Christmas

Merry Christmas Everyone!  ( two days late that is...)

The holidays can be a pit of a bittersweet time for me.  I do like Christmas for the most part but there are elements about the holidays that make me a little blue.  I was blessed to spend some time with a good friend the weekend before Christmas, take a few holiday themed pictures and have a feast with my mother and some of her friends.  I have received many holiday cards, gift baskets, holiday presents in the mail and hooked up with some of my former bar guests for a few drinks.  It just wouldn't be the holidays without meeting up with the old Depot crew.  There was just something about that place.  And then the weekend came....

I was schedules to work Christmas Eve & Christmas day with the loom of a Christmas snow.  Working Christmas eve was just another day but a bit more relaxed and coming home was quite calming.  Almost too calming.  It was eerily quiet outside and a bit warm considering we had snow on the way.  But that is when we usually have the biggest snow.  The 'calm before the storm' so to speak.  Christmas morning was cold, quiet & clear.  Then the snow came at 8 o'clock that morning and did not stop.  And it kept coming, as well as the 'call ins' at work.  By 1:30 that afternoon the entire 3-11pm shift had called in.  Those of us that were working that day knew what was to come.  Nobody was leaving.  The mandatory severe weather code was called two hours later and the whole hospital was under 'house arrest'.  haha...thank God I packed a bag for an overnight stay 'just in case'.  Last year taught me a lesson.  Even though I was schedule to be off  for Sunday thru Wednesday, I still had to stay to ensure staffing for the next 48 hours.  That's just hospital policy.  No use in bitching about it.  You're just stuck.

It would have been nice to be at home with the snow and have the opportunity to take some Christmas snow pictures but being stuck at work turned out to be just fine.  We got free meals plus got some incentive pay for sleeping over.  Not only did I get holiday pay for my waking, working hours, I got paid $8.33 an hour for the 12 hours I was not working.  Wish I could get paid to sleep more often!  I worked again the next morning, wearing my blue jeans and hair pulled back in a mess.  I didn't care nor did management.  I was given my golden ticket by 6pm Sunday night and packed up my gear and made my way home to 8 inches of snow and a very happy kitty.  My house is a mess from boxes, junk on the coffee table, dishes in the sink and balls of cat hair in the corners of my floor.  I have no plans to go anywhere today and very little ambition to clean up the house.  I'm just enjoying the quiet time in my little house and making sure that my squirrels are tending to their food that I put out today.  The 'Christmas Snow Crisis' kept me from being too emotional and depressed this year and that's a good thing.  Sometimes the little distractions come in big packages.  This year it came with a holiday snow.  And that was all okay by me.  elizinashe

A New Decade

Today is my birthday.  Woo hoo yea me!  And so begins a whole new decade of self-discovery.  As a good friend had put it, I am celebrating the 10th anniversary of turning 30.  hee-hee.  Clever, eh?

The whole 'turning 40' thing really hasn't bothered me.  I don't even feel 40 nor do I look like it.  When I realized months ago that I really was going to be 40, I thought about organizing, planning and throwing myself a party like so many others have as well as some of my other girlfriends have done, but my forte is not planning ahead nor being organized.  I really didn't want to spend my evening mingling around to entertain my guests nor did I want to bar hop all night doing shots everywhere I went with a bunch of other women.  I do not need to prove my age nor do I need to prove myself of anything to the young 20-somethings that do go out and bar hop doing shots everywhere they go. Besides, the most important people that I wanted to spend my birthday with all live out of state across the country.  Trying to get people to fly in for a birthday would require a lot of planning and money especially since my birthday falls betwix holidays.  But I have had the satisfaction that all my peeps from across the map have called, sent cards & emails and messages which makes me feel just as loved as if they were here in person. 

I have spent my birthday recovering from an outpatient surgery that I had done yesterday and having a new set of tires put on the car.  Sounds stimulating I know but to me it's just been another day.  It just happens to be my birthday.  The last 3 days have been quite lovely to be honest. I met my mother Wednesday evening for a pre-birthday dinner.  We went and had some indian food and then came back to my place for the night.  (She spent the night with me since I was not allowed to drive on the day of my surgery.)  One of her friends sent me a birthday gift basket filled with tea, fuzzy socks, a variety of homemade tartlets, and some lavender to make sachets from the seeds.  What an angel she is!  So far I have had 4 cups of herbal tea and 3 tartlets:  one blueberry, one apple and tonight was cranberry.  I have one more left but I do not know yet what flavor it will be.  I have yet to peek. 

I truly can't complain about my birthday.  Yes, I thought about having a big 'throw down' and taking a bunch of drunk pictures but to be honest I've had a much better time keeping this birthday on the 'down-low'.  This week has truly been a very busy one so having the quiet time for me has been fabulous.  I'd rather have small 'throw downs' with my friends who live across the country and celebrate in small ways than have one big meaningless hoo-ha.  And having that time with my mom was pretty cool, too.  I am truly blessed and loved and that's all I really wanted for my birthday.  So here's to another decade of self-discovery and lessons learned.  Let's all enjoy the ride.  elizinashe

Ugh!

Why is it that the little things piss you off so much?  I'm having trouble getting the template page to load on my screen so I can make some changes to my page.  I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong but it's pissing me off regardless.  I want something new for this creature called a blog that I started a few moons ago.  So why am I having troubles?  I certainly don't think it's my new virus program that's blocking stuff.  It just seems to be in a stuck mode when I click on the template tab with a series of dots lighting up in a sequence.  Pain in the ass....

It's been raining all freaking day here.  Sometimes it's been quite a downpour.  My landlord just texted me saying to keep an eye out for any ceiling leaks.  He's done this before when we've had lots of rain but it kind of pisses me off too.  Shouldn't he be the one to make sure that the roof is safe and has passed a building code of some sort?  Especially when I've paid rent already for the coming month like I always do?  Jackass....I won't even begin to discuss his leaf blowing capabilities.  Or shall I say a lack of capability.  

I have the same back tire patched twice and the other rear tire patched once.  Apparently I ran over a bed of crapped out nails and a bolt or two.  Lucky me.  I'm pretty sure I picked these scrap pieces of metal driving through a construction zone near the hospital as I was on my way to the community college to talk to an advisor.  However it was discovered during my last patch up which was the day before Thanksgiving that I have some 'dry rot' going on in my tires and that I should replaced them soon before I have a blowout.  Well, crap.  There goes more money out the window.  But I will say this last set served me well.  They are about 5 years old so I guess I got some pretty good mileage out them.  It just sucks that monetary emergencies happen around the holidays.  

I have some outpatient surgery early Thursday morning.  It's a necessary procedure and I wanted this done before the end of the year since my health insurance is going to change January 1st.   I will lose some of my money in my healthcare savings account.  Only half of it will roll over.  But I'm not looking forward to getting up at the crack of dawn without my morning coffee and makeup is not allowed.  Not even foundation.  I'm a pretty self-conscious person when it comes to my naked face.  And I am an absolute bitch without my morning fix.  I'm not looking forward to being sedated.  I haven't been 'put under' since I had my wisdom teeth pulled and that was 20 years ago!  I woke up puking from that.  I sure hope that I get a puke free dose of anesthesia.  And a nice cup of coffee upon revival.  

