It Ain't Looking Good Folks...

😟 Just Trying To Pass The Time 😟

Well...we might be in for a wallup of a winter mess.  Rumor has it that Jim Cantore with the Weather Channel is in town.  You know that ain't good.  He's always thrown in the hot mess of things.  I'm pretty sure I won't be in the mix of things to catch a glimpse of his fame.  Guess I'll just stick with the news.

I'm prepared for sure.  I don't have to work.  I have plenty of food and wine.  I even have four jugs of water "just in case".  However...

I might need more water.  And with the impending doom of a storm, the shelves are looking pretty scarce.  We've had a water line break in my hood.  Ugh...No water since around 2PM.  These guys have been working on the line all freaking day.  Seriously...like since 9AM.  They just left.  Supposedly they will return in the morning.  Fingers crossed. 

I feel bad for them.  Truly.  But I sure as Hell hope they get it fixed tomorrow.  Otherwise I'm screwed along with all of my neighbors.  And the apparent Air BnB folks that have descended on my street.  I have deducted that the last two houses sold have been flipped into the short term rentals that are such a hot thing right now.  I don't want to rain on anybody's parade but I'm kind of not happy about it.  In fact, I'm pretty perturbed.  And what's worse, I can almost guarantee that these visitors have NO CLUE about how dire this winter snow will be and will get out on the streets like idiots.  As long as they don't hit my car or slide into my house then so be it.  Being without water so suddenly sure will be a hardship.  Especially if they don't get it fixed by tomorrow.  Again...fingers crossed. 

In the meantime...I'm trying to remain hopeful.  But I'm also being realistic.  It may not be pretty.  At all.  If I can find extra water tomorrow then I will feel better.  If not...well fuck.  Until next time...elizinashe

👐 Please Dear Jesus...Bring Us Water Back in the Hood!  👐

Bohemian What?

⚡ Rami Channeling Freddie ⚡

So like many others, I saw the movie "Bohemian Rhapsody".  And yes, it's good.  Really good.  And the guy that plays Freddie ~ Rami Malek ~ was spot on if I must say.

No, I won't give you a whole "run down" of the movie.  Although, the record label was super resistant to releasing the epic "Bohemian Rhapsody" because it was "too long".  However, Freddie being Freddie, found a way to get it out to the airwaves and the fans went nuts for it.  As well as myself back in the day.

I've always loved their songs when I heard them growing up.  And Freddie's voice was hard to forget.  Truly, they were an epic band.  I was bummed all over again after the movie ended because I was reminded that Freddie left this Earth so long ago.  I was sad back in the day when the news came out in the first place.  And today...it still sucks a bit.

My favorite memory of Queen is when I would sneak into my brother's room when he was away with his friends or at school and I would slip Queen's Greatest Hits on cassette, yes...cassette, into his stereo and put on his giant black earphones and lay on the floor, listening to each and every song, every lyric, every note and sing along inside my head and lose myself for an hour or two.  Sometimes I'd listen to it a second time because it was that good.

I somehow inherently knew each song, the lyrics and which song would come next after the last one played.  I remember getting lost in the story of Bohemian Rhapsody and imagining the characters Freddie created in his song, letting my imagination soar with wonder.  There was something about it that I found enthralling.  I think that was one of the very first songs that really impacted me both musically and lyrically as a young kid.  It really caught my attention and still does to this day.

I have no idea if my brother ever knew I would sneak into his room to use his stereo and listen to his Queen album.  If he did, he never said anything about it nor do I have any memory of him telling me to leave his stereo alone.  Other things in his room?  Oh yeah...we had those "Stay out of my room!"  moments.  We were siblings after all.

Long gone is the massive stereo and giant black headphones.  Modern technology has come a long way.  Oh, I can get some modern day headphones alright.  Wireless.  With Queen downloaded on my iTunes.  But there's a part of me that wants the old school way.  There's just something much more special about it regardless of who you are listening too.  Don't ya think?  Until next time...elizinashe

✨ Thanks for the Music Freddie!  ✨

Tick Tock...

💞 Time Flies!  Make It Count! 💞

And so the countdown begins...

Thanksgiving approaches quickly.  People gearing up for the holiday travel, grocery stores in a mad push to keep the shelves fully stocked for the Thanksgiving feast and commercial stores taping off the checkout aisles for the Black Friday shoppers preying upon those "door buster" deals.  Are you ready?

I'm sure I've been guilty of hitting the Mall in my teenage years on the day after Thanksgiving, mostly likely due to boredom and a need to get away from the family.  I know one year I worked at the Mall so I was required to show up.  Luckily, that was way before the days of opening up at 5AM.  And Thank God for that.  I've never been a morning person to begin with, but sheesh...5AM?  Really?  I'll stay in bed thank you very much. 

As the years have gone by, my Thanksgiving and even Christmas gatherings have been a bit different.  I suppose if I were married and had kids, I'd follow the traditional route, but Life had a different plan for me, and that's okay.  Sometimes the family stuff just gets to be too much.  I like to keep it simple.  But I do miss the days of when it was less emotional and less stressful.  Sometimes I wish I could have the old days back. 

I really hope people take the time to reflect on what's really important this time.  I know my opinion really won't make an impact, but I have never seen the benefit of leaving the dinner table and your family, just so you can go and camp out at some store so you can be one of the very first in line and stampede through the doors of some store with the intention of filling up your cart with all the "door buster" deals that your bank account can handle.  I think it's sad.  What kind of message does that send to our children?  But again, my perspective on the matter will not change anyone's mind.  To each his own. 

As for myself, I will be working.  Hospitals don't close.  My holiday celebrations will be delayed and that's totally okay with me.  I'd rather relax and detox when it's less rushed and less stressed.  Again, I like to keep it simple.  It's so much easier that way. 

As for you my readers, I hope your Thanksgiving holiday plate is filled with love and laughter.  And good food too.  Please do take the time to enjoy every morsel of time with your friends and family.  You won't find that kind of gift at any door buster deal.  Until next time...elizinashe

😋 This Looks Tasty! 😋

It's Been a While...

