I Want a Do Over

Who Doesn't Need Colorful Flowers?

Alone time is good.  Too much alone time is not.  And this has been my weekend of too much alone time.  Granted, I had other plans but the whole sudden sick kitty thing threw everything out of whack.  My sleep has been screwy although it has been a bit better the last 24 hours, my plans for relaxing and creativity has been a bit wacky and my mentality has been one big pity party.  I hate it when I get that way. 

Too much alone time gives your brain the opportunity to think too much and dwell on things that you really shouldn't dwell on.  And yes, I ended my sentence with a preposition.  I do that often and I don't care.  haha..

I really have no regrets in my life, but maybe a couple of "do overs" would be nice.  Remember those?  I call a "do over!"    A little blast from childhood days.  Sometimes I miss those times.  Everything seemed so much simpler then.  This getting older stuff can be really hard sometimes.  Especially in my world.  And especially since this past weekend has been horrible.  I wish I could have a "do over" and make it better.

On a brighter note, I do have fun plans for tomorrow night with one of my girly peeps that I haven't seen in a while.  She's a busy single mom of two cutie boys, and being that I work nights, getting together can be a challenge.  But I am a person of my word, and making more of an effort to reach out and make plans with this beautiful person.  I think she's one of the bravest girls I have ever known.  She's tackled many, many challenges and she always seems to come up smiling through it all.  I love that about her.  I hope that I can channel some of that bravery as I have felt weak and disheartened with all the crap that I have allowed to swirl in my head and dictate my world.  I don't want to continue that pattern.  It's just not good for the soul. 

So I will continue on this journey, taking it one step at a time with hopes of finding some joy and rejuvenation.  One small thing I did accomplish is getting some pictures developed with plans adding them to one of my walls and the others sending to my dad.  I think it will be pretty cool.  Especially the one I have planned for my dad.  I think he will get a kick out of it.  That made my heart happy today.  And that's a good thing.  Until next time...elizinashe

Knock and Go In or Take the Steps?

Not My Weekend...

Feeling Blue....

This is my weekend off.  I had such high hopes.  But alas, life happens.  

I had gone out Friday night for a couple of drinks and a snack for dinner which is typical for a "turn around day" being a night shifter.  That went fine.  But as midnight struck, things changed.  And not for something good.  

My 20 year old kitty Hecubus got sick.  Being a nurse, knowing his habits and having him for the last 20+ years I was waiting things out for a bit.  After some time, I knew that I needed to get him to a vet as his issues weren't subsiding.  Ugh...my only choice in the wee hours of the morning was the Emergency Clinic which I absolutely hate.  I am glad that they are available, and they have saved many lives when it comes to fur babies, but still...I hate going there.  Not only do they price gauge because they can, but they never really listen to me.  To keep it short, I got the treatment that was needed and got a thorough workup, but not only at a monetary cost, but at an emotional cost too.  For me and my kitty.  Although he's doing better, he's still not completely back to baseline.  It still worries me....I'm hoping he will rebound soon once his meds kick in a bit more.  

My friend who I have spoken about before, the one who I've become distanced from and is sick really isn't doing well at all.  She finally reached out to me and I responded as I truly wanted to catch up with her a bit.  She's pretty sick folks.  And I feel horrible for her.  I don't know how her journey will end.  I'm afraid it's going to be a long and painful one.  Her oldest son and daughter-in-law are a big help but I can't answer for her other kids.  They have their own issues.  I wish I could do more but all I can do is be supportive.  I don't regret not being in touch with her more often these last couple of years.  I know it sounds horrible, but I don't.  I do feel horrible that she's having such a hard time and with little support in this new challenge.  It's not good...that is for sure.  My heart really goes out to her.  Is that enough?  

My childhood best friend is pretty sick too.  She's struggled with health issues for a very long time and now because of that,  like there is some new stuff that has become the result of it all.  It's cryptic I know, but it's just too much to discuss here.  We've tried talk and text but that's been a bit tricky with my work schedule and her availability to talk around testing and sleep.  It just sucks all around.  I'm hoping for some positive results.  She always rebounds in some sort of miracle fashion.  I hoping for a positive outcome.  

So in short, it's been a shitty weekend thus far.  And it's almost over.  My world has been turned upside down and not in a good way.  It's been hard for sure...hoping for a better day tomorrow.  Wishing all of us love and positive thoughts out your way.  We all could use more of that don't you think?  Until next time...elizinashe. 

Prayers for All

This and That

Cold & Quiet

It's cold and windy tonight.  It's a good night to stay parked on the couch cuddled up in your favorite blanket and do absolutely nothing but channel surf.   Fuzzy socks are a requirement.  A four legged fur baby lying on top of you is a bonus.  Extra body heat...

That's pretty much been my night.  I had gone out earlier for dinner but I made that trip quick and simple.  As much as I wanted to socialize more, I was ready to get into my favorite sweatshirt and pajama pants and get on that said couch-fuzzy socks and all.  Does that make me lazy?  I'm afraid that I've gotten too used to that routine...I hope that coming Spring light will motivate me to be more productive.  The Winter blahs are beginning to get to me I think. 