And to close on a different note, I heard a Stevie Wonder song today which included the lyrics "Look at the clouds in the sky/They seem so happy now", or something like that.  My question is how would he know?  He's blind.  (was that too ugly?).  haha.....so what's new in your world?   elizinashe

Quick Topics

There has been less drama lately which is a good thing. The drama that was swirling all around me wasn't even my drama however it still infiltrated my world. So glad it's gone for now. Work is still a mess but at least I have a job. But I'm feeling the 'burnout' pretty heavily. The only thing that keeps me going is the routine and working with really good co-workers. I just want to get through my coming work week and think ahead later. Sure wish I could take a little vacation and get the hell out of town. Maybe after the new year.....

So the future King of England is engaged. This is certainly big news. I'm not much of a royal watcher however this is the opportunity that the Royal Family has been looking for to re-establish the glory of the monarchy. I remember watching Charles & Dianna getting hitched on the television. It was a hugely global event. This up & coming marriage will certainly be an equivalent. And if it is televised like his dear mother's nuptials were then I too will watch the big shabang. How could I not?

The holidays are fast approaching. Halloween wasn't even over when I first saw the Christmas chaos begin to appear in the stores. It seems that the marketing comes sooner every year. I find it a bit disgusting. Some stores are already opening early prior to Thanksgiving Day enticing shoppers to open their wallets. Some places are opening at midnight on Thanksgiving so jumpstart 'Black Friday'. Other stores are opening as early as 4am. That's just gross. I think it's sad that as a country we are so selfish and material that we would choose to rush the stores before the crack of dawn just so you can save 20% on an item that you or your children really don't need instead of spending that time with your loved ones and creating meaningful memories. There is not a single thing on the market that I would want that badly that would make me get out of bed and battle other shoppers. Nor would I get out of bed to buy said items for loved ones b/c if that's all they cared about then I don't need them in my life.

So that's about it folks. There is always much more to gripe about but I just won't go there. I'd much rather use my evening to vegetate on the couch and ignore the dishes in my sink for a little bit longer. elizinashe

Exciting Update

Blah, blah, blah, boo-hiss, cough, hack,hack, stuffy sniffle, sneeze three times well crap, ugh. Crapola, drama, drama, drama, beeep, beeep, beeep don't want to, stagger, fumble, perkolate ahhh.....squeak, squeak warmth, don't want to get out. Pack, dress, brrrr!!!! Dark, bleary eyed, shuffle, shuffle, click & pull, oh geeze.....seriously? Gripe, laugh, gripe, laugh. Curse, expletives, hit, kick, code gray, what the fuck? Adrenaline pumping, pissy mood, here we go again. Gossip, bitch, gossip, bitch, roll your eyes. Heads butting, staff irritable, crisis pay, worn out, seven o'eight is the magic number. Smoke, headlights on, stumble home. Drop bags, find ugly clothes, ring, ring, beep, beep, beep 'Call Me!', yak, yak, yak, drama, drama, drama, shut the hell up. Dishes, laundry, dishes, laundry, pack lunches. Beep, beep, beep, ignore, ignore, ignore. Pop, gurgle, gurgle, splash yum. Just a little more. Flick and smoke. Purr, purr, coo. Dave. So what's new with you? elizinashe

Happy Fall Ya'll !

Well October has been a crazy month to say the least and it's not over yet! This past month has been so hectic that it has hindered my creative writing skills but I have found time to shoot a few pictures here & there for my creative outlet. I think that has been one of the few things that have kept me sane.

Work has been super wacked out. I can't wait for the smoke to clear. I blame it on poor management, lack of communication, poor parenting, lack of community resources and the changing of the seasons. Somehow Mother Nature always tends to effect us humans. You would think it would be a time of good change and settlement but sometimes change means a huge shake up in a chaotic way before it settles once again. As long as I have some wine I think I will do just fine with whatever change flies my way. haha....

The good thing about the fall season is warm, comfort food. Hearty soups speckled with beans & veggies, root vegetables like butternut squash and sweet potatoes, lima beans, green beans and garlic-laced bread. Funky hot teas and grilled turkey sandwiches. New soup recipes to try and old crock-pot favorites. Coming home to a dinner that awaits your arrival and the smell of good food wafting throughout the whole house with a warm kitty in your lap while you check your email. That kind of stuff is hard to beat after a long day of work.

You haven't been a true pet owner until you have taken a bag of poop to the vet for inspection. And when that happens you automatically keep inspecting the bathroom habits of your pet for follow up. It's humiliating enough when you as a human to 'pee in a cup' for your doctor but I think you reach a whole other level when you take a flashlight to inspect pet poop for further illness or signs of recovery when problems arise.

Unconditional love. I saw a man feed his wife this evening. She was in a wheelchair and clearly had been a victim of a stroke or a brain injury of some sort. She was mentally alert and oriented but her hands were feeble & postured. She tried to hold her fork all on her own but it became a tedious task and relented on relying on her husband to continue to feed her. And he did it with patience and love in his eyes. It made me teary eyed to say the least and comforted in knowing that real love still exists even in old age. It gave me a lot to think about, both good and bad. I just hope that I can be that lucky one day regardless of my health.

So there you go folks! That's it in a quick nutshell. I hope you find time to enjoy the little things of your fall season. elizinashe

10-10-10

There's been a big buzz over today's date. Depending on your take of the matter it's either a good karma day or it's the end of the world. I myself have taken the more positive side of the matter. So on that note here are a few things that I hope that this day will bring to me in the near future.

I wish to lose 10lbs. I wish to increase my income tenfold. I wish to have a more stable career and move on with my nursing school wishes. I wish to travel more and see my loved ones near & far more frequently. I wish to see more concerts, gather more loving and creative friends and take more pictures to document it all. I wish to become a better writer and a better person. I wish to be more patient and less negative. I wish to gain more confidence, strength and wisdom and release all my anger issues so I can move forward in life with purpose. I wish to laugh more and worry less. I wish for color, flowers and great coffee. I wish for more stability and the feeling of being calm. I wish to quit smoking and have a peace of mind. I wish for good health and less tumors. I wish to play all things Rachmanioff and have front row tickets to a Dave Matthews concert and meet him in person. (although I'd probably pee in my pants if I did meet Dave.) I wish to hike more and cook fabulous dinners. I wish for a peace of mind for my father and comfort for my mother. I wish for prosperity for all my loved ones and a strong economy for our country. I wish for doggie kisses and kitty purrs. I wish for children to never know hate and only love. I wish for pride and acceptance for all peoples. And I wish for a funky, loving home of my own so I can share all of my wishes with all my peoples.

So there you go folks. Just thought I'd throw that out there to the universe. I hope your 10-10-10 day brings you much happiness and all good things to come. elizinashe

A Tragic Epidemic

I have been mortified by all the recent news of all these suicides due to bullying. It makes my heart break and leaves me disgusted. There should be harsh consequences for bullying. Clearly not enough has been done. We have lost many young lives and for what? What is wrong with our school leaders? What is wrong with our communities? How in the hell can a bully feel good about being so mean that it leads to a suicide? What is wrong with our kids today?