Yup.  That's Me!  Circa 1975

Yep, I'm still here.  Just haven't made much time to write.  It seems last month was filled with troubling thoughts and worry.  Unnecessary worry.  And some necessary.  I know I wasn't the only one who felt that way either.  My friend Kim was going through a very similar process.  Again...I think it's due to all the crap that we absorb on a daily basis regardless of the effort to ignore it all and find ways to decompress. 

However, this month so far has been a brighter note.  I've been getting crafty again.  Been on a bit of a spurt and despite my kitchen table being a Holy wreck due to the said crafty binge, it's made me happy and has helped clear my mind.  Maybe there was a change in the air that lifted our troubles away. 

I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping too.  Don't freak out.   I'm really not one of those people who "gets it all done" and then some.  I'm really good at procrastinating.  So, One:  I don't have kids.  Two:  I really don't buy a whole lot for people.  Three:  My parents are retired and trying to get rid of stuff, not collect it.  My gifts for them are real simple.  And that's enough.  I'll most likely spend more money on shipping the three packages I need to send vs. the total amount of what I spent on everybody.  Oh well..that's how it goes these days. 

Every now and then I find an old treasure from the pile of belongings that my dad brought out last year.  Every now and then it brings me joy.  Every now and then it makes me sad.  But a lot of it reminds me of what a history has been weaved into my life thus far.  I had a pretty good childhood compared to others.  It certainly was hard at times and it was certainly tragic too prior to high school.  But ya know...I think I turned out okay. 

So on this cool and previously rainy as Hell day, or shall I say night at this point, I hope this blog finds you well wherever you may be.  I think every now and then I gain a new reader which makes me happy.  I hope they enjoy my rants, cravings and ramblings.  Maybe they will remember my site and return to read and peruse my entries.  I must say I do have some good ones.  I hope to keep that habit up.  Until next time...elizinashe

And Yup.  That's Me!  Circa 2018

Just a Swinging...

Grrr...I Am Bluebird!  Hear Me Roar!

No, I'm not talking about that awful song back in the 80s.  You're welcome.  😉

My mood lately has oscillated from sadness to anger to frustration to sadness to really pissed off to whatever just move the fuck on. 

Our news has been indulated ( am I using that correctly?) by so much hate, bullying, crap, bullshit, lies and the support of all of what I just said.  Or typed in this case.  I just can't stand it.  It truly brings tears to my eyes.  I don't understand how people can be so mean and support so much blatant intolerance and accept that as normal behavior.  I just. don't. get. it.

Once again I've been rejected by a guy whom I thought would be different.  No...I wasn't looking for a ring or anything.  But I did believe that for once, I was going to be one of those girls who would have a guy like the others.  I thought I'd actually have a guy in my world that would be my emotional support, my one-plus, that guy I bring to other "couple things" and plant roots in some sort of relationship.  Nope...he decided to do that "disappearing" act.  You know..they stop calling, or in today's times, stop texting, behaviors change, the body language changes and so on.  Jesus...I may be dumb but I'm not stupid.  And once again, I am the one to confront the matter.  Grow a pair will ya?  Be a man and just own up to it.  What's really sad about the matter is that once I did confront him, I get a very basic generic response.  Wow...not only is it sad but it just makes me more angry.  One, you can't talk to me about it to my face but Two, you give me a cold, unfeeling generic excuse.  Christ...grow some balls will ya?  I am an adult after all.  Pisses me off.

Work...well there are changes in the works.  And I'm afraid it's only going to get more rocky before it gets better.  I try my hardest to delegate appropriately and be fair but this passive/aggressive bullshit that is played upon me is getting really fucking old and I'm sorry to say...there are some things that my "helpers" do not get to decide.  It is my job to run my unit as I see best for the patients and by law.  If you go above my head because it's more convenient for you, because you're burnt out career wise, then it's only going to bite you back in the ass and it won't be me that tells on you.  You're doing it to yourself.  Best learn when it's time to go.  I'm not a vindictive person by any means.  But when it comes to patient and unit safety then it is my job to raise my voice.  I won't be bullied.  Screw you.  I've worked too hard to get where I am today.  You're not going to fuck up my world or my unit just because you are tired of having to do real work.  Get out while you can.

On a lighter note, my mother and a long time family friend who was visiting from Texas came over today for a brief visit and a little tickling of the ivories as they say.  Meaning, playing on my piano.  It was a good visit, short and sweet.  Rediscovered some old family pics too.  That was fun.  Over all, it was a nice, chill day which is something I needed most.  Tomorrow is a whole other ball game.  Glad I had some time to relax.  Those worrisome thoughts will rise up I am sure.  As well as all those emotions.  In the meantime, be kind.  Life is too short to be otherwise.  Until next time...  elizinashe

Happier Days Ahead!

A Posthumous Post

😎 Yo Daddy-O !  😎

So I wrote this little ditty a few weeks back in the wee hours at work.  I wasn't able to sign in on my blog due to work computer/internet rules so I just wrote it as a document, printed it off and put it in my bag.  I pretty much forgot about it until I rediscovered it and still feel the need to post it.  So here ya go...hope you enjoy.  It's a bit different from my norm.  I kind of like that.


Dead of night, feeling trapped-no windows here.  Sure would like to see what's going on outside. Better yet, I'd like to feel what's going on outside. 


I have many hours to go...no book to read here.  Damn...my mind is blank and wandering at the same time.  How can that be?

I'm trying hard to just "go with it".  New changes in my world. Good things.  But I have forgotten the other things too in my new distraction. Or is it an addition?

Don't know the answer to that yet.  Guess I will find out sooner or later.  The little insecurity monster sure does like to take a few stomps in my head.  And I hate that.  I wish he would go away.  But then there are moments when I'm totally at peace and I have no worries, no fears.  I like those moments.  I also like those little inexplicable boosters to keep me on the right path.  If you catch my drift...

