Dare I Do It?

I Dig This

As usual, I'm awake.  It's dark, semi-cloudy, quiet and cool outside.  It's rather a peaceful feeling when I step out on my deck. 

I fell asleep after I ate dinner.  Slept too long really therefore the disruption in my circadian rhythm.  It's not that unusual for me to be up this late anyway, but it sure does delay other adult responsibilities that need to be tackled in daytime hours.  Or shall I say the self-imposed duties that I expect myself to complete within a certain time frame.  And then when I don't, I feel guilty.  I need to work on that.  The guilt that is.

I've been having some pretty wicked dreams too as of late.  And not necessarily nice ones.  I can pretty much figure out what my subconscious is fighting or struggling with is more like it.  It is very clear to me that certain things of my past are haunting me more than expected.  I thought I was past it all.  Or at least had dealt with it the best way I could.  And it's beginning to mess with my head in my waking hours.  I think it's time for some therapy.  But even the thought of that stresses me out due to time management rather than the therapy itself.  I've had therapy before and it was truly helpful.  I think it's time.

The times when I'm up this late and the wee hours of the night grow closer to dawn, I toy with the idea to stay up, see the sunrise and just start my day anew, and attempt to get those adulting responsibilities done.  In a sleep deprived state.  I've know other night shifters who just stay up when they can't sleep or do their grocery shopping and then take a short nap in the afternoon when needed.  Some just stay up all day and then go to bed after dinner.  And then power sleep.  I don't know if I can function like that.  I've thought about it, but my fear is when I take that afternoon nap, I will just keep sleeping and then wake up late at night and then I am back where I started.  Dare I do it?  I think not.  At least not this time.

Hopefully I will find some balance in the coming days.  I have much to scratch off on my self imposed list.  I've had many other posts running in my head to hammer out but not much motivation to write.  I've been wallowing...I need to swim out of that mess.  I don't want to drown in this funk of mine.  It's getting tiresome.  I will send my requests to the Universe and look forward.  It's the only way to go don't ya think?  Until next time...elizinashe

I Need Some of This