Dream a Little Dream

💫 Dream Big ! 💫

Do you remember your dreams?  Do you dream in color?  Do you have reoccurring dreams?

We dream every night.  Or at least in every sleep.  Sometimes that means a nap.  We might not always remember those dreams, but our brains remain active still.  Just on a different level.

I typically have the most active dreams right before I wake up.  And then I'm often left confused and/or amused.  Sometimes frustrated.  And always trying to analyze.  Sometimes I figure it out.  Others it just makes me laugh because it's so ridiculous.

I fell asleep after I ate dinner earlier this evening.  I often fall asleep to the news or a re-run of Big Bang Theory.  Then I slowly come out of my brief slumber.  And shake off the grogginess.

Tonight, I had some unusual post-dinner nap dreams.  One which related to my struggle with having a kitchen light that is currently burnt out.  My ceilings are really tall, and the light fixture itself is quite tricky, so I've been hesitant to change it alone since it requires using a very tall ladder.  I don't want to climb the damn thing without another person to spot me if you know what I mean.

The other parts of my dream?  Well...I guess you could say I had "a visitor" who is no longer on this planet pop up in my head.  Maybe there's a bit of guilt associated with this episode, maybe just missing the loss and wanted one more visit to give my love.  Maybe he misses me too.  I still miss my kitty.  Does that make me weird?

The other thing?  Because typically my dreams have three themes.  Well...I blame falling asleep to the Big Bang.  A fun show with nerdy guys.  No, it wasn't "one of those dreams", but in my hardened heart or perhaps, not so hardened, I do miss having a guy.  Maybe I'm missing something and I just don't see it.  I'm not looking for Mr Perfect and I do like the quirky kind of people, but maybe, just maybe, there will be someone for me after all.  Maybe I'm just really sad about not having a person in my life and not really honoring that feeling.  But I think I honor that loss fairly well anyway.   Again, I blame the TV show.  Maybe it was the wine.  haha...

Dreams are powerful.  Sometimes they are all telling, sometimes predictory.  Sometimes it's just your mind's way of clearing out the search history of your brain so you can load up with other dreams that are much more worthwhile.  And hopefully happy ones.  Until next time...elizinashe

😴 Sweet Dreams 😴

It's a Quiet Sunday

Just a Quick Jaunt

Fall has finally arrived.  We had a twenty degree drop in temperatures yesterday and it has been a welcomed event for me.  Time to slow it down...got some crock pot magic percolating, asparagus to steam and some wine for my nightly indulgence.  It might be a good time to clear off the kitchen table too.  It's a hot mess right now.

The bears have been out and about.  Saw a mamma bear and her cubs on the Parkway on my way into town.  Along with many other on-lookers who stopped to take pictures and video.  I just kept going...no reason to piss off a mamma bear.  I'd rather wish the bears well and be on my way.  Now if I could hug and play with them without getting mauled then that would be a different story. 

Adult duties tomorrow and then a fun event with one of my most special peeps.  Wish the adult stuff could wait.  It really gets to be overwhelming sometimes.  Does it get any easier?  Or do you just come to a point and not worry about it so much?  Maybe both?  I have yet to figure that stuff out.

I just need to take it day by day.  I will worry about the other shit later.  Shifting my focus on the moments of today is all I want to think about.  And that's not a bad thing.  Until next time...elizinashe.

Hello Fall

Cans and Shoulds

Taking Care of Me

So I did it.  Made that counseling appointment and today was the day.  I had some expected anxieties about it all, mostly due to the fact I had some adulting things to tackle before and after in the daytime hours but I got it done and did fairly well.  I coped.  I survived.  Even in the unexpected down pour of a storm which made driving on a busy road a bit nerve wracking.

But alas...it was well.  Did I make any breakthroughs?  Of course not.  Did I vent?  Yes.  My mouth opened up and I garbled away.  Plus the therapist gave me her expectations, covered a few mandatory questions and gave me the heads up about what may come to pass if she feels I need something more specialized or will guide me in that direction if I want it.  And I hope that happens.  I think I need to be doing this gig for a while.  I have a lot of bugs to clear. 

What I did realize is that I struggle with what I "can" do and what I "should " do.  In other words, we are capable of so much, despite the social expectations, family expectations, peer expectations and so on.  And I struggle with the guilt of it all but at the end of the day, I need to be okay with my decisions and my capabilities vs what I think I should be doing to fulfill the said expectations, social norms and blah, blah, blah.  I know that may sound a bit cryptic without going into all the details but that's the nutshell.  And of course, there is anger and guilt that still likes to make it's home in my head.  Still working on that. 

In the end of it all, I felt good about going.  I felt relieved.  And I saw two former co-workers at the grocery store afterwards who greeted me with big, fat hugs.  And that felt good.  I think that was a pretty good way to begin that shopping experience don't ya think?   Small steps...I guess that's better than no steps at all.  Until next time...elizinashe

And Working On Some Of This