Ridiculousness

I've always appreciated all things silly. I think it's a way that I cope with stress and all that other mess that swirls in your head. I'm a big fan of Monty Python movies and their Flying Circus series. I loved catching the re-runs of Fawlty Towers. I love Absolutely Fabulous. I love odd things and inappropriate jokes. I love odd occurances and seeing people wearing odd clothes that just isn't fit for public wear.
I came across a photo op in the women's bathroom where I work. When I saw this toilet I just could not resist in taking the picture. I was too afraid to use this particular toilet but the 'jack' that was supporting the toilet cracked me up. How could I not take this picture. It reminds me of how you put your car up on a jack to change a flat tire. However I did not see anything 'flat' with this toilet but the concept behind it is rather daunting. (Or so I think. ) I couldn't help but laugh and was thankful that something ridiculous came across my working day. I guess the toilet needed some extra support that day. elizinashe

Quick Topics

Spring: I can't say enough how happy I have been with our bountiful springtime weather. My mood has certainly been lifted compared to our long, strenuous winter. I have become obsessed with my camera and trying to get that money shot of a spider that has taken residence on one of my flowers. I'm loving it. It's a trial & error process but I think I'm getting better at it. Funny thing about it is that I hate spiders. They creep me out, especially the big ones but this long, spindly legged creature doesn't seem to mind having his picture taken, nor does he move very much when I'm near so it allows me some clicking time with my trusty little camera. Once he starts to move my way I'll be running. Eeek!

Dating: I hate the dating world sometimes. I hate the gray area when you're trying to sniff each other out. What I mean by the gray area is those unanswered questions about your target person whom you wish to date. 'Is he or is he not gay?' 'Is he really hitting on me or is he just being really friendly?' 'Should I ask him out or would that be too forward?' 'What if it doesn't work out'? 'Maybe I'm misreading the signals and he just wants to be friends'. 'What the hell?' Too many 'what ifs'. Why can't we just go back to grade school days and pass a note. 'Do you like me? Check yes or no.' ' I like you. Do you want to be friends? Check yes or no.' 'Do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend? Check yes or no.' There's something to be said about the way we went about things in grade school. Do you agree? Check yes or no.

Dad: My parents are getting a divorce. They're both in their early 70s. It's stupid in a way but I understand why. It's been really hard on my dad. He still lives in Arkansas calls me almost daily. When the ball first dropped on the whole divorce thing my dad took it really hard and would cry often. He would reverberate on regrets, changes, hope and other issues. Then he moved on to other topics just to chat. I understand why he calls so much. I've gotten used to it. I think we've talked more often and more intimately the last 8 months or so than we ever have as I grew up. Sometimes I dread the phone ringing b/c I know it's him. I hate being the sounding board sometimes. However I had a sad epiphany one evening after our brief chat that hit me once I pressed 'end' on my phone and set it down. One of these days I'm gonna miss those nitely phone calls from my dad. I guess I should enjoy it while I can no matter how much I want to avoid answering the phone.

Romance: On the flip side of the dating world I have been seeing this one guy that I do know that he likes me. I was hesitant at first, one being that I already knew him from my previous job, and two the fact that he met me & one of my girlfriends one night late in the winter for a nite of music and dancing. Drinks and music always paints a distorted picture sometimes when it comes to romance. We all had such a good time and I had a blast dancing in the wee hours of the night to 80s music. I had my moment of revisiting my college days drinking and dancing until I couldn't stand it any longer. So after that night he would text my girlfriend about me. Stuff like when she & I were going out again b/c he wanted to see me, wanted to know if I was single, he really liked me and so forth. When my girlfriend would tell me this stuff I would just roll my eyes in disbelief. I joked that it was my boobs flopping around from dancing and that it was just a guy thing especially since there were drinks involved. He was just mesmerized in the moment and wanted to get a little lovin' if you know what I mean. I finally relented after a few texts from each other and to make a long story short I have really enjoyed getting to know this guy better. There has been no pressure of a sexual relationship which is nice. We get together for dinner and drinks and just talk. It's a nice change from previous dating experiences. I'm enjoying the courtship of just getting to know one another. And I'm surprised at myself for really liking him. Hmm...we shall see how it all turns out. Nothing wrong with a nice slow romance. And that's all I have to say about that. Happy Spring! elizinashe