Sounding like a beatnik I am?  Sure do feel that vibe tonight.  Too much Waites maybe.  Maybe it's the weather.  Mother Nature sure does have a tug on me some days.  The spin around the state map certainly is a big one.

Just a few more hours I say as I look at the clock click, click, clicking away with its cheap second hand.  Maybe I will paint it a cheery color.  I think it could use some perking up.

Doo-do-doo my phone says.  I have a message!  Short and sweet it is but a welcomed on for sure.  Strange how things are sometimes.  Still learning about that jazz.  Maybe I was never given the right lesson to begin with.  Or did I flunk it already?  Or multiple times?  Sure is hard to know.

Wish I were in San Francisco right now.  That's the kind of vibe I'm feeling tonight.  Wet, foggy streets.  Jazz on the sidewalk.  Smoke from a bar.  Although I think they are all smoke free but you get my drift.  Maybe there's a beatnik trapped inside of me after all.  Maybe that soul is trying to escape.

Edging closer and closer to the next moment.  A brief escape that is-maybe I  feel that Bay are breeze coming across the map.  Maybe the pull of the fog will push this mental much out of my brain.  Makes me want to start snapping my fingers.  Cool, man cool.

Ya dig?

Until next time...elizinashe.

☕ Smooth Man Smooth  ☕

America

America the Strong

Have you seen that video by Childish Gambino "This is America"?  It's pretty  powerful.  In many aspects.  I have never heard of the guy until I watched Saturday Night Live when he hosted and performed the song.  And then the following Monday he "dropped the video".  I watched it at least three times in a row.  And several times after with a friend.  There's a lot going on in this video and it makes my mind spin with many things.  Many messages to decipher. 

This whole "MeToo" movement....I'm glad it's here.  Been a long time coming.  People are up in arms over the latest accusations over the Supreme Court Justice nominee.  I can understand why, but I too have been a victim of uncomfortable situations many times in my past.  I have been groped, prodded, coerced and guided into situations that I really did not want to be a part of.  Did I tell anyone?  No.  It's a common reaction.  Doesn't take away the gross feeling or the inappropriateness of it all.  Carrying shame will rear it's ugly head at some point.  Whatever the assault, it happens.  And I think women tend to keep it quiet because of the shame, the doubt we put upon ourselves the consequences and lack of belief or support.  And if this guy achieves a seat on our Supreme Court then it will set a tone that won't be a very positive one at all.  How many times have you been drunk and not remembered what had happened for the entire night?  Just saying....

I thought the 2016 campaign was a nightmare.  The tragedies, the shootings, the violence, the hate, the racial discord and lack of empathy astounded me.  It reminded me of what I was taught about the whole Civil Rights stuff back in the 1960s and all that peace & love movement.  I even asked my mom if what we were seeing then compared to anything she saw back her day as she was a young adult and passing her college years into the adult working world.  Her reply was the weapons of choice used by the common American had become more powerful and more deadly.  The most violent incident from her memory was Kent State.  The stuff we were seeing during the campaign was a bit more intense.  So yeah...I guess you could say 2016 was bit like the 1960s if not worse.  She had a hard time wrapping her head around it all just as I did.  And I still shake my head today when I see our current state of affairs.

Our world keeps changing.  What I do see on the horizon, is more people will get out and vote.  More women are taking their power back and taking it to the streets, the polls and to an elected office.  I see more young people making their own stand and screaming out their opinions and concerns.  I see more young people lining up to vote.  I see a hope for a better future but as always it's going to take some time.  I just hope it doesn't take another 20 + years to keep moving forward. 

Elections are coming.  Get out and vote.  I hope you make it a good one.  Until next time...elizinashe

P.S.  If I do this correctly, here is the link to that video I was talking about.  It's worth the view. 

https://youtu.be/VYOjWnS4cMY

Heavy Mind, Heavy Heart

Feeling a Bit Like This

It's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me tonight.  Lots of adulting things taking hold of my brain.  And lots of tears too.  Sometimes its good to cry.  I think I've needed it for a while.

I love my life.  I really do.  But there have been many priorities that have taken..well..priority and it's beginning to suck really hard.  What the most difficult thing about it all is that it's all on me.  Meaning, I am having to handle this all on my own.  At least financially. And some of that is beginning to suck big time.   The emotional part...well...I have good friends but having an anchor to vent to, to share with, to rely on...not so much.  Even though I've met someone new.  And that's beginning to change a bit I feel and I always go with my gut. Not that I need a guy to rely on but still...I'm feeling very emotionally alone tonight on many levels. 

What I've really been struggling with tonight is not having my brother.  God I miss him.  You go through periods of time when's all is cool and you cope with it all just fine.  And others...well you're just all to pieces.  And that's where I'm pretty much am tonight.  I need his advice.  I need his guidance.  I need his help.  I need his insight on what to do with our parents as they age because at this point, it's all on me.

Now...my parents are just fine these days.  Really.  But I've got my own surprising issues which somewhat frightens me although I know it's mostly likely nothing major, but it's also a reminder of reality.  And I hate that sometimes.  In fact, I really hate it.  At least tonight.  Let's just say that I have a really fucked up body that I have no control over and it can complicate things.  Physically, emotionally, financially, self esteem with an added bonus of intimacy issues as well.  Lucky me. 

Reality is a reminder of what is real and what can never overcome wishful thinking.  At least in my book.  I can't control everything nor can I control the future.  Or even my future.  But what I can control is how I handle what comes to pass.  And right now it's all just overwhelming.  All I know what to do is just allow myself to cry and feel all the feels even though it hurts.  Sometimes it's the only way to come back into your normal self.  If there is such a thing.  haha...Normal that is. 

In the meantime, as I take some intermittent time to sit on my deck on a cloudy, cooler night I embrace the coming change of the seasons.  The weather here is changing and I look forward to my mood and mentality to change right along with tilt of the Earth.  My guess it will be a very good thing. 

I hope the coming Fall shift will be good for us all.  Until next time...elizinashe

Let It All Fall Away

A Powerful Message

Oh So Pretty!

