of the blooms. Cool, huh?

In the meantime, I've been snapping away with my trusty little camera and loading the pictures up on the pute. I bought some Dahlia's and Petunia's the other day and put them out on this concrete landing I have that leads to the front door. I had fun creating a photo theme with those shots. Gotta love having a digital camera. If you take a crappy shot you can delete it! How cool is that? I almost had the money shot of a ladybug on the leafy part of my Dahlia, but the critter moved too quickly and the one shot that I did get was way too blury. Maybe next time. Well that's about it in a nutshell. More to come later. Happy Spring! elizinashe

More Mind Clutter

This has been a busy week for me so far. Work has kept me really busy and the household stuff never ends. I could have worked for a few hours today but I'm just too burnt right now to pick up extra money. I've got two more shifts to work before this week ends and then I'm free for a couple more days before the cycle starts all over again. Ugh! Can't wait for vacation.

However going to work keeps my mind off of other things that creep into my head when I'm at home. There's a minute part of me that says I should have gone into work today. My mother's friend should be coming into town and I have plans to see them both this Friday. This is the family friend I talked about in my previous post. Again, I had weird dreams as I was waking up. And again my mom was involved as well as a sequence where I was in San Francisco sitting next to some water watching a snake swim by and then around my leg. EEK!! Don't know what that one was about. Well, I sort of do when I think about it but I will spare you the analysis. The dream about my mother was rooted in her control and trying to but into my life when I don't want her to make choices for me. Now I know that sounds terribly selfish but this tug & pull of ours goes way back. I guess I still have some residual anger about that. She's backed off quite a bit over the last few years which has been really good for our relationship but I guess some things just don't go away when they are burned into your brain.

Another piece of clutter that has been swimming around is that I have an old boyfriend from way back 'friend' me on facebook. What the hell??? This is the guy that was my live-in back in Arkansas about 13 or 14 years ago. Seriously what the hell?? What does he want? The relationship ended very badly. I kicked his ass out which was the best thing I could have ever done. I have grown into a very different person since then and have moved on since those days so why is he looking me up now? It's not that I feel like he's the one that 'got away' or anything, it just reminds me of how self-centered he was and how much he made me feel like shit and insignificant. I could have been bleeding out my eyes and he would have never cared. I did everything. And I mean everything! I worked my butt off. I was the one who paid the bills, cleaned the house, bought the groceries, did the laundry and even went to work an hour early so he could use my car, go back to school and take up a part-time job, and yet he still found time to cheat on me. Asshole! Seriously, what the fuck does he want? I was really messed up in the head for a while after the relationship ended. I really had a hard time trusting men again and feeling confidant in a relationship. (There's a small part of me that still does but that's rooted in another issue. ) So why after all this time does he want to reconnect? The petty side of me wants to ask for his half of all the bills I paid. (haha) The other part of me just doesn't want to know how his life turned out to be. I can almost guess. I've always wished him well but I just don't want to go back to that place where he made me feel so shitty. I have moved on from those days of long ago and I want to continue in that direction. Seriously, what the hell??? elizinahse