Rainy Day

It's a rainy day Monday. Not that's a bad thing, sometimes it's exactly what is needed to soothe the soul. This past week has been hectic but in a good way. Can't complain. My obsession with spring pictures continues as you can see. I got lucky with this photo that you see here. I won't tell you my secret but I'm just so happy that it all worked out the way that I wanted. All this picture taking has spawned some more creative ideas, one being a really cool photo collage that I made for my dad for Father's Day. I almost want to keep it for myself so I can look at it all the time but I know my dad would really dig it and it would mean so much to him since we are so far apart these days. I think I had the most fun tweaking my little project. It does look pretty damn cool though. I think I've created a new monster within myself. I'm gonna end up spending all my money on pics and frames. Maybe I should turn my little abode into a studio. Haha...stranger things have happened.
elizinashe

Spring

Spring is just full of surprises to say the least. I've been playing around with my camera a lot more lately which has been pretty cool. Trying to spread my wings out on the creative side. I guess spring has sprung in my head and all that winter clutter is blooming out.

Yet again I did not make the cut for the nursing program for this coming fall however I did make some progress. I am #56 on the wait list for the LPN program which was my 2nd choice. Last year I didn't make any kind of wait list. But things happen for a reason, or so they say. I hope this fall will be better than last year.

I had an old boyfriend find me on facebook a couple of weeks ago. I pretty much ignored the request but I guess he really wanted to 'reconnect' so he sent me a message a few days later. Shocker! So I relented and sent him a message back. It's still kind of weird though. He even went as far as going for a live chat when I was up late one night. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it was him in my chat box. Crazy man. I guess he still thinks well of me after all these years. And speaking of ex's, I've run into 2 other men that I have dated all within this past week. There must be something in the air. I wonder how many other boyfriends will pop out of the woodwork. Sheesh!

The time with my mom and our family friend went very well. It was really good to see Betty. She looks great and is still full of energy and carries a positive attitude. She's still a vivacious lady and loves being a grandmother. It was a good time with very few tears. We all visited again on Mother's Day up at my mom's house. I got some pretty cool pictures of my mother's Rhododenron's including a spider that I found camped out in one of the blooms. Cool, huh?

In the meantime, I've been snapping away with my trusty little camera and loading the pictures up on the pute. I bought some Dahlia's and Petunia's the other day and put them out on this concrete landing I have that leads to the front door. I had fun creating a photo theme with those shots. Gotta love having a digital camera. If you take a crappy shot you can delete it! How cool is that? I almost had the money shot of a ladybug on the leafy part of my Dahlia, but the critter moved too quickly and the one shot that I did get was way too blury. Maybe next time. Well that's about it in a nutshell. More to come later. Happy Spring! elizinashe

More Mind Clutter

This has been a busy week for me so far. Work has kept me really busy and the household stuff never ends. I could have worked for a few hours today but I'm just too burnt right now to pick up extra money. I've got two more shifts to work before this week ends and then I'm free for a couple more days before the cycle starts all over again. Ugh! Can't wait for vacation.

However going to work keeps my mind off of other things that creep into my head when I'm at home. There's a minute part of me that says I should have gone into work today. My mother's friend should be coming into town and I have plans to see them both this Friday. This is the family friend I talked about in my previous post. Again, I had weird dreams as I was waking up. And again my mom was involved as well as a sequence where I was in San Francisco sitting next to some water watching a snake swim by and then around my leg. EEK!! Don't know what that one was about. Well, I sort of do when I think about it but I will spare you the analysis. The dream about my mother was rooted in her control and trying to but into my life when I don't want her to make choices for me. Now I know that sounds terribly selfish but this tug & pull of ours goes way back. I guess I still have some residual anger about that. She's backed off quite a bit over the last few years which has been really good for our relationship but I guess some things just don't go away when they are burned into your brain.

Another piece of clutter that has been swimming around is that I have an old boyfriend from way back 'friend' me on facebook. What the hell??? This is the guy that was my live-in back in Arkansas about 13 or 14 years ago. Seriously what the hell?? What does he want? The relationship ended very badly. I kicked his ass out which was the best thing I could have ever done. I have grown into a very different person since then and have moved on since those days so why is he looking me up now? It's not that I feel like he's the one that 'got away' or anything, it just reminds me of how self-centered he was and how much he made me feel like shit and insignificant. I could have been bleeding out my eyes and he would have never cared. I did everything. And I mean everything! I worked my butt off. I was the one who paid the bills, cleaned the house, bought the groceries, did the laundry and even went to work an hour early so he could use my car, go back to school and take up a part-time job, and yet he still found time to cheat on me. Asshole! Seriously, what the fuck does he want? I was really messed up in the head for a while after the relationship ended. I really had a hard time trusting men again and feeling confidant in a relationship. (There's a small part of me that still does but that's rooted in another issue. ) So why after all this time does he want to reconnect? The petty side of me wants to ask for his half of all the bills I paid. (haha) The other part of me just doesn't want to know how his life turned out to be. I can almost guess. I've always wished him well but I just don't want to go back to that place where he made me feel so shitty. I have moved on from those days of long ago and I want to continue in that direction. Seriously, what the hell??? elizinahse