Many years ago, one of my best friends came to visit along with her son who was quite young at the time.  Not even seven year old if I remember correctly.  He was a very inquisitive and imaginative little thing, carrying a toy ninja sword and a head full of curly hair.  He was a cutie. 

So as we all peruse downtown, we walked into a shop full of giant geodes, amethysts, crystals and petrified bugs in amber.  One of those "natural rock" places where it's all sparkly, shiny and very, very delicate.  The type of shop where you really don't want to take children, especially the hyper ones if you know what I mean.  It was one of those "If you break it, you buy it" type of shops.  But we go in anyway.

Before we entered, my friend told her son to be very mindful of his space and not to touch and pick up anything, which is hard for any kid not to do in any kind of store.  Is it not?  And I must say, this child did so very well.  Oh that curious mind was inspecting all things shiny with intent and wonder.  Some of the pieces were just as tall as he was at the time.  He would get down on the floor and look at the whole thing.  Get really close and would touch them on occasion, but he never picked anything up, ran around in the store nor did he bust out his ninja sword to combat any imaginary monsters that might have lurked around.  Nope, he did very well and did as he was asked. 

On our way out, the store clerk approached the three of us and commented to my friend's son on how well he did in her sparkly shop.  She was impressed as to how well he kept it all together and told him so.  And on that note, she gave him a small crystal from a counter top basket as a reward and a thank you.  The delight on his face was priceless and the message that this shop owner sent to this little boy was more impactful than you could imagine.  I had tears in my own eyes. 

My friend's son said his "thank you" and then squealed with delight once we left the store.  What a treasure he was given.  In many aspects.  I am glad I was there to witness that moment. 

I wish more people would send such powerful and positive messages such as that lady did that day.  Gestures of love and gratitude doesn't always have to be grand.  It's always the little things.  Right?

I wish more people could be a witness to such kind gestures.  Our current state of affairs have become so horrible, or so it seems to me, that I sometimes think that people have forgotten how to be nice.  Or even kind.  I don't get that.  My hope is that there will be more people spreading more positive and powerful messages like this shop owner did that day.  I think we all could use a little crystal.  Don't you?  Until next time...elizinashe

Let's Make Them Soar!

A Quiet Gentle Night

Let It Wash Away...

It's late.  All is calm in the neighborhood tonight.  It has started to rain out my way.  A nice, gentle rain to soothe the soul.  No, it's not an opening to a horror flick but it could be, eh?  haha...Halloween is upon us after all. 

One of my favorite movies is on although it's almost over.  I guess you could call it a "chic flick" but the story is a good one.  A story that has three intertwining mini-stories that are connected with some impressive backdrops.  And a couple of very moving scenes that has always spoke volumes to the story.  Or at least to me.  If you're in the mood for a good one, check out "The English Patient."  I don't think you'll regret it.

Many changes in my world.  Mostly good and I'm still learning about all that.  Others...well it's just the normal swing of life.  And that part I'm still learning too.  Life is grand for sure but it never fails to surprise you, both good and bad.

It's been a bit of a prep day for me.  Groceries, gas and the what not.  I still have more to do, but I am thankful that tomorrow will be mostly chill at home, make some necessary calls and prep some crock pot magic for my dinner guest tomorrow.  Maybe I will even stop and take some time to play on the piano for myself, as I have ignored this giant monster that sits in the front room of my home.  My work does take priority and my off time I tend to focus on all those little, stupid adult things instead of making time for things that bring me joy.  I need to work on that.  The joy stuff that is. 

In the meantime, enjoy the coming change of the seasons.  I look forward to Fall and a slower pace as we all seem to be in such a hurry.  Life really is short.  I hope to live a long life and I don't want waste all my time on things that don't really matter.  Trust me, we all have responsibilities and commitments, just don't forget the little things.  Some things can wait.  Until next time...elizinashe.

A Good Nights Sleep

Yea Adulthood...

Pretty Little Things

Well August certainly has been a surprise.  I'm glad I had fun in July because this past month has hit me with unexpected adulthood trials  both good and bad.

I've had a series of car repairs which was quite frustrating.  What really pisses me off about all of that is that I had one more payment left on my credit card and I would have had a zero balance for the first time in years.  Zero.  Years.  But...no bueno.  😒.  I guess that's how it rolls these days.  It certainly is frustrating to have such high balances compared to the way I was raised, but then again car repairs didn't cost as much as they do today.  I blame technology. 

I had some planned house repairs knocked off my list.  One which has made me very happy and will pave the way for other household bucket list projects.  But life always has another surprise.  I have some creature, most likely a groundhog, making a home for himself underneath my house via the porch.  Ass.  I'm so pissed.  We have numerous animals in my neck of the woods, including bears but this fucker has decided to mooch off of me.  Or at least my dirt.  And the he's kicked quite a bit of dirt out too.  Busy little bugger.  Again, I am thankful to a neighbor who gave me the heads up otherwise I would not have known.  I've officially named him Fucker.  I find it quite appropriate.  That little project will cost me a pretty penny too.  One that I was not prepared for.  Sigh...life goes on.  Hopefully all will be back to normal within the week.  Plans for trap and relocate begin Friday.  Guess that's a good way to kick off the weekend.  Oh yeah, I have bagworms on my trees too.  Ain't that a dandy? 

On a positive note, I've met someone.  Shocking I know.  I certainly wasn't expecting this to happen nor was I really looking but I'm not complaining.  Funny thing is that we are both in a bit of shock as to how we crossed paths after going to the same watering hole for years.  Yet, we did not meet until recently.  Funny how things work out.  The founding layer of this new beginning was nothing but conversation.  I found myself really enjoying just talking with him and wanting to talk even more.  And then one night he planted a big, fat kiss on my mouth.  And I liked it.  I really can't go wrong with that.  This may be the first real adult relationship I've ever had.  Not sure what to do with all of that.  And surprisingly enough, I haven't been over thinking it a whole hell of a lot.  Oh my brain certainly has been a busy one, but it feel natural to just "let it go" and make plans to sit and talk like we've done on many occasions now.  Which I really love.  And oh...the kissing?  It's very good.  This just might become something so real that I really won't know what to do.  Maybe I'm not supposed to know. 

