The Waiting Game

The beginning of spring gave me much hope and promise. It seemed that all was working out and my social activities were fun and exciting which was a much welcomed relief after such a crappy winter. Now we are getting into the summer months with hot weather and all the newness of spring has worn out.

I'm feeling very frustrated and trapped. I'm feeling quite angry, confused, lost and disappointed in many aspects of my life. I still have hope for school and that's a good thing however the waiting game for financial aid is really pissing me off. I've been turned down for 3 scholarships that I have applied for and I have yet to know how much of a loan I can qualify for. I feel like I'm on shaky ground work-wise because I have gotten zero feedback from our new supervisor about changing my schedule and being supported as an employee in my new endeavor. Of course my co-workers are all excited for me but I have no idea what our management team has to say about the matter. My working hours will be cut which affects my household budget which really frightens me. I've been looking for cheaper places to live but the success rate is slim right now. ARRRGGGG!!!!!

The spring romance that was seemingly going well came to an abrupt stop. Not even a breakup conversation about it all. What a pig. I just don't get it. I'm not devastated nor am I heartbroken. I'm just really pissed off! It's like he became a completely different person overnight. Not even a single reply from any of my text messages or voicemails. I never expected the relationship to be long lasting but I sure as hell expected an adult conversation about parting ways. Clearly I was wrong. Jackass.

Money is so tight right now that I fear I will begin to go into debt, mostly due to lack of knowing what kind of funds I will receive for school. I hate being trapped by money. I try to keep my errands quick and simple so I don't waste gas and I try to eat at home as much as I can but I'm so sick of my typical food choices that I just don't have an appetite. I really want a smart phone b/c I know some of the applications that are available will help me school wise but I just can't afford the monthly plan right now. I've never been in a position where I had to worry about my finances so much and that really pisses me off and makes me feel disappointed. What in the hell have I done with my life and where did I fuck up? That's what's been going on in my head lately. Where did I fuck up? Such a cheery post, eh? I'm afraid to even attempt a vacation b/c I know what I have in my lousy savings account will be going towards school and other bills. I hate money. I've turned down two opportunities to have a vacation but I'm just not comfortable in allowing someone else foot my bill. It's a grand gesture but in the end I feel like it will be a big mistake.

Okay, so what do I do now? I had such grand faith three months ago and now I feel it's gone out the window. I hate feeling trapped like this. It's driving me nuts. Again, such a cheery and optimistic post I'm dishing out today. I'll do better next time. Cheers. elizinashe

Spring Festivities

Spring has sprung which makes me one happy girl. My social calendar has seemingly sprung up out of the winter's ground as well. I can't remember a time when I was so popular. It's good to be needed I guess.

My dad was in town for a couple of weeks for a short visit with me and an attempt to reconnect with my mom. Although the outcome was not what he had wanted I think he had a good visit regardless. Although it's hard to be around my father sometimes I know one day I will miss our Sunday lunches. He came bearing gifts of toilet paper and laundry detergent. Eight bottles to be exact. He cracks me up. He likes to bargain shop for essential items and I get the end result. Clearly he's been planning this trip for a while since I ended up with 18 rolls of toilet paper and eight jugs of Tide. Now if he had brought more then I'd be questioning some hoarding issues. Good thing he's still in therapy right now. Haha.....Thank You Dad, I love you!

I had a friend blast through town this past weekend for a quick 3 day jaunt around town. There was much food, a few libations and lots of picture taking with a little power nap snuck in before dinner. Hitting the downtown area was the first venue our first day out. Great weather and great street performers. I scored some tickets to the Biltmore Estate for the following day. If you haven't been there then you need to go. It certainly is an amazing place to see and it is definitely a photographers dream. And you will spend the whole day there so have no fear! I haven't been in years and it was the first time that I have gone when the spring flowers were bloomed out in all their glory. It really was spectacular. We ended our tour at the hotel that was built on the grounds a few years back, sipping on over-priced drinks sitting out on a veranda looking out towards the mountains. It was a great way to end the afternoon.

I bought tickets for our local symphony for their May concert. When I saw the line up earlier this fall I saw that they were performing Rachmaninoffs Piano Concerto #3. Man, oh man I can't wait for this one. The 'Rach 3' as it is dubbed is one monster piece of music and I love it!! It's a killer and I am certain that I will end up peeing in my pants, crying or both. And the beauty of it as I was splurging on pricey tickets close to the stage I ended up getting on ticket for free!!! Can I get a Hallelujah?? Woo-hoo! I think I'll surprise my mom and take her as my date. The concert is the night before Mother's Day so the timing couldn't be more perfect. Aren't I a good daughter?