Family Friends

My mother has a long time girlfriend coming into town next week for a visit. I thought she was already here as my mother & I had planned to get together Friday (today ) so we all could visit but I had dates wrong, regardless I will be joining them next week for a gab. However I have mixed feelings about this and I didn't realize how much 'stuff' I had leftover in my brain until I went to sleep last night, or at least attempted to sleep. Some of it was leftover anger and painful memories and the other was the benedryl funk that kept me lazy all day and then perked me up at night.

Anyway, this woman and her husband and fraternal twins were the one constant in our household for get-togethers, cookouts, church stuff and ultimately our rock when my brother died. I was the one who was asked to call Betty that afternoon when we were in the ER after we had gotten the call that my brother was brought into the hospital after he had collapsed at work. We had no idea what was going on or why he was rushed into the ER. He had passed out at work and his co-workers started CPR until the ambulance came and carted him off. The doctors kept telling us that they were doing everything that they could do, trying to revive him but he had not responded to anything. Betty arrived shortly after they told us that my brother was dead. She was the one I grabbed and sobbed into her shoulder after I saw him for the last time.

It was such a long time ago. I don't know if I have truly gotten over my brother's unexpected death. I think I've just learned to live with it. And perhaps ignoring some of the other stuff b/c it's just too damn painful. Betty & her family were the ones who was with us the whole way. That first Christmas after his death was a real doozie. We all went to his grave after the evening church service. That was one of the last times I went to his marker. I just couldn't stand there without falling apart.

The following spring our friends moved to Kansas so her husband could take another job. That was a sad time but understandable. I was pretty close to their daughter Kathy even before my brother had died. We had become pretty close friends and having Kathy around meant alot to me that summer. It really sucked when she moved. Looking back on it all I guess it left me feeling abandoned. And understandably so. My other friends didn't know what to do with me, but hell we were all about 15 years old. How much wisdom do you have at that age?

We kept in touch over the years and made frequent trips to Kansas so we could visit. It was always a good time. Unfortunately Kathy & I became more distant in our college years for whatever reason. We still send birthday cards & Christmas gifts but it feels more like out of habit instead of...whatever it should be. I hear more about her life through the 'mom grapevine' than I do from Kathy herself but I know that's not because she doesn't want to end our friendship, her life has been quite chaotic at times and keeps a very busy job. It's just the way it is I guess. Betty & my mother have remained constant friends and they have a strong bond. They haven't seen each other in over 10 years I guess. I'm really happy for my mother that she will be reunited with a long time girlfriend, she deserves that by all means. And I know I will be happy to see her as well but I'm bracing myself for those bittersweet emotions that will rear it's ugly head. I'm kind of relieved that our reunion isn't happening today. I just don't think I could handle it. Maybe next week I'll have a more peaceful attitude and all those painful memories will melt away with that first reunion hug. elizinashe

Nothing in Particular

Don't have too much to say. I've had many ideas to post but the beginnings usually come to mind when I lie down for a good night's rest before I must get up. I tell myself that I'll remember when I get home from work the next day and write it all up once I get home but I never really do. Oh well...
But to continue with the Mother Earth blog there have been at least 2 other earthquakes around the globe that have ranked close to 7's on the Rictor Scale along with some sinkholes, more rockslides and something else that I have forgotten but I'm sure that I'll remember the other when I go to bed this eve. haha...
Spring is here and has lifted my mood greatly. I didn't realize how much winter really affected me this year until the sun finally started to stay out later and the trees started to green up. I'm so much happier and less ill tempered at work lately. Must be that vitamin D shining through the skies. ahh....
I 've got a bit of a crush on this guy at work. He works in the EKG department but alas no real date yet. I think he's gay but it hasn't stopped my co-workers from teasing me about it all. I guess I'm getting paid back for all the teasing I've done to them. Turn about it fair play. I really don't see much progress out of this flirtation so it's back to the dateless singlehood. yee-ha.
I went out dancing a few weeks back and man did it feel good!! I actually stayed out until 2am having a few drinks and dancing to some good old-fashioned 80s music. College days revisited. It made me realize how much I really missed being able to stay out late and not having to worry about getting up so damn early for work. It was a really good night for all. I hope to do a repeat when I have an opportunity to do so. Dancing the night away is always good for the soul.
So that's about it. Not going to revamp this post or check my grammar & spelling. Just a quick post about nothing in particular. elizinashe