A Little Something I Wrote

 Sharing a little something I wrote earlier in the month as the words just came into my mind late one night while I was at work.  So I hammered it out to get it out of my head.  I guess that is how a lot of writers live.  Am I a writer?  I dunno.  But...here ya go.  Hope you enjoy.  

 

Taste

I had a Taste

I had a Taste of what it was like

I had a Taste of what it was supposed to be

 

What it Should be

            Could be

            Would be

            Wanted to be

            Meant to be

 

I had a Taste

And I liked it

And I thought that taste would stay

But now it just feels slightly bitter. 

 

Until next time...elizinashe

  

Squee !

I LOVE HIM !  

 I love stickers.  Always have.  It’s a thing.  Maybe an obsession.  I like sending cards and bedazzling them with stickers.  I like to buy fun stickers and slip them into gifts that I give to others.  It’s a simple thing to do and puts a smiles on faces that I love.  

I came across this Raccoon sticker and my little girl’s heart just squealed with delight.  It makes my little adult heart squeal too.  I just LOVE it!  I want to pick up this cutie creature and hug and kiss it all over.  Can you blame me?  

When I was a little girl, I prayed for a Raccoon every week at church.  That prayer was never answered. Sigh….oh dear Lord why?  However, I will gladly take a fun sticker so I can look at it every day and melt my heart back down a happier mood.  I hope you find your own little piece of the pie that makes you happy and makes your heart pitter patter.  Now…where do I want to stick this sticker so I can see it every day?  Hmmm…until next time…elizinashe

Resentment

 Do you hold a grudge?  

Do you get angry easily?  Have a low threshold in frustration?

Hold resentment towards anyone or anything in particular?

Do we really have control over our thoughts and feelings?  

I can certainly become very angry when I am wronged, lied to, cheated upon, taken advantage of or stealing from me especially when I am so accepting and giving to others.  But if you mess with me and break my trust then that becomes a huge issue.

Now mind you the said above has not happened but I do have some resentment that is eaking it's way out in the form of bad or more appropriately  frustrating dreams.  And I know the root cause of such resentment.  And as of late, it's really hard to allow this to pass.

No, I don't hold grudges and I know how to forgive, but....this latest bout of mental frustration is really getting my goat if you know what I mean.

I refuse to allow this current episode to plant roots in my heart and soul and dictate my mentality.  I just cannot live that way.  It's not healthy.  I want to be happy and free from my anguish.

I think it is normal to feel this way, it is normal to feel angry and become frustrated but allowing yourself to remain in that pot of feelings just is not the way to live.  I do beleive such feelings serve a purpose but only for a brief time.  And maybe we learn from it.  I can guarantee some do not learn from such feelings nor do they move past the said feelings, which is rather sad.  But as for me, I need to find some happy ground again.  I am tired of feeling the opposite.  

Hello Therapy!  Here I come~ and I am not ashamed to say so.  I am thankful for this little blog as it does help me but I know I need better guidance and a different perspective to help me move through this current journey.  

So my readers, whoever you are, I hope you are in a good place. And if not, don't be ashamed to go and get some help.  It's so important.  Until next time...elizinashe.

I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates…

 

I Love This Pic So Much 

Do you remember that song?  

I don’t but I heard it a few years ago and it made me laugh.  Such a cheesy song but apparently it’s was a big hit.  Okay, so whatever….But it was the early 70s coming out of the trippy 60s Peace Love and Acid Trips, so….

However my “brand new roller skates” include an iPad and a remote keyboard which I am still getting used to the keyboard stuff.  It’s smaller than norm so writing this post is taking more time than normal as I keep making mistakes and having to backspace for typos.  I might return the said  remote/ wireless keyboard for something more sizable  so that it’s not so difficult to type when I want to write.  

But!  I still have a new pair of roller skates.  Ha, ha…

I’m still struggling with stuff but this new little gem of a needed toy has given me much joy thus far.  

And that is a good thing. 

What little thing gives you joy?  

Until next time…elizinashe.  

Testing Testing One Two Three

 So I have delved into the iPad world as my home computer is on the brink and I need it to be repaired.

Plus have sometime more transportable.  So this technology impaired and still learning girl has taken a leap and gotten an iPad and a Bluetooth keypad so I don’t peck at the screen so much when I need to type.  

Still getting used to this keypad as it is a bit smaller than normal but it was cheap so I went with that.  I may get a better wireless keypad in the future but I want to see how much I really use this thing while I am away from my norm.  A learning curve if you will.  

However I am amazed at the technology we have today.  And I am thrilled with my new toy.  

I feel so behind in the technology world.  But at least I am still learning.  

