Ah, the Holidays

I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. I'm sure it's quite normal but it puts me in such a funk every year that I have a hard time shaking it off. You think with years of experience that I'd be used to it by now, but no, it gets me every time. What the hell?? Is there some holiday diagnosis disorder that I'm not aware of? And why do I get so bah-humbug as the events come closer? I truly love having some decorations around the house, something sparkly and festive, sending happy cards and picking out fun gifts for my family and friends and sending gifts out to all my girls who have babies of their own, but when it comes closer to stopping and spending the quality time with my parents and what feels the exaggerated effort to make that time a happy one is what stresses me out. Now, we all have our baggage when it comes to family stuff but I have very little back-up on my side and it just feels uncomfortable. I sometimes wish I could hang out with someone else's family. Be a part of something different.

Don't get me wrong, I am damn lucky to have what I have. I had a pretty good childhood but as time went on the family harmony became strained and there was not much communication(or support I feel). We just kinda went our separate ways, so it's like we don't know how to be a family anymore. I just dread it sometimes. I suppose it could be alot worse. I know it could. But I just can't help the way I feel and I can't help feeling alone and unsupported. I know my parents support me in many ways but there is also alot of fear for me on their part because 'something might happen to me' and then that would just break their heart. Trust me, you might think that I'm exaggerating on this quip but I have heard it for myself many years ago. Yeah, there's no guilt there placed on my shoulders or anything...geeze, does it get any better?? Suggestions anyone? Just asking..I needed to bitch and whine. Hope everyone has a really good holiday. elizinashe

Pulling the All-Nighter

It's been a long time since I've stayed up all night with little rest. I wish I could say it's from travel or having a really long girls night but this time it's work related. Things on the unit are a little intense and staffing has become an issue. Due to a lack of insight and bad communication from our charge nurse today, I left the unit around 730 this evening after being here 12 hours already only to come back at 11 tonight so I can monitor a patient all night long. Yes folks, these things happen and I will be running on adrenaline and caffeine for most of the shift. Good thing is that I am working with a really good nurse tonight and we will have one other staff member in our presence so we should be able to trade off duties and look out for each other. And if things get "emergent" I know that I have some solid staff members to work with. These things don't happen very often, but they do happen. Good thing is that I was able to take a nice, hot shower at home, change my clothes from the business-casual khaki pants into a tried-and true pair of blue jeans and a sweater. Comfort clothes.(yum.) If I'm going to be up all night then I am for sure going to be comfortable. I don't think I could have worn those work clothes for another 8 hours...no way man, not this girl. And the bonus will be the hard-core solid sleep once I do get home Monday morning when most people are just starting their day. It's been a totally different lifestyle working here at the hospital but I kinda like it. I think I'll stick with it for a while even if I do work really weird hours. elizinashe

I'm in Love...

I have fallen in love...I have been sucked into a new tv show which is so refreshing and whimsical that I just cannot wait until the next episode. And the main character Ned, aka The Pie Maker, is easy on the eyes in a geeky Adrian Brody sort of way as one of my girlfriends had said as we were discussing our 'must-see' tv shows that we escape to watch every week. I am totally smitten with Pushing Daisies. I highly recommend it for your viewing pleasure. It's clever, full of color and tastefully done. ( It really reminds me of a Tim Burton flick. ) Quirky characters, strangely romantic and lots of bold colors in an odd world. It's a wonderful escape from the everyday crap that we live with and the other mindless tv dramedies-slash-reality shows that have populated the networks. And I have developed a serious crush on the leading man...I feel like I'm twelve again. When I grow up I want to marry him. He's just lovely...I can't help myself. I'm in love with The Pie Maker...so sue me. elizinashe :)