So yeah....adulthood.  Fun stuff.  If it becomes too much I'll just hide under my blanket fort and start coloring.  That's always a safe place to be is it not?  Until next time...elizinashe

Channeling the Fire Within

Daydreaming, Big Ideas & Reality

Loved This One!

Ah...daydreaming. I am pretty certain we've all been guilty of it, especially while in school.  Makes me think of that Warner Brother's cartoon where that pudgy boy, Ralph Phillips, gets lost in his own imagination while his teacher is speaking to the class and getting lost in his head, dreaming up that he is some fighter pilot, explorer or McArthur.  Remember that one?

I like my daydreams.  I guess I've always been a bit of a dreamy person, but my imagination sure can be a wild ride.  Reality always has its way of bringing me back down to Earth but it sure is fun to escape inside my head and live out a different life, reinvent myself or chase a very wild dream.  That kind of thinking sure does make me feel happy for a bit.

Big Ideas?  Yeah, I've got those too.  Are they like Daydreaming?  Maybe, but I see them as more attainable.  More real.  However, my Big Ideas tend to be a bit over-the-top with a mix of anxiety and excitement and then those "Big Ideas" tend to deflate as I know myself better and I will never really follow through.  Plus, those Big Ideas tend to require much planning, organizing and patience which is not my forte.  At all.  But I like my Big Ideas too.  They are a lot of fun and typically involve many people to be a part of the game.  The more the merrier, eh?

And then comes Reality.  One of my faves.  Really.  But sometimes not really.  Reality is always a bitch.  It can be a good thing but it can also be a really fucked up thing.  Whenever I do get all excited with my head in the clouds whether it be Daydreaming or those Big Ideas, Reality comes into save the day, or perhaps ruin the day given the circumstances.  I appreciate my friend Reality.  I do.  As much fun as it is staying lost up in the clouds of my head, Reality is always there to keep me grounded so I don't float away too far and get lost.  And I really hate being lost.  It's not a very comfortable feeling. 

So here's to all the Daydreamer's, Big Ideas and our parent Reality.  I think all three play important parts in our busy little brains.  I hope they stick around in my world for many more years to come.  Don't you?  Until next time...elizinashe

Let Your Mind Escape

Friends & Neighbors

😊 Treats & Conversation 😊

You can't pick your family.  You're kind of stuck with them, good or bad.  I've got a pretty good family but there's is something to be said about your friends and neighbors.

I know lots of people.  I have lots of "friends".  But I have very few good friends.  And I mean really good friends.  And I keep those people very close to my heart.  I know those people totally "get me" with all my quirks, crazy ideas, insecurities and the bitchy side.  And I know they will still love me all the same.  I really cherish that. 

I live in a nice, quiet neighborhood.  I have good neighbors and one in particular that has helped me numerous times when I have needed a favor or assistance.  And he never expects anything in return.  Although he never complains when I bring him leftovers from my kitchen or a nice bottle of wine.  And boy do I owe him some wine!  I am so thankful that I have a good neighbor who is always more than willing to help me when I need it.  I am pretty blessed to have that.  And he's become a good friend in the process too.  I like that. 

I went out with a new friend the other night for drinks, treats and good conversation.  It was a refreshing change from the norm and he too was able to help me out on a small favor and was more than happy to do so.  How do ya like that?  It was a lovely night indeed and I look forward to having more of those nights with my new friend. 

So we headed into Downtown and stopped in a bar for a quick drink.  A bar that I had taken another friend I had met long ago which prompted the memory of how I met that friend.  And it's a good story indeed.  This friend I am speaking of now has been in my circle for nearly 10 years now.  Stepping into that bar brought back a lot of memories, trials, tribulations and the long journey I have taken since moving from Arkansas to Asheville.  My what a long strange trip it's been.  I look forward to continuing this journey with all my friends old and new.  I hope to add more special friends as I grow into this life of mine.  It's been pretty good thus far...I'm not ready to stop just yet.  My heart always has room for more people to explore and love.  I really can't complain about that.  Until next time...elizinashe

💗 I Dig This Barn 💗

It's Been a While...

You Know It!

Happy Middle of Summer!

I am in the beginnings of my vacation time to which I took a lot of time away from work.  I've earned it.  And I need it!  Otherwise I'd be stuck in the hamster wheel. 

I kicked off my vacation time via making a quick trip to Raleigh with a girlfriend to visit another girlfriend of ours and her family so us chics could go to a Dave Matthews Band concert.  I typically go every year that the band tours and aside from the two times I've gone with a male friend, I always go with my girls.  It's a thing. 

The band didn't tour last year so I was in total withdrawal....their live shows are so super spectacular that I could follow them the whole summer if I could.  But alas...there is a thing called a budget and a mortgage.  Dang that adulthood thing. 

I had gone to a comedy show prior to all of that and I've got 'Goat Yoga' coming this weekend.  Yes, Goat Yoga.  It's gonna be a hoot I'm sure.  I will most likely laugh more than yoga, but the idea of attempting to bend and contort my body while there are baby goats jumping around me or possibly on top of me sounds super fun and very silly.  I need more of that.  Especially in today's world.

Speaking of our world, being that I've been away from the news and just now catching up I cannot believe my eyes and ears!  I really haven't missed a thing have I?  Absolutely disgusting.  I wish I could stay on vacation forever.  I have been perfectly happy not knowing what the Hell is going on. 

In the meantime, I hope your summer is super fun and stress free.  I still have adult duties to tackle, which is another reason I took time away but I sure haven't forgotten to take some time to have some fun.  Otherwise it wouldn't have been a very productive or fulfilling vacation time.  I encourage you to tune out and break away.  It sure does help heal the soul.  Which is something we all need do we not?  Until next time...elizinashe

The Only Summertime Gear I Need

And The Wheels Keep Turning

Ever Feel Like This?

