Just a Swinging...

Grrr...I Am Bluebird!  Hear Me Roar!

No, I'm not talking about that awful song back in the 80s.  You're welcome.  😉

My mood lately has oscillated from sadness to anger to frustration to sadness to really pissed off to whatever just move the fuck on. 

Our news has been indulated ( am I using that correctly?) by so much hate, bullying, crap, bullshit, lies and the support of all of what I just said.  Or typed in this case.  I just can't stand it.  It truly brings tears to my eyes.  I don't understand how people can be so mean and support so much blatant intolerance and accept that as normal behavior.  I just. don't. get. it.

Once again I've been rejected by a guy whom I thought would be different.  No...I wasn't looking for a ring or anything.  But I did believe that for once, I was going to be one of those girls who would have a guy like the others.  I thought I'd actually have a guy in my world that would be my emotional support, my one-plus, that guy I bring to other "couple things" and plant roots in some sort of relationship.  Nope...he decided to do that "disappearing" act.  You know..they stop calling, or in today's times, stop texting, behaviors change, the body language changes and so on.  Jesus...I may be dumb but I'm not stupid.  And once again, I am the one to confront the matter.  Grow a pair will ya?  Be a man and just own up to it.  What's really sad about the matter is that once I did confront him, I get a very basic generic response.  Wow...not only is it sad but it just makes me more angry.  One, you can't talk to me about it to my face but Two, you give me a cold, unfeeling generic excuse.  Christ...grow some balls will ya?  I am an adult after all.  Pisses me off.

Work...well there are changes in the works.  And I'm afraid it's only going to get more rocky before it gets better.  I try my hardest to delegate appropriately and be fair but this passive/aggressive bullshit that is played upon me is getting really fucking old and I'm sorry to say...there are some things that my "helpers" do not get to decide.  It is my job to run my unit as I see best for the patients and by law.  If you go above my head because it's more convenient for you, because you're burnt out career wise, then it's only going to bite you back in the ass and it won't be me that tells on you.  You're doing it to yourself.  Best learn when it's time to go.  I'm not a vindictive person by any means.  But when it comes to patient and unit safety then it is my job to raise my voice.  I won't be bullied.  Screw you.  I've worked too hard to get where I am today.  You're not going to fuck up my world or my unit just because you are tired of having to do real work.  Get out while you can.

On a lighter note, my mother and a long time family friend who was visiting from Texas came over today for a brief visit and a little tickling of the ivories as they say.  Meaning, playing on my piano.  It was a good visit, short and sweet.  Rediscovered some old family pics too.  That was fun.  Over all, it was a nice, chill day which is something I needed most.  Tomorrow is a whole other ball game.  Glad I had some time to relax.  Those worrisome thoughts will rise up I am sure.  As well as all those emotions.  In the meantime, be kind.  Life is too short to be otherwise.  Until next time...  elizinashe

Happier Days Ahead!

A Posthumous Post

😎 Yo Daddy-O !  😎

So I wrote this little ditty a few weeks back in the wee hours at work.  I wasn't able to sign in on my blog due to work computer/internet rules so I just wrote it as a document, printed it off and put it in my bag.  I pretty much forgot about it until I rediscovered it and still feel the need to post it.  So here ya go...hope you enjoy.  It's a bit different from my norm.  I kind of like that.


Dead of night, feeling trapped-no windows here.  Sure would like to see what's going on outside. Better yet, I'd like to feel what's going on outside. 


I have many hours to go...no book to read here.  Damn...my mind is blank and wandering at the same time.  How can that be?

I'm trying hard to just "go with it".  New changes in my world. Good things.  But I have forgotten the other things too in my new distraction. Or is it an addition?

Don't know the answer to that yet.  Guess I will find out sooner or later.  The little insecurity monster sure does like to take a few stomps in my head.  And I hate that.  I wish he would go away.  But then there are moments when I'm totally at peace and I have no worries, no fears.  I like those moments.  I also like those little inexplicable boosters to keep me on the right path.  If you catch my drift...

Sounding like a beatnik I am?  Sure do feel that vibe tonight.  Too much Waites maybe.  Maybe it's the weather.  Mother Nature sure does have a tug on me some days.  The spin around the state map certainly is a big one.

Just a few more hours I say as I look at the clock click, click, clicking away with its cheap second hand.  Maybe I will paint it a cheery color.  I think it could use some perking up.

Doo-do-doo my phone says.  I have a message!  Short and sweet it is but a welcomed on for sure.  Strange how things are sometimes.  Still learning about that jazz.  Maybe I was never given the right lesson to begin with.  Or did I flunk it already?  Or multiple times?  Sure is hard to know.

Wish I were in San Francisco right now.  That's the kind of vibe I'm feeling tonight.  Wet, foggy streets.  Jazz on the sidewalk.  Smoke from a bar.  Although I think they are all smoke free but you get my drift.  Maybe there's a beatnik trapped inside of me after all.  Maybe that soul is trying to escape.

Edging closer and closer to the next moment.  A brief escape that is-maybe I  feel that Bay are breeze coming across the map.  Maybe the pull of the fog will push this mental much out of my brain.  Makes me want to start snapping my fingers.  Cool, man cool.

Ya dig?

Until next time...elizinashe.

☕ Smooth Man Smooth  ☕