We have lost many young teens because they were different, odd, disabled, gay or just plain 'not cool'. We have lost bright minds, loving hearts and gracious spirits. There is absolutely no need for this nonsense. How did our kids become so hateful? There was a 16 year old girl in Ohio that committed suicide because she couldn't take it any more. According to the story the girls who were responsible for the bullying even giggled at her casket. That's just plain disgusting. My stomach turns at the thought of those girls and makes me want to vomit. I can't imagine what the victim's family is going through. This is the 4th suicide for the same school in two year's time. Now that's really fucked up!! And all 4 suicides were due to bullying. One suicide is bad enough but four? Seriously folks, something's got to change! If children are our future of the world then what kind of world will we be living in if we allow bullies to continue to ridicule others to the point of suicides? I hope to God that with the recent rash of bullying related suicides that there will be a fire alit world wide and that our leaders will make some harsh laws against this hateful behavior. There is absolutely no reason for this to happen. Something's got to change. I don't think a parent should ever have to say their child died because they were being bullied and decided to take their own life. That just ain't right folks. elizinashe

Quick Stabs

Don't know much about pink elephants however if you're seeing pink hippos then you may not be as crazy as you think. The real thing was accidentally discovered in Kenya this past week hanging close to it's mother and the rest of the neighboring hippos. Too cute, eh? It's not a form of albino-ism but a leucistic gene expression. Never heard of that before but whatever. Apparently pink hippos have been seen before but on very rare occasions being that it is a rare gene mishap. Just goes to show you that Mother Nature is full of surprises.

I popped into Best Buy yesterday in hopes of finding a cd that I've been wanting to add to my collection of other cds that I already have. I hadn't been in Best Buy in a very long time and was quite surprised at the changes. In the past when you walk in you have the typical displays of this and that but beyond those displays there were rows and rows of cds along with a row of 'hot new releases'. I used to wander up & down those isles picking through the masses of music and finding new & old treasures to take home. But yesterday I saw a very compact area of cds. It made me very sad. I think there were about 5 short isles of music that were compressed into a small floor area instead of it's original center floor area. I guess the digital download days have hurt cd sales and the need for that shiny disc is no longer. I supposed it's the sign of changing times. I wonder what's gonna come next.

The weather has changed enough that I started to go through my summer time clothes and began to set them aside and pull out some more fall-to-winter wear. I fail to remember how much crap I really do own and how much of it that I really don't wear anymore. I found two pairs of pants that were hiding on my clothes rack which one of them still had the tags on it. It was one of those things that girls say to themselves ' I'll wear it someday'. And of course, that 'someday' never really comes. I also found some nice tops that I have saved for that 'nice night out' which again has not happened. There's always an opportunity to create a 'nice night out' but I still prefer my blue jeans and my favorite sweater. Besides, last winter was way too cold to wear sparkly tops and a pair of heels. However the majority of us girls tend to buy clothes that we never wear and save clothes that just don't need to be saved because we always find something better or on clearance that we justify in purchasing. Why we do this is beyond me. It's part of our charm I guess. On the flipside of it all, I have weeded out the unnecessary items and I have a bag to take to Goodwill. I do believe I'm getting better at letting go of clothes that I haven't worn in years however I hear that there's a huge sale going on at the mall. When is payday again? elizinashe

Rainy Day Sunday

I started my morning hearing the pitter-patter of rain hitting my roof while I was tucked away in my bed. I had a great sigh of relief knowing that I didn't have to get up for work so I rolled over and allowed the rain to lull me back to sleep for a few more hours. It was one of those early fall moments that rejuvenates my soul. When I did decide to join the living I merged into my morning routine of coffee and internet news with some quiet music and a cat in my lap. Although I had many tasks to tackle before I jump back into work week and had potential plans with a friend, I was in no great hurry to get everything done by noon. The season clearly dictated a 'me day'. And it has been totally worth it. Tasks have been completed, potential plans rescheduled, and work mode meals ready. I made a nice dinner this evening paired with some wine, popped in a good movie and planted myself on the couch with the sound of more rain coming in through the windows. Time well spent. Not too bad for a Sunday, eh? elizinashe

Random Update

So I was going through one of many boxes of books that I have collected and no longer need. One of those books came from some guy that was wooing me when I lived in Arkansas. It's an early 1900s book on the history of Ireland. Why he gave me this particular book is beyond be, I guess he thought I wanted to touch base with the minute Irish heritage that runs in my veins. I also found in this book the 3 or 4 'love notes' he left me on the bar napkins when he came in at various times. He was quite the romantic. Rhymes & romantic 'put you up on a pedestal' type of phrases. Clearly I kept it for the momento factor but I never went out with this guy although I clearly remember that time of my life. He even brought me a huge chunk of rock that was embedded with crystals. I still have that too. It currently rests in my rockwork as I enter my front porch. I am certain that this guy was relatively harmless and maybe a bit too romantic for my taste but he became a little too pushy for me which I didn't like. I was also still reeling from a really bad breakup earlier that spring and was quite negative about dating and suspicious of this guy as well. He soon dropped off the radar which was fine by me. I ended up dating another guy a couple of months later which was way better for me anyway. The second guy was a wonderful stepping stone back into the relationship world and helped heal my heart. But like a fool, I broke off that relationship to pursue a dream a few months later and chose not to bring him along with me. Sometimes I regret that but I believe it would have ended anyway and that would not have been fair to bring him along when I knew I had to stand on my own two feet again. Funny how one box of books brings back a chain of events that happened in your life.

We all know how much our environment has changed over the years. There has been much speculation and experimentation done on how all these changes has affected our well-being and quality of life. There have been suspicious links to the chemicals that we put on our growing food and supplements that we give to livestock to our over-all health, ADHD in our children, Autism, cancers and a damaged planet. I do believe there is some truth to all this hypothesizing. And of course all this stuff will have a domino effect and rubs off on Mother Nature and all it's creatures. Case in point: I have had some bird poo on my windshield for over a month now. I have washed my windshield many, many times as I'm driving down the road. We have even had some rain yet it still remains! Granted it's not as 'thick' as it was before but this stuff won't come off! I washed my car on Monday and I'm talking about the high-powered blast off all the dirt & grime soapy wands and a thorough rinse and it STILL was there!!! Now that's some toxic bird shit. Clearly the changing of the environment and food chains have had an effect on our little friendly chirpers. You think we could harness all that bird poo and make into a form of fuel to run our vehicles? If bird poo is going to last that long on a windshield even after many washes then it certainly can make an efficient fuel for our future. Forget methane, I vote for bird poop!

Labor Day has come & gone and September has arrived rather quickly it seems. It's dark now when I leave for work. The early mornings are cool and quiet and it's beginning to feel like fall is around the corner. The oak tree above my bedroom constantly rains acorns sometimes waking me up in the night with a fright. My walkway to the front door is speckled with fat, green acorns along with a few random leaves. Yep, fall is a-coming. I will soon be exchanging my spicy sandwich wraps & salads for hearty soups and roasted root vegetables. No more naked toes and sandals. Back to my favorite clogs, wool socks and heavy blankets. No more pictures of flowers and sunny skies. Time to slow down and regroup. I look forward to this fall season and I hope it will be a nice, lingering fall. It will give me time to slowly unwind from life and plan for a new future. Yes, I plan to turn over a new leaf. haha...couldn't resist that one. Perhaps I will come up with a plan to harness all the bird poop and turn it into a green source of renewable energy. ;p elizinashe

Random Stuff

I love salads. Big, fat jumbo bowls of greens, red onions, funky cheeses and funky dressings. Chicken, steak, salmon, beans, sprouts, veggies, avacado, mango, croutons-whatever, I say bring it on ! Now I'm not talking about your typical 'house salad with ranch dressing'. ( or as they say down here in their southern jargon, 'rainch') Yuk. How boring. I like exploring the world of mixed greens and topping it off with nuts & berries dressed in a funky vinegarette that stands out from the norm. I have a variety of dressings in the fridge that I like to try at home but nothing seems to equate the loveliness of a restaurant's own creation. It's a continual journey of mine, experimenting with store bought dressings and recipes to create my own. My newest fave was a white wine lemon vinegarette that I tried on vacation. I found one bottle of a champagne lemon variety that was close but no cigar. But I keep eyeballing the dressing isle at the store just in case something new comes up. It's a never ending obsession. I guess there could be worse things to be obsessed about.