My lovely E and her boys will be in town in early May for a friend's wedding. YEA!! I miss her terribly and I cannot wait to smother her in hugs and kisses. Good thing she has a wonderful husband that doesn't mind that I want to steal her away. However, their son is so edible that I might just keep him here with me. There might be some protest but I am certain we can make a compromise. I'm looking forward to our time together with all three. Good friends are hard to find and the really good ones I hold dearly to my heart. And that's the truth.

So there ya go folks. Hope your spring has bloomed with good peeps, beautiful flowers and new adventures. See ya later! elizinashe

Just Stuff

Ever have many ideas to write about but you never put your fingers to the keyboard? I have many of those moments. Most of my blog ideas come when I'm trying to fall asleep and I tell myself to remember the thought of blog when it's not so late and I'm off work. Rarely does this happen. Procrastination, perhaps? I dunno. I really don't want to get in the habit of writing late in the night when I should be catching some zzz's due to work. I typically get out of bed by 5am on work days and boy does that alarm come early! Maybe I'll just start writing late at night anyway. I've been having trouble sleeping lately and I do believe there will be many late nights in my future burning the midnight oil for my impending studies. I guess we will just have to wait and see. At least I blogged before the late night news today. Haha.....elizinashe

Well, It Happened

Apparently the third time is a charm for me. I have been accepted into the LPN program here at the local community college and I am currently on the waiting list for the Rn program, both which start this fall. I knew when I checked my mail today that the fat envelope from the school was going to be good news. I was on my way to run an errand so didn't open it up until I reached the parking lot. I needed the short drive to prep myself as my mind was already spinning. Needless to say my errand was uneventful as I was in shock and quite distracted.

I quickly looked over all the paperwork that was sent and stuffed everything back into the envelope. So much to do already! Physicals, blood work, Hep B injections, mandatory meetings and a photo. Or something like that. I just couldn't bring myself to read over every little detail just yet. That's on the agenda for tomorrow. Right now I'm still processing. I don't think it's quite hit me just yet although the few peeps I have told so far have given me praises and congratulations which makes it a bit more real. Yes, I'm excited but slightly terrified at the same time. It's going to be a whole different ball game now. So long social life, goodbye bank account and hello migraine. Cheers! elizinashe

Stuff

So far March has been a cool, sunny start into what's hopefully a lovely spring season. I'm ready for naked toes and t-shirts. Especially since I have found a couple of new tees to show off. Bring on the sunshine I say!

Margaritas & I get along quite well. Actually, too well. It's like Kool-Aid to me, it just goes down all too quickly. I love that tarty flavor. Forget the salt, it just gets in the way of the drink. I try to limit myself but then when you begin to run into old bar peeps and they offer to buy you a drink, then naturally you thankfully accept. Next thing you know you're on that tequila high and you feel mighty fine. At least I didn't do any drunk dialing.

Gas prices are climbing once again with the prediction of hitting five dollars a gallon by Memorial Day. Gas went up 25 cents in one day. It's now up to $3.46 as of last night. Totally sucks. And with the gas prices climbing, so will groceries, restaurant prices, dry goods and so on. It will cost more to send trucks out to pick up and deliver goods and therefore hurting those even more who are struggling to make ends meet. Will our economy ever get better and what's to become of those families who are hurting financially already? I hope for better days but the reality of that scares me.

I missed a deadline in regards to 'scholarship' through work if I get accepted into the nursing program. I'm not really mad about it. I kind of have a 'don't care' attitude. I do care about the nursing school but I'm not worried about the money part of it right now. I'll stress about that later. I guess winter really did take a toll on my mentality and work kept me quite distracted. Sometimes when you don't try to control things in the way you want them to be then the chips fall exactly where you want them to be. I'm just gonna have to go with that.

Taxes are done. What a pain in the ass. It took me a good couple of hours to load everything up and start clicking away. Good thing is that I will be getting a federal refund which is needed however I have to pay the state of North Carolina this year. Although it's only $21 I'm still kind of peeved about this. Last year I got a whopping refund of $9 which was fine but I don't understand what's changed this year. I'm still on the low end of the totem pole salary wise so why am I having to pay state taxes this year? What a bummer.

