Late Night Reflections

 This time last year, I was a mess.  

This time last year was a first.

This time last year I cried every tear.

This time last year I often pretended .

This time last year I was numb.  

This time last year I did not know how to do it all alone.


So much has changed.  Like for real.  In a blink of an eye it seems.  Hell, anything can change in a blink of an eye.  I know that for a fact and had learned that from experience at a young age, 15 to be exact.


But Life moved on, and sometimes very painfully so.  And I moved on as well.  The best way I knew how in that given time.  I survived.  


Fast forward to many, many moons later and I find myself making life altering decisions for my mother.  A role that I knew would be mine and mine alone, however there is nothing that you could ever do to prep yourself for that given moment.  For that phone call you receive . For the emotions that come rolling in as you try and comprehend what is being said to you while you try and compute all the information and fight to keep your rational brain from falling apart.   What a duet it becomes.


I really can't remember much of last Christmas.  I just existed.  Luckily I was away from work.  Luckily my father and I agreed that he needed to wait until Spring before he came out to "help" and visit due to the pandemic.  The numbers then were rising and the expectation of a vaccine was nowhere close in the near future.  Traveling was just not a smart decision and I am glad my father was comfortable with staying back in the home state.  And as selfish as it sounds, I was thankful that I had all that time to myself to regroup and find some peace of mind.  


I am sure there were phone calls to check on me.  Cards, letters, emails and texts.  I really just don't remember much.  It was all a blur.  


But wasn't 2020 all a blur anyway?


But then, New Year's Day came and per my tradition, I go to my local hangout for the traditional New Year's Day feast.  And well....let's just say it has turned out to be a lucky and fulfilling year for me.  Now don’t  get me wrong, I still have days that I struggle and there is still so much to do to close my mother's estate. I still breakdown and cry.  And cry a lot.  Every single tear.   I still stress out about it all and there are days that I feel like it will never end-but what the New Year brought to me is much Love, Joy, Compassion, Support and Laughter.  And I could not ask for anything better than that.


I look forward to New Year's Day 2022-as scary as that may seem- but if it's anything what 2021 brought to me for this past year then I will gladly take another plateful of that!  


Until next time...elizinashe

Tis the Season

Who Doesn't Love The Grinch ?

 Well Thanksgiving is over.  Did you do any Black Friday shopping?  Shop Local?  Cyber Monday?  

How was your holiday?  Any traveling this year?  

For the first time in many, many moons I went out of town with my fella.  We drove up into Kentucky to be with my dad's side of the family.  And it was lovely.  Turkey, dressing, potatoes set in a lovely home complete with a fireplace and a quiet fat kitty with big eyes.  Couldn't get any more Norman Rockwell than that.  haha...I guess if there was snow added to the mix then it would be a complete picture perfect weekend, but alas...we had sun.  Which was totally fine for me.  

I'm basically done with my shopping.  Yep, sure am.  Just need a couple of small things but I'm not going overboard with any gifts this year, or any year to be honest.  I'd rather have in-person time with my loved ones. Now the fun part is finding boxes to ship stuff to the designated addresses.  And I always struggle with getting the right sized box without getting something too big or too small which I am super good at doing-I have issues folks.  Measuring and depth perception is a bit off in my world.  I swear I spend more money on mailing the said boxes than I spend on the gifts itself.  Or so it seems.  

But, it's worth it to me.  And this year is especially special for me and I plan on embracing that for all it's worth, because it's worth a whole helluva lot to me.  Sometimes prayers do get answered.  

In the meantime, I hope your Holidays are joyous and loving.  Turn off the TV and play some music, stay in your pjs, kiss and hug all your peeps and just relax.  No need to rush around all the time now is it?  Until next time...elizinashe

Merry Christmas !

Where Does the Time Go?

Where Does the Time Go ? 

 Well, well, well...

Time sure does fly!  Despite the extra hour we had last weekend.  Sheesh!

 

I'm still here.  Taking it day by day.  So much to do...and yet I feel like there is never enough time to do everything I need to accomplish.   But isn't  that true for all of us?  I sure do wish I better time management skills.  

 

Fall is leaving our area but the leaves sure have been beautiful.  Lots of red and gold this year.  And it's been relieving to see on my daily commute to work and my day of errands.  I try and soak it all up as much as I can.  Soon we will have cold gray days and the first snow will surely come. 

 

I hope you are well.  I hope your Thanksgiving will be festive.  May your Christmas be kind.  And the New Year be joyful.  We have so much to be thankful for in these crazy times.  I hope you can focus on the good things and stay away from the negative.  Keep it simple folks.  Sending you all some love.  Until next time...elizinashe.   

Don't Forget to Relax 

Rain and Anxiety

Giving It To My Guardian Angel

 It's a rainy day.  One of those calm, gentle all day rains.  Cooler weather is on the way.  Hello Fall !  

I've been a bit anxious today.  Still lots to do at my mother's house.  Had a bit of a hurdle yesterday, but after a simple phone call all is well at this point.  Fingers crossed that it remains so.  I'm so sick of it.  All of it.  I have weird dreams around the times that I go to my mother's house to clear out the belongings and continue to load up my car full of stuff.  Sometimes I still think of how much there is to do even when I'm not there.  At work, at home, when I'm trying to sleep.  Other times my mind is clear.  But today...I am just riddled with stuff.  It's overwhelming. 