I have two girlfriends who are both in their early 50s who are fighting amongst each other about some loser guy. Seriously! Apparently Girl #1 has/had a crush on this one dude for sometime now and claims she has said something about it to Girl #2 in which Girl #2 claims that Girl #1 never did. So the dude took an interest in Girl #2 and has been calling her and has taken her out a couple of times and now Girl #1 is pissed at her friend Girl #2 for doing so and has been acting ugly towards Girl #2 and has told her that she (Girl #1) does not want her (Girl #2) to go out with this guy. OMG!!!! Is this junior high school shit or what? And guess who gets to listen to Girl #2 gripe about all this shit? Girl #3 aka Switzerland aka me. I don't give a fuck! Work it out amongst yourselves. I have enough drama and stress of my own and I surely don't want to be pulled in the middle of this shit. And I can guaran-dam-tee-you that if Girl #1 never said diddly squat to Girl #2 about her crush for this guy that Girl #2 would not be interested in dating this man. Girl # 2 just doesn't want to be told what to do. How mature is that? I wish my really close girlfriends who currently live out of town/state lived closer or I had more money to travel so I can go visit them b/c we sure as hell never had stupid, immature drama like this.

On a lighter note, I've been practicing my piano music a lot more lately. I've been tweaking up my Gershwin Preludes and Rachmanioff's Prelude in G Minor. Dang how I love them both. And I really LOVE Rachmanioff altogether. Just listening to his music gets me all excited that I sometimes cry. Not in a sad way but in an excited state of mind way that I wish I could play all things Rachmanioff. This particular prelude is difficult but maybe one of the easier pieces to play if you can imagine anything Rachmanioff to be easy. However I can pretty much rock the first page but going into the second page which is STILL the ' first movement' I begin to lose momentum. I forget how tiring playing piano pieces can be. The second movement of this prelude is so beautiful and such a great transition after all the previous chaos and big chords it becomes a relief but then again, the second movement build to the last and most powerful two pages of the whole piece. Dang!!! I feel like I need some ADHD meds to keep my focus just to finish the whole thing. You'd be surprised as to how draining playing a powerful prelude can be. I can see why perfomers who play whole concertos which can last up to 25 minutes usually play just the concerto and drip with sweat as they come to a close. Seriously. It really is taxing on the body & mind but once you come to the big finale there is an awesome feeling of excitement that runs in your veins that nobody can take away from you. It's such a groovy feeling. In my next life I hope to play all things Rachmanioff to which I am certain I will explode from excitement in a spontaneous combustion at the end of a concerto with all my bits splattered on my audience. Now that will be some concert! Better than a Beck/Palin rally don't ya think? elizinashe

I Gots da Blues

I've been feeling pretty depressed lately. It's been a combination of many things such as work, family, career, unexciting routines finances and probably a little bit of hitting the big 4-0. Laugh all you want. I'm not stressing about turning 40, it's more like I'm not even near where I'd thought I'd be at this age. In fact I'm kind of looking forward to it but there are other personal mile markers that I haven't reached yet and that is what bothers me I guess. But instead of whining about myself I am going to unleash on some other hot topics as of late.

There has been a traffic jam in China that is going on day 11 now, maybe 12 days. Now I have not read the whole story nor do I know how the fiasco started but seriously, how can a traffic jam last that long without a natural disaster being the instigator? Maybe it was a mudslide or something, I don't know. Again, I haven't read the whole story but it sure seems like a doozy of a commute. I think I'd just leave my car off to the side and start walking. And how are the police able to disperse all that traffic? Geeze.....can you imagine a car full of screaming kids stuck in that mess? I would tear my hair out! What a freakin' mess.

The Mosque at Ground Zero. Geeze....do I really want to vent about this? I was pretty outraged when I first heard our President speaking in support of the Mosque being built. I understand that he was in support of freedom of religion and not taking a personal stance on the matter however it did not paint a favorable picture as our leader. Yes, I believe that Muslims have the right to practice their faith in our country as well as other members of varying religions. However, having a Mosque being built so close to where so many of our peoples of all races, creed, religions and faith were needlessly attacked strikes a nerve with me. I think having a Mosque built near Ground Zero is in poor taste. It is my understanding that Muslims in general and Islam does not support nor encourage violence but it still stings knowing that an extremist Muslim group was what made 9/11 a date in history forever branded in our brain. My question is, what if it were an extremist Jewish or even a radical Baptist group that attacked our nation and here years later someone wants to build a Synagogue or a Baptist Church at the same sight. Would we feel just as opposed to the new building or would we be more supportive of 'religious freedom'? Just a thought.

And my favorite, the Duggars. You know, that family up in Arkansas that have 19 children and are open to having more. Are you kidding me?? Seriously! The woman had an emergency C-section due to pre-eclampsia and had the baby #19 three months premature. That baby not so surprisingly had many complications and even though baby is at home now she is still hooked up to monitors and oxygen off & on during the day. What are these people thinking? The mother, Michelle, has been quoted saying that 'children are a gift from God'. Um, honey I'd hate to tell you but God does not impregnate you! You got yourself knocked up! Yes, children are a gift but you had sex and boom! You be preggars. I just can't believe that this couple really wants to have another child. Seriously, this woman's insides are going to fall out and she will be wearing diapers along with her newborn and toddlers. That is if she survives another pregnancy. I find the whole thing disgusting. I say check the woman into a psych ward and let her hormones balance out because clearly being pregnant for the last 20 some odd years has altered her logical mind. It's just gross and that's all I have to say about that.

So there you go my readers. That's all I care to gripe about. Until next time. elizinashe

Bathrooms

One of my facebook friends made a comment about how Issac Hayes & David Porter where collaborating on a song where the hook "Hold on I'm Coming" was yelled out from the bathroom when one had called for the other and that was the reply as he was finishing his business. I guess it goes to show you never really know how a song is truly written. However all of my 'great ideas' come from the bathroom. Not that I spend a lot of time contemplating life when I'm ' in the john' but the strangest ideas, creative tasks and problems solved come from the most monotonous habits such as brushing my teeth or washing my face. I guess it's all a part of the distraction which allows greater things to come to the mind. Funny to have epiphanies in the most private place in your home.

If you are a pet owner you know what kind of wonderment the bathroom is for your pet, especially if you just walked in it. My former cat Gavin would follow me every time I went to pee. And I followed up with kicking him out and shutting the door as he let out a tiny 'ew' in his cat language & feeling offended. He never got the notion that I wanted to be alone. Why he had to follow me to watch is beyond me. Maybe he wanted to make sure that I was covering my human cat box. My other cat used to watch me take bubble baths. He would sit on the edge and perch while the end of his tail got wet. All I wanted was some quiet time and to chill but he had to inspect what was going on for a few minutes until he got bored. I no longer take lingering bubble baths but he still likes to inspect the bathroom from time to time and jump into the bathtub to lick the water that drips from the faucet. I wonder what goes through their head when they do things like that and what is it that they conclude?

There was a tv show on last week that I reluctantly watched because I had nothing better to do but the whole show was shot mostly in the main character's 'fancy bathroom'. The character had gotten upset about something and remained in her pjs and sat on her lounging sofa in her bathroom which was complete with a ginormous bathtub littered with candles, flowers, a tv, phone, thick and cozy bathrobes and all the other perks while she sipped on her coffee and wine. There was a scene where she was sitting with her girlfriends, who by the way were encouraging her to leave the fancy bathroom and get back into the real world, sipping more wine and having snacks. It was very Seinfeldish. However it goes to show you how luxurious and safe a bathroom can make you feel.

