Bleh!

Okay so I finally had my holiday freakout boo-hoo yesterday late afternoon. It's still hovering but is gradually lifting away thank God. I am ever so grateful for the life I have, a roof over my head and food to eat and more than grateful for the friends I have near and far, but I had become overwhelmed with that holiday sadness and a lack of merriment that I have long desired to have in my holidays (the merriment that is). Now my Thanksgiving and Christmas wasn't totally pathetic or isolated, but just more different than usual and still living in a single woman's world. It gets harder as I get older when you would think the opposite and that I'd get better at handling such holiday stuff, but I haven't gotten any better. In some ways I think it's slightly worse. This year my parents chose to spend their time apart for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. The tricky part is not to feel guilty about their situation and still make time for each parent even if it is just a phone call around my working hours. I guess what has really bothered me the most is the singlehood this year. It just gets harder every year. Now having a man in my life doesn't define me or my interests by any means but it sure would be nice to have that someone special to spend my time with and have that extra person around mixing with my family. I truly hate coming home alone around the holidays. It's just not fun.
I could really dish out the dirt and totally expose myself and the whole enchilada of my breakdown yesterday but I just won't. There were/are many facets of why I have felt so crappy and why I had my boo-hoo. I don't want to come off as being pathetic. It's just a lot of stuff and I had my moment to cry about it all. I look forward to the New Year and I hope that it will be better. I know that there are many changes coming my way, especially in regards to my parents. I just want a better round of holiday merriment next year that's all. elizinashe