It's been hot here this week.  Ugh...it makes me cranky.  And frustrated.  I haven't been able to focus on much of anything but my brain won't let me rest.  It keeps spinning in a anxiety provoking cycle.  I really hate it when that happens.

I have much to do adult wise but I get distracted and overwhelmed and then I don't want to follow through with what needs to be done.  Like scheduling a physical, as I have procrastinated on that task for way too long.  And being that I've waited too long, the fear of something bad is going on in my body is growing.  And then I begin to think about how will I manage my affairs if I am sick?  What will I do about my bills?  How will I cope and more importantly how will I deal with my parents freaking out?  Because I know they will.  Jesus...not a boat I want to be stuck in. 

Speaking of parents, they are aging and in relatively good health but my mother has had more issues lately and that kind of worries me.  She acts as if she's in a hurry to get all her affairs in order and get rid of junk from the house so I don't have to deal with it.  And my dad...well he still asks about her when we speak and still tries to communicate with her despite their divorce.  He's already said that he'd remarry her in a heartbeat if she was willing.  But I know that is the last thing that she'd ever want.  And that makes me sad for my father.  If anything does happen to her, it will kill him.  And I'd have to pick up those pieces.  Somehow.  Oh, did I mention my dad lives over nine hundred miles away?  Yeah...add the distance thing in the mix and it gets more complicated. 

Speaking of dad, I hate that he lives alone.  For the most part, he's doing really well.  But he's in need of cataract surgery and the flexibility of my schedule, or shall I say inflexibility it seems makes traveling back home to help him is a bit difficult.  I'm sure he will be fine.  His neighbor can take him to the appointment he says but I have moments where I question this neighbors "good deeds" when it comes to helping my dad.  Don't get me wrong, my father still has his cahoots about him and his mind is still sharp, but I have a feeling that he will be the one to lose is logic and a functioning brain.  And being that I primarily work with dementia patients and see how families struggle with the care of their loved one it makes me a bit anxious.  I don't want to be the one to manage that shit.  And to complicate matters even further, I am the only surviving child between my parents.  My brother died unexpectedly when he was twenty so that left me.  I'm stuck with the responsibility and I really hate that.  Really. 

I have really good friends and I am so thankful for that.  My cousins keep in touch via Facebook but I haven't seen any of them in years.  If it weren't for Facebook we'd probably never really talk.  And that' sad.  They all have their own shit to deal with, and some of them I wouldn't even think of asking them for help.  I think they might be a bit more screwy than myself.  So....what do I do? I've got a really good friend who has already lost her mother a few years back.  She's been through the mess single handedly.  I know she will be a voice and guide for me.  At least I have that. 

So as I troll through reruns of a stupid show I stop to write and complain.  I'm too awake to sleep but too restless and frustrated to clean or tackle that many projects that have been ignored for way too long.  That sort of thing never ends so I need to get over that.  Guess my expectations are a bit unrealistic on that end.  I know it does not do my any good to stress about this stuff now.  I don't know why I allow these thoughts to make camp in my head.  It drives me nuts.  I guess I should just embrace it and allow it to pass until the next worrisome thoughts make a home.  Ugh...Hopefully the next batch of mind monsters will be a much happier one.  Until next time...elizinashe

I Need Some of This!

No One is Immune

Give Them Support

We've all heard about the Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain suicides.  We've all heard about other well known people from recent times and in the glory days taking their own life or dying because of an accident related to unhealthy lifestyle choices.  And I'm not just talking about food and lack of exercise folks.  I'm talking about addiction. 

I've recently learned that a guy I knew a long time ago passed away about three years ago at home.  Now the circumstances that we knew each other were quite unusual and we were never really close but he left a wonderful impression on me and I have happy memories of our times together.  He moved back home a long time ago, but I've always wondered how he was and what his life had become. 

I was very sad to learn that after years of sobriety, he had relapsed on alcohol and died as a result.  My nursing skills can only give me a couple of outcomes but regardless it couldn't have been a peaceful death.  I'm very bothered by this information but I glad I know.  Sort of.  Jason was a really good person and had a big heart.  I knew he could do some drinking, but that was back in the day when we were all young, free and in our twenties.  The kind of behavior that would not be so shocking for the time.  Although, I had some suspicions back then that he could drink more than most and that is never a good thing. 

I'm pretty bummed about this.  Seriously.  Addiction knows no boundaries.  You don't have to be pond scum to become an addict.  It's not all what you see on T.V. or those horrible commercials that used to play showing some bum holding a paper bag sleeping in the alley.  Addiction is real.  That's all there is to it. 

I've had other friends and family who struggle with their own issues.  Some have gotten help, others not so much.  It's a horrible cycle.  And I see it all the time.  Especially working in the kind of environment that I do.  Addiction is real.  And so are people. 

What needs to be understood is that showing those scare tactic signs/commercials don't work.  Forcing someone into rehab doesn't always work.  Interventions?  I think all that does is piss the addict off but my hope is that it will shed light on the one who is suffering that there are people who care about them.  You need to build trust.  Trust is a huge thing.  

Addicts will remain addicts, whether it be food, drink, pills, needles or even cigarettes until they are ready to confront their demons and get clean.  Otherwise they are living on borrowed time.  There are communities that support clean needle exchanges and safe havens for use.  As crazy as it seems, I support that.  I'm not endorsing use, but I will endorse safe practice.  I support the halfway houses and safe havens for pregnant mothers who are on a detox protocol from meth, opiates and alcohol so they can have medical care and be surrounded by other pregnant mothers who are in the same boat.  Otherwise, they will continue to be on the streets and abuse their poison of choice which does nothing but put their unborn baby in serious danger.  Yes, methadone and suboxxone, a typical pharmacutical plan for detox, can have effects on the baby as well but it is less damaging for the baby than the street drugs and with close monitoring the outcome can be way more beneficial than the alternative. 