Growing up I knew many mother's who had a house rule that if they were in the bathroom that they were not to be disturbed. It was hallowed ground for a weary stay at home mom and I don't blame them. It was the only place where they could escape loud children, fighting siblings and husbands. Maybe there was a secret martini bar in there. 'Mother's Little Helper' anyone? So what's my point? Nothing really, just random observations. The bathroom is a place for great escape and great ideas. I'm not a mom but I do wish I had a 'fancy bathroom' so I can invite my girlies over for a party. I'm always in the mood for wine and snacks and share epiphanies. Hmm...I feel the urge to go pee now. elizinashe

Impulses

Are you an impulsive person or do you think out all your decisions? Do you analyze and then think about it some more or do you just go for it? How strong is the Id in you? You know, that inner child's voice that makes you run, that urge of immediate gratification despite the consequences. Or do you listen to that inner parent voice that tells you 'no'. Who wins in your battle of the Id and the Superego?

I know I'm pretty impulsive but mostly it's all withing the normal realm of things. And those moments where it's really over the top I usually recognize it fairly quickly and bring my head out of the clouds. Every now & then I start growing wild hairs and the Id begins to speak and I really start to listen despite the results. My Id is mostly harmless and I weather the waters fairly well whether in outcome is good or bad. However my Id as of lately has been rearing it's illogical head. I have an itch to scratch and I may just scratch it to see where it bleeds.

Now I know it sounds like I'm talking in circles or too many metaphors but I have never claimed to be grammatically correct. (I do believe I made this point in my very first blog entry.) The point I'm trying to make is I'm dying for a change. I'm feeling quite restless & bored with my life. I'm not depressed or anything, maybe a little but I'm just about fed up with the same old shit every day. I am truly grateful for what I have and where I live. I love my job and I love, love, love my co-workers. But something has got to change. I'm heading towards a big burnout and I know if I don't shake things up I'm going to be feeling stuck and miserable. I've been in that dark place before and it wasn't pretty. I don't want to end up there again. There's a part of me that says it's other influences & desires around me and the other part of me says this is what's your supposed to do now. There's a part of me that says you're trying to run away from responsibilities and family strife and there's a part of me that says you're done here, time to move on and start over. The fact of the matter is that I'm bored, frustrated & restless and my Id is starting to speak quite loudly. elizinashe

Zone 5

I love to travel. I wish I had more money so I could travel even more. I love the hustle & bustle of an airport. I love exploring the terminals and walking to find my departing gate discovering the various eateries and shops along the way speckled with an array of books, cards, newspapers, t-shirts and other over prices souvenirs.

It always reminds me of how many people are on our planet. Business men, soldiers, mommies and their babies, families in shorts & flip flops, happy couples, grandparents, career women, overweight football fans, young 20 somethings, and foreign peoples making their way in a strange land deciphering the English language. So much to absorb for a curious mind.

The only part I do hate is having to wait to board my plane. I'm not a very patient person when it comes to waiting in line. Of course the elderly and handicapped are allowed first which I have no problem with. And of course first class gets all the perks. (sigh.) However, everything else is done in 'Zones'. According to where your seat is corresponds to your zone. I always end up in Zone 5 which is always the last one to be called to board & seat. So while I watch everyone else be called before me I anxiously await for the magic number. I feel so left out. It's like being the last kid called for the dodgeball team. All the cool people get called first. All the really athletic people get called first. All the really smart people get called first. And then all the rejects get called last. No fair! Wouldn't it make sense to load the back of the plane first and then work your way up to the front? Just makes more sense that way to me. Of course the day that I actually get into Zone 1 will be the day they call Zone 5 to board first. Wouldn't that be a twist of fate? One of these days I will be one of the few spoiled to fly First Class and get all the perks and be one of the lucky ones to board first. Which means I've ended up being one of the 'cool kids'. ;p In the meantime I will have to settle as being the oddball and waddle down to the back of the plane with the rest of the rejects. Perhaps I could start a new trend and declare Zone 5 as the eclectic groovy people zone. Anyone want to join my team? elizinashe

In These Economic Times...

In these economic times many bedding and mattress outlets are slashing prices at a very affordable price tag with little or no money down and low interest rates. Not only will you keep American businesses open, enabling employees to keep their job and their homes you can walk away with a mattress that will assure of you a good nights sleep and support your spine AND you can double the usefulness of your new mattress as the latest haute couture in your town. Now how great is that? You can further your hard earned dollars by multi-tasking your investment. Think about it. You don't have to worry about what you're going to wear in the morning when you go to bed. No more ironing or rushing around to find that perfect matching shirt. Just throw on some trendy jeans and your set! Change your sheets and boom! You've got another outfit! And when you get sleepy all you have to do is just lie down and take a comfortable nap knowing that you will have a soft place to slumber with plenty of support for your back. Goodbye kinks in your lumbar! AND your are automatically protecting your skin from those damaging sun rays therefore limiting your risk of skin cancer. Of course a rainstorm would be a little different however you won't have to lug an umbrella around plus all you have to do is throw your sheets in the dryer and wallah, clean sheets! And don't forget while your sheets are drying you still have that extra set! So you will never be without a new look while you wait! This is a win-win situation folks. Don't hesitate! Run out and get that new mattress and start stretching your dollars! Just doing my part of share penny pinching ideas. ;p elizinashe

Breaking News

Breaking News Ya'll! Very Important! Stop what you're doing right now and listen up!

Bristol Palin & Levi Johnston are engaged! Woo-hoo!!! Finally their baby will have a proper up-bringing. Apparently after a battle in custody court, the former Playgirl model of the month confessed to his baby mama that he still holds a flame for her and wants to reunite. Oh happy day! This is some big time news ya'll! A true moment in our American history......mark your calendars! Maybe they will televise their nuptials like the Royals did with Charles & Dianna. Tivo here I come!

Oh and have you heard? Brad Pitt has cut his hair AND shaved off his beard. OMG!!! What was he thinking? Angelina will surely be upset and leave him for good with children in tow. But have no fear my pets. He's shooting a new film so the newly shorn & clean cut look shouldn't last long. I'm certain he will go back to his Grizzly Adams look once his film has wrapped up. That's just how Hollywood rolls....you've got to look the part.

And how can we forget poor Lindsey Lohan? Poor, poor thing. She's got to go to jail for a few days b/c she keeps fucking up her court orders. How do you expect a jet setting, world party traveler to show up at court ordered appointments when she's disco-ing the night away in Italy? So sad to see her cry....sniff, sniff. Let me stop a moment to wipe away my tears. I wonder if they will start making 'Free Li Lo' tee-shirts.

Big Score for LeBron James, eh? His story was all over the place. I was really bummed that I didn't get to see the live special revealing who he was signing with. I had to find it all out second hand. (sigh...) I really must get cable soon. He must be really fucking good to earn 14.5 million a year for his first 2 years with Miami. Wow....I wonder where all that money comes from. Certainly not BP.