Congratulations on reading my first post on my new pad and new wireless keyboard.  

Maybe my next post will be more fruitful.  

But again, I”m still learning.  Until next time…elizinashe.  

Choice or Fate ?

I Have a Love/Hate With This Quote

 Although I like the intent of this message beginning this post, but really...do we really choose our partners?  Our friends ?  Or does something more powerful and unique come into play where you just happen to cross paths and build on that moment of connection ?  

I do believe that some folks have just "chosen" their partner, friends or whatever community supports you but when I read this quote it makes me think that you made a choice that is not completely what you really want or wanted for your self. 

I think back in day, people did choose a life partner because they would be a "good wife " or a "good husband" and therefore you just made that marriage or relationship work regardless of your heart or what you really wanted for the rest of your Life.  I have know such people.  Some divorced, some stuck it out and some just lived apart, creating a new life outside of the relationship and/or marriage.  

I know I am guilty of staying with some dude because  he was a "nice guy".  But after some time, my heart just could not take the lie or denial and I let those relationships go.  Although it was hurtful to do so and am so glad I ended the said relationship .  I just can't fake it nor can I "learn to love" someone.  Either you do or you don't .  Warts and all.  

Yes, I have chosen friends and I have chosen relationships or at least ventured down that road  risking my heart.  But I have never regretted in doing so.  Plus, I honestly feel like those friendships and relationships had an uncanny chance meeting or some special connection that brought us together.  I'm guessing that I am not the only one who has experienced this occasion. 

So do I believe things "happen for a reason" ?  Well, in some situations absolutely.  Some for the better and some for the not so better.  A learning curve if you will.  And sometimes you have to learn that curve quite a few times.  And that can be hurtful.  

I have dated wealthy men and not so wealthy men.  I have dated highly educated men and some who barely have any college education in their pocket of a brain.  I have dated some very attractive men and some not so attractive.  But what they all had in common was a meeting of the minds.  Conversations.  Adventures.  Laughter.  And I learned something from all of them.  I hope they learned from me as well.  

Yes, I may "choose" my dates and relationships.  And I may "choose" to continue those dates and relationships but it is not because I have relented and gave up on what I really wanted for myself.  It was because I knew something in my heart was in the right place.  And as of recent, my heart is going down a new path that I have not experienced in quite some time.  I have zero regrets as to where it has been the last two plus years as for the first time ever, I had no reservations or fear of exploring something new after being alone for so, so long.  I suppose there were a lot of things that I could have made excuses for not exploring the said relationship but again, I had zero worries.  Zero.  

I made that jump and I'd do it all over again with the one I had met or shall I say crossed my path as our meeting was quite unusual and a bit of a wake up call if you will.  Time was not wasted .  It was the happiest and best relationship I have ever had.  Although that relationship is no longer, I hope that I won't forget that I can take that leap into the relationship world again and it will all be okay.  The "powers that be" just might have another plan in place for this chic.  I hope I recognize it when it happens.  Until next time...elizinashe. 

Absolutely !

Moving On and On....

 This year sure has been a doozy.  

And it's only May.  What more is to come? 

Crossed another hurdle as well as my dad.  He is finally closer and has a new place and hopefully a new Life for the rest of his years to come.  This has been a huge leap for him not to mention way out of his comfort zone but I believe he is coming along nicely.  I am thankful that he still has his "cahoots" about him not to mention all of his body parts.  Aside from a few teeth which has landed him a partial but as for his hips/knees/shoulders and all of his innards,  they are all still intact.  At 84 years young! 

I am once again the "third wheel".  My fella decided he needed to find his way again and without being in a relationship.  I understand why one needs to travel a journey alone and find their grounding once again, as I have done in the past oh so long, long ago but this part of my Life is at a loss.  I don't think I have fully grieved this part yet as my father was priority this past month.  And now it is back to work for me and back to single life.  Not sure how I feel about it.  

 

I have much grief to come.  My mom died three years ago this month.  I almost lost my dad twice if not three times due to his own helplessness and mental anguish.   And I know for a fact that I still have residual grief from losing my brother so many years ago.  And grief over a relationship that I loved so very much. 

I am not sure what the next step for me will be or what is to come.  All I know is to keep marching on as I always have.  I just hope that I will feel more settled now that my mother's estate is finally off my shoulders and my father is closer and more settled than before.

Now is the time to get my Life in order.   I am thankful that I have not totally lost my shit these last three years because it certainly has been a hard road to travel.  And one that I do not want to experience ever again.  I think anyone and everyone can agree on that bit especially if you have experienced that very same and/or similar road.  I pray that there will be better days ahead.  I am certainly tired of all the other chaos.  Until next time...elizinashe.