Mark, Bob and the Radiator

I often say 'things happen for a reason' and I truly believe that. I have also heard that things 'happen in threes'. I believe that as well and yesterday was a perfect and perhaps a strangely explainable example.

My good friend Bob passed away this past December. I do not know how or why he had died but he died nonetheless which made me very sad. He was a retired physician who was insanely smart, was rather quirky bordering on the eccentric and loads of fun. There have been many times when I think out loud to myself and wish that my Bob was still around. Now that I have embarked on my nursing school career I really wish he was still around so that he could give me some guidance on my educational endeavors especially when it comes to the oncology unit that we will be studying later on down the road, which was his specialty. As I was going to bed Wednesday night I had said aloud, as if he could hear me, ( and sometimes I do believe the dead can hear us) that I had missed him and that I wish he were here to guide me with all this nursing crap. I know for certain that I miss our ridiculous moments of silliness and his stories of 'Wallers' which is a whole other topic that is too much to explain.

I had stopped yesterday after class to get some gas before it got too low. I had gone inside to prepay since I had some cash and ran into a mutual friend on my way out. Mark knew Bob through mutual friends and through the local restaurant that we all had frequented. Mark really dug Bob, as we all did and enjoyed having unique conversations with him. Mark had mentioned that it was strange that he ran into me at that moment. Mark had said that I appeared in his dream the night before and that Bob was also sandwiched in that dream somehow. He then proceeded to ask me how Bob was since he hadn't seen or heard from Bob or about Bob in forever. Now, I was taken back a bit because I thought for certain that Mark had already knew about Bob's demise. I was 98% sure that Mark & I had already had this conversation back in the winter. So I had told him what had happened of course but I was still in disbelief that he truly was not aware. I tell myself that Mark had just forgot or something like that.

As I proceeded to return to my car to gas it up I noticed a leak near the front of my engine coming from underneath and I knew it wasn't from my air conditioner. I saw a small puddle of water with some striking green liquid in the mix and as I looked underneath I saw a small drip of antifreeze coming from the general radiator area. Crap! This was the very last thing I had wanted or needed in my first three weeks of nursing school. Luckily my mechanic's garage was right down the street which I promptly drove to. I was pretty frustrated that this had happened when I just had my car serviced before school had started. However, I was able to leave my car for repair ( a new radiator no doubt) which meant at that time I didn't have a ride back home nor did I have a ride to school in the morning. Ugh! I was told that I wouldn't be able to pick my car back up until sometime Friday afternoon and with the holiday weekend approaching that would have been lucky.

I must have been uber fortunate yesterday and believe you me I thanked God and sent out my blessings. I was able to score a ride for class through a classmate that lives nearby, which I had just gotten his number that day in class. I kind stranger who was also a customer at my mechanic's offered to give me a ride home which I humbly and gratefully accepted. I could have walked home since I was close but that meant lugging a backpack, a nursing kit, a lab coat and my purse in the heat of the day. Not quite how I wanted to spend my Thursday afternoon. After I had unloaded myself once I got home and began to settle I started to dig into my homework. It was early evening when I get that call that my car was fixed and ready. Woo hoo!!! So happy I was! I had wheels again and was no longer in danger of being without a car for the whole weekend nor did I have to be dependent on anyone for transportation. What a relief!

So what's my point? If I had not stopped for gas I would not have run into Mark and had our conversation about Bob. It bought enough time for my car to pee out the antifreeze so I could take notice, otherwise I would have driven my car until God knows what could or would have happened. I find it strange that both Mark & I had thought about Bob the night before we saw each other. The trio of Mark, myself and Bob helped complete a series of 'threes', I guess you could say, with the trio of my car problems that I've recently had which started with a window switch being replaced and a dead battery at school. (thankful for the jump from campus police. yes, you may snicker at that implication.)