Forgive the sarcasm folks. (did you really think I was serious?) I just can't believe these are some of the lead stories that I see on the internet these days. It's pretty sad that as a country that we are so engrossed with such trivial crap. Now I like hearing about the trivial crap just like everyone else but it seems so much of our news feed is all about the trivial crap. What I don't understand is how we can pay an athlete a ridiculous amount of money to play a sport yet we have our own peoples who are choosing between a loaf of bread and medicine. Why don't we have the money for our own countrymen? There are children who go without parents, food, shelter and clothing. We have an oil spill that we cannot stop but alternative sources of power and fuel is STILL not a priority. We keep shipping jobs over to foreign countries b/c it's cheaper yet there are millions of Americans out of work. We care more about the lives of movie stars than our own neighbors. The political front is scary. I'm not comfortable with this Tea Party movement. It makes me nervous. Say what you will but the Tea Party stuff reminds me of revolution and rebellion against your own country. Not good folks.

So where do we go from here? What kind of message are we sending to our kids when we focus on movie stars & athletes rather than doing what's right for our country and our future as a whole? What kind of priorities will our kids have in 20 years when they are out in the work force? I'm just saying...it's a scary world out there right now. Perhaps we should look to Mel Gibson for some words of wisdom. Hey does anyone know what Paris Hilton has been up to lately? Just curious.... ;) elizinashe

Back To School

It's getting close to the 'Back to School' chaos. The stores are promoting fall fashions, slashing prices on swimwear, stocking up on portable water bottles, coffee tumblers, book bags, and bed sheets sets. The Sunday paper store ads are full of trendy new items to dress up your wardrobe, your shoe collection, the bedroom and fun filled dormitories.

My question is what kind of dorms are these college kids getting these days? It seems all the promos for dorm life is setting up your dorm room as if it's a small apartment. Microwaves, futons, computer desks, coffee makers, storage cubes that are about the size of a dresser all in efforts to make your dorm experience festive and filled with friends. HUH? When I went to college we already had a desk area built into the wall with a book shelf with about 3 shelving areas attached to the cement walls. Two beds, a sink area, a small countertop with 6 drawers below-3 drawers for each person and two half closets. It was rather small and quite basic. There was absolutely no room for a microwave nor were they allowed in the rooms anyway. Hot plates were off limits however we could have a small dorm sized refrigerator. But in having the refrigerator sitting on the countertop that took up a lot of space. Decorations were scattered, mostly on the closet door b/c the walls were concrete blocks so there was little chance of nailing any wall art.

So I'm just curious about dorm rooms today. Are they bigger than what they used to be? Have they become mini-apartments so you can spend all your time decorating and throwing all-niters amongst your new furniture, funky art and kitchen gadgets? Seriously...shouldn't our kids be focused on hitting the books instead of the commercialism and gadgetry of dorm life? I'm just saying....college is expensive enough. Why spend extra money to set up a small room that's created to look like a new home? elizinashe

Pictures & Music

I swear I'm gonna blow up my computer from an overload of saved pictures and music. I can't stop. Is that even possible? I keep adding more and more music to my pute so I can create playlists for friends, family and now for a cheap MP3 player that my mom scored for free. It's my first step towards an iPod. But now my head is a-buzz with what songs I want to add on to this funny little device. I keep finding cds that I haven't loaded up on my computer that I feel I must have on there so I can transfer songs and obtain that perfect mix of music. It's a never ending obsession.

The more photos I take the more I become fixated on getting that one 'money shot' so I can make copies and pass them around. I've already got a series in mind for a small portfolio and mini albums to give as gifts. I tweaked some pics and dug for some old ones and found a wonderful multi-windowed frame for my dad for Father's Day. I spent an entire evening tweaking his project gift. Time will spent. He loved it. He went across the street to his neighbor to show it off. I want to be able to show off all of my good pics. Does that sound so vain? I know my future dollars are going to be spent on my crazed fixations. I guess that's not so bad though....there are other vices I could be spending my money on. I better start saving up for that extra pute, eh? elizinashe

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Every year there is an Ugliest Dog Contest. Poor things...the dogs that are entered truly are ugly. The Chinese Hairless Crested is a favored winner however there have been some others that have won the contest. I came across some photos of past contestants and had a great big old laugh at the expense of these dogs. They just don't know how funny looking they are. Some of them look like an overbreeding DNA double helix gone haywire and others look like a science experiment gone wrong. I don't know what the hell this second dog is supposed to be but he looks like something you'd find from the Lord of the Rings. He must have been a rescue dog. But as I have said before I appreciate the ridiculous so it wouldn't surprise me if I acquired an 'ugly dog' for myself. All things need love even if they aren't model perfect or our perception of beauty. Unconditional love my friends, unconditional love.....and a few good laughs. elizinashe.

Computers

My oh my how dependent we have become on computers these days. I had gotten up early on Wednesday to hit an exercise class. As I was sipping on my morning cup of coffee I turned on the pute in efforts to log on the internet. I kept getting a dialog box telling me that my search engine could not find the web page that normally pops up. Hmm....I kept trying and trying and finally gave up thinking that there was some outage somewhere and that my internet services would boot back up once I returned home from my class. Boy was I ever wrong.

When I returned home I once again tried to fire my computer up. No dice. Ugh! So I call my internet provider calling about not being able to log on. The representative tells me that there is a reported outage and that crews are working on the problem and I should have some services once the work is complete. Ah, relief. At least I knew it wasn't a virus that had shut me down. I was given a call back to let me know that the 'outage' had been fixed and that I should soon be able to connect. That was about 11:30am. I tried to once again boot up about 45 minutes later but to no avail. Now I was getting peeved not to mention impatient. So to make a long story short, I once again called about no services. I unplugged and replugged the modem, turned off the computer, checked my control panel but still no connection. The representative tried to reboot my modem from her end of the line but still.....no fire. I called two more times that day each with a different operator. FOUR TIMES I CALLED!!!!! I was so peeved. The last call (which was after 7pm) finally resulted in a work order being placed. Why this could not have been done on the second call is beyond me. So the last operator I spoke with was going to send someone out the following afternoon. However, I was scheduled to work that day and would not be home at all, so he set the appointment up for Friday morning. So while at work yesterday I hear my phone ring 3 times around lunchtime all around withing a minute or two of each ring. Upon listening to the voicemail after the 2nd call was the service call man at my house wondering why I wasn't there for the work order! UGH!!!! Did I not say the night before that I wasn't going to be home? Jesus....

SO...being more pissed off at lack of customer service I called AGAIN on my break to get this stupid problem fixed. The operator once again apologized(as if that made me feel any better) and reset the work order for today. FINALLY someone showed up at 9am this morning. I so wanted to ask the young man to give me a manager's direct number so I could bitch and gripe. The lack of customer service and proper communication really pissed me off to the nth degree. The real kicker was that is was nothing but a bad modem that had to be replaced. The service worker that had come to do the job was in and out in 45 minutes. This could have been resolved Wednesday morning when I FIRST called!!!! Geeze....what a pisser of an experience. But this experience also led me to another thought.