Have you been on a committee before?  Like for work or your community?  School?  Did you like it or was it a " have to" kind of deal?  I've done group projects before during school, but I don't really recall being heavily involved in any groups/committees in high school or college.  I had been asked to be on some Night Governance Council for the hospital along with other nurses throughout the hospital.  I was hesitant to say "yes" but I felt like I needed to do something more career wise and at least lend a voice for our unit. 

But alas, I didn't succeed too well with that group.  To keep a very long story short, I felt like I was doomed from the get-go as the first meeting I had attended failed.  There is a phone number that you can call and be present by conference call in case you can't travel.  So that is the route I chose to do that night.  However, there were three other members on this phone call also but none of us could hear anything nor could anyone hear us.  For those of us who had called in, we could hear each other but that was about it.  Turns out the leader of the meeting "forgot" to turn on the call in feature and therefore we all missed it.  Ugh...and the rest?  Well...it was just uneventful on my end of the stick.  I knew better to agree to be a part of this committee as I just don't do well in that sort of extra group activity but at least I tried.  I now know just to say "no" and move on.  I have since politely removed myself from this Council group and I feel a lot better about it.  It just wasn't my cup of tea...

So what's in store for me?  Well, I certainly need to get motivated to complete some extra schooling that's for sure.  I've procrastinated way too long...one of my charms.  Again, I've gotten a bit lazy.  And it's become a comforting habit.  I need to break that up a bit.  It's the idea of more schooling that stresses me out...but I've done it before right?  Sheesh...One thing's for sure, more schooling will keep me out of trouble and will force me to be more productive at home.  Plus, I could use school as an excuse for my lack of cleaning the floors and bathrooms instead of plain ole laziness and procrastination.  haha...until next time...elizinashe 

What's Your Poison On a Cold Night?

Would You or Wouldn't You?

Let's Be Friends!

How many friends do you have on Facebook?  Of all the many people that you know-friends, family, coworkers, bar flies, etc- how many of them do you "friend"?  And of the new people that you meet, do you accept their "friend request" after meeting them?  It's a tricky situation, eh? 

As I have said before, I have a crush on my heating/cooling guy.  He's a good looking guy folks.  Really...Anyway, his profile keeps popping up on my "people you may know" feed.  Weird.  I'm tempted to send him that "friend request" so that we may communicate more.  Perhaps it's the new way of stalking someone, but I'm not that creepy nor do I want to be that creepy chic.  I'm not the stalker type and the idea of asking him out while he's here doing work is just too weird.  I don't want to make him uncomfortable.  I really like having him to do work for me and I want to maintain that part of the relationship.  Complicated?  Or am I over thinking it?  Is the Universe trying to tell me something with the frequent "people you may know" blip?

If I only knew if he had a place where he "hung out" then I could "accidentally run into him".  haha..But I don't know those facts.  He may not be one to go out much with his buddies or go out and have a few drinks.  I just don't know...and these are the things I want to know because then I feel like it would give me a better idea about making my interests known.  Am I being smart or just plain stupid?  I don't know...

Anyway...just some thoughts in my head on this full moon/eclipse/meteor chilly night.   Until next time...elizinashe

If Only It Were This Simple

Letting Go...

Hoping For Peace

I've had a long string of days off from work this past week but alas, it is coming to an end.  One thing is for sure, work always returns.  

I haven't done anything too spectacular in my off time.  There were times where I was bored and a bit lonely.  Planning ahead is not necessarily my strong suit, especially when it comes to planning fun social time with friends.  I'm still working on that part.  However, I'm also trying to get some house things in order, save money by not going out so much, and giving my mind some much needed rest as I have been stressed and troubled too much.  

I've done quite a bit of cooking the last couple of days which is always a bit therapeutic for me.  I need to do better at having someone over to share my concoctions and a bottle of wine.  That one is always on the bucket list.  Again... I need to do better at planning ahead for social stuff with friends.  

I've paired down on my news watching too.  I just can't stand it.  This political mess has really messed with my head so I've worked really hard to ignore it, stay off the internet, post silly pictures and the like.  I've started to tune into The Daily Show on Comedy Central.  I've heard a lot of buzz about Trevor Noah and I've seen some interviews with him.  He's pretty damn clever and has had his own suffering growing up.  He's even written a book his life growing up in Africa.  I just might have to check it out.  What I will say is that I really like his commentary.  Yes, there is a lot of satire and sarcasm but he makes some really good hard pressed points.  And his guests that he interviews have much to say...especially in the current times.  If you haven't tuned in yet, I encourage you to do so.  It might not be your cup of tea so to speak, but it sure does have some substance to think about.  

So in short, I'm trying my level best to keep my mind clear of all things negative and look for all the positive things in life.  I feel like I need to read up more on Buddha as he had some very insightful quotes and a peaceful way of living in this thing called Life.  I think I need to channel that kind of mentality more instead of allowing things that I cannot change or have control over dictate my mind and body.  If only I could be still enough to meditate I would....but my mind wanders way too much and I find it difficult to sit still just to breathe and be quiet.  I know it would help greatly but it's one hurdle that I have yet to conquer.  At least I have music and this silly thing.  Writing has always helped.  I hope you enjoy reading my  blog as much as I enjoy writing and posting.  I will leave you with a quote that I think we all should remember whatever the situation.  I hope you like it.  Until next time....elizinashe

" Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace. " Buddha

Peace & Love Ya'll!