Panic

It's been a busy week so far after a nice, calm weekend. I've got alot of work stuff to complete in the next two weeks, as well as the normal adult things that we all have to be responsible for. It's just alot of committments in the coming days, something everyday for the next 10 days and it' s giving me a slight panic attack. It feels slightly overwhelming in a short amount of time and I worry about how I'm going to complete it all without failure. (I worry too much.). My mother keeps pestering me on when I'm going to come up and visit before my dad leaves to go back home and that is another stressful issue also. I don't like to be pressured especially by my mother. Don't get me wrong, my mother is a really neat lady but when it comes to me, she's somewhat intrusive and butts into my life, or so it feels, too much for my taste. She even opens my mail if I have any that arrives at her house!! She doesn't always 'back off' when she should, and that is what pisses me off so I therefore just wait until the last minute sometimes to spend time with my parents. They worry soo much about me because I'm the only child, my brother died unexpectedly when he was 20, and so ever since then the focus has been all on me. Yuk. No pressure there...It's like a constant battle to reassure my parents that I'm going to be okay in my life whatever I do, not what they want me to do. Does that make sense? Perhaps I assume too much in that department.
The work stuff is going well and I have good vibes about that, but I know that my working hours are going to change again. And it will probably constantly change which rattles my nerves a bit. I function much better on a set schedule. I'm more productive and it makes it alot easier to plan all that other adult stuff that is called life. I'm also going to the tech school to register for some classes this coming fall. The idea of registering for classes again is flipping me out. I have forgotten how you work all that stuff out. And I'm afraid that I won't be able to get the classes that I want in a convient time frame and therefore will clash with my roller coaster working hours. Nothing is set in stone just yet, but I think about the possibilities and responsibilities that will be involved which leads me to think 'oh my God, how am I going to do this ? how am I going to afford all of this and how am I going to manage work, school, and my household???? Now, again,nothing is set in stone and I know I will fuction somehow and the money will be there. I just don't know how it is going to all mesh together. I guess you could say that I'm afraid of failure and disappointment. And therefore, I sometimes talk myself out of even trying. Now how stupid is that???? Don't we all learn from our mistakes and failures??? God can I ever be a nervous cat.
One day at a time, right?? All I need to focus on today is my night shift and getting up in time tomorrow for my afternoon appointment at the dentist. (double yuk.) I'll worry about my weekend responsibilities later. And so my readers, this is me being stupid and insecure in my abilities...what can I say??? I'm human. Crap. elizinashe