What ever did we do without computers? Oh yeah, we wrote letters, licked a stamp and mailed it off. We walked the neighborhood and chatted with our neighbors. We went to the pharmacy to drop off our prescriptions and drank a Coke while we waited for our medicine. If you're really from the old school you got an ice cream soda or a sundae. We listened to radio shows and gathered family & friends together to play music and share food. If we wanted to know something we went to the library. Encyclopedia's were a main staple in classrooms and even in some households. We played board games, cards, horseshoes and croquet. We went to church and had picnics in the yard. Have I left anything out? It seems everything we do depends so much on computers and that immediate satisfaction. Yes, computers have been a wonderful thing but sometimes finding an old-fashioned pharmacy that still serves cold soda pops and a long letter in the mail is fine by me. You can't find that sort of nostalgia on the net. elizinashe

Can't Help It

I just can't help myself sometimes. I came across this picture off the internet and just had to keep my over-the-top fashion gripes alive. Now I know that summer is upon us and the pollen has done its job to make all things bloom but this little clump of crab grass hat it just stupid. Perhaps it's a tribute to all those fathers & husbands who spend an afternoon in sweltering heat doing the lawn duties. I see that the rumors are true and the neon colors of the 80s are making a come back. Yikes! If this model is not careful she could poke an eye out with that hat. I would guess if she were outside a bird might mistake it for a nest and end up pooping all over it, or lay some eggs. Take your pick. Gotta love it. elizinashe

Relationships

One door closed, another door to open. The man that I had been seeing ended our relationship with me today. I'm really not that heartbroken about it all. Sad yes but devastated no. He is a wonderful guy and I understand why he wanted to end our time. I have no ill will towards him at all. I truly enjoyed just spending time with him and getting to know each other better. We both agreed that it was smart that we didn't rush into a physical relationship so quickly which I guess is a habit for both of us. Although we did talk about having sex and wanted to have sex, we just didn't quite get to that point. It would have been nice to explore that part of 'us' however under the given circumstances I'm glad we just didn't go there. It would have complicated things more so on his end and not on my side of the fence. It was a great stepping stone for me as well as a learning experience. I don't see if as my glass half empty or even half full. I see it as in need of a refill. elizinashe

Ridiculousness

I've always appreciated all things silly. I think it's a way that I cope with stress and all that other mess that swirls in your head. I'm a big fan of Monty Python movies and their Flying Circus series. I loved catching the re-runs of Fawlty Towers. I love Absolutely Fabulous. I love odd things and inappropriate jokes. I love odd occurances and seeing people wearing odd clothes that just isn't fit for public wear.
I came across a photo op in the women's bathroom where I work. When I saw this toilet I just could not resist in taking the picture. I was too afraid to use this particular toilet but the 'jack' that was supporting the toilet cracked me up. How could I not take this picture. It reminds me of how you put your car up on a jack to change a flat tire. However I did not see anything 'flat' with this toilet but the concept behind it is rather daunting. (Or so I think. ) I couldn't help but laugh and was thankful that something ridiculous came across my working day. I guess the toilet needed some extra support that day. elizinashe

Quick Topics

Spring: I can't say enough how happy I have been with our bountiful springtime weather. My mood has certainly been lifted compared to our long, strenuous winter. I have become obsessed with my camera and trying to get that money shot of a spider that has taken residence on one of my flowers. I'm loving it. It's a trial & error process but I think I'm getting better at it. Funny thing about it is that I hate spiders. They creep me out, especially the big ones but this long, spindly legged creature doesn't seem to mind having his picture taken, nor does he move very much when I'm near so it allows me some clicking time with my trusty little camera. Once he starts to move my way I'll be running. Eeek!

Dating: I hate the dating world sometimes. I hate the gray area when you're trying to sniff each other out. What I mean by the gray area is those unanswered questions about your target person whom you wish to date. 'Is he or is he not gay?' 'Is he really hitting on me or is he just being really friendly?' 'Should I ask him out or would that be too forward?' 'What if it doesn't work out'? 'Maybe I'm misreading the signals and he just wants to be friends'. 'What the hell?' Too many 'what ifs'. Why can't we just go back to grade school days and pass a note. 'Do you like me? Check yes or no.' ' I like you. Do you want to be friends? Check yes or no.' 'Do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend? Check yes or no.' There's something to be said about the way we went about things in grade school. Do you agree? Check yes or no.

Dad: My parents are getting a divorce. They're both in their early 70s. It's stupid in a way but I understand why. It's been really hard on my dad. He still lives in Arkansas calls me almost daily. When the ball first dropped on the whole divorce thing my dad took it really hard and would cry often. He would reverberate on regrets, changes, hope and other issues. Then he moved on to other topics just to chat. I understand why he calls so much. I've gotten used to it. I think we've talked more often and more intimately the last 8 months or so than we ever have as I grew up. Sometimes I dread the phone ringing b/c I know it's him. I hate being the sounding board sometimes. However I had a sad epiphany one evening after our brief chat that hit me once I pressed 'end' on my phone and set it down. One of these days I'm gonna miss those nitely phone calls from my dad. I guess I should enjoy it while I can no matter how much I want to avoid answering the phone.

Romance: On the flip side of the dating world I have been seeing this one guy that I do know that he likes me. I was hesitant at first, one being that I already knew him from my previous job, and two the fact that he met me & one of my girlfriends one night late in the winter for a nite of music and dancing. Drinks and music always paints a distorted picture sometimes when it comes to romance. We all had such a good time and I had a blast dancing in the wee hours of the night to 80s music. I had my moment of revisiting my college days drinking and dancing until I couldn't stand it any longer. So after that night he would text my girlfriend about me. Stuff like when she & I were going out again b/c he wanted to see me, wanted to know if I was single, he really liked me and so forth. When my girlfriend would tell me this stuff I would just roll my eyes in disbelief. I joked that it was my boobs flopping around from dancing and that it was just a guy thing especially since there were drinks involved. He was just mesmerized in the moment and wanted to get a little lovin' if you know what I mean. I finally relented after a few texts from each other and to make a long story short I have really enjoyed getting to know this guy better. There has been no pressure of a sexual relationship which is nice. We get together for dinner and drinks and just talk. It's a nice change from previous dating experiences. I'm enjoying the courtship of just getting to know one another. And I'm surprised at myself for really liking him. Hmm...we shall see how it all turns out. Nothing wrong with a nice slow romance. And that's all I have to say about that. Happy Spring! elizinashe

Rainy Day

It's a rainy day Monday. Not that's a bad thing, sometimes it's exactly what is needed to soothe the soul. This past week has been hectic but in a good way. Can't complain. My obsession with spring pictures continues as you can see. I got lucky with this photo that you see here. I won't tell you my secret but I'm just so happy that it all worked out the way that I wanted. All this picture taking has spawned some more creative ideas, one being a really cool photo collage that I made for my dad for Father's Day. I almost want to keep it for myself so I can look at it all the time but I know my dad would really dig it and it would mean so much to him since we are so far apart these days. I think I had the most fun tweaking my little project. It does look pretty damn cool though. I think I've created a new monster within myself. I'm gonna end up spending all my money on pics and frames. Maybe I should turn my little abode into a studio. Haha...stranger things have happened.
elizinashe

Spring

Spring is just full of surprises to say the least. I've been playing around with my camera a lot more lately which has been pretty cool. Trying to spread my wings out on the creative side. I guess spring has sprung in my head and all that winter clutter is blooming out.

Yet again I did not make the cut for the nursing program for this coming fall however I did make some progress. I am #56 on the wait list for the LPN program which was my 2nd choice. Last year I didn't make any kind of wait list. But things happen for a reason, or so they say. I hope this fall will be better than last year.

I had an old boyfriend find me on facebook a couple of weeks ago. I pretty much ignored the request but I guess he really wanted to 'reconnect' so he sent me a message a few days later. Shocker! So I relented and sent him a message back. It's still kind of weird though. He even went as far as going for a live chat when I was up late one night. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it was him in my chat box. Crazy man. I guess he still thinks well of me after all these years. And speaking of ex's, I've run into 2 other men that I have dated all within this past week. There must be something in the air. I wonder how many other boyfriends will pop out of the woodwork. Sheesh!

