Anxiety & Obsessions

So my anxiety level has been sky high lately.  All this school stress is coming to a peak.  Tests after tests, projects to work on, paperwork to complete, sign, pay for and date so I can have the privilege to pay even more money to take my state exam in the next 3 months.  Not to forget that I still need to have my cat vaccinated, get an exam myself, pay for a crown on a very old tooth, clean the house at some point and maintain my sanity, or at least at this point, what's left of it.  Oh yeah, and there's is something called a resume that I need to work on and begin the process of finding a job before they are all snatched up. Or so I am told.  

I went today to have another passport picture made for my state exam paperwork that needs to be notarized and mailed before I take my test.  I came to realize that this would be my fourth 'passport' photo made in the last 20 years or so.  The first one was for a real passport way back in high school for an overseas trip.  I had another one done about eight years ago when I renewed my passport  in expectations of going again overseas with the man I was seeing at the time.  However, that plan never came to be.  (asshole.)  As a part of the nursing program process, I had to have a current passport photo along with craploads of paperwork.  That was two years ago.  Now I am in the final stretch of the game and I need yet again, a current passport photo for state license purposes.  Whatever.  

But on that obsessive note, as I was waiting to be fingerprinted, (yes for testing purposes), I was thinking of all the times I've had my photo taken for such occasions.  Being that you typically get two copies of your photo and being the packrat that I am, I know that I have all of my other copies of my passport photos.  Which struck in me the need to find all of my former photos and make a timeline of how I have changed or not changed in the last 20 years or so.  I know for a fact that I have all of those stupid 2 x 2 pictures of my head.  I know that I have placed them in groups of other pictures in various places.  I just can't find them!  And the obsessive part of me spent a good 45 minutes, if not an hour,  upon returning home frantically  looking at all the hot spots that would potentially contain my previous head shots.  As if it were a true priority!  However, I just could not let it go.  I had to find them!  I typically keep that sort of stuff in one central area, however I have clearly tossed those stupid little head shots somewhere else for projects that remain unfinished.  I finally realized that I was not going to find them today and the very last thing I needed to do was spend the rest of my evening tearing my house apart in attempt of locating such tomfoolery.  Clearly I was allowing my school induced anxiety to be channeled in a completely unnecessary direction.  So I stopped.  

My motivation behind in finding those stupid photos was primarily making a timeline of myself to a degree and observing the stages of my life that seemed important at that time.  I guess I was wanting to see how my life has changed over the years and look to see how much I have changed and grown as a person.  Not so much as to how much I have aged or anything, but to take a real look at myself and see what I have accomplished thus far compared to what my expectations were at the time all those other photos were taken.  That was, and still is, the primary motivator behind this side-tracked obsession, along with not wanting to deal with school stuff.   I know I will find the other pictures someday soon.  Just not today.  I have resigned to the fact that I am not focused enough for school crap tonight.  I think it's just gonna be an evening on the couch and early to bed so I can function at clinical tomorrow.  However, there is one cabinet I have yet to inspect.  Dare I?  Hmmm......  elizinashe

And So It Came....

Finally it snowed.  Only just a little in my area but just enough to screw things up.  I've been up since 5am all in preparations for my clinical that was to be.  Got word shortly after 6am that it was going to be delayed until 10am.  Texted a few of my study mates to confirm and pass along the message, ate some oatmeal and went back to bed.  Got up an hour and half later in preparations for the late delay and got updated information that clinical was to be cancelled altogether.  Whew.  That was okay by me since I slept horribly the night before and the roads were still quite dicey with high winds a-blowin' and snow still falling.  Communicated yet again with some classmates, turned on the tv and ate some yogurt.  (why was I hungry again?).

Fortunately, I was able to stay awake this time.  Stayed in my pjs for a while and then put some real clothes on despite that I was not going anywhere anytime soon.  I did however, get some school work done and posted some notes for my study mates for our next concept.   Finished some reading and highlighted my class notes.  Smoked too much in the process and had a cat in my space the whole time.  Fell asleep again around 1230.  (really?).

I was woken up by a big gust of wind.  (yikes!).  Thankfully nothing fell to the ground but it was enough to motivate me to get up and do something.  Feeling restless I went to my local joint for a late lunch and some wine.  It was a snow day afterall.  Ate half of my quesadillas, had two glasses of wine and took some apple cake home.  Good timing.  The roads were getting dicey again.  Reluctantly watched Oprah Walters, I mean Katie, because I don't have cable and there was nothing else on and I wan't in the mood to continue any more school stuff.  Took a few pics and plopped down on the couch.  

Then comes the local news.  And I eat AGAIN!!  As if I hadn't had enough already.  Sheesh.  What is it about cold weather that makes you eat all damn day?  They say when the weather is cold that your body needs more calories to stay warm.  Fine.  I get it.  I just hope that we don't have any more cold, wintery days ahead.  Otherwise I might end up entering the spring season as a big, fat bloated pig instead of a fluffy, spritely lamb.  Now to tackle the dishes and ignore the apple cake that's waiting for me in the fridge.  
Stay safe and warm my friends!  Spring has got to be on it's way soon!  elizinashe

Foo Dog is ready for Spring!