 

 However, the rain is slowly clearing out my psyche.  And I have fun plans for this evening so I will just focus on that, listen to some music and take it one step at a time. 

I came across this lady just the other night.  My fella showed me her performance on AGT show after one of his friends sent him the link.  I don't watch those shows in particular, but this girl...dang...what a story she has to tell.  She's very, very sick.  Has Cancer pretty much throughout her body.  But yet, she's on stage singing.  And beautifully so.  And what a beautiful face and lovely smile she has too.  She's an incredible spirit.  I wish I could meet her in person but most likely that will not happen. 

She sang an original song that she wrote.  And I really dig it.  And I can hear her frustration and affirmation in her lyrics.  I think we all can really if you think about it.  Yes, she has a limited future I'm afraid.  But she carries on day by day.  I think I should be mindful of that and continue to carry on myself.  Day by day.  She's an inspiration to me.  I hope she is for you as well. 

I may be a little lost myself,  but It's Okay.  It's Alright....

Until next time...elizinashe

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l45Lay6eq0w

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZJvBfoHDk0 

Piddlin' Around

Let's Jam !

 It's a semi warm day, slight breeze and hopefully an evening rain soon.  

I've got dinner in the works, laundry done and folded.  Meals planned for work the next three nights.  

I could go through the mounds of bedding and comforters that I finally cleared out from my mother's house.  I could use the vacuum.  I could clean off my kitchen table.  I could do lots of useful things to clear out the clutter at my place.

But alas, I am lazy today.  I've been listening to a live DMB concert from a few years back.  I think I will listen to another one shortly.  I just not in the mood to be overly productive.  And that's okay.  I have some pictures that I want to go through and have them printed off so I can add more flare to my home.  

Maybe the kitchen table will be cleared off.  I don't know.  I am feeling a little dangerous today.  haha

So how is your "Hump Day?"  

Until next time....elizinashe

Keep It Simple Folks !

Who's In Your Tribe ?

I Dig This

 Friendships are an important anchor in our lives.  And a strong one is even better.  The kind of friendships that bend and wave with the challenging times, the kind that stays strong despite disagreements, annoyances, distance or time apart.  The kind that never breaks apart and lasts longer than you could ever imagine.  

Relationships are powerful too.  But they take a lot of work.  Some do fall apart and become "comfortable".  Others grow and challenge each other and hopefully will become more meaningful as time goes on.  I've witnessed some really wonderful relationships and I've seen many just wither away.  Including some of mine in the past.  But I feel pretty confident that this current relationship will last for all the years that we would want. 

My friendships are vital to me.  I know lots of people and I have lots of "friends" but my closest peeps are a small but mighty circle.  They are my Tribe.  They get my crazy, my anxiety, my humor, my generosity and my heart.  I cannot even imagine where I'd be without my peeps that I love so very much.  The kind that can read your mind, knows when your heart hurts and is always ready for silly conversations.  And the serious ones too.  And I certainly cannot imagine where I'd be without them this past year especially after losing my mom so quickly.  I felt so much love from my friends near and far.  Seriously.  I could feel that vibe.  

I hope you have that vibe too.  I hope that you have a strong circle of peeps who keep you afloat.  It really doesn't take much now does it?  It just takes a heart.  And sometimes a strong one too.  But that's not a bad thing to have.  It all comes back to you anyway, right?  So here's to our friends near and far.  May we all send and feel the love for many, many more years to come.  Until next time...elizinashe

Sending Love

It's Been A While...

One of the Best Ever !

 Is Summer over yet?  Sure is hot today.  Bleh.

So I've had lots to write or discuss, but it just seems to be a bit too heavy.  However, on my errands today, one of my friends asked my opinion on Dave, that is the Dave Matthews Band and which did I think was a great album to begin with.  Oh man....did this make my heart patter. 

I immediately came up with my top three favorites.  Replied to his text and listed the top songs he needs to pay attention to.  Oh there are so, so many.  Songs about frustration, love and naughty things too.  I love it all. 

By all means, Under the Table and Dreaming is hands down one of my favorites.  Lots of super awesome songs and some with heavy lyrics too.  I dig that.  Another all time favorite song on this album is Granny.  Oh Hell, who am I kidding?  Rhyme and Reason, Dancing Nancies...shoot.  But again, many, many of my all time faves on this particular album.  

Next, I move on to Before These Crowded Streets.  Another great one and a great follow up to the previous.  Oh so many...Next?  Big Whiskey and the Groo Grux King.  Lots of good stuff there.  And they completed this after losing one of their founding bandmates suddenly.  So there are some good songs related to that loss.  Pain, anger, love...good stuff. 

So here I sit, listening to Under the Table while I type away and slowly clean around the house.  It seems like a good day to revisit a pile of good tunes.  This sort of stuff never gets old for me.  I hope you have a musician that powers up your soul like Dave does for me.  It sure does make the time pass more happily.  Especially on such a hot, muggy day.  

Until next time....elizinashe

I Love You Dave !