It's the lesser of evils folks.  I think that's the more important thing to focus on than to shame and condemn the addict.  You have no idea what their daily struggle may be.  You have no idea what's inside of their head.  You have no idea of their demons.  We as a community, as a society need to recognize that addicts have a voice and all they want is to be heard.  We as a community need to understand that addicts need our support in their struggle.  Not encouragement to continue to use  but support in understanding that it's a very difficult fight everyday.  It's not an easy path to walk.  And when recovery does become a choice then the healing for all can begin.  And if they falter, then the understanding that we all are human and the addiction is a beast of it's own needs to be recognized.  It does nothing to help when you begin to criticize.  All that does is break trust.  And having a good trusting relationship is everything to an addict.  If there isn't any kind of trust, with any relationship, addict or not, then nothing will heal or move forward. 

Now I totally understand when friends and family have exhausted everything to the nth degree.  I understand at some point, sometimes you just have to walk away.  There are times for that and I don't blame anyone who does.  Friends and family who are affected by an addict have their own struggles too.  I get that.  They too need to be heard and supported.  Sometimes you just have to walk away.  And that is a very hard thing to do.  No doubt about that.  Addiction affects everyone.  

I am not a perfect person folks.  I do not have all the answers.  But what I do know is that addiction really does affect many, many people regardless of the relationship.  I am so very sad to hear about my friend.  And apparently he was in town a year prior to his death.  I wish I had run into him.  It would have been good to reminisce about our younger days.  It sure does suck.  RIP Jason...you are missed.    Until next time...elizinashe

Truth

And the Journey Continues...

Packed and Ready

Twenty years ago this month I packed up my two bedroom apartment, loaded up my car with two kitties and hit the road East on I-40 with a moving truck behind me.  I was on a two day road trip to Asheville to follow a dream without even knowing if I would pass or fail.  I just went on Faith.

There were many times in that first year that I thought "What the Hell have I done?"  Money was tight, I knew two people and was working a lot to keep the bills paid.  There were many times that I was quite lonely and afraid but then those moments would lift when the unexpected and happy little things would float my way and then I would think "Okay...this is good.  I'm good. " 

I didn't work for about two weeks when I first arrived.  I had saved enough money and was quite aware of not spending more than necessary.   I wanted to have some time to settle in my new place and become familiar with the town.  And take some time to explore that mountains that had called my name. 

Memorial Day weekend had come and I decided to revisit Chimney Rock State Park as I had done before so many years ago with my family.  But this time I was going to explore as much as I could, as the quick stop we made when I was small was very limited because we needed to keep traveling.  I took off in my car and made a lovely and leisurely short drive to the Lake Lure area and spend some time at a work of nature.

Yep...I Did That

I don't think I've been to the park since.  I think I need to make another trip soon and celebrate the anniversary.  I've had a lot of good years here and I've had some really bad ones too.  I'm just glad I have survived it all.  Taking that "leap of faith" was the scariest thing I've ever done for myself but it was also the best thing I've ever done and I'm so glad I did.  I think I'm a much better person for doing so.  Makes me wonder what the next twenty years has in store for me.  I hope it's good.  Gotta keep the faith on that.  Until next time...elizinashe

Demons

Sending It To The Wind

Is there anything from your past that still haunts you?  Like a bad relationship or a bad choice?  Maybe a trauma related event or family strife?  Bad job?  Horrible roommate?  Something that had a negative impact on your life.  I am certain that we all have had something horrible happen because you just can't go through life without some kind of bad experience.  If you say you haven't then you're lying. 

Although you may have moved on and recovered from the event, does it still haunt you?  Does it lie dormant in your brain for weeks, months, years only to rear its head again and roam around in your thoughts and emotions?  Or have you totally forgotten about it?  Does it still bother you? 

I know it sounds all a bit cryptic without giving away too many details but it's just a little something that's been bothering me lately.  I myself have had bad experiences but it seems lately that there is one that keeps bugging and nagging at me that's just becoming too difficult to shake off. 

I feel like I've moved on from the said events and forgiven those involved but there are times that the memories surrounding all that mess return and fill up my head with anger and frustration.  Ugh...and it doesn't leave easily.  Maybe I haven't forgiven those involved?   Maybe I haven't moved on?  I don't know.  All I know is that I don't like what's been swimming in my head and in my dreams.  And it's beginning to take a toll on my mentality.  I think I need to make a change about that because if I don't I will most certainly dwell on this shit for too long and I'm afraid the mess in my head won't ever leave.  And I don't like living that way.  I've got too many other positive things to cross off my bucket list and I'd much rather be thinking about that.  Wouldn't you?  Thanks for listening.  Until next time...elizinashe

I Want to Focus On This! 

Night Shifter Blues

It Never Ends Does It?

As I have said before, I really don't mind working nights.  In fact, I think I prefer it compared how the days are on the unit.  And I really love my work family.  We are a special breed that's for sure. 

But...in the off time it makes your private life a bit wonky.  Can't really do yard work at night.  It can be done but I know I'm not going to do it.  Plus, with the creatures that roam around in the wee hours it would totally creep me out.  I have a small list of "handy man" things that need to be tackled, as I have procrastinated but unless I find a fellow night owl, those tasks have proven to be difficult to complete.  Have I mentioned how much I hate to clean floors and bathrooms?  Sheesh...again...I wish I could find someone to do that for me.  I've gotten that lazy about household duties like that.  Keeping fingers crossed that I will be able to afford a maid to come clean the said floors and bathrooms someday.  I absolutely hate it. 

And there's the "too much alone time" factor.  Yes, I could get a roommate but I haven't had one in many, many years.  I do much better having friends spend the night or visit for the weekend vs. having someone around full time.  If I ever become involved in a relationship, I don't know how I would cope if we moved in together.  I don't know if I'd even want that at this point in my life.  Maybe if it were the right person.  Guess the future holds that answer.  I think I've been single way too long. 

Some would say get another pet.  Yes...I hear that.  But I'm just not ready for that world just yet.  I miss my old man kitty but it's getting easier and has been easier.  I'm just not ready for that kind of emotional involvement.  Maybe someday I will be ready for another four pawed companion as I do love having a pet in my home. 

