How do you cope through troubling times? Do you pray or do you just muster through the muck and mire hoping to find the light at the end of the tunnel? Do you rely on a higher power or do you rely on your own self to find a resolution? What if all that you do still doesn't give you the end result you are looking for? I am no stranger to prayer and I surely thank God for the little things that come my way even if it's the smallest reminder that all will be okay in my world. Lately I've been doing a lot of praying and trying with all my might that my faith will carry me through. There are times when I feel like I'm struggling and then I just 'let go' and all ends up being well in the end. Right now I'm having trouble in just 'letting go'. What I hate about it the most is that it's mostly rooted in money, or lack there of right now and school is getting closer by the minute. Yes, I am happy about finally going to nursing school but the waiting game for financial aid is really bothering me, plus knowing that my hours will be cut which will hurt the paycheck, which affects my monthly bills plus knowing that I will be paying extra for my healthcare b/c I will be a part-time status instead of full-time status. Why should anyone be punished for being a part-time employee when it comes to health care is beyond me but so be it. I can't change that.
I re-read a book that a friend of mine told me about last year called The Game of Life and How to Play It. This book was originally written in 1925 but her words of wisdom clearly had a hold on people back then and those same words still have some gumption for this day and age. In essence what the author says that whatever you dish out you will receive the same. Good & bad. If you want something then throw it out there in the universe and then make efforts to have the faith and the opportunity that it will come to you. If it is meant to be then all will be well. If it doesn't happen for you then that just means that whatever you asked for wasn't yours to begin with and that God has a different plan. Sounds familiar I am sure, however it's always nice to be reminded of good karma.
Thirteen years ago I was wanting to move from Arkansas to Asheville as I had fallen in love with the city and it's mountains the previous summer. Not knowing jack shit, I had it in my mind that I was going. I had already put my name on a waitlist for an apartment that I had seen once and it was twice what I was paying in Arkansas but I did it anyway. That was in February. I began collecting boxes and saving up money. Early in the spring I began to pack a few things that I really didn't need and threw out other stuff that I no longer needed. I had no job waiting for me in Asheville and I knew only two people who lived there. All I had was faith that I was going. I came home from work one day to find a message on my machine letting me know that a one bedroom apartment was going to be available in May and did I want that apartment since I was on the waitlist. My belief and having the faith that I was moving brought me the biggest change I could have ever imagined. It was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. And I've lived here in Asheville ever since.
Now I am at another cross-road as I enter another phase of my life and I struggle with keeping my faith that all will turn out the way that it should as it did for my eventual move thirteen years ago. What I struggle with the most is the 'not knowing' how it's all going to work out. I feel trapped in my progress which I haven't felt in a very long time. It's very frustrating. It weighs heavy on my psyche but I pray a lot and struggle with all my might to keep the faith. I know it always works out in the end but the journey through this tunnel before I find the light is driving me nuts. So I re-read my book, made a list of what I need from the Universe and throw caution to the wind. Like the storm that is brewing outside my windows right now, this too shall pass. I have yet to discover what the next journey of my life will be like but I hope it will be good as the first thirteen years I've had in Asheville. There's always light at the end of the tunnel. elizinashe
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