So I guess in a very, roundabout and strange sort of way, Bob is helping me with school and is still involved in my life. Being that Mark & I are connected through Bob he brought us together so I could discover a major vehicle impairment which could have kept me from arriving to my nursing classes. And having good luck on my side and good samaritans around, I was able to score a ride for class if I had needed it, was able to have a ride home while my car was being repaired and my car was finished before the big holiday weekend. Now that's what I call a Waller! elizinashe

Flash Back

well shake me like a monkey. I've been dancing like the nancies, trippin' with the billies, oh sweet seven I think I'm turning into a spaceman drinking big whiskey with the groo grux king. ee-hee what fun!
August 31, 2009

So on occasion there will be a sidebar window pop up on my facebook stating what I had said on a particular day in a particular year. Today I came across a quote that brought back some fond memories and when I had read the very first line I knew exactly where I had been and who I was with. Such a lovely trip it was. I wish I could relive that trip but in reading my quoted experience it gives me the feeling as if I had just typed it out for the very first time. I can't wait for other quotes that I have written to pop up and take me back down to memory lane. elizinashe

Nerdville Here I Come

So it's back to school time for me. Yes, I'm in the big pond now with the other fish who have been accepted into the nursing program here at the local community college. Woo hoo! My summer has been filled with many trips to the school for financial aid, unanswered questions, delayed email replies, tuition to pay for, books to buy and prepayments for other items that have yet to be received. Backpack upgraded, uniforms bought, patches to be sewn, lab kits purchased with all it's treasures and a sea green stethoscope lying in its box waiting to be plugged into my stuffy ears. Struggles with the on-line tutorial info website that was posted two days prior to our first class,(which is tomorrow) and an ink depletion snafu during the big print off for said tutorial info. Class info in upgraded backpack along with syllabus and monthly schedule as well as 'contracts' for agreeable student behavior & expectations. Snacks prepared, water bottle chilling and an abundance of pens. Self made notecards to guide me to the correct classroom at the right time in the right room at various days. No locker combination to memorize, just three different passwords for three different school related websites that is now a requirement for all college students. Excitement and first class anxiety fills my head, along with a new pimple emerging at the dimple of my smile and I have now learned from my dentist appointment from earlier this morning that I now need a mouth guard to wear at night because I clench my teeth so badly. Yeah, I totally feel like I'm that nerdy kid entering high school again. If I have those 'showing up for class naked' dreams then I'm totally doomed. Good thing I'm old enough to buy alcohol this time. elizinashe

Diet, Exercise & Video Games

I have never been one to follow a diet. It's not the willpower, it's the following the diet rules and sticking to it. I've never been one to eat a lot of junk either. I've always liked fruits & vegetables and I've let go many moons ago the daily dose of diet coke. I do indulge in the occasional pizza and a big fat burger but for the most part junky food like that has never been a part of my daily or even weekly diet. That's a good thing. I thank my parents for instilling good eating habits at a young age.

I've struggled with keeping an exercise routine the last few years mainly due to the fact that I no longer have a gym membership. Yes, I know that I can exercise at home or go run around the local track around the VA Hospital but I just don't have the motivation. Home is my quiet place and walking an outdoor track when it's miserably hot is not my idea of a good workout. I want to sweat in an air conditioned room. In short, I like having a reason & a purpose to go somewhere to workout. I miss the gym that was on my end of town. It closed down many years ago and the other gyms that are in town are seemingly too far for me to drive. Lame excuse I know....

However I have been inspired to try something different through a couple of my coworkers. One of the girls I work with has been doing the Zumba videos on her break at work for some quick and intensive cardio. This girl comes out red faced and breaking a good sweat. It makes me jealous. She's also been doing Weight Watchers to change her eating habits and get back on a healthy track. She's not overweight by any means but she does look good. So it got me to thinking.....

