Since school has ended I've been at a complete loss as to keeping some sort of routine. I have had nights, where I sleep really, really well and others I toss and turn for most of the night with thoughts stuck in my head only to find really good sleep right before my alarm sounds off. Ugh!
Most of my dreams have been post-stress related slash guilt ridden slash family crap and pre-state board testing anxiety. Geeze....will I ever be normal again? I get really sleepy during the late afternoon to which I usually take a quick nap and then move on to the next task that I had planned. I have done that many times before, even during my schooling without effecting my night time sleeping habits. But it seems lately, when I need to go to bed at my normal hour I have some sort of second wind and can't wind down enough to go to bed even though I try. Someone once told me that when you have a hard time falling asleep that you should do something that you hate like cleaning, organizing, laundry, dishes and so on because that will make your brain 'shut off' and make you want to go to sleep. Sounds like an excellent plan, however I feel like once I get started on that sort of stuff that I won't stop and then hit the hay in the wee hours of the morning. That's not always a good thing especially when you have to get up early for work. To which I am in that predicament at this very moment. I've had a nice dinner with some wine and should be quite ready for bed however my mind is not ready enough to crawl into my nest. Ah, the perks of nursing school PTSD.
I could very easily start picking stuff up off the floor in efforts to bust out the vacuum and gather some more laundry to wash. However, if I start that I'm afraid I won't stop. Even though I absolutely hate the vacuum. Now would be a great time because it's not so hot outside plus it's easier on my electric bill, but alas, five am comes early and cleaning the house at this point might jack me up too much to sleep well before I need to get up for work. If I start reviewing again for my state boards it will be the same thing not to mention put complete panic in my head about what I've forgotten and what I just don't know, thus spending way too much time on catching up on lost factors. Ugh.
I hope this is just a temporary thing, otherwise I'm in for a sleep study. Thanks AB Tech for screwing with my head and what was once an almost normal sleep cycle. I guess that's makes me a survivor of the nursing program slightly damaged. Haha....Sleep well my readers as I will toss and turn for yet another night. Yea me. elizinashe
So I have very slowly began reviewing for the up and coming NCLEX. What a pain in the ass. I have so enjoyed having some free time since the chaos of finals and the pinning ceremony has passed. I have crawled out of bed later than normal, savored my morning coffee and have taken afternoon naps. But as our testing dates come closer I know I need to start reviewing more diligently. Ugh.
I reviewed some lab result type questions this evening. I've come to realize that I need to make some more note cards and get back into that habit of making some cheat sheets to keep with me. I've also realized that there are many aspects of the nursing field that was not completely elaborated in our nursing class. Yes, we were taught many, many things and what to look for, assess and outcomes but I think they totally slacked on the importance of lab values and the whole pharmacology area. It's like I'm having to self-teach myself something completely new as opposed as being a refresher in content. Not good.
What's really hard for me is the evening time. I tend to have some dinner, a glass of wine and begin to wind down. I do a lot better if I start during the daytime to study and have some sort of routine, but my days have been preoccupied in laundry, clearing out clutter piles and other household duties that have been ignored for a very long time and I'm not done yet. At least I got my 'thank you' cards done today. One step at a time, right?
I have a girlfriend that I finally caught up with one evening last week. Now that she knows that I am no longer in class she's wanting to do more activities with me. I just might regret this. Although she is a good friend, I have not missed her too much over the last few months due to her constant drama and self-absorption. I think she forgets that I still have a huge test to prep for. In her world, I am free and we can once again hang out more. I beg to differ. I'm not trying to be ugly or anything. She is a good friend but only in small spurts. I can only take so much drama regardless of school or not.
