The Grass is Always Greener

Current State of Mind

I go through phases where I do that "I wonder if" mentality.  Meaning, how different would my life be if I made other choices along the way.  That's normal, right?  Is that just a part of growing regardless of your age?

I am certain that if brother had not died, my life would be totally different.  Would I have been happier?  Would I have remained in Arkansas?  Would I have still moved to North Carolina?  Maybe I would have married young and my weekends would be filled with child related activities.  Maybe I would have been totally miserable.  Maybe I would still be spending my time trying to be like him. 

What about that boyfriend back in college.  What if we had married?  Or the guy after a horrible break-up in my late 20s.  Did I dismiss that relationship too soon? 

I'm not complaining about my life as it is.  And I am glad I never married any of those guys as those relationships really didn't have much sustainability.  Or so I believed at that time.  And I still do today. 

I certainly would not have met some of the people in my life today if I had not moved away from home.  I can't imagine my life without them.  I certainly would not have learned about myself either.  I am way stronger than I give myself credit, but I do admit some days are really hard. 

Sometimes I wish I had a guardian angel to remind me that I'm on the right path and if I had made other decisions along the way, the outcome might not have been the best for me.  I wish I had a Clarence.  I could use a little visit like that every once and a while.  Couldn't we all? 

Who is Clarence you say?  Then you need to go back a few years and check out "It's a Wonderful Life".  Get the tissues ready too.  You won't regret it.  Until next time...elizinashe

Someone to Watch Over Me