I tried the Zumba myself one afternoon with some of our kids. Yes, you get a good workout but I couldn't stay coordinated enough to keep up the dance steps. I did more laughing than jumping around. It would take a lot of practice for me to really get it all down. However, we have a Wi gaming set for our kids. We use it for special groups as well as a reward for good behavior. We tested the new Dance Wi and the Michael Jackson's Experience. Oh boy! I think I found my thang! I've never been big on video games but this Wi stuff is pretty damn cool. I could care less about the bowling or the shoot 'em up blow 'em up games. I want to dance! I was surprised how quickly my heart rate jumped after doing a couple of Wi dances. I even broke out a little sweat! So much more fun than walking up several flights of stairs on your break. I see more Proud Mary in my future. If I can move around like Tina Turner then I will certainly be burning up some calories and looking good once again. I give the Wi a two thumbs up. I am looking forward to testing out some more dances. Can't wait to take that trip to Funkytown. elizinashe

Mindless Chatter

It's been really hot here lately. I know that my side of the fence can't compare to the extreme heat felt in Texas, Arkansas and Arizona, just to name a few other yards, but it's still hot for our fair mountains. Ugh! It just makes me all kinds of cranky. I don't even want to cook nor do I have much of an appetite. I struggle with coming up with something for a meal because it's too hot to think. I'm ready for some cooler weather, a nice long fall I say!

The last couple of weeks have been super busy for me mostly in a good way. I had a friend in town for a couple of days which gave me a good excuse to host an epic hike among some waterfalls and a tailgate picnic followed by an evening of recovery and other libations. Then it was back to the grindstone and back to work. Yuk. However, I did have a girlfriend pop into town for some training with her new job so in between working shifts we were able to catch up and have some quality girl time! One of the few things I miss having with her. Hopefully we will have many more of those nights to come in the future now that she & her husband have moved from the Bay area and back closer to Asheville. Woo hoo!

I have a girlfriend here that drives me nuts. Don't get me wrong, I do value our friendship but she is one of those people who does not shut up. She just goes on and on and on and on......and on and on and on and on......and on and on and on and...well you get the picture. I've gotten to the point where I just really tune her out a lot b/c it's all the same old stuff which becomes really draining. I know I probably sound like a horrible friend but truly I am not. I'm just becoming more detached from this relationship due to the fact that I don't feel supported in this friendship nor do I feel nourished. I'm just tired of feeling mentally drained after talking with her, or shall I say after listening to her.

I had an aunt pass away towards the end of June after a long battle with cancer. She was my dad's sister, the oldest of three. I only saw her about three times in my life, twice that I can remember. She lived most of her adult life in Arizona where she was a professor at Arizona State University. There was never frequent phone calls for family chats as I was growing up. Maybe a letter or two and always a holiday card but that was about the extent of our family communication. I knew she was a smart woman and had a great job but I knew very little of her or about her. Her oldest daughter Julie wrote a wonderful memorial of her life which my dad had sent me. I never really knew that she led such an interesting life. She was apparently very smart and savvy with a great sense of style and humor. Why that part of her life was never shared while I was growing up I will never know. According to the memorial, she and her husband traveled quite a bit. Why they never traveled to Arkansas for a family visit is beyond me. She didn't even come out for my brother's funeral when he had died unexpectedly many, many years ago. At that time she had said that she & her husband were too busy with their jobs or had too many ties and were unable to get away. Or something like that. All I know that is was just a weird excuse and a really crappy way of supporting my dad aka her brother. I truly have no ill will toward her and I am glad that her suffering is over. I am very grateful that she & my dad became closer over the last couple of years as she became a comfort and counselor for my dad during the divorce crap between my parents. I just wish that she could have been a more active family member within our family unit despite the hundreds of miles that kept us apart. There is no telling what kind of impact she would have made in our corner of the world. elizinashe

What Would You Do?

What would you do if you won a crapload of money? What would you do if you had that winning lottery ticket? What if the Publisher's Clearing House people really did pull up in your driveway carrying balloons and champagne and a check with an unbelievable amount of money with your name on it? What would you do?

I've always wanted to win a sweepstakes. Even as a kid I would always urge my mom to send in whatever junkmail contest that arrived in our mailbox. I wanted our family to win that crapload of money. Not that I wanted to live in a big mansion with expensive cars or anything. I guess I realized at a young age that having that crapload of money would make life easier. We really weren't 'poor' nor did we have to struggle financially. Somehow I got the impression that it would make the household less stressful and that we would never have to worry about being broke. I've always carried some hope that some day I would win that sweepstakes that I have always wanted. Weird, eh?