My only objective for the next month is to pass this stupid test, get my license and take a real vacation for the first time in almost three years. Yes, I said three years. I had two 'stay cay' vacations prior to nursing school, one quick trip for a concert in the summer in my first year and a weekend getaway before my second year began. I haven't left the state borders since 2010. I am way overdue. And that's all that needs to be said. Okay, time to get back on the couch and start all over again tomorrow. Cheers! elizinashe
It's official. Nursing School is over! Our 'Pinning Ceremony' is tomorrow night. The only thing I know about the ceremony is that we all will be wearing white uniforms and will be lighting candles as we recite some sort of Florence Nightingale prayer. Sounds kinda creepy to me. I wonder if there will be some sort of sacrifice afterwards. I've already sacrificed my soul many moons ago. My mental health went out the door years ago and I gave up lots of money during the whole nursing school process. I doubt they would want my liver at this point and my brain is fried so that won't be any good. Therefore, I'm expecting a young virgin boy in the ceremony for the bloodletting. Hahahahaha......just kidding. (sort of).
So yes, this is a big deal. I am so thankful that this crap is all over and now I can breathe a little bit easier these days. Yes, I still have to take my state boards and prep for that mess but there is a part of me that's really relieved and not so stressed about it all. I think my parents are way more excited than I am at this point. However, tomorrow night might prove different and the waterworks just may overwhelm my logic and I will be one hot mess. Good thing I always carry tissues in my purse.
My house is a complete wreck. I still have my winter sweaters to clean and pack up. I have no idea what my vacuum cleaner looks like and I have boxes upon boxes of nursing school stuff scattered all around the floor. Did I really learn all that stuff? Sheesh! At least my cat doesn't care.
My dad has come into town to see the event and bring me treasures. He came out two springs ago loaded with laundry detergent. He's retired so he likes to 'bargain shop' and pick up stuff when it's on sale. It's his way of helping me out and I gladly accept it. Laundry soap ain't cheap and I do a lot of laundry. When he was here last, he brought me like eight bottles of detergent. This trip he has brought more. Although I have used some of what he brought the last time, I am back up to owning ten jugs of Tide. Woo Hoo! It cracks me up. If you peeked into my basement one might think I have a problem. I can't wait to see the look on other people's faces when I move and they see how much soap I am harboring. That will certainly give them something to talk about!
So that's if folks! It's done and it's time to move on and plan for a real vacation. And that is a good thing.
Cheers! elizinashe
It's the final stretch ya'll. I've completed the 'transition to practice' part of my semester and my final is on Monday morning. I have struggled to review all the content that we have learned the past five months and re-absorb all the knowledge I previously had. I feel like I have retained nothing although I know that is not entirely true. At this point it's all just swimming around in my head in one big lump. I'm officially done for the night. And I know I am not alone. My study group got together this afternoon however, we made very little progress. Guess we just needed to catch up and vent for a while. There will be a re-attempt to congregate tomorrow. I just hope that we are all more productive and that my neurons decide to communicate with each other so that I can pass this damn thing. Luckily, I am not in a position to where I have to make a particular score in order to pass the class. I just want to do well enough to keep my average. I want to remain consistent in that aspect. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
It's been a long and aggravating process and I will be so glad when it's finally over. There is still a lot to cover before it's all official. The bigger goal is passing the state boards. I'm hoping I can stay focused enough after graduation to put much time and more effort in using my review book. I have yet to update my resume. I haven't even done one in over seven years now so I have no idea how to get another one started. I have put the bug in my supervisor's ear about a position however there is not any openings right now. Most other floors are particular about hiring new grads and you pretty much start on a night shift which is something I want to avoid. I've been there and done that. It's gets rather depressing after a while. It's just not my cup of tea. But I can do it if I really have no other choice. I just keep sending up my prayers and throwing my requests out to the universe in hopes of being directed to where I am really supposed to be. And that's about all I can do. Other than sending out tons of resumes everywhere. If I got a really sweet offer I would consider moving but I would most definitely need some time to pack and get organized. These last two years have really taken a toll on my structure and routine. I will be so glad when I can get back to a normal lifestyle. But there is a part of me that thinks that will not happen in the way that I wish. I think life has a totally different plan for me. I just hope I can keep up with the pace. Guess I should send some more requests out to the universe, eh? elizinashe
