Feeling Blah

Despite having a good week so far I'm having a hard time shaking off the 'blahs' that have loomed over me these last few days. I had a good Valentines spending it with some girls, treating myself to a really nice dinner and dancing to a local band (and in heels might I add!). But as the weekend had progressed and I studied off and on during my working hours for our big test this past Monday I began to feel poo-poo and I'm not completely sure as to why. I have great friends here as well as far away, I'm grateful for the things that I have and strive to achieve the things that I don't. I've been able to stay financially afloat and remain independant from family help and I am welcomed with cheers and smiles at work and in social settings but yet, as of lately it hasn't made me feel 100%. I love my life, don't get me wrong but what I feel like it boils down to is lack of self-belief-slash-confidence as well as lack of real companionship. I am soo sick of doing everything by myself. I cherish my alone time but at the end of the day I still come home alone and that is beginning to suck big time. I know I'm a little goofy at times and I have some anxiety issues at times but it's soo hard to be single these days. It's hard for me to get close to people sometimes, I guess that's a defense mechanism of some sort but I'm a pretty simple girl really. And I'm not the type of girl who sleeps around, just can't do it. That's a good thing I know but still there are soo many guys who just want to fuck around instead of having real conversation or quality time. Am I being too picky?
School is going well so far but I can't apply for the nursing program until 2009. Only because I screwed up on the math review on this placement test. You can take this test only once per application period which is really stupid given that there is such a high demand for nurses here. I'm afraid of running out of motivation with this school stuff. It's really hard to go back to school as an adult and work full-time. It's really a juggle with work duties, studying and all of that other adult like stuff such as laundry, cleaning(yuk), vehicle maintenance yada, yada, yada...I just want to run away to the Greek Isles with my girls and have some fun. I need a getaway but then again the finances come into play. Crap. Maybe one day...I'm just not feeling the good vibes right now. I'm usually naively optimistic. Part of my charm I suppose. I just want to get out of this funk that I'm feeling. It sucks and I'm tired of feeling this way. elizinashe