Which brings me to my original point. I've been receiving some Publisher's Clearing House propaganda this past month. I can't remember the last time they sent me all this crap but being the faithful sweepstakes dreamer that I am, I can't throw it in the trash which is where it really belongs. However, they 'guarantee' that 'someone' in my area will be winning 'something'. Now how could I pass that up? I just might win something!!! I think I could choke down some champagne for a few bucks. (hahaha...I say to myself.) Yes, I know I am being ridiculous and no I haven't ordered any magazines or 'as seen on TV' crapola that comes along with all the sweepstakes propaganda. Forget that. I just want to win. Realistically I know that I won't be the winner despite their claim that I have winning numbers as long as my numbers are the ones that they choose. Yes, my current finances are tight but that is not why I choose to seek and find those silly labels mixed in with the adverts and pasted them in the proper place on my return certificate. It's that silly, dreamy child inside of me that is still wanting to win a major sweepstakes.

So what would I do if I actually won? I probably would swear in disbelief. Despite all the hoopla that is associated with a big monetary win whether it be a lottery ticket or a sweepstakes I'd still have a hard time believing it all until the initial shock wears off. Then I suppose I would cry and pee in my pants. I might even have a fainting spell and/or a panic attack. Maybe all of the above. Wouldn't that look good on live tv? Regardless, once it does all sink in my brain and that first check is deposited into my new sweepstakes account I'd be picking up my bestest girlies and jet off to the Mediterranean for a lovely trip. My treat, of course. elizinashe

Our Children's Future

Having my own struggles with attaining financial aid for a nursing program and finding extra funds and loans to mend the cost it makes me frightful for the next generation who want to go to college. Apparently, being paid $11.47 an hour is deemed 'too much' according to my taxes to be awarded any 'free money' to help pay for an RN degree which would make me a much more productive member of society. HUH?? What a hard blow. One two week paycheck pretty much eats up my rent. All other monies earned go to other bills and then some. I will be lucky if I get the maximum amount that I applied for in school loans from a measly community college. I am now in the waiting game for school loans as my deadline to pay for it all comes near. Which brings me to my original thought.

As I watch the news there is more talk about Social Security being delayed and without increases in pay, the national debt ceiling in disarray and the economy as a whole still in a stagnant existence. Many budget cuts across our nation within our schools, adjunct teachers laid off, resources limited, extra curricular classes cut and college tuition increased per hour whether it be a four year institution or a small community college. And limited seats available for students young and old for above said educational opportunities. It leaves me frightened for our young children who are already struggling to succeed as a student who come from your typical middle class household. We cannot forget those children who hold so much potential but yet have so many roadblocks that they cannot control that they become discouraged and therefore just 'give up'. Some come from screwed up parents, poor living conditions or they have a learning/physical disability which does not discount their potential. Yes, some children will not be as successful as we expect them to be. But given the state of today's times how does a family of 'normaltiy' even begin to pay for college or hope for a fruitful education as they grow and hopefully graduate from high school? How do children who come from disadvantaged circumstances become successful?

I was a pretty good student. I think I had some ADD stuff going on but that was before being labeled ADD/ADHD was popular. Yes, I certainly believe that I have some processing issues due to a hereditary disease which slows me down when I really need to concentrate incoming info. Yes, I know that I have some anxiety issues which I have seen in my father but mine also stems from survivors guilt which is a whole other story that I won't divulge. However, it does not make me stupid nor an nonproductive member of society. But all that said still makes it difficult to prove and requires a lot of red tape which I just don't have the patience for in order to potentially get more funding for a stupid two year program in the nursing field which could take me to higher realms not only for myself but for the community as well. So if I have this much trouble to pay for a two year program then what does the future hold for our young kids who want an education when they leave high school? I know it wasn't this hard when I went to college the first time around many moons ago. So why is it so hard now? I thought this was America where anything can happen. How hard will it be for our children in the next 10 years? 20 years? Where will America and our educational system be at that point? What do you think? Just asking.... I guess I should stop watching the news, eh? elizinashe