I'm coining a new phrase. We've all heard 'going postal' in regards to erratic behavior. Being that Charlie Sheen has made a complete ass of himself it has given the media and the general public much to talk about. So I'm gonna start using Mr. Sheen's antics for starting a new catch phrase. "Don't make me go all Charlie Sheen on you!" What do you think? Catchy don't ya think? Just a thought. Cheers for a sunny March and no more margaritas. elizinashe

Quick Picks

Our weather here the last few days have been lovely. So nice that I've busted out the sandals and even wore a t-shirt. Ahhh.....such a nice relief in the middle of winter. I even played with some dirt and planted an indoor plant that I received from a friend over Valentine's Day and cleared out my outdoor spring pots for future planting. Can't wait until continuous warmer weather so I can come home to flowers on my doorstep.

So the 'Beibs' didn't win any Grammys this year. Boo-hoo. Please allow me to stop typing so I may wipe away a tear or two...sniff, sniff. Although I know very little about the real winner, Esperanza Spalding, what I have seen on the internet was way groovy. This girl definitely deserved her award. She's got more class and staying power than some snot nosed Canadian teen. And upon searching for more info about Esperanza I also came across another lady, Laura Izibor, who we will surely be hearing more about. Got to love the surprise upsets. Granted I'm not some 13 year-old girl anymore but even if I were, I doubt that I'd be digging Beiber when we've got some great stuff coming out of these ladies. I never was one to follow the trendy vibe anyway.

I came across two separate internet news feeds regarding food. One was the best pies across America and the other, just in time for Valentine's day, was the most romantic dinner spots. Both articles made my mouth water and my mind wander. Now if I come across the best breweries and wineries then I'm doomed. I'd be roping my friends and fiends alike in a cross-country trip eating & sampling at said establishments east-to-west and gaining 20lbs. in the process. However, taking a vacation with a group of peeps with your soul purpose was to check out the best pie places ever and best romantic restaurants across the States sounds pretty cool. It would certainly make for a good story to tell your kids some day.

One of my co-workers showed me an interactive weather radar website. You can see where it's raining, snowing, cloud cover and even earthquakes. Which of course was our focus of that day. We've always known that certain places on Earth have had mini-quakes, however according to this map, there is some shaking going on almost everyday. Even in Arkansas! Yes, my home state has been vibrating lately which is quite surprising. It's even beginning to hit the internet news, which I already knew because I've been looking at this map for the last few days. It's quite a show to see. Lots of dots peppering the map documenting the last quake. I guess it just goes to show you that the Earth is not done growing. Crazy, man. If you want to have a look see for yourself then check out intellicast.com. Pretty cool stuff. elizinashe

Just Blogging

Blah, blah, blah... want to write but don't have too much to say. Cobwebs in the brain. So Christina flubbed the National Anthem at the Superbowl. Big whoop. She's human leave her alone. Stop beating this story into the ground. The Black Eyed Peas sucked. I think they sound a lot better in the studio vs. a live performance but that's just me. Bring me some Dave Matthews to bring the house down. His band would just play their hearts out instead of having so much hoopla dancing around the stage. Of course I'm slightly partial to Dave....oh well.

Chilly, blue skies today with snow in the forecast. "Yea" I say with a sarcastic tone in my voice. I've had enough! Not much use in taking pictures because bleak, leafless trees just aren't attractive to me. Greenless mountaintops are beginning to be depressing. Sick of winter. At least I'm not living in Chicago or up in the northeast somewhere. Sheesh! I would have gone plumb crazy by now.

Sick of cooking and trying to keep healthy meals around on a small budget. Cooking for one totally sucks. Sick of my 'standards' and sick of soup. Singlehood is beginning to suck big ones. I miss coming home and sharing my day with someone. Jealous of my friends who have that in their lives and their weekend getaways to happier places. Why can't I be one of those people? I am happy for my friends who have that something special in their lives but now it's my turn don't ya think? Yes, it's a pity party for me....hahahaha.....

Work continues to be screwy. I want to update my resume in hopes of being placed somewhere else without taking a cut in pay. I still miss bartending sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could find a part-time gig somewhere to help supplement my income. Stranger things have happened....I guess I should be careful of what I ask for, eh?

I will know in March whether I will be accepted into the nursing program here. Keep your fingers crossed. I will certainly be happy and probably cry a good bit if I do get the 'green light' and then the panic will ensue. The idea of it all gives me hope but it also terrifies me. I pray that the money Gods will bless me to help pay for it all and my bills to keep me housed. One of my co-workers paid nearly $1200 for one book. That's nearly one month's of bills for me. Sheesh! I'd have to go puke after I pay for all my books. Sad that getting an education costs so fucking much these days. What does the future hold for our children when it comes to paying for school? Scary.

Okay, so that's it. I blogged. End of story. elizinashe.