The Heart of Relationships

Combination Please

Who holds the key to your heart?  Has the ever been one?  Maybe two?  And for the one who broke your heart, have you forgiven that person or do you still hold ill will?

These are things that run through my head as I binge watch reruns of "Sex and the City" on t.v.   I was never one to follow this show in it's hey day but I must say it is quite addicting.  Girls, drinks, clothes, men, relationships, food, careers and oh yeah....sex.  That's pretty much it.

But I've caught it in the "Aiden" season.  The one with John Corbett.  (sigh).  The dreamy side of me gets all caught up in the drama of "why in the Hell did Carrie dump Aiden?".  Dang...if I had an Aiden I'd keep him for sure.  But, it's "Big" that keeps haunting Carrie throughout the series as they, Carrie and "Big", have a complicated friendship/relationship that never seems to be solidified.  Apparently they do eventually get together, Carrie & Big, and the series makes a final ending.  And the viewers finally learn what "Big's" real name is, to which I still  have no idea.  Guess I could Google that. 

My point is, relationships are difficult.  It seems that the Aiden and Carrie days were filled with insecurity, selfish fights and fear as Carrie had previously broke Aiden's heart but then decided that she "wanted him back".  Huh?  Mostly because she was missing him?  Or the relationship?  That's the issue.

It makes me think how do I view relationships and how I pursue them or have pursued them in the past.  These days I just don't make too much of an effort as the men I have met really aren't worth the chase.  I've learned to recognize red flags and drama which I no longer do.  I'd rather be alone.  But I also question do I have an unrealistic idea of what a relationship should be?  Or an unrealistic idea of what I want my relationship should be?  And then when those expectations are not met do I deem the guy "not for me'?  Maybe in my younger days, but I really don't know in this stage of my life.  I hope to have a wonderful relationship some day but my expectations are not that hopeful.  Am I fighting the dreamy vs. reality?  Or have I given up?

Now, I know this all may seem silly since I am taking these thoughts from a self indulgent television series, but I will say there are a few good scruples in the series.  A few.  I am certain that there are other television shows that are much more shallow that I would gravitate towards if I watched them and allow that show to infiltrate my mind.   At least I recognize that.

So how do you view relationships?  What or who inspires your relationship views?  An how have your thoughts on relationships changed?  Or have they remained the same?  Or do you know?
Just a few thoughts to ponder as I continue binge watching some show about a bunch of women living in New York.  They sure do make it look easy.  That's television for ya.  Until next time...elizinashe

A Very Common Relationship

Messages From Where?

😼 A Memory From a Peep 😼

Do you believe in "signs"?  Not the signs you see on the road or a billboard.  Not even the kind you see in the stores for advertisements.  But those little inexplicable "signs" that pop up at the most unexpected way and usually at the right time if you know what I mean. 

I believe in signs.  Always have.  I do believe that there is someone or something that pushes us along or gives us that little bit of encouragement when we need it the most or need that boost of faith when our spirits are down.  I also believe there are signs that give us warning in order to prepare for the future.  But those kind of signs in my life are quite few. 

It's been a little over two weeks since Hecubus made his exit.  It's getting a bit easier but that first week was certainly hard.  I kept looking for him when I went upstairs, expecting him to be perched on the couch-but he wasn't.  I kept looking at his food feeding area to see what he ate-but he didn't.  I kept looking for him on the bed, waiting for me to crawl in so he could get up in my face-but he wasn't there.  Coming home in the mornings from work have been a challenge.  I've missed his complaints and prancing around because I had been gone all night long.  I've missed his grunts and headbutts.  I've missed him lying on top of me when I'm on the couch.  That part I really miss. 

However, I feel like that first week without him, I was given little signs of hope and love as I moved through the grieving process over my beloved old man kitty.  And it was those little moments that has made the transition so much easier.  Instead of feeling sad it has made my heart a bit happier. 

Shortly after he passed, I stepped out on my back deck to reflect and prepare myself to take his body to the vet for cremation.  What I found odd was that there were three crows just walking around behind my house.  Now you may find that creepy or not unusual in any sort of way, but I found it rather interesting and comforting.  Yes, crows are quite common in our neighborhood, but that quiet moment of seeing those three crows left me knowing that his passing was a good thing.  Depending on your folklore and beliefs, crows are actually a good thing.  They are often regarded as "messengers" from this life to the next.  They are actually a sign of health and wealth.  Now if you see many crows, then that's a whole other story.  Unless there's a whole bunch of food somewhere.  haha..

The next day, my friend and I had plans penciled in and we kept to those plans.  And I'm glad we did.  As we were leaving my neighborhood, we saw a bluebird fly across the road and perch himself in a nearby tree.  That was the first time I saw a bluebird ever in my hood.  It left my heart feeling happy. 

Yes...it was a hard week.  And some days it's still hard.  But my heart is at peace.  I miss him terribly but again, I am so thankful for the way he left this Earth.  And I am so thankful that I was his human.  I couldn't imagine what my life would have been like without him.  He was one special kitty. 

Hecubus passed on Palm Sunday.  I got his ashes on Good Friday and when I stepped out on my deck Easter Sunday, I saw butterfly flit about my deck and around my house.  I felt like it was his way of visiting me and letting me know he's okay.  It made me a bit sad for the moment but it also made my heart a bit happier that day.  I find it a bit strange that all this happened on such a Christian holiday week too.  Is that some sort of sign? 

Maybe I'm reading a bit too deep in all these little things that happened that first week.  But I just can't help feeling like I had a lot of support from someone or something to keep me from falling apart.  And I will always be grateful for that.  As I have said so many times before, it's the little things is it not?  Until next time...elizinashe

💗 I Just Love This 💗

Random Conversations

Food for Talk

I've always felt that some of the best conversations are with a complete stranger, one that you may never meet again.  And in my case, it's usually at a bar while I'm grabbing some food and a drink.  Those conversations that are held while away on vacation are usually the best I find, although the ones close to home are pretty good too.

I had such a random conversation tonight at my local joint.  The guy I spoke with opened up the talk and just your basic general stuff, but it was a good opener.  No creepiness involved.  If you are a seasoned coversationalist you can pick up on the creep factor pretty quick.  If not...well...you might find yourself in a bit of a pickle.

I have found that such conversations leave you more enriched, sometimes angered depending on the topic of discussion and sometimes more informed.  I seem to always learn from my fellow new found friend if not have empathy for them as we tend to share personal struggles and triumphs as well.  You got to share the good stuff.  We need more of that do we not?  

Regardless, I met a nice dude and we had a nice time.  And yeah, there were some interest vibes going on but I doubt we will see each other again if at all.  Maybe randomly in a few weeks if the timing is right.  And if we never see each other again, that will be fine with me.  It's the little things, right?  It sure did leave me with a perk and nice distraction in my evening compared to the same old stuff.   Can't complain about that now can I?  Until next time...elizinashe

Cheers Y'all