I know I'm not the only night shifter who struggles with such issues.  I just wish that I could reboot my body clock more quickly so I can be more functional. Or at least feel more functional.   I wish that I could go to bed at a decent hour in my off time.  But then again, the wee hours are mine.  It's peaceful, calm and mine to wonder of all the possibilities. I do see creatures in the night, I see the stars shinning bright in the sky, I see cars come and go and then the nosy neighbor in me goes in defense mode.  haha...Gotta make sure my hood stays safe!  

Yes, working nights has it's perks.  I thought I'd hate it but I've found my niche I believe.  And if working nights is the trade off then I guess that's okay.  I'm glad I have this blog that's for sure. It gives me comfort regardless of the time of day and that's a good thing.  Until next time...elizinashe

Looking Forward to This

How Gullible Are You?

Crazy Shit Overload

Ahh...social media.  It's a love/hate relationship. 

I am guilty of spending time on social media myself, mostly just to keep up with friends and family, share fun moments and post silly things but my word...some of the other stuff that people post never ceases to amaze me. 

Some things are a bit too much TMI.  Other stuff is so angry that I just have to keep scrolling or block the site it originated from itself.  Others....well I've "snoozed" people on the simple fact that the stuff that they post is so blatantly false and one sided that it makes my stomach turn.  And the sad fact is that these such people actually believe it to be true.  How dumb are you?  Are you really that gullible?  Or are you just too lazy to do some research to see if what you are sharing is indeed FACT. 

Facts people...FACTS!  This is something you were taught in school.  Has modern technology and social media poisoned your brain that much?  AND...most of these people who post such nonsense are older than myself so you know that they were taught with FACTS with pen and paper and researched by the Dewy Decimal system and encyclopedias.  No computers for you. 

 I can understand the younger generation because they didn't grow up like we did.  They didn't use typewriters or White Out on their term papers.  They didn't watch the news during dinnertime. Many parents worked multiple jobs so the family time suffered.  Poor boundaries and little consequences to unwanted behaviors perhaps?  The younger generation grew up with cell phones, computers, on-line videos, advanced video games, etc.  I wonder how much time those kids today played outside vs. playing inside.   But geeze....you older folks.  GET A GRIP! 

And what kills me is when you do point out that what they believe to be true is indeed FAKE they get all mad.  Whatever happened to discussion?  Have we lost our ability to reason?  Have we lost the ability to listen and compromise?  Sheesh! 

Why are there so many stupid people?  Do you really believe all that you see without even considering an alternative?  If you saw that the latest trend was to run out in traffic during rush hour on the grounds protesting car pollution would you do it?  If you saw that an untrustworthy nation declared peace throughout the world and wanted to sing Kum Ba Yah while holding hands would you believe that they are no longer considered a threat?  What about all the movie stars who proclaimed that they would move to another country after the election?  Have they done it yet? 

Sheesh!  WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!   Do your homework before you go posting your "truth" and all that other bullshit you spread. All that does is poison the minds of others who allow it because they are too lazy to do any research and they look for the easy way out.  If it's online then it must be true! 

As for myself, I will continue to check my facts, avoid posting stupid shit and continue to block fake and offensive sites and yes...I will block you if I feel the need.  And I will have no shame in doing so.  I'd much rather share silly photos, fun videos and awful jokes because I'd rather laugh and feel happy in this crazy world.  Wouldn't you?  Okay...rant over.  Until next time...elizinashe.

I Want to See More of This Please!

The Heart of Relationships

Combination Please

Who holds the key to your heart?  Has the ever been one?  Maybe two?  And for the one who broke your heart, have you forgiven that person or do you still hold ill will?

These are things that run through my head as I binge watch reruns of "Sex and the City" on t.v.   I was never one to follow this show in it's hey day but I must say it is quite addicting.  Girls, drinks, clothes, men, relationships, food, careers and oh yeah....sex.  That's pretty much it.

But I've caught it in the "Aiden" season.  The one with John Corbett.  (sigh).  The dreamy side of me gets all caught up in the drama of "why in the Hell did Carrie dump Aiden?".  Dang...if I had an Aiden I'd keep him for sure.  But, it's "Big" that keeps haunting Carrie throughout the series as they, Carrie and "Big", have a complicated friendship/relationship that never seems to be solidified.  Apparently they do eventually get together, Carrie & Big, and the series makes a final ending.  And the viewers finally learn what "Big's" real name is, to which I still  have no idea.  Guess I could Google that. 

My point is, relationships are difficult.  It seems that the Aiden and Carrie days were filled with insecurity, selfish fights and fear as Carrie had previously broke Aiden's heart but then decided that she "wanted him back".  Huh?  Mostly because she was missing him?  Or the relationship?  That's the issue.

It makes me think how do I view relationships and how I pursue them or have pursued them in the past.  These days I just don't make too much of an effort as the men I have met really aren't worth the chase.  I've learned to recognize red flags and drama which I no longer do.  I'd rather be alone.  But I also question do I have an unrealistic idea of what a relationship should be?  Or an unrealistic idea of what I want my relationship should be?  And then when those expectations are not met do I deem the guy "not for me'?  Maybe in my younger days, but I really don't know in this stage of my life.  I hope to have a wonderful relationship some day but my expectations are not that hopeful.  Am I fighting the dreamy vs. reality?  Or have I given up?

Now, I know this all may seem silly since I am taking these thoughts from a self indulgent television series, but I will say there are a few good scruples in the series.  A few.  I am certain that there are other television shows that are much more shallow that I would gravitate towards if I watched them and allow that show to infiltrate my mind.   At least I recognize that.

So how do you view relationships?  What or who inspires your relationship views?  An how have your thoughts on relationships changed?  Or have they remained the same?  Or do you know?
Just a few thoughts to ponder as I continue binge watching some show about a bunch of women living in New York.  They sure do make it look easy.  That's television for ya.  Until next time...elizinashe

A Very Common Relationship