The time with my mom and our family friend went very well. It was really good to see Betty. She looks great and is still full of energy and carries a positive attitude. She's still a vivacious lady and loves being a grandmother. It was a good time with very few tears. We all visited again on Mother's Day up at my mom's house. I got some pretty cool pictures of my mother's Rhododenron's including a spider that I found camped out in one of the blooms. Cool, huh?

In the meantime, I've been snapping away with my trusty little camera and loading the pictures up on the pute. I bought some Dahlia's and Petunia's the other day and put them out on this concrete landing I have that leads to the front door. I had fun creating a photo theme with those shots. Gotta love having a digital camera. If you take a crappy shot you can delete it! How cool is that? I almost had the money shot of a ladybug on the leafy part of my Dahlia, but the critter moved too quickly and the one shot that I did get was way too blury. Maybe next time. Well that's about it in a nutshell. More to come later. Happy Spring! elizinashe

More Mind Clutter

This has been a busy week for me so far. Work has kept me really busy and the household stuff never ends. I could have worked for a few hours today but I'm just too burnt right now to pick up extra money. I've got two more shifts to work before this week ends and then I'm free for a couple more days before the cycle starts all over again. Ugh! Can't wait for vacation.

However going to work keeps my mind off of other things that creep into my head when I'm at home. There's a minute part of me that says I should have gone into work today. My mother's friend should be coming into town and I have plans to see them both this Friday. This is the family friend I talked about in my previous post. Again, I had weird dreams as I was waking up. And again my mom was involved as well as a sequence where I was in San Francisco sitting next to some water watching a snake swim by and then around my leg. EEK!! Don't know what that one was about. Well, I sort of do when I think about it but I will spare you the analysis. The dream about my mother was rooted in her control and trying to but into my life when I don't want her to make choices for me. Now I know that sounds terribly selfish but this tug & pull of ours goes way back. I guess I still have some residual anger about that. She's backed off quite a bit over the last few years which has been really good for our relationship but I guess some things just don't go away when they are burned into your brain.

Another piece of clutter that has been swimming around is that I have an old boyfriend from way back 'friend' me on facebook. What the hell??? This is the guy that was my live-in back in Arkansas about 13 or 14 years ago. Seriously what the hell?? What does he want? The relationship ended very badly. I kicked his ass out which was the best thing I could have ever done. I have grown into a very different person since then and have moved on since those days so why is he looking me up now? It's not that I feel like he's the one that 'got away' or anything, it just reminds me of how self-centered he was and how much he made me feel like shit and insignificant. I could have been bleeding out my eyes and he would have never cared. I did everything. And I mean everything! I worked my butt off. I was the one who paid the bills, cleaned the house, bought the groceries, did the laundry and even went to work an hour early so he could use my car, go back to school and take up a part-time job, and yet he still found time to cheat on me. Asshole! Seriously, what the fuck does he want? I was really messed up in the head for a while after the relationship ended. I really had a hard time trusting men again and feeling confidant in a relationship. (There's a small part of me that still does but that's rooted in another issue. ) So why after all this time does he want to reconnect? The petty side of me wants to ask for his half of all the bills I paid. (haha) The other part of me just doesn't want to know how his life turned out to be. I can almost guess. I've always wished him well but I just don't want to go back to that place where he made me feel so shitty. I have moved on from those days of long ago and I want to continue in that direction. Seriously, what the hell??? elizinahse

Family Friends

My mother has a long time girlfriend coming into town next week for a visit. I thought she was already here as my mother & I had planned to get together Friday (today ) so we all could visit but I had dates wrong, regardless I will be joining them next week for a gab. However I have mixed feelings about this and I didn't realize how much 'stuff' I had leftover in my brain until I went to sleep last night, or at least attempted to sleep. Some of it was leftover anger and painful memories and the other was the benedryl funk that kept me lazy all day and then perked me up at night.

Anyway, this woman and her husband and fraternal twins were the one constant in our household for get-togethers, cookouts, church stuff and ultimately our rock when my brother died. I was the one who was asked to call Betty that afternoon when we were in the ER after we had gotten the call that my brother was brought into the hospital after he had collapsed at work. We had no idea what was going on or why he was rushed into the ER. He had passed out at work and his co-workers started CPR until the ambulance came and carted him off. The doctors kept telling us that they were doing everything that they could do, trying to revive him but he had not responded to anything. Betty arrived shortly after they told us that my brother was dead. She was the one I grabbed and sobbed into her shoulder after I saw him for the last time.

It was such a long time ago. I don't know if I have truly gotten over my brother's unexpected death. I think I've just learned to live with it. And perhaps ignoring some of the other stuff b/c it's just too damn painful. Betty & her family were the ones who was with us the whole way. That first Christmas after his death was a real doozie. We all went to his grave after the evening church service. That was one of the last times I went to his marker. I just couldn't stand there without falling apart.

The following spring our friends moved to Kansas so her husband could take another job. That was a sad time but understandable. I was pretty close to their daughter Kathy even before my brother had died. We had become pretty close friends and having Kathy around meant alot to me that summer. It really sucked when she moved. Looking back on it all I guess it left me feeling abandoned. And understandably so. My other friends didn't know what to do with me, but hell we were all about 15 years old. How much wisdom do you have at that age?

We kept in touch over the years and made frequent trips to Kansas so we could visit. It was always a good time. Unfortunately Kathy & I became more distant in our college years for whatever reason. We still send birthday cards & Christmas gifts but it feels more like out of habit instead of...whatever it should be. I hear more about her life through the 'mom grapevine' than I do from Kathy herself but I know that's not because she doesn't want to end our friendship, her life has been quite chaotic at times and keeps a very busy job. It's just the way it is I guess. Betty & my mother have remained constant friends and they have a strong bond. They haven't seen each other in over 10 years I guess. I'm really happy for my mother that she will be reunited with a long time girlfriend, she deserves that by all means. And I know I will be happy to see her as well but I'm bracing myself for those bittersweet emotions that will rear it's ugly head. I'm kind of relieved that our reunion isn't happening today. I just don't think I could handle it. Maybe next week I'll have a more peaceful attitude and all those painful memories will melt away with that first reunion hug. elizinashe

Nothing in Particular

Don't have too much to say. I've had many ideas to post but the beginnings usually come to mind when I lie down for a good night's rest before I must get up. I tell myself that I'll remember when I get home from work the next day and write it all up once I get home but I never really do. Oh well...
But to continue with the Mother Earth blog there have been at least 2 other earthquakes around the globe that have ranked close to 7's on the Rictor Scale along with some sinkholes, more rockslides and something else that I have forgotten but I'm sure that I'll remember the other when I go to bed this eve. haha...
Spring is here and has lifted my mood greatly. I didn't realize how much winter really affected me this year until the sun finally started to stay out later and the trees started to green up. I'm so much happier and less ill tempered at work lately. Must be that vitamin D shining through the skies. ahh....
I 've got a bit of a crush on this guy at work. He works in the EKG department but alas no real date yet. I think he's gay but it hasn't stopped my co-workers from teasing me about it all. I guess I'm getting paid back for all the teasing I've done to them. Turn about it fair play. I really don't see much progress out of this flirtation so it's back to the dateless singlehood. yee-ha.
I went out dancing a few weeks back and man did it feel good!! I actually stayed out until 2am having a few drinks and dancing to some good old-fashioned 80s music. College days revisited. It made me realize how much I really missed being able to stay out late and not having to worry about getting up so damn early for work. It was a really good night for all. I hope to do a repeat when I have an opportunity to do so. Dancing the night away is always good for the soul.
So that's about it. Not going to revamp this post or check my grammar & spelling. Just a quick post about nothing in particular. elizinashe