The beginning of spring gave me much hope and promise. It seemed that all was working out and my social activities were fun and exciting which was a much welcomed relief after such a crappy winter. Now we are getting into the summer months with hot weather and all the newness of spring has worn out.
I'm feeling very frustrated and trapped. I'm feeling quite angry, confused, lost and disappointed in many aspects of my life. I still have hope for school and that's a good thing however the waiting game for financial aid is really pissing me off. I've been turned down for 3 scholarships that I have applied for and I have yet to know how much of a loan I can qualify for. I feel like I'm on shaky ground work-wise because I have gotten zero feedback from our new supervisor about changing my schedule and being supported as an employee in my new endeavor. Of course my co-workers are all excited for me but I have no idea what our management team has to say about the matter. My working hours will be cut which affects my household budget which really frightens me. I've been looking for cheaper places to live but the success rate is slim right now. ARRRGGGG!!!!!
The spring romance that was seemingly going well came to an abrupt stop. Not even a breakup conversation about it all. What a pig. I just don't get it. I'm not devastated nor am I heartbroken. I'm just really pissed off! It's like he became a completely different person overnight. Not even a single reply from any of my text messages or voicemails. I never expected the relationship to be long lasting but I sure as hell expected an adult conversation about parting ways. Clearly I was wrong. Jackass.
Money is so tight right now that I fear I will begin to go into debt, mostly due to lack of knowing what kind of funds I will receive for school. I hate being trapped by money. I try to keep my errands quick and simple so I don't waste gas and I try to eat at home as much as I can but I'm so sick of my typical food choices that I just don't have an appetite. I really want a smart phone b/c I know some of the applications that are available will help me school wise but I just can't afford the monthly plan right now. I've never been in a position where I had to worry about my finances so much and that really pisses me off and makes me feel disappointed. What in the hell have I done with my life and where did I fuck up? That's what's been going on in my head lately. Where did I fuck up? Such a cheery post, eh? I'm afraid to even attempt a vacation b/c I know what I have in my lousy savings account will be going towards school and other bills. I hate money. I've turned down two opportunities to have a vacation but I'm just not comfortable in allowing someone else foot my bill. It's a grand gesture but in the end I feel like it will be a big mistake.
Okay, so what do I do now? I had such grand faith three months ago and now I feel it's gone out the window. I hate feeling trapped like this. It's driving me nuts. Again, such a cheery and optimistic post I'm dishing out today. I'll do better next time